


Like a Solarflare Around Your Neck

by whenineternal



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Space, Explicit Language, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Minor Character Death, Politics, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2018-09-03 01:11:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 91,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8690695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whenineternal/pseuds/whenineternal
Summary: Jaehyun had given a lot of thought to what he would do if he was ever allowed to leave the palace, but stealing a spaceship and running away from a violent mob was never something he imagined would happen.





	1. Chapter 1

Jaehyun remembers being eight years old the first time he lost a friend. Ten was by far the longest friendship Jaehyun has ever entertained. He had grown up next to him, learned to talk and walk while following in the slightly older boy’s footsteps. He remembers vividly all the times spent with him, playing pirates in the vast landscape garden behind the palace, shooting at each other with toy rayguns that would leave them glowing in all kinds of different colours. Fooling their tutor and giving him the slip every other lesson to explore the high-ceilinged library to their heart’s content and playing at being wizards. Lying on their stomachs underneath their mother’s lounge chairs and painting on actual paper with their mechanical pencils that switched colours randomly, while the women talked and drank tea above them. He remembers when Ten was pulled away from him the first time, Jaehyun was six and Ten was seven. His mother was still in good health then and she had sat him on her lap, while holding Ten’s mother’s hand tightly in her own, and explained to him that Ten was to become Jaehyun’s personal guard. And for that he needed training.

Jaehyun didn’t understand at the time why Ten’s mother burst into tears at his mother’s words, but he knows now that the brutal training program Ten would have underwent is not something he would wish on his greatest enemy.

It was six months before they saw each other again, but even so their friendship had not diminished even if it seemed as if Ten’s soul had. While he played with Jaehyun and smiled as wide as he always had, his eyes were dull and his words were short, but still his hand was warm around Jaehyun’s and Jaehyun was only happy to have his best friend back at his side. However, it was not too last as one day they had been making a castle in the moist soil under the authentic rose bushes in his mother’s garden and the next he was sitting alone on his bed with his hand maid telling him Ten had to go away. He wouldn’t see him ever again. Sometimes he tries to imagine what Ten would look like now, but even with his enhanced memory he feels as if he never gets it quite right.

He lost three in the year he was nine alone, all of them he had known only a couple weeks before he was told, by his hand maid again, that they had to go away. He wouldn’t see them ever again, but it was alright. He doesn’t even remember their name and he has no picture of what their faces looked like. That loss was greatly overshadowed by his mother falling ill.

On the day after his twelfth birthday, Jaehyun lost his last friend. She was the daughter of the captain of his father’s personal guard and after she lost her mother Jaehyun’s father had generously offered her to be raised amongst his own children. As they were of the same age Jaehyun had grown close with her instantly and the feeling of friendship grew quickly between them. Her name was Yerim and she was apparently an exceptionally beautiful child, but Jaehyun remembers her as being somewhat wild and mischievous and terribly exciting. Their separation came in the aftermath of an assassination attempt on his father and that was when Jaehyun came to realise how dictated his relationships had been throughout his life. Children had been put in front of him to make friends with while their parents made business in the background. When that business went awry the children were taken from him and he was left suffering for it.

So Jaehyun stopped reaching out, forced himself not to make any emotional connection with any of the boys and girls presented to him and kept mostly to himself. He preferred the presence of his hand maid anyway, that old woman was full of stories, most of which were probably made up, but Jaehyun enjoyed them either way. And he could be certain that his father would not tear her away from him, because he would have no reason to. Besides, she cared for him and comforted him when he needed to be held and she felt safe and warm to him, so much so that in his head he started calling her _mother_.

He remembers when he was fourteen years old and, by pure happenstance, he overheard his personal guards talking about the assassination attempt from two years hence (the trial had been held only the week before) and found out the perpetrator had been the captain of his father’s personal guard. Yerim’s father.

To this day he does not know what drove the captain to mutiny, but reasons and motivations failed to matter to him when he heard the two guards murmur about how the little girl would pay for her father’s crimes. Yerim had been executed at fourteen years old, along with her father and uncle and aunt and her grandfather. It was customary. The punishment must be as severe as the crime, and there is no greater crime than regicide, even an attempted one. His tutors stressed this to him during every lesson after that, but Jaehyun could not find it in his heart to forgive his father. Not when his head was full of memories off a smiling face and loud laughter and running through the halls of the palace hand in hand with his best friend.

 

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“A-ah!” It hurts when the tip of the knife pierces his skin, but Jaehyun is determined even as his hands shake. His head is tipped to the side and he can just see the side of his neck in the bathroom mirror as he cuts a thin stripe into the soft part about two centimetres from his ear. His resolve wavers when he sees blood start to trickle from the wound and he removes the knife and grips the counter in front of him with both hands.

“Damn it” he whispers and the knife clatters to the floor when his grip loosens around it. He can’t do it.

“Wuss. You’re a fucking wimp Jaehyun” he scolds himself in a whisper and bows over until his forehead is resting against his hand. The tiny wound is starting to sting something terrible and the blood keeps trickling out in tiny rivulets that are soon staining the white silk of his bathrobe. He grips his head between his hands as a few tears squeeze past his tightly clenched eyes. He just wants to forget.

He is brought out of his gloomy self-pitying by a distressed voice calling out his name and in a second there are hands at his shoulders and a second later a wet towel is being pressed against the wound in his neck as thin fingers sift through his hair and smooth over the furrow in his brow.

“What were you thinking Jaehyun?” the boy at his side chides and Jaehyun shrinks against the counter top and whines pitifully. His aide says no more as he works on cleaning and disinfecting the cut in Jaehyun’s skin and Jaehyun closes his eyes and enjoys the extra pampering that follows. At nineteen years old Doyoung is his only friend, and where Jaehyun is normally hesitant in creating such a bond, with Doyoung, like with his old hand maid, there is no danger of him being taken from him. Doyoung has no family, has nothing at all really, and as he has told Jaehyun many times; without his position amongst the palace’s aides he wouldn’t even have life in his body. He is safe, but more than that, to Jaehyun he is enough.

Doyoung’s hand runs through his hair a few more times and then the older boy steps away and Jaehyun pushes himself up from the counter and straightens his back. No sooner is he standing straight then a palm hits him upside the back of his head, hard enough to move his head, but still gentle. “What were you even doing, huh?” Doyoung demands and his voice, though high and rather sweet, can produce a roughness to its tone that no one in court can manage and as such, whenever he scolds Jaehyun, a few words alone is enough to make the crown prince sufficiently contrite.

“I just want to forget” he mumbles as he fiddles with the belt keeping his robe together around his middle. He looks Doyoung in the eye as he unties it and lets the silk robe slip easily from his shoulders.

“You don’t have it so you can’t possibly understand what it’s like” he continues as he turns towards the mirror and glares at his own reflection. In the background he can hear Doyoung moving around the room, hanging up his robe and getting out a towel and a quiet, “shower on” is followed by the sudden loudness of heavy water falling on ceramic tiled floor.

“I remember everything Doyoung,” he turns around and leans his butt against the counter, “every single detail as far back as I have any relevant memories. I remember it all.” Doyoung sighs as he comes to stand in front of him and brushes a lock of brown hair out of Jaehyun’s eyes.

“You’re the heir to the throne Jaehyun, it’s your duty to remember, hm.” He runs a gentle hand over Jaehyun’s naked hip and then guides him to the shower. Jaehyun steps inside obediently and soaks his body under the spray. A thought comes to him and he sticks his head past the partition, but Doyoung is already gone.

 

Once he exits the shower, muttering a quick “shower off” to stop the flow of water, he expects to find either clothes waiting for him or Doyoung, but he finds neither. He dries off quickly and grabs the bath robe instead, slipping it onto his body without tying it in the front, only wrapping it around himself, and walks into his bedroom. Doyoung is standing at his writing desk, Jaehyun’s pyjamas in his arms and reading something Jaehyun had left open earlier in the day. He clears his throat when it doesn’t seem like Doyoung has noticed him and the other starts visibly and raises his eyes from the hologram to Jaehyun’s face. He bites his lip and blinks a couple times quickly as a look of guilt settles over his face.

“I’m sorry” he says, but Jaehyun waves him off. “It’s fine, I don’t mind that you read it.” It’s not like Doyoung isn’t already privy to all kinds of official royal business, Jaehyun tells him everything. He was planning on bringing it up before Doyoung left for the evening anyway. Now that Doyoung has read the letter from his father Jaehyun won’t be forced to say the actual words out loud.

“When is it happening?” Doyoung asks, instead of _is it real_ or _do you want this_ or _you’re actually getting married_. He knows without asking that this is not something Jaehyun wants, and Jaehyun appreciates how he talks around the subject and doesn’t mention the words in particular. He doesn’t want to hear them spoken out loud by someone else either.

“As soon as possible” he says as he leans his hip against the writing desk and lets his arms fall to his sides. The movement causes the robe to shift around him and he shivers as the silk material glides over his cock before settling at his sides, exposing him completely. Doyoung coughs minutely and turns his eyes away, but Jaehyun has been raised to feel no shame in his own body so his nakedness is rather something he proudly presents. It is just one thing that separates the two of them, and one of the things that made Jaehyun aware that Doyoung is not from the same planet as he is, nor perhaps, even the same planetary system.

All the systems in the universe have different rules and live by different social laws and expectations. At Taranjà nakedness is not only approved, but celebrated. The fact that Jaehyun does it to entice Doyoung is his private business.

“Who is she?” Doyoung asks then, his finger running along the lines of the letter as he reads it over again.

“There is no mention of any name.”

Jaehyun sighs and leans forward until his chest brushes Doyoung’s shoulder and he can see his father’s stiff handwriting telegraphed back at him from the softly glowing display.

“I think I know though,” Jaehyun mumbles, “she is probably one of the daughters of the Han faction. My father is investing a lot of money to their cause, I think he wants them in parliament next year.” Doyoung hums and nods sagely with his eyes still focused on the text in front of them. It makes sense that Jaehyun would be used to solidify a political relationship between the two. The Han faction is pro-monarchy and if they were to come to power at the next election the royal family’s position at the head would be secure. It doesn’t seem fair though, that Jaehyun’s freedom can be so easily used as a bargaining chip because his father is afraid of a few rebels. The anti-monarchy faction has little power in current politics and the ones who would support them have lost their right to vote in the elections.

“She’s probably pretty though” Doyoung hums and Jaehyun shoves him none-to-gently in the shoulder, causing him to stumble and his palms smacks into the top of the desk, right through the hologram and successfully disables it.

“That doesn’t matter to me” Jaehyun mumbles and turns away from the older boy. Doyoung’s face looks impossibly pretty now that the harsh light from the hologram display isn’t accentuating it, and Jaehyun’s heart aches a little.

Doyoung follows him as he walks to his bed and when he slips the robe from his shoulders the other catches it before it hits the ground and holds out the pyjamas in his arms.

“I don’t want them” Jaehyun dismisses him and slips into his bed completely naked. As he lays staring at the ceiling, Doyoung goes about the room putting the pyjamas back in the closet and hanging the robe on its hook in the ensuite. Jaehyun can hear him rummaging around in the other room, probably cleaning up after the messy affair of earlier.

Jaehyun doesn’t want to get married, his entire body aches at the thought of it. One day maybe he would find a woman he liked well enough to spend time with, and somehow he would manage to make a child or two, but the situation he has been put in now is unthinkable to him. It feels as if he is being handed another friend and Jaehyun wonders what will happen if he does marry this girl and after a few years her family wrongs his father in some way. Will she be executed along with them then, like Yerim had? Or will she be kept as a sort of glorified hostage and forced to denounce her heritage and swear allegiance to the man who ruined her life; to him?

His father is a fickle man prone to seeing dishonesty in all his subjects and betrayal in place of loyalty. His suspicious nature is what has brought his number of confidants and supporters down to a gruelling two, and his ruthless retribution where he sees it fit is what has set the public for the most part against him.

Jaehyun once loved his father, but as a child it was easy to look past his simultaneous cold-hearted indifference and angry dissatisfaction with his only heir and see him purely as the man who gave him life. Now, at the brink of maturity, Jaehyun has nothing but hate for the man. The one who has torn every friend Jaehyun has ever made from him, and the man who even pulled the plug on his own wife’s life support when Jaehyun was fifteen.

Doyoung comes back into the room and hesitates for a moment at the end of the bed.

“Do you want the blinds open or closed?” he whispers so as not to disturb the sombre mood that seems to have overtaken Jaehyun.

“Open” Jaehyun hums and sits up halfway, leaning on his elbows and looks back at Doyoung. They share a look as Jaehyun raises a knee and the thin sheet slips partially from his body.

“Stay” he says and Doyoung sheds his clothes in silence and climbs into bed with him and they fall together as they have done many times before, pleasuring each other with hands and mouths and their entire bodies.

 _This_ , Jaehyun thinks, _this is what I want_. And when their bodies fit together in intimacy he wonders what his father would think if he could see him now.

 

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The morning after, Jaehyun is awoken roughly by Doyoung, fully clad in fresh clothes, shaking him by the shoulder and saying very urgently that his father wants to speak to him. He is pulled from his bed aching and tired and dragged to stand under the shower head and left there as Doyoung presumably goes to fetch him an outfit.

“Shower on” he mumbles tiredly and closes his eyes as the shower immediately turns on at an optimised temperature and douses him in a refreshing spray of water.

When he exits the shower Doyoung is there, holding up a large towel that Jaehyun wraps his still lethargic body in and then he stands still, obedient to Doyoung’s orders, as the other dries his hair. Once the wet clumps of hair are dry and lying flat on his hair and shining with gloss, Jaehyun drops his towel to the floor and stands with his arms spread as Doyoung dries his body next. The little handheld blue-light tickles his skin a little as it absolves all the water droplets clinging to it and Jaehyun breaths in deep and then holds his breath as the steam makes the air hot and thick. When his body is dry from top to toe and back to front, Doyoung stoops down to pick up the white, fluffy towel and when he straightens Jaehyun surges in and catches his lips in a kiss. He is always in a good mood after they have sex and having Doyoung take care of him like this makes him giddy and he can’t help it when he pulls Doyoung close and grabs his clothed ass with both hands. Doyoung rejects him quickly however and pushes him away with a stern look.

“Your father is waiting for you,” he says and adds with, what is in Jaehyun’s opinion, far too much emphasis, “your majesty.”

Jaehyun grunts and steps away and waits as Doyoung goes to the counter and brings back a pair of thin silk trousers. He holds them up to him and Jaehyun takes them grudgingly and steps into them. Just as he has pulled them up to his waist Doyoung is holding an undershirt of the same silk fabric up to him and Jaehyun raises his arms so Doyoung can slide it on him. Next is the thick wool robe that is only used during the frost months. It is heavy and uncomfortable, but necessary even to wear in the palace. The one Doyoung has picked out for today is light coloured with a beige base, and pale blue stitching depicting the lotus flower covers most of the back and the left side of the robe. Jaehyun watches the elder intently when he stands in front of him and does the intricate fastening of the robe, drawing it together at his throat and tying a dozen tiny ribbons in a diagonal line down his chest. When only the belt remains Jaehyun lifts his left hand and cups Doyoung’s face. The other lifts his eyes to him, but his focus remains on tying the robe in place and Jaehyun sighs through his nose.

“Thank you Doyoung” he says and lets his hand fall back to his side. Doyoung does not question him and instead walks around him in a slow circle to make sure nothing is out of place and then he goes back to the counter for the last piece. Jaehyun starts a little when he sees it; a head piece in the same colour as his robe, with a gossamer mesh fabric hanging from it and thin blue string with baubles at the end make up the item.

“We’re going outside?” Jaehyun asks, perplexed. Doyoung merely nods and narrows his eyes as he lifts the head piece over Jaehyun’s head and carefully fixes it into place. He lays the mesh fabric over Jaehyun’s face and one by one he hooks the tiny blue baubles into Jaehyun’s robe to keep the flimsy thing in place.

Even though he can see just fine, Jaehyun holds onto Doyoung’s shoulder when they move into the bedroom and Doyoung has him sit down while he chooses a suitable pair of boots for him.

“I hate wearing this” Jaehyun whines as he carefully touches the strings and baubles of the overtly decorative head piece.

“Nonsense” Doyoung snorts, “the fabrics are top quality and the wool will keep you warm while the silk will keep you from perspiring to death.” His voice is high and breathy in that way that tells Jaehyun he is only faking it. He comes to kneel in front of Jaehyun and helps his feet into the soft boots.

“I mean this” Jaehyun says and points a finger at his own face and Doyoung hums in sympathy. He must have known, because Jaehyun complains about the covering every time he wears it, not because it is uncomfortable, though in it he has restricted movement of his head, but because of what it represents.

It is something worn only by royalty, both as a token of their position, but also as precaution to their safety. No royal has ever shown their face to the public, hiding it behind a veil every time they step foot outside the palace. Something that of itself does not happen very often.

This is the main argument used by any who is anti-monarchy, but despite how many times Jaehyun has tried to argue against using them he is always shot down as quickly as an injured foal in hunting season. _The public has no need to know who we are, only that we exist,_ is what his father says every time and it makes no sense to Jaehyun. Because how can you rule a people in peace and prosperity if you don’t trust them enough to show them your face?

“There,” Doyoung says and rises to his feet and Jaehyun wiggles his toes in his boots for a moment before following. The fluffy woollen inside feels good against his naked feet and he smiles gleefully when the extra height the heels give him has him really looking down into Doyoung’s face.

In the last year Jaehyun has started surpassing his older friend in height and Doyoung usually grumbles about it every time he dresses him. Doyoung scoffs at him and pokes his butt with a sharp finger.

“Get going now” he says and shoos him away like an exasperated mother. Jaehyun laughs and his smile is happy behind the veil, but when he steps out of the comfort of his own quarters it falls as quickly as it always does.

 

There is another aide waiting for him outside, along with two heavily armed guards, and Jaehyun sighs as he starts walking down the corridor and they fall into place around him. They make just another wall between those that are royal and those that are common. Or as his father likes to put it, between lions and rats.

His father always acts as if he is this civilisations creator or something, and divides its population into rats and leeches, depending on how close they are to his own seat of power. He has also conveniently forgotten that it was his great-grandfather who invaded, colonialized and later enslaved the indigenous people of this entire planetary system. His father makes Jaehyun wonder if the experiments to create a chip supposed to enable selectivity in long-term memories hasn’t actually been successful. The king seems to have forgotten Jaehyun even had a mother so he is almost convinced of this idea.

“The king is at the bridge, your majesty,” one of the guards calls out to him and Jaehyun stops and looks back to where the two soldiers and the aide are standing by one of the many elevators that line this part of the corridor.

Jaehyun nods silently and walks back to them and the moment the sensors recognise him the doors to the elevator open with an almost silent hiss.

“Take me to my father” he says in a clear voice once his entourage is inside with him and the elevator sets off. The speed of it, if observed from the outside, would be dizzying, but inside the elevator it is impossible to even feel it move and the deep orange light that shifts and curls on parallel walls are simply calming and even a little hypnotising to look at.

The elevators and its network of hallways and vertical drops is truly an ingenious invention. Run by a singular machine located underground in the heart of the palace, it stores a memory of all its travellers so Jaehyun is not at all surprised when the doors open and he sees his father standing only a couple yards away.

The still relatively young man is surrounded by about a dozen guards, some standing close by and the rest are spread out on the bridge, keeping watch in every direction, and on top of those he has five aides with him, all dressed in the same white woollen robes as the one behind Jaehyun. Doyoung always wears the black linen robes, even in the frost season, but Jaehyun has never asked him why. He just assumes Doyoung comes from a planet that is perpetually cold.

“Father” Jaehyun greets cordially once he is close and bows at the waist with both arms stiff at his sides. The guards both put one arm across their chest and tilts their head to the side and down and the aide behind him drops all the way to the cold ground and stays there for a full minute before rising to her feet. Jaehyun’s jaw clenches in sympathy when she tries to surreptitiously warm her hands in her robe, but turns his head to his father when the man steps closer to the edge of the bridge. The long glass walkway, a masterpiece in architecture, won’t allow anyone tumbling off the edge, but Jaehyun’s heart beats a little faster when his father leans forward at the waist to look down at the city. The man gestures with an arm for Jaehyun to come closer and so Jaehyun steps up to stand beside him on the edge, looking out over the vast stretch of crystal blue buildings glinting in the early morning sun. It is too early for anyone to be awake yet and the city is completely quiet around them, the only sound that reaches Jaehyun’s ears is the continuous cracking of ice as the city’s heating vents start up. In front of them, only about ten yards from the bridge, is a gossamer thin wall of ice going from the rocky overhang that stretches over them and all the way to the ground far below them, and as Jaehyun watches the ice cracks and slowly melts away. In its place is a fall of water so hot it creates a veil of steam around itself. The same thing is happening all over the city, Jaehyun knows, and he waits in silence for another minute when suddenly, as if by the flick of a switch, the streets below are teeming with people.

Children in their red school uniforms and teenagers in their green coloured robes and adults in such a multitude of different attires Jaehyun can’t possibly register them all. He smiles at the organized chaos of sounds and sights and breathes in the cold air and imagines that it smells of hot cakes and red spice tea and those yellow fruits that are the sweetest in the frost season and that Doyoung sometimes brings him. Jaehyun can feel the cold standing on the bridge, but their company is exempt from the harsh bite of the frost. When he reaches a hand out in front of him he first feels the jelly-like barrier that covers the entire walkway and a moment later he feels the frost and his fingers turn blue and a clear layer of crystallised water cover them. He is pulled roughly back by one of his guards and meets his father’s displeased mien behind his veil as his fingers are covered in heating bandages by his aide.

“Do you want to lose your fingers boy?” his father huffs, but there is no worry or sympathy or even disappointment in his face and tone and Jaehyun swallows his words before he can let them out. He is sure he would have said something utterly stupid.

Instead he folds his hands in front of him and stands with his back straight and waits for his father to reveal why he has summoned him here.

 

“You have read my letter I presume.” His father’s tone is as disinterested as ever and he keeps his body turned slightly away from Jaehyun. The man hardly ever looks at him these days so Jaehyun is not deterred by it, he is rather comforted by the lack of attention. He had a feeling this was the reason why he was summoned, but he still has no desire to speak about his upcoming forced nuptials.

“Yes father,” he makes sure to speak clearly and tilts his head at a respective angle, but inside his stomach is twisting and his heart is beating hard in his chest. His palms are getting sweaty, but he can’t tell for sure whether that has to do with his body’s nervous reaction or because of the heating bandages that cover both his hands.

“The ceremony will take place in a fortnight, in the palace, and your marriage will only be announced after your wedding night.”

Jaehyun’s breath catches in his throat and the way his body goes rigid is obvious enough to have even his father turn an eye on him. The man sighs deeply and gestures at his guards with a hand and in a second they all spread out around them at a distance great enough to give the two some privacy. He lays that same hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder and tugs him close until he is pressed against his father and the man can speak directly into his ear.

“And trust me Jaehyun, once you are married your foolery will be put an end to. That boy you are gallivanting with will be cast out and I will make sure you never see one ever again.” The king’s voice is quiet, but harsh and Jaehyun can hardly breath as the man’s fingers dig into his shoulder. His eyes well up with tears, not at the pain or his father’s disgusted tone, but the thought that he will never see Doyoung again. He had thought the older boy was safe.

“You will give me an heir as quick as is possible,” he hisses and Jaehyun starts at his father’s wording.

 _He_ is the heir. Any child of his would become his heir after him, but Jaehyun is first in line as the king’s only child. He has known for years that he has not lived up to his father’s expectations of him, he is too soft, too kind and not anything like how the king thinks a ruler should be, but he had never thought he would be disowned like that.

“But this is who I am father,” he tries.

“I don’t care who you think you are son, you are royalty, you have a duty to your ancestors to continue their noble bloodline.” Jaehyun sighs quietly as his head tips forward and his shoulders weaken under his father’s heavy hold.

“A man, however pleasurable it may be, cannot give you an heir.” Jaehyun thinks that is it, that his father for once has shown a smidgen of sympathy, but his hope is squashed an instant later as the man continues with, “even if he could, why would I believe you do anything but spread your legs for him?”

Jaehyun swallows and clenches his eyes shut so hard they start to ache, but he will not cry. He will not give his father the satisfaction of being proven right. That he is weak, that his words touch him and tear him apart. His father has always treated him the same way he treats women, as inferior. So, it comes as no shock to Jaehyun that the man thinks of him as some wanton sodomite whose only joy comes from debasing himself at another man’s cock. That is all he has ever thought about his mother as well, that she was there for his carnal pleasure and to give him a son. In the king’s opinion, she clearly failed at both those tasks.

And while his father may see that there is pleasure in laying with another man, he does not believe that there can be love between them. Though his father does not see love in anything at all really. And while Jaehyun does enjoy having Doyoung inside him, he enjoys it just as much, or even more so, to have the elder under him as he makes love to him.

 

Before he is allowed to ponder any more on his father’s words, a terrible, loud cracking sound comes from above them and a heavy load of snow falls onto the protective barrier covering the bridge. It evaporates quickly after hitting the heated field, but not half a minute later something much more horrifying follows.

A large piece of the overhanging rock has come loose and is hurtling at full tilt towards the bridge. It is as big as a two-storey house and glistening blue in the morning sun and when it hits the bridge it does so with enough force to bend the plasma field with its weight. The force shield creates a sound similar to a disturbed polyvinyl waterbed and flickers in orange as its immeasurable strength stops the rocks momentum and then slowly rights itself to its original domed and invisible state. There is a moment of absolute quiet before the gigantic rock starts to slip off to one side and then there is chaos on the bridge as aides are shoved around and the guards line up in front of Jaehyun and the king, with their rayguns drawn and held up in front of them.

“Open” his father says and the force shield glimmers as a thin, long opening appears in front of them right as the rock topples over and starts to fall.

The guards fire their guns at once and the destruction caused by a dozen or so laser beams shooting through it and melting it from the inside has the rock exploding into tiny pieces that then fall harmlessly to the ground. Jaehyun breathes a sigh of relief that there is nothing but empty space beneath the bridge and the chances of anyone having been hit by the falling gravel are very slim. To be sure though he pushes between two guards to peek over the edge, and as he had hoped the only damage has been to a few barren trees whose branches are frail from the frost and easily broken.

He turns then to look at his father and he can see even through the gossamer veil in front of the man’s face that he is fuming.

“Send for the landscapers, have them remove all the gravel, but tell them not to get rid of it,” he says to one of the aides and three of them run off at once. Then he turns to one of his own guards and points at the mountain above them with a shaking fist.

“Have the orologists up there right away, they have until noon to give me an explanation for why this happened!” He is yelling now and the guard salutes him quickly and runs towards the opposite end of the walkway to which they came from.

“Take him inside” the king says at last with a flick of his wrist at Jaehyun and one of his own personal guards takes Jaehyun by the upper arm and guides him quickly, but gently towards the elevator. As Jaehyun looks over his shoulder at his father right before the doors close, the man is standing in the middle of the bridge staring up at the severed mountain tip, a hand resting on his weapon hanging from his belt.

 

The walk back to his room is a blur to Jaehyun and once he reaches his door the guard still holding his arm tells him in no uncertain terms that he is not to leave his room. Jaehyun mindlessly agrees and slips under the guard’s arm after the man reaches past him to touch the door panel and the metallic door opens with a quiet hiss.

Doyoung is still inside and Jaehyun notes distantly how his nerves calm merely at the sight of him. The elder is pacing restlessly around the room, rubbing his fingers together and chewing on his lower lip. He doesn’t notice Jaehyun at first and he has time to unhook all the tiny baubles on his headdress and take it off before Doyoung sees him. Then it is only a matter of seconds before he is engulfed in a tight hug.

Jaehyun wraps his arms around Doyoung’s back and clutches the thin material of his robe between his fingers as he hunkers down and hides his face in the elder’s neck. As Doyoung runs his hands up and down his back Jaehyun suddenly realises how terrified he was, just as the feeling melts away and is replaced by a feeling of safety and contentment.

For the first time, he really feared for his life, and the lingering skittishness leaves a sour taste in his mouth

“Are you alright?” Doyoung whispers against the side of his head and Jaehyun nods more times than should be necessary and the way he burrows further into Doyoung’s chest probably say the complete opposite.

He pulls away after a minute, feeling a little embarrassed at himself for breaking down like that, but when he looks at Doyoung the elder has tears glistening in his eyes and a profound fear is visible in the furrow of his brow.

“I could see the mountain break from here, I thought something terrible had happened, but you’re alright!” A great sigh of relief follows his words and Doyoung lifts a hand to dab at his eyes while he laughs breathlessly. Jaehyun tries to laugh along with him, but the sound that comes out instead is a choked sob and Doyoung hurriedly moves them both to the bed and guides Jaehyun to sit down. He then immediately drops to his knees to pulls the boots from Jaehyun’s feet and set them aside and pushing Jaehyun’s legs apart to make room for himself between them, he starts untying the fastenings on his thick outer robe.

Once Jaehyun is dressed in only the silk pants and undershirt Doyoung sits down beside him and takes his hand in his while wrapping his right arm around the younger’s back.

“There is one thing I don’t understand,” Jaehyun says suddenly and Doyoung hums to show he is listening while he strokes Jaehyun’s side.

“My father,” Jaehyun stops to gather his thought to convey to Doyoung exactly what he found so odd.

“It was like he was expecting it, as if he knew what had happened, but how could he?” He leans back to look Doyoung in the face and there is an odd look in the man’s eyes that he can’t decipher. Doyoung brushes a lock of hair away from Jaehyun’s face, like he has done so many times before and smiles compliantly at him.

“Don’t worry so much about it baby, I’m sure it was just a natural accident.” He speaks softly, all the while stroking Jaehyun’s cheek and Jaehyun opens his mouth to protest how the elder seems to be patronizing him, but then Doyoung leans closer and takes his lips in a kiss and Jaehyun loses himself in it instantly. Twisting at the waist, Jaehyun cups Doyoung’s face in his hands and kisses him hard, traces his lips with his tongue and runs it over his teeth and all around his mouth in total desperation, moaning wantonly when Doyoung grips him tight and sucks on his tongue. It is a surprise certainly, Doyoung normally doesn’t allow for any of this outside of the times when they come together in bed, but he finds this is exactly the kind of distraction he needs right now. And when he falls backwards, pulling Doyoung along with him, every worry clouding his mind slips away like clouds on a windy day.

 

*  
* * *  
*

 

When he wakes the next morning, it feels like any other morning and it is hard to imagine anything out of place has happened. Doyoung wakes him by opening the blinds and letting white and blue daylight into the room and Jaehyun spends several minutes stretching and lazing in his bed before moving to get up. He takes a shower and waits patiently while Doyoung dries him and then he dresses in his silk bathrobe just as a knock comes at his door. While he fluffs his hair and checks his complexion in the mirror Doyoung leaves to meet the aide at the door and prepare Jaehyun’s breakfast for him. He always eats breakfast in his room in the frost season, the halls of the palace take too long to warm up after the night for it to be comfortable to eat anywhere else. Everything is perfectly normal as should be expected after a messenger from his father had come late the previous night to tell him the incident with the mountain had been nothing but an accident. It was a poorly maintained crack in the rock that had expanded rapidly due to the ice and caused the chunk of mountain to come loose. There is nothing untoward for him to worry about, but the abnormality of the coming day starts the minute Jaehyun sits down to eat. And it starts with an innocent question.

“Didn’t you say you wanted to see the Ragnarok exposition at Seni Rupa?” Jaehyun freezes with a sourdough bun between his teeth and looks up at Doyoung with questioning eyes. He doesn’t quite understand why he would bring that up now, it had after all been something Jaehyun had only mentioned once in passing while he complained about never getting to leave the palace. The Ragnarok exposition, aptly named in Jaehyun’s opinion, features art from all five planets in the Keretas system, as well as a magnificent performance and light show depicting the events of the last great war that took place three hundred years ago. It is a celebration of freedom and while Jaehyun thinks it is a little misplaced in present time, the celebration has been around for far longer than his family has. It is held at every quarter of a century and every day for the entire year the exposition is open for any and all to enjoy. Jaehyun has grown up looking at pictures from when his mother and father went to the last celebration, twenty-five years ago, and has always wanted to see it for himself.

“If I said we could, what would you do?”

Jaehyun is quiet for a moment, but then he starts laughing so hard he nearly chokes on the piece of bread in his mouth.

“I would say you’ve lost your marbles,” he chuckles once he has settled down and takes a large swig of tea to wash down the chewed food. Doyoung is watching him patiently and once he sets the mug back on the tray and swallows he starts again.

“I mean it Jaehyun. Your father is sending out missives to all the neighbouring planets and I’ve managed to get the information on which ship is going to Seni Rupa and when it is leaving.” Doyoung smiles happily at him when he finishes and Jaehyun blinks dazedly back at him. He never seriously imagined he would be allowed to go anywhere, much less another planet, so having Doyoung talk so honestly about it has him a little rattled.

“It leaves in two hours, if we hurry we can make it and I’m sure you can sweet-talk the ship into not letting the pilot know he has a couple of stowaways.”

Jaehyun considers it seriously for a moment, he does have a way with ships, having been locked up for most his life the hangar was as far as he was allowed to go and he has spent more hours than he can count in the flight simulators. The artificial intelligence that runs all the spaceships made at Taranjà have become rather fond of him, as far as it can be fond of anything.

“Can we really do it though?” he asks with his eyes fixed on the tray of food in front of him. He so wants to do this, but he has little faith that they will actually be able to pull it off. Doyoung flicks him gently on the forehead and then goes to open Jaehyun’s closet, pulling a medium sized, nondescript bag onto the floor. Out of it he pulls a long, white robe of the kind all the aides normally wear in the frost season and holds it up in front of him like a great prize, thrilling a short “ta-da.”

“We’ll go through the staff elevator until we reach the courtyard and then we just have to time it perfectly to get into the hangar and to the right ship.” He lays the robe over the back of the chair he was previously sitting in and gestures to Jaehyun.

“So eat up, because we don’t have much time.”

Jaehyun can’t believe that it will be that easy, and he doesn’t want to think about what will happen when they get caught. He will be punished for sure, but he cannot imagine what will happen to Doyoung. At best, he will be exiled and at worst, well that is something Jaehyun can’t bear to think about.

“What if we get caught?” he stands up to be on even footing with Doyoung, but his focus is directed towards the robe when his hand lands on it and it is distraction enough to let Doyoung come in close to put his hands on Jaehyun’s shoulders.

“We won’t get caught,” he says so confidently Jaehyun is tempted to believe him. He can’t however, with a clean conscious, do that without warning Doyoung of the risk.

“If we are, you can get charged with kidnapping the prince, you could be executed. My father will most likely do it too because he’s pissed at you for fucking me!” He hadn’t meant to say that last part and it definitely came out wrong, but it holds the gist of the issue and Doyoung obviously gets it, from the way his mouth has gone slack and his eyes are like big spheres in his face.

“He knows?” he mouths with no sound coming out and Jaehyun nods timidly. He isn’t sure how Doyoung will take the news of their sort-of-relationship being more public knowledge than they had thought. Jaehyun highly doubts anyone else knows but his father and whoever it was that informed him of it, probably one of his aides. Even so, his father is the worst person who could know about what they do at night.

Doyoung’s eyes move slowly around the room, never stopping at anything and his jaw shakes minutely. Jaehyun waits patiently for him to speak, his hand gripping the soft robe under his fingers.

“Well that settles it then,” Doyoung says finally and bends down to close the bag at his feet.

“We are leaving and never coming back!”

Jaehyun gapes at him and it is his turn to be shocked into a stupor as Doyoung hefts the bag onto one shoulder and looks at him expectantly.

“I-I … I can’t- I can’t leave,” Jaehyun stutters before turning away from Doyoung’s expectant gaze to pick up a sourdough bun from the basket beside the soup bowl and starts chewing aggressively. He always eats when he gets nervous and now he is almost as terrified as he was the day before when he could only watch as a 300-ton rock fell right on him. He is so afraid of leaving and he has a sudden urge to lock the door to his room so he and Doyoung can stay in there forever. Forever would not be very long then however, and rationality catches up with him pretty quickly.  
“I have responsibilities Doyoung, I can’t just run away.”

Doyoung is smiling at him when he turns to him and his bag makes a muted puff sound when it hits the floor. The elder crosses the floor to stand right in front of him and tucks a lock of hair behind his ear and rubs the pads of his fingers gently over his cheekbone.

“I really admire you Jaehyun, do you know that?” his voice is quiet and intimate and Jaehyun can’t stop himself from gripping Doyoung’s elbow softly as he blinks rapidly and breathes heavily through slightly parted lips. The admission hits him hard and warmth blossoms in his chest and paints his cheeks a ruddy red. Doyoung does not elaborate on what it is that makes him admire Jaehyun, and Jaehyun doesn’t dare ask. Instead he fixes his face into a determined expression and takes Doyoung’s other hand in his.

“Let’s go,” he says and Doyoung squeezes his fingers gently and they grin at each other in absolute excitement and then Doyoung hurriedly starts pulling at Jaehyun’s bathrobe and picks the white, woollen robe up from the chair once the silk falls off Jaehyun’s body.

“Oh!” he exclaims and shoves the robe into Jaehyun’s hands.

“You need underclothes!” He skips to Jaehyun’s wardrobe and comes quickly back with a pair of white silk pants and shirt and they struggle a little to shift the items around in their arms until Jaehyun can step into the pants and tug the undershirt over his head. Doyoung helps him into the woollen robe and hurriedly does up the much simpler fastening than what Jaehyun is used to. While Jaehyun fits his feet into a pair of low-heeled boots lined with sheep wool, Doyoung wraps up the rest of his breakfast, packing the bread and buns into his bag and flushing the soup down the drainage pipes and before Jaehyun knows it they are off.

 

The hall is empty when they step outside, but Doyoung is quick to pull up his hood and Jaehyun follows his example, covering his face in shadow behind it.

He doesn’t actually know where the staff elevators are so he follows closely behind Doyoung as they jog down the hallway, taking a left just before the end and going down a short, extremely narrow, flight of stairs. Doyoung takes his wrist and guides him down another set of stairs, equally narrow and short, and finally they are in a large room with every wall lined with elevator doors. Doyoung guides him once again to one in the corner diagonally from where they descended the stairs. When he stops in front of it however, the doors don’t open the way they should, even when Doyoung states his name and destination in a clear voice.

“It’s because of me,” Jaehyun says and the elevator makes a ding sound as if this was a game show and Jaehyun got the right answer. Jaehyun sighs and pushes Doyoung aside to stand right in front of the elevator.

“I know I’m not supposed to take these elevators, but I just want a little bit of adventure.” The elevator dings three times as if to say, “um-um-um” and Jaehyun sighs again, but louder.

“Be a little nice to me won’t you, I’m never allowed to leave the palace so I just want to see all of it.” He just out his bottom lip and sniffles convincingly as he pretends to blink back tears. The elevator door finally opens and it does so with a loud sigh and Jaehyun makes sure to thank the AI as they both enter and set off to the courtyard.

Once they are outside and walking across the beautifully paved and very warm courtyard with its patches of green grass and plastic flowers and holographic trees, Doyoung turns to walk backwards so he can look Jaehyun in the face.

“I had no idea you were such a good liar, your highness” he teases and Jaehyun makes to protest, but is cut off by the other.

“No-no, you have to be to be able to fool an AI like that. You know they read your biometrics.” Jaehyun smiles a little bashfully and then laughs as Doyoung walks straight through a tree and goes cross-eyed as the light hits his eyes. He reaches out and grips Doyoung’s forearm between his fingers to turn him back around and they continue to walk briskly across the exposed plane, following the paved path to the hangar.

They make it unseen to the entrance of the ship’s hangar and when they peek around the open door they cannot believe their luck as only a couple of mechanics are out on the floor. They can’t tell from their position whether there is anyone in the control tower however, so they carefully sneak around the door and behind the large cylinders of fuel not far to the right. It turns out to be a great vantage point as they can look around without being seen from behind them and by doing so they are able to time their run to the ship Doyoung points out, perfectly. Like all Taranjian ships it is sleek and sharp, a pure white colour and when closed there are no lines and no edges, only smooth surfaces all over. It is, like most everything else of Taranjian make, used by locking onto your biometric signature and is controlled by an artificial intelligence. A different one than the one that runs the palace, but possibly even more clever. This one won’t be as easy to trick.

 They slip inside with none being the wiser and quickly hides away in a storage room.

As the door slides shut with a hiss they huddle together against the wall with another two robes draped over them. There is less heating in the hangar and they feel the frost acutely on their bodies. Even Doyoung is shaking beside him, though noticeably less than Jaehyun and as they are sitting there so close together, for once Jaehyun feels like asking, and so he does.

“Where are you from Doyoung?” he asks and curls up against the elder’s shoulder. Doyoung might stay away from too much physical contact when they are not having sex, but Jaehyun quite likes to cuddle and since they are stuck in this place for some time now he is going to take advantage of that.

Doyoung sighs quietly, but he can’t say if it is because of the question or because Jaehyun has slumped down to rest his head comfortably on his shoulder. He is interrupted from answering however, when a small, white cat-like contraption seems to melt out of the wall before taking shape. It walks around them, rubbing against their feet like an actual cat and Jaehyun can’t help the giddy smile that spreads over his face. He loves cats, all kinds of cats of all kinds of race and sizes, and the thing is so life-like he wants to pick it up and cuddle it. Then he realises what it is and his smile dims a little as he tries to come up with something to say that will appease the AI so it will let them stay.

“Hiya Yeri,” he says and licks his lips when Doyoung looks at him. He has told Doyoung about all his lost friends so he isn’t surprised he would recognise the name, even if it is shortened a bit. He didn’t feel comfortable using Yerim’s real name.

“How have you been?” he asks and reaches out with a hand for the sleek, motorised cat.

“Keep your hands inside your clothes, your highness, so you don’t lose any fingers,” a computerized voice chides him and he sheepishly pulls his hand back. It is impossible to tell where the voice is coming from as it seems to emanate all around them from the walls themselves, but it is still amazing how it sounds so human as it reproaches him. Jaehyun mumbles an apology and lowers his head sheepishly while he tugs at the cuffs of his robe.

“What are you up to boy?” the AI questions him stiffly, “I could have your father here in a minute and in the next your lover would be without a head.” Jaehyun hears Doyoung’s breath hitch in his throat and hurries to plead with the AI.

“No-no, please Yeri, please don’t!” his voice is high pitched, but quiet as he begs desperately for the AI to be merciful.

“We just want to go to Seni Rupa to see the anniversary exposition, we’ll be back within a day!” There is only quiet from the AI for a long time and Jaehyun starts fearing the worst when it speaks again, in a softer voice that is the most human of all the tones it can shape its voice into.

“Very well boy, I will allow this.” And then it is gone, but the cat remains and jumps up to curl into Jaehyun’s lap, emitting a heat that make him sigh in contentment.

They spend almost half an hour sitting in the cold storage room, warming themselves against the cat’s sleek, titanium surface. Suddenly the floor starts vibrating and a humming picks up around them as the motor’s start up and they are both tossed around a little as the ship takes off before it smooths out and they can hardly tell it is moving at all.

Jaehyun feels a block in his throat that is impossible to swallow down and it makes it hard to breathe as the ship takes them farther and farther away from his home planet and the palace prison he has known all his life. As his breath finally shakes through his lungs again, Doyoung grabs his hand under the pile of robes on top of them and holds it tight in between his own.

“Here we go” he whispers and Jaehyun finally smiles and laughs a little breathlessly as the reality of his situation finally hits him. He is in a spaceship, heading away from his planet. Taking him to a completely new place to see new faces, breath a different air, experience things he has only ever dreamed of. It is exhilarating and the thought sends tingles through his body, starting from his toes and up his calves and into his stomach and it makes his heart thump loudly in his chest before reaching his fingers, clutched tightly in Doyoung’s.

“We made it” he whispers and turns his head to face Doyoung. The elder is smiling gently at him in that way Jaehyun has catalogued as the smile Doyoung uses when he thinks Jaehyun is being very cute, and it makes his nerves settle gently like butterflies in his stomach. And when Doyoung squeezes his fingers softly his heart thumps a couple times before slowing to its normal speed as he takes several deep breaths through his nose and out his mouth.

“We actually made it” he whispers again, mostly to himself as he holds his breath for a long moment with his shoulders raised up to his ears and then he lets it out in a big gust of air at the same time as his shoulders drop. Smiling quietly to himself, Jaehyun slumps down further and rests against Doyoung’s side, clutching the mechanical cat tightly in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Find me on Twitter](https://twitter.com/whenineternal)


	2. Chapter 2

They are about an hour into the flight when Jaehyun starts squirming restlessly. His butt aches from sitting on the floor for so long and while it is no longer cold, his legs are numb and his head is woozy from a lack of oxygen. He knows Yeri has been feeding them more oxygen then what normally runs through the storage rooms on small ships like this one, but even the AI is incapable of working completely independently without the pilot catching on. Other than this though, Jaehyun is facing a more immediate problem that is making him clench his thighs together and chew on his bottom lip.

“What is it?” Doyoung whispers from beside him, half asleep and leaning his head against the wall. Jaehyun sighs deeply and squirms around a little more.

“I need to pee” he whispers and then scoffs in indignation as the titanium cat jumps from his lap and melts back into the wall.

“I’m not gonna pee my pants!” he whisper-yells at the wall and huffily crosses his arms over his chest before squirming even more in his seat. Doyoung sits up properly and looks him over with a frown set in his forehead.

“You should have gone before we left,” he scolds quietly and Jaehyun tilts his head to the side and raises an eyebrow at the older.

“There wasn’t really time was there, with you dragging me around like you did!” Doyoung breaths in deep and he looks ready to throw a comeback in his face, but instead he lets all the air out in a loud sigh and tugs his bag onto his lap, half-heartedly rifling through it.

“I don’t have anything,” he says and this time Jaehyun squirms at the thought of peeing in a bottle or something. How unsanitary.

He taps his fingers on his thighs as he thinks, his eyes lighting up when he comes to a solution.

“This is an intergalactic ship, it should have a lavatory of some sort,” he says and Doyoung quirks a smile at him and settles back into his corner, preparing to go back to sleep.

“It’s right next to the cockpit though,” Jaehyun mumbles with a disappointed grimace lifting the right side of his face. Doyoung’s hand shoots out from under his robe-turned-blanket and grabs a hold of Jaehyun’s wrist before he can even think about moving.

“No,” he says, quiet and firm and tugs once on Jaehyun’s wrist before letting go.

“But I have to.”

“Hold it in.”

“I can’t” Jaehyun whines gruffly as he crawls towards the door. A hand around his ankle stops him, but when he looks over his shoulder at Doyoung the other lets him go with an exasperated sigh.

“Just don’t get caught,” he warns and then curls up into his corner and closes his eyes.

Jaehyun tugs the thick robes off his body so he is only dressed in the silk underclothes to make it easier to sneak around and then touches the door panel with trembling fingers.

The sound of string music flows into the small compartment when the door slides open and Jaehyun says a quick thank you to whatever greater forces there may be for the auditory camouflage.

He tiptoes across the floor until he reaches the front of the ship where he runs into an unforeseen problem. Instead of manually flying the ship, the pilot is sitting turned around in his chair, eating a dragon fruit with a spoon. The lavatory is only half a metre away, but to reach it Jaehyun will have to cross the width of the ship and the pilot will no doubt see him then. As if it read his mind, the plug door separating the cockpit from the rest of the ship whooshes closed and Jaehyun makes a run for it while he can. As he enters the lavatory a man’s voice comes through the walls, or rather out of the surround system the AI communicates through.

“What’s up with the doors Birdy?” the pilot mumbles, his voice muffled probably by a mouthful of white dragon fruit.

“Only a malfunction in the door panel Sir, I am fixing it as we speak,” the computerized voice of the AI answers and Jaehyun hurries to do his business. He can’t take too long or the pilot will get suspicious.

He whispers a grateful “thank you” right before running down the ship to the very rear where he slips inside the storage room again. Doyoung is snoring quietly with his face pressed unattractively against the wall and Jaehyun giggles a little and searches through the inside pockets of his robe for his camera. The thin, cylindrical device is strapped into the chest pocket and he wiggles it out while at the same time redressing himself in the woollen outfit. Once he has it in his hands he whispers “on” and a muted blue frame appears above it. He holds it up in front of him and angles it towards Doyoung and getting as close as he dares he snaps a couple photos, all the while biting his lips to hold back his amused chuckles.

“Delete them” Doyoung whines in a sleep-quiet voice and lazily lashes out with an arm that by pure luck hits Jaehyun and throws the camera from his hands.

“How can you sleep now, aren’t you excited?” Jaehyun shuffles around until he can sit down against the wall, this time piling a robe together under him to serve as a pillow for his sore bum.

“I’ve been there before” Doyoung mumbles while curling up tighter against the wall, maybe not aware of what he said and the spark of curiosity it reignites in Jaehyun. Jaehyun’s eyes widen a little as his face freezes in an expression that is part astounded part curious and his eyes flick from right to left a couple times before settling on the elder.

“You’ve been to Seni Rupa before?” Jaehyun holds his breath while he waits for Doyoung to answer. The elder hardly ever talks about his life before coming to the palace a little over two years ago, and Jaehyun will latch on to even this tiny bit of information Doyoung is willing to give. Doyoung sighs quietly and sits up and Jaehyun wants to scoot over so they can sit shoulder to shoulder, but he doesn’t think he can get both physical contact and information, so he refrains.

“I’ve been to many places before I became your aide. Seni Rupa, Runtah, the Third Moon of Pàmanda –” Doyoung probably would have listed even more places if not for Jaehyun interrupting him by gripping his forearm tightly.

“You’ve been to Runtah?” he whispers and his eyes are as wide as they can get and his fingers dig harshly into Doyoung’s arm.

“Was it as scary as people say it is?”

Doyoung smiles a little uncomfortably and pries his arm free of Jaehyun’s grip.

“You just mind your own business and it’s not so bad,” he says and the way he looks away from Jaehyun is a silent message to not ask any more questions. Jaehyun has become familiarised with the dismissive action over the years, but this time he can’t seem to stop himself.

“Seni Rupa then, what is that like?” he asks instead.

“You’ll see that for yourself in no time,” Doyoung says and curls back into his corner. Jaehyun frowns at the other’s obvious reluctance to ever tell him anything, but decides to let him be for now. Besides, the Yeri-cat has returned and Jaehyun happily picks it up and cuddles it against his chest and enjoys the low purring it makes as he pets it.

 

*

* * *

*

 

It is not long after that the ship rumbles loudly and the floor vibrates under them as they enter the atmosphere around Seni Rupa. No more than a minute after that and the vibration picks up even more as the ship comes to a gentle landing, the motors twisting underneath the ship to keep it afloat as the pilot manoeuvres it snugly into place. The two stowaways sit quietly and wait, trying to hear if the pilot has left the ship before they attempt to make any move to leave themselves. Suddenly the door to the storage room opens and they both jump in fright before it becomes clear to them that the opening is empty.

“The pilot has left already,” the AI says and Jaehyun heaves a big sigh of relief before setting his hands underneath him, preparing to push himself to his feet.

“Wait” Doyoung says and Jaehyun turns to him with raised eyebrows, watching quietly as the elder rummages through his bag for something.

“You’re going to need this” he says and pulls a thin, dark blue robe from inside it. It is one of Jaehyun’s own, more modest outfits, except it is one normally used in the summer season.

“Won’t this one be better?” he asks and pulls at the woollen robe he is already wearing. Doyoung smiles and shakes his head as he drops the robe in Jaehyun’s lap and sits up to pack all the items spread around the tiny cupboard and fit them back into his bag.

“There is no winter on Seni Rupa, only spring, you’ll perspire to death in that robe.” Jaehyun hurriedly dresses in the lighter outfit, shucking the wool robe to the floor for Doyoung to pack away. Once he is dressed in the linen robe and Doyoung is on his feet hoisting the bag over his shoulder, Jaehyun swings around on his feet and runs the length of the ship to reach the exit. Once he is standing in front of it he stops, breathing hard and feeling his heart beat so fast in his chest he reckons Doyoung must be able to hear the sound of it going _ba-dum ba-dum._ Doyoung is at his side a moment later with his hand poised to touch the panel beside the door.

“Wa-wa-wa-wa-wait,” Jaehyun stutters and when Doyoung turns to him with a raised, inquisitive brow he licks his lips and takes a deep breath in. He squeezes his eyes closed and gestures for Doyoung to go on and with a woosh the door opens in front of them and the back of Jaehyun’s eyelids glow red as sunlight falls over him and a rush of warm air hits his body. He holds his breath as he takes the first step out of the ship and once his feet are standing flat on solid ground he opens his eyes and immediately a gleeful laugh bursts out of him.

They are in some sort of hangar or docking station for spaceships, and it is absolutely massive. Stretching further down to their left than Jaehyun can see is a quay chock full with spaceships of all shapes and sizes, and to their immediate left is a tall, wavy glass wall. Jaehyun walks up to it and rests his palms on the glass, feeling how it is rounded underneath his fingers. There is not much to see outside, a wide pool surrounded by exotic flowers and a paved courtyard beyond it that is teeming with people. Just as Jaehyun is about to turn back however, a creature jumps out of the pool and does several twists and somersaults before disappearing under the water again. Jaehyun gasps and presses even closer to the glass, probably looking like a child at an aquarium, but he can’t bring himself to care. He has never seen a creature like that before. As it came out of the water it had looked like a squid, with tentacles flying everywhere, but then it changed into something looking more like a mammal with a snout and a smooth body that easily flew through trick after trick.

Wanting to see it again, Jaehyun knock his knuckles gently against the glass and then taps the tips of his fingers against it. Just as it seems he won’t get a response from the creature something big and shiny smacks against the glass right in front of Jaehyun’s face, startling him and leaving him stunned and staring at all the tiny suckers on the belly of the fish-mammal that is keeping it glued to the glass. Slowly a pool of black starts spreading underneath it and a knocking comes from above and when Jaehyun tilts his head the creature is rapping its snout against the glass in what is very clearly indignation. Jaehyun fumbles a little as his mouth gapes open and his eyelids blink rapidly as he attempts to find the words to say. Laughter comes from behind him and Jaehyun turns helplessly to look at Doyoung.

“That is a Seup. Interesting creatures.” Doyoung comes to stand at his side and salutes the creature which instantly falls back into the pool. After a moment it resurfaces, and dipping above the surface it shoots a stream of water from its snout and the ink spill slowly washes away.

“They love to perform, but don’t try to force them. They can be quite mischievous.” Doyoung guides him down the walkway with a gentle hand pushing at his lower back and Jaehyun follows mindlessly, tracing his fingers over the wavy glass wall and looking everywhere, taking in as much of his surroundings as he can.

As they move away from the docking stations and into the entrance hall of the hangar people of all shapes and sizes, some humanoid and others less so, start rushing past them. They move mostly in groups and all with smiles on their faces. He recognises a few from Taranjà, dressed in the ankle length robes with colourful embroidery that is the common dress on his home planet. A group of women pass by them, chattering in a language completely foreign to Jaehyun’s ears, dressed in the most beautiful flowing dresses of a gossamer silk, with a golden shawl wrapped around their shoulders. The colour of their dress range from the softest blue to the brightest pink, all enriched by golden embroidery. The women’s smiles seemed to glow out of their brown faces and completely beside himself, Jaehyun is struck by their beauty.

He swallows thickly and turns away once the women are a sufficient distance from them, blinking rapidly and decidedly not looking at Doyoung’s small smirk.

“What language were they speaking?” he asks the elder as he scans the large hall they are standing just on the edge of.

“I don’t know,” Doyoung answers. “They are not from this system, that’s all I know.” Jaehyun involuntarily turns his head to look after the group. While he has met delegations from both Seni Rupa, Pàmanda and Curug Tam, he has never met anyone that is not from the Keratas System. He has a sudden desire to go after them and make them tell him about their home, he wants to know how it is different from anything this planetary system has to offer.

His attention is soon taken however, by a young boy no more than two feet tall, at least from his feet to the top of his head, with three floppy-looking tails? ears? tentacles? Jaehyun can’t be sure, standing up about eight inches from his head and curving backwards, tied together by a black band, making it look almost like a ponytail. He is hop-skipping across the floor from one black tile to the next and yelling out whenever he lands on a grey tile, as if he is burnt. Jaehyun smiles happily as he watches him, remembering how he used to do the same thing when he was younger.

“Is he Pàmandan?” he asks and points a finger at the little boy. His physical characteristics are certainly similar to other Pàmandan Jaehyun has met before, but his lilac colouring is unfamiliar.

Doyoung hums beside him and Jaehyun turns his head to face him.

“You’ve probably only met women from Pàmanda before, the men’s skin is lilac in colour and they have three … tentacles.” Doyoung hesitates on the word and gestures with curled fingers over his head to mimic the three outgrowths on top of the boy’s head. Jaehyun ah’s and turns to look at what he can see of the entrance in the distance. The little boy isn’t as interesting anymore, and he much more wants to see the actual planet he is standing on and not just the inside of an arrival hall.

“Let’s go” he says and takes off walking only to be stopped by a firm grip on his upper arm and a tall woman stepping in front of him to stare him down with the meanest look Jaehyun has ever been exposed to.

“Registration” she says and Jaehyun gapes silently at her, too caught off guard to respond in any way.

“Registration!” she repeats, enunciating every syllable strongly, squaring her shoulders and tipping her chin even more to stare him down. Jaehyun stutters something unintelligible, but a moment later Doyoung is at his side and offering an empty hand to the woman.

She takes it and they greet each other in the way of Seni Rupa, one firm up-and-down shake and a spoken “Salute”.  Doyoung then pulls her a little away, stepping in closer and the woman lowers her head to comply with his wish of keeping their conversation a little more private.

“These are hard times” he says and touches two fingers to his own temple, “we are just here to experience the joy of fine arts.” He pulls a coin from his pocket and lays it against the woman’s wrist, it is a bribe Jaehyun realises, but the woman rejects it.

“Pocket your coin sir, I won’t take it from you.” Jaehyun holds his breath, fearing that his adventure will end so quickly, but the woman smiles and throws her arm out in the direction of the entrance doors.

“Enjoy your stay,” she says and with a tip of her hat, she walks off.

“What just happened?” Jaehyun asks, still staring perplexed at the woman’s retreating back.

“People tend to be very helpful if they know you’re a citizen of Taranjà,” Doyoung says in the way of someone who knows more than they are letting on.

“How would she know though?” Jaehyun pesters and Doyoung does the same action from before, placing two fingers against his own temple.

“Fingers to …” Jaehyun lifts his own hand to touch his temple, “so it’s like a code?”

Doyoung nods as they start walking again, hefting the large bag higher on his shoulders. Jaehyun stands for a moment with two fingers pressed to his temple, letting the fact sink in, before following the elder, now too preoccupied to notice much of their surroundings.

“But why?” he asks once he has caught up, “why is there something like this? Is it because they are from the Capital, do people treat them better because of it?”

Doyoung is quiet for a long moment, stopping to let a small family pass in front of them, and then he turns to look at Jaehyun for only a moment.

“They do, but not for the reason you think.” Jaehyun keeps his eyes locked on the side of Doyoung’s face as they walk. He is so used to having everyone step out of his way he doesn’t give thought to his surroundings and Doyoung is forced to steer him with a hand on his bicep. Eventually he sighs and concedes to Jaehyun’s quiet insistence.

“No one really likes the Capital. It takes too much and doesn’t give nearly enough in return, it leaves everyone else feeling like pawns. The royal family is hated everywhere Jaehyun, and if you’re a commoner from the Capital you are treated with warmth and sympathy, because they are the ones who suffer the most under the king’s tyrannical rule.” The insight Doyoung offers leaves Jaehyun with a heavy feeling in his chest and his shoulders sag as he curls in on himself.

He had never known how bad it was, the rebellions against the throne were always talked about as minor disturbances in the palace and not placed much importance on. But it seems like the people’s distress is at a much larger scale than he could have ever imagined.

“The recent actions against the people’s right to vote, as is decreed by democracy, has only lit a fire under the belief that the king is unfit to rule. Most people want the monarchy abolished completely, other’s want to take the power out of the king’s hands and keep him as a _token of the free world_.” A token of the free world, that is something Jaehyun is unable to wrap his mind around. His great-grandfather enslaved the people of Taranjà and Pàmanda when he came to power two centuries ago. The practice was ended by his successor, Jaehyun’s grandmother who brokered a truce with the people of Curug Tam who were threatening war against the monarchy. The years that followed are considered The Golden Age of the Keratas System, but he doesn’t see how that, when weighed up against all the horrible things his family has done, can make the Jung a symbol of the free world.

“In what universe is Jung synonymous with freedom?” he mumbles and closes his eyes at the feeling of Doyoung’s thin fingers sifting through his hair. It always calms him when the elder plays with his hair.

“I’ll tell you later,” Doyoung whispers against his ear and then his hand glides slowly down Jaehyun’s arm until he can twine their fingers together.

“Now let’s go have fun,” he exclaims and pulls Jaehyun by the hand at a much faster pace and Jaehyun can’t help but smile bigly at the elder. He is so beautiful when he smiles wide like he is doing now, all teeth and gum and crinkled cheeks. He doesn’t smile like this often, but when he does he takes Jaehyun’s breath away and makes him want to follow him anywhere just to keep him smiling like that.

 

They break through the doors almost at a run and the rush of sounds and smells and heat that hits Jaehyun makes it feel like something out of a dream. It seems so unreal and the multitude of impressions that hit him one after the other leaves him stunned and gaping wide-eyed at everything around them.

While he thought the hangar was teeming with so many different and colourful people, it cannot even compare to what he is met with on the outside. The space immediately around them is mostly empty, a large terrace made of bronzed stone stretches out in a circle at least fifty feet across. To the north, east and west is a promenade lined with tall flower bushes coloured completely in purple and shooting purple and bronze dust out of their flowers, Jaehyun guesses they are the reason the air smells so sweet. Right in the middle of the terrace is a water fountain, at least three times as tall as Jaehyun, and the water dances around in circles and waves, defying gravity all together and occasionally shooting high into the air and falling like rain on the people passing by. There are children and young adults playing by it, running through the streams of water or jumping over them as if they were playing hop-skip with a rope. Jaehyun smiles at their delighted shrieks whenever the water soaks through their clothing and his body itches to join them. He wants to play around and get wet and dirty in a way he hasn’t done in years. It seems the excitement of adventuring makes him revert to his more childish self, but Jaehyun could not care less. Just as he is about to run off, a delicious smell wafts into his nose of something warm and greasy and he licks his lips as his stomach growls for food.

“This way” he says determinedly once he locates the booth the smell is coming from and gripping Doyoung’s hand tighter in his he drags the older man after him.

The stall is small, no more than two square meters in size, and the couple managing it are elderly and their brown skin is wrinkled and tough-looking, but their smiles are warm. They remind Jaehyun a little of his old nan before she passed away. They sell skewers of something meaty, he can’t recognise what kind and the grey colour of the raw meat is a little off-putting, but it smells delicious and Jaehyun’s mouth starts to water at the mix of oil and spices and grilled, bubbly fat.

He reaches inside his left sleeve for his cash-chip, but Doyoung is quicker than him, stretching an arm over the tall counter for the woman to scan his ID and receive his money. Jaehyun takes the two skewers from the man with a smile and a bow of his head. He hands one to Doyoung with a small frown as they are walking away, “you should have let me pay.”

Doyoung takes a small bite out of his skewer, nibbling at the tough meat for a long time before he even looks at Jaehyun.

“And what do you think they would have done when they registered your id?” he asks, but his question is rhetorical and so Jaehyun only hums. He hadn’t thought of that.

It wouldn’t have said his name in particular, but the royal insignia would be impossible to miss and the old couple would have been fully in their right to express whatever they may have felt at seeing it. As they near the fountain, Jaehyun for the first time takes notice of the guards wandering around the terrace. That they are there are not so surprising considering the number of people passing through. What is surprising is the uniform they are wearing. Except for the colour of their shoulder pads, which are blue as opposed to red, it is identical to the palace guards uniform. Doyoung seems to take notice of this at the same time as he did as he tries to pull Jaehyun a little further behind the obstruction of the fountain and moves to walk a little in front of him so as to shield his face. Jaehyun feels warm at his consideration, but pulls him back with a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s alright, they wouldn’t know my face,” he whispers and Doyoung relaxes back at his side at once.

They walk slowly around the fountain while they eat, laughing together as they get splashed from a rogue stream of water.

“How does it do that?” Jaehyun asks after a stream did a loop-de-loop and curled almost teasingly around the body of a little girl, leaving her shrieking with laughter and jumping up and down.

“There are tiny organisms inside the water that keeps it together, almost like a pipe, and moves it around in all different directions. You just wait until nightfall because once the sun has gone down, they glow.” Doyoung is still looking fondly at the little girl, still laughing after having been soaked through.

“It’s the most beautiful thing I have ever seen,” he continues, taking Jaehyun’s hand again and pulling him towards the promenade to the west.

“These microorganisms are in every body of water around here,” he says and points to what looks like a medium sized glass gourd almost hidden between two bushes as they walk past.

“Even in there. And they all gather light during the daytime and at night-time they glow in neon blue.”

Jaehyun ooh’s at Doyoung’s description of the night-time phenomenon, but his attention is grabbed by the thin and long flowers on the bushes they are walking past and how they periodically open at the top and spray dust everywhere. They move as if they are sucking in air, filling their belly until it is so large Jaehyun thinks it might burst, and then they breath out a quiet gust of sparkling bronze and purple dust. The air around them is filled with it, but instead of being aggravating as Jaehyun had first thought, it is rather pleasant. The dust gives the air a sweet scent, stronger now that they are walking through it, and when it settles on the skin of Jaehyun’s face he feels refreshed.

“Is this Rose Hip?” he asks Doyoung, walking closer to one bush to examine it further. “The fruit is used in a lot of moisturizing creams and cleanses at Taranjà.”

“Yes, it is. Though here the dust the flower produces is more than enough. Seni Rupa doesn’t have any frost season so no cold to shrivel up your skin and make you look like you aged ten years in a night.” They both laugh, but the remark is not unfounded in truth. Many people lose their life in a frost season, if they have no proper home to seek shelter in during the night hours they will surely freeze to death. And there have been instances of people’s skin pruning in the way the fingertips often do after a long shower, because of the blood vessels constricting the flow of blood to prevent heat from spreading. Taking care of one part of the body and leaving another to the cold. Jaehyun has never understood how the body works, no matter how much anatomy his tutors have tried to teach him.

 

They walk in quiet for a long time, their hands swinging gently between them. The path they walk along curls around a small lake at one point, the water such a clear blue Jaehyun can see all the way to the sandy bottom and all the dark shadows of small lake creatures swimming back and forth. Not long after, the path disappears between two large stone walls that stretches so high Jaehyun can’t see the top of them at any point as they approach it. Once they pass between the natural gate the path opens into a wide area, equal parts paved terrace and green lawn, with sculptures and images displayed on pedestals spread around the place. A worker comes up to them and hands them two pairs of ear plugs and a hologram disk.

“Welcome, Wiluung, Velkomst” he greets them. Jaehyun only understands the first two languages, but he can guess the last word means the same as the first two. It must be a language spoken in another system because it is not one he recognises and he has been schooled in most all languages spoken in the Keratas System. It would make sense considering the many foreign species he has seen already.

“Thank you” he offers and the worker snaps two fingers together and the hologram disk glows as it comes to life, showing a figure dressed in the same outfit as the worker, but instead of the humanoid appearance it is of a Pàmanda local.

“Welcome to Pàmanda” it squeaks in the high and grating voice of the Pàmandan and does a little twirl before pointing at the ear plugs in Jaehyun’s hand. He hurries to put them in his ears, the thin gummi strings automatically twining around his earlobe to keep the little device in place. Not a second later the voice of the hologram guide sounds through it and Jaehyun listens with half an ear as it explains in short terms the history of Pàmanda. He knows the details already and he much prefers taking in the artworks with his eyes.

Pàmanda is a rural planet, made up of only fields upon fields intermittent with rivers of water and cosy villages. It is a small planet, only barely the size to be considered one, and it is uninhabitable except to the indigenous people. The food and greens they grow however, are renown across the system for its succulent tastes and perfectly tended growth. Taranjà receives all their food from Pàmanda in the frost season and Jaehyun has always felt it tasted better than anything they could have grown themselves.

The people of Pàmanda might be the best thing about the planet though. Unfailingly kind, they are experts at adapting to any environment, whether it be social or ecological. They are also expert woodcarvers.

 The art piece right in front of him is one he has seen before, though only in holograms and he realises quickly how they have not given the carving the justice it deserves. The smooth wood is a dark brown with veins of red shooting through it. Down the middle of the piece is a thick line, dividing the woodcarving into two pieces as different as night and day, but at the same time perfectly symmetrical. It shows a depiction of the galaxy, with Pàmanda in the forefront, a large oval cut in half in the middle and coloured dark blue on one side and silver on the other. Above and below it is two smaller planets, Seni Rupa and Taranjà, both coloured in the same way, and at the very right and very left corner are two more, Runtah and Curug Tam, neither of which are coloured, leaving them to almost blend into the wood. There are fine stars carved into the wood on each side, the ones on the left a dark blue while the ones on the right a glittering silver.

It is a simple piece, but it is the oldest woodcarving that anyone knows of. Dating back some thousand years, it is believed to show the transition from when the Keratas System was free and inhabited only by the indigenous people of Pàmanda, Curug Tam and Runtah, to being overtaken by the Intergalactic Council. Normally this piece is kept locked up somewhere, not even his father knows where, but it is brought out on every Ragnarok exposition, to celebrate this galaxy’s liberation from the Council.

Doyoung has gone off to the right so Jaehyun takes the left path into a circle of carved statues, animals and flora for the most part, but the one that stands out is the largest of them all. It is not its size that makes it stand out however, but how exquisitely detailed it is. Every strand of hair on the woman’s head is carved, because it is a woman, even if Jaehyun has difficulty believing it. Her countenance is dark and sensual, the depiction is dramatic, almost unnatural and she looks like something more than human, more like something celestial.

He can imagine the size of the tree she has been carved from, a wide trunk no doubt, and definitely strong. It has been entirely coloured so he can’t tell for certain the type of tree, but he can guess it is redwood.

She is clad in a flowing, silver robe, tied at the waist with a pale blue band and accentuated by thin garlands of blue flowers that look so life-like Jaehyun is tempted to test if the petals will be silky soft under his fingertips. The robe is loose on her body, falling off one shoulder and exposing a breast and curling behind her long legs, but her near nakedness only adds to the sense of power about her. Her skin is as white as chalk, a blank slate, and her eyes are fathomless black and her short hair curls against her jaw, black and glossy and seemingly blowing in the wind. When he looks at her, she seems equally life-like and unnatural, and the masterful craftsmanship put on display is aweful.

A squeaky cough sounds in his ear and the voice of his Pàmandan guide comes through the ear plugs.

“Name: Nubuat. The artist, who have chosen to remain anonymous, describes their work as having come to them in a dream and believes it is a sign or an omen for either deliverance or destruction. A more common name is Athena, named after the ancient goddess of war, and it is often interpreted as a symbol of the coming liberation from tyranny.”

The guide ends its monologue with an idiom, “my knowledge is given with grace,” a common Pàmandan saying, meaning to not be humble, but not to be boastful either.

With such a radical message, it is not surprising the artist has chosen to be anonymous. Whoever they are, if their identity was to be known, they would no doubt suffer the same fate as all the others who have gone against his father. Honestly, he is surprised to see it displayed at all.

 

Jaehyun walks slowly around the exhibition space, taking in all the other sculptures and carved images, taking pictures here and there, but his mind remains with the woman. The artist had named it Prophecy, implying something supernatural in its origin, and it has left him burning with questions. About his family’s history, his own destiny and any higher powers that could be.

He meets Doyoung at the opposite end from where they entered, where the space narrows into a path. The mountains surrounding the almost circular clearing taper to the north, a gradual downhill from the apex where they entered the exhibition until they disappear into the ground a couple hundred metres on in the path.

Different from how he was earlier, Jaehyun is quiet as they walk to the next location. Doyoung sends him concerned looks all the while and takes Jaehyun’s hand in his, rubbing his thumb over the back of it.

“Something is bothering you,” he mumbles after some time, keeping his voice low as the path around them is crowded.

Jaehyun smiles shortly and shakes his head. He entwines their fingers and swings their hands back and forth as he accelerates his walk, putting on the air of being perfectly alright. Doyoung knows him too well however, and as opposed to Jaehyun he is not deterred by silence and a dismissive attitude.

“What is it?” he nags, pulling Jaehyun closer and off the path to stand in between two tall bushes.

“Tell me.”

Jaehyun turns his head away from the elder, chewing on his bottom lip as he studies the guard standing idle not too far from them. He does not know where to start and with Doyoung he needs to choose the right questions if he is to get the information he wants. That is how it has always been with him. The guard however, presents him with a new problem he never even thought of.

“How are we getting back to Taranjà?” he asks, suddenly feeling a little panicked when he registers that Doyoung has been carrying the large, bulky bag with him all this time.

Doyoung however, only laughs quietly and shakes his head.

“Now he asks,” he mutters to himself.

“The missive is to be delivered today and the pilot will go back to Taranjà in the morning. He will most likely stay at an inn for the night so after we’ve seen everything, we’ll go back to the ship and spend the night in the storage room.”

Jaehyun pulls an involuntary grimace and Doyoung scoffs quietly at him.

“We’re stowaways Jaehyun, fugitives you could call us even, we don’t have a lot of luxuries open to us.”

“Now, what’s bothering you?” Doyoung looks him right in the eyes, holding tight to his hand, and Jaehyun feels all his defences drop, leaving him unarmed in front of the other’s insistence.

“How bad is it, really? Be honest with me.” He whispers it out of clenched teeth, pulling at both his hands to move further behind the bushes. Doyoung frowns and pulls his hands back and grips Jaehyun’s bicep hard to pull him back onto the path.

Jaehyun resists as good as he can, drawing eyes from every passer-by, but when Doyoung gives him a pleading look he concedes.

“Not here,” the elder whispers, “I promise we’ll talk about it, but not right now.”

They walk side by side along the path for several long minutes, but the mood is decidedly darker than before and there is a minute, but noticeable distance between them. Eventually the path reaches another exhibition, this time hidden behind a black veil. Jaehyun hurries through the entrance, leaving Doyoung behind and enters the dark space.

The only light is the sliver of sunlight peeking through between the flaps, but Jaehyun does not want to be next to Doyoung right now so he walks on blindly into the darkness. With his arms stretched out in front of him he shuffles along the grassy ground. At one point, he walks right into a curtain, but after only a few seconds of fumbling he finds an opening and steps through into a new room. This one has neon lights of the colours blue, orange and silver spreading along the walls, stretching out like veins before they fade into black. He follows along them, trailing his fingers over the warm light chains. At the end is another curtained opening and Jaehyun does not linger, moving on into the next room.

As opposed to everything else in here, this room is white. Curtains like snow cover the ground and stretches up the walls and into the high ceiling, which is black and dotted with a million twinkling stars. In the middle is a wooden bench, no back or armrests, only a block of white wood and Doyoung is sitting in the very middle of it, staring straight ahead.

Jaehyun walks on silent feet to stand behind him, hesitating a moment before rounding the bench and sitting down beside him.

“It is a monument for Maot Racún.” There is a hush about Doyoung, his voice is low and he sits as still as a statue. Jaehyun has never seen him like this before, so somber, so bleak. His eyes are fixed in front of him at the haunting image of a snowy landscape lit up by silver lights. It looks to have been carved from wood and it is as beautiful as he has come to expect Pàmandan art to be.

Curug Tam, or Maot Racún as it is now more commonly called, was the sight of tragedy little more than a decade ago. It left the entire planet desolate after a plague took its inhabitants one after another, sparing no one. Its new name, meaning poison death, is a homage to this, but it is not a name used in court, and the way Doyoung says it, his voice so quiet and brimming with a deep sadness, sends chills down his spine.

Doyoung hooks his arm in Jaehyun’s elbow, curling against him to rest his head on Jaehyun’s shoulder and close his eyes. Jaehyun sits as still as he can to not disturb the elder and waits. Somehow he feels his patience will be greatly rewarded.

“I’ve never told you were I’m from, have I?” Doyoung says after a minute. His voice is deceptively light and Jaehyun holds his tongue even if he wants to answer with a very snarky “ _no, I don’t believe you have”_.

“It’s difficult to talk about, but my family.” He stops abruptly, choking on the words and curling tighter against Jaehyun’s shoulder. Wetness soaks through the fabric of Jaehyun’s robe and his throat tightens as Doyoung cries silently into his shoulder. It takes him a moment to notice, but lacking in words Doyoung has raised his arm in front of them and is pointing a single, long finger at the white sculpture. It takes another moment for the implication to sink in with Jaehyun, and when it does an involuntary gasp rips from his throat and his fists clench tight on top of his thighs.

“You’re from Curug Tam,” he whispers, mostly to himself. Doyoung sits up, untangling himself from Jaehyun and twisting in his seat to face him. His face is wet from tears, but his eyes are once again dry.

“I lost everyone to the plague,” he croaks, his voice hoarse and quiet, “so you can understand why I don’t want to talk about it.”

It is a difficult thing to wrap his mind around. The consensus has always been that every inhabitant of Curug Tam had been eradicated by the violent, water-borne parasite that infected their planet for the first time 23 years ago. However, Doyoung is sitting in front of him, alive and well and proof that this cannot be the case. Most of the information regarding the catastrophe had been classified, and no one has set foot on the planet since the king put in place the barricade around it ten years ago. It was done to keep the plague from potentially spreading, but Doyoung is sitting right in front of him now. Doyoung has been his aide for two years and apparently has been travelling the system and who knows what more in the years before that. Still, there has been no reports of the same virus resurfacing. Doyoung must be free of it. The only question he can’t answer is, “how?”

Doyoung smiles wryly at him and sniffs a couple times and Jaehyun’s heart breaks seeing him like this. His older friend has always been the strong one. He was always there for Jaehyun when he needed him, always with a word of wisdom or a firm hand to hold or his own warm body to provide comfort. Doyoung has never been the one to wear his heart on his sleeve and to see him so despondent is a difficult thing.

Jaehyun lifts his hands slowly to Doyoung’s face as if he is a skittish animal and he is worried the other will bolt at his slightest move. He dries the elder’s tears with gentle fingers, cups Doyoung’s head in between his palms and wipes his cheeks with his thumbs. Doyoung’s eyes fall closed at the caress and Jaehyun can’t help himself when he leans forward and takes the other’s lips in a kiss. It is chaste, but Doyoung clings to him as if he never wants to let go and the rush of emotion that is exchanged between them leaves Jaehyun breathless. It has never been like this before. Maybe because he never _really knew_ Doyoung before.

 

Doyoung pulls away after a moment, but he stays close and leans his forehead against Jaehyun’s and twines their fingers together.

“When I was nine,” he starts, coughs a little to clear his throat and continues, “my brother got really ill. That’s how it happens, you can carry the virus for years and nothing, until suddenly it cripples you in less than a day.”

“My brother was two years older than me, both our parents were already dead and I couldn’t bear to lose him too. So, I left. I was certain there had to be a cure _somewhere_ and I was determined to find it.”

Jaehyun moves closer and encircles Doyoung with his arms, but the elder shrugs him off and scoots backwards to regain the small distance Jaehyun had breached.

“My brother didn’t want me to leave, but I did anyway. We lived in the capital, it was built inside the largest mountain on the planet, hewn into the rock with tunnels like veins stretching everywhere. You’d have loved it.” He stops to smile at Jaehyun and he can just imagine it. A great mountain teeming with life.

“The plague had already tormented our planet for more than a decade and from the moment I left the capital I was alone. Not a single soul lived in the out-lying villages, everyone had migrated to Gried. I was a kid; I was strong yes and I could handle the cold as well as anyone born on Curug Tam and I had the will, but it was hard. I wouldn’t have been sitting here if it wasn’t for Hansol.”

“Hansol?” Jaehyun interrupts despite himself, the name ringing a bell with him.

“I told you about him once, didn’t I?” Doyoung twists their hands in between them, rubs his thumbs over the backs of Jaehyun’s hands almost roughly.

“You mentioned him only,” Jaehyun whispers, he doesn’t think he can talk any louder at the moment.

“I had made it almost to Aliran when I couldn’t walk any further. Hansol found me lying unconscious in the snow and brought me to his home. He saved my life, not just then, but he cured me. After almost a month of searching, I had found the cure.” Doyoung’s face lights up and Jaehyun imagines he can feel the relief Doyoung must have felt in that moment.

“It was another month before we made it back to Gried though, and by the time we did, it was already too late. Everyone was gone.”

Doyoung is quiet for a long time after that, staring blindly at a point over Jaehyun’s shoulder and hardly breathing. Every cell in Jaehyun’s body itches with the need to take the elder in his arms and protect him from the hurt, but he knows it won’t be allowed. Doyoung has always been fiercely independent, and from his story it is obvious it is a trait he must have been born with.

“I left the planet with Hansol, but we separated some years ago and I haven’t seen him since.”

Doyoung pulls away completely then and gets to his feet. He walks up close to the monument and runs his fingers through the air an inch above its many curves and spikes and flowing lines.

“I’m glad I told you Jaehyun. It feels a little easier to bear now,” his warm voice turns icy cold in less than a second as he says, “but I would prefer if you kept it to yourself.”

The impulse to merely nod his head and show his compliance with quiet assurance pulls at Jaehyun, but the need to rid Doyoung of the notion that Jaehyun would ever betray his trust holds far stronger sway in his heart.

He walks up behind Doyoung and wraps his arms around the thin man and pulls him against his chest.

“I would never divulge your secrets Doyoung, everything you say to me in confidence stays between the two of us no matter what it is. I promise you this.”

They remain standing in front of the monument for many minutes, Jaehyun embracing Doyoung tightly in his arms and revelling in how the elder melts against his chest. It is not often Doyoung is so open with him, so weak and vulnerable and trusting, and Jaehyun vows with all his heart that he will cherish these moments when they happen and protect Doyoung with all the strength his arms hold. It pains him that he did not know of the hardships Doyoung has been through in the past and that he has not been there for him in the ways he wishes now he could have been. If he had known he certainly would not have placed so many of his burdens on Doyoung’s shoulders, no matter how well the other handled it. He has been so selfish, taking so much from Doyoung and not stopping to ask if he is alright.

No, he thinks, that’s not entirely true. Jaehyun has asked on multiple occasions, but Doyoung always rebuffed him, turned him away and onto other things.

The notion that Doyoung has not trusted him has struck him like needles piercing the skin over his heart many times, but that obviously couldn’t have been the case. Sometimes it is only a matter of the right time and place, and Jaehyun cannot think of a better situation than the one they are in now.

He looks at the monument before them, at the solid mountain that must be Gried, and the long plains of white and the thin carving of a large moon in the background, giving the sculpture a ghostly element. Doyoung’s fingers have stopped right above a cove where a waterfall is so expertly carved it is as if it is real.

“What place is that?” Jaehyun whispers into his ear and a shiver runs down Doyoung’s back, obvious enough that Jaehyun feels it against his chest.

“Aliran,” Doyoung whispers back, “it was always revered as a magical place amongst my people. The waterfall cove is the only place on the planet you can find water flowing freely out in the open.”

“Is it magical?” Jaehyun asks. He holds his breath in anticipation of the answer as magic has always sparked a keen interest with him.

“Of course not, there’s no such thing as magic Jaehyun,” Doyoung teases him. He knows how much Jaehyun wishes for the opposite.

“The water comes from a hot spring inside the mountain and it is so warm that not even the coldest temperatures can freeze it.”

Jaehyun pouts, but only for a moment as he can tell that the mood has lifted significantly and he tightens his arms around Doyoung one more time before letting go.

“We should go” he says and takes Doyoung’s hand in his and gently tugs him away from the display. Doyoung comes easily enough, but he retracts his hand from Jaehyun’s grip and folds his arms across his chest. Jaehyun gives him the space he needs as they exit the large tent-like construction and continue onwards on the paved, bronze path.

 

*

* * *

*

 

After several minutes of walking they find themselves on the promenade leading into the large courtyard from the north. Night has already fallen, the sun only a yellow line on the western horizon and the purple flowers on each side of them are now merely a dark shadow in the nearing twilight. All around them blue light starts to shine as one by one the glass gourds with its tiny water-borne organisms light up, and while it gives an eerie glow to everything, it is also the most beautiful natural phenomenon Jaehyun has ever witnessed. Even more so than the frozen flowers that hang in thick garlands from the mountain that curves over the Capital and the palace.

He turns to look for Doyoung, wanting to share in this with him, but the other is nowhere to be found.

“Doyoung?” he whisper-shouts, for some reason it feels wrong to make any kind of sound. The atmosphere is almost magical, with everyone around them walking around in silence and revelling in the enchanting sight.

“Doyoung!” he says again, almost wheezily through his teeth. He walks back a few steps and looks around himself, but Doyoung cannot be found.

A tap on his shoulder has him turning around, hoping it will be Doyoung, but the sight that greets him startles him so badly he jumps back several paces. A face lit up in blue light, one half a ghostly white while the rest is shrouded in shadow and pearly, glistening teeth is on display in a wide mouth. It takes him only a second to realise it is Doyoung who is messing with him, but his brains natural response to such a ghastly image was fear.

Breathing harshly Jaehyun lashes out and hits Doyoung hard on his shoulder, causing him to very nearly drop the gourd he is holding in both hands.

“That was not funny!” Jaehyun whines when Doyoung only laughs. He pouts when the other turns away to put the gourd back down, but sighs happily when Doyoung comes back and wraps an arm around his neck.

“Alright, alright. I’m sorry,” he says and rubs his fingers behind Jaehyun’s ear. “Come, we won’t want to be late for the main event,” Doyoung retracts his arm and walks ahead of him, creating a distance between them again. Jaehyun puts it down to him needing his space after being so vulnerable with him earlier, but he can’t deny that Doyoung hardly ever initiates physical contact. It shouldn’t surprise him at this point that it never lasts long, but Jaehyun has been deprived of physical touch all his life and craves the closeness of it, and there is no one he wants more than Doyoung.

The courtyard is packed when they reach it, every square metre full of people waiting for the show to start. Jaehyun has read about the play, a performance using holograms and real live actors in a beautiful rendition of the war against the Intergalactic Council.

There are royal guards spread around the area, both surrounding the courtyard and mingling with the spectators. This would not be unusual, but to Jaehyun the number of them seems a little unnecessary. Most of the spectators crowding the area are families, often with young children. Hardly riot material.

Doyoung takes his hand in his and pulls him close and Jaehyun bumps against the big bag he is carrying before settling against his side.

“Better stay close,” he says as he curls an arm around Doyoung’s waist.

The show is set to start in a few minutes, but as that time comes and goes the crowd around them turns restless, whispering amongst each other and after a time yelling across each other’s head for any information. It is another few minutes before a hologram screen unfolds in the air above them and a hush falls over the courtyard. The screen is black to begin with, but after a moment white text rolls over it; **The Ragnarok exhibition is interrupted by a special news bulletin,** it reads.

The quiet of the assembled crowd is broken as the sound from the broadcast cracks through the air like a whip. It is live coverage from the Capital and Jaehyun recognises the image in the background instantly. The female reporter is standing right in front of the palace library, with the gardens to her left and the courtyard and ship’s hangar to her far right, hidden behind the library. Familiarity is the only thing that allows him to be sure of this however, as the burning carnage around her makes the place all but unrecognisable. There is a big hole in the stone wall of the library, the rubble spilling into the old building. Electricity snaps in white flashes from severed cords and the frost-covered grass in the garden is ablaze in an orange inferno.

The reporter is mid-sentence when the broadcast starts, but after a moment she repeats herself. Again and again she says the same sentence, all the while flinching away from the near constant electrical sparks.

“The Palace has fallen; Jung Jaehyuk our former Monarch, Jung Kyung-soo the _Stratagos,_ as well as all notable members of the Han faction have been executed and the anarchist group calling themselves _Libertas, Libertatem_ have taken control of the Capital.” Her voice and face is lifeless, and after the sixth time through she takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. Her hands are shaking so hard she can barely hold onto her microphone.

“There is chaos in the streets, buildings are burning,“ she chokes for a moment before composing herself, “civilians are being murdered, men, women and children. It is unclear who is behind the slaughter as the cavalry and the revolutionaries are currently clashing violently all over the city.” Her last words come out in a rush as the camera shakes from a great explosion somewhere in the distance.

“We will come back … with more updates as soon as we … as soon as we can.” More explosions follow the first and the reporter can barely get her words out between the bombings. She gestures with a hand to the person behind the camera and the broadcast cuts off, the screen turning black again.  

 

A long moment of absolute silence follows the end of the broadcast. No one moves, no one speaks, even the water in the fountain is still, frozen in the air. Jaehyun doesn’t take notice of any of this. His own heartbeat is loud in his chest, blood rushing through his ears as he stares blankly at the black screen still hanging in the air. Tears spill unheeded from his eyes, and his hands start shaking, but still he cannot move. He has lost control of his own body as the mass of emotions hit him, not as a crashing wave, but like a trickling stream. A little at a time this new reality starts to sink in. His father is dead. His home has been invaded. His people are dying.

He can feel Doyoung’s hands gripping his shoulders, can see his face as a blurry image in front of him, can see his mouth move yet no sound reaches Jaehyun’s ears. Only the loud rushing of blood as his breath turns short and his vision darkens.

A moment later he comes too, clutched in Doyoung’s arms while the elder is desperately calling out his name. He grips Doyoung’s shoulders and steadies himself as he gets back on his feet. The crowd is still quiet, struck dumb by what they just witnessed, and finally Jaehyun can hear what Doyoung has been trying to say.

“We need to get out of here,” the elder whispers with his mouth pressed to the side of Jaehyun’s head. “You cannot be found here.”

A wave of movement runs across the crowd, the hush broken by an inaudible whisper of sound.

“We need to get out of here” Doyoung repeats, but Jaehyun can’t find the will to move. He shakes his head in confusion, breathing harshly as he mouths soundlessly, “what is happening.”

He tries to lift his hands to wipe his cheeks, but his arms will not listen to him. Doyoung pulls at his arm, but he can’t move his feet. Tears spill once more from his wide eyes, and his lower lip trembles. There is no sense to make of this. He can’t wrap his mind around it. Why are his people being killed?

When Doyoung shushes him, is when he realises he has spoken out loud, but his words do not seem to have reached any other ears but Doyoung’s. It is not surprising why, as a moment later a shriek renders the air and all at once the crowd spreads out in all directions. The recognisable zap of a raygun sounds to their left and suddenly there is complete chaos around them. They are jostled around as the people closest to them rush simultaneously at the guard standing not six feet from them. The moment he realises he is under attack, he draws his weapon and three men fall around him before he is wrestled to the ground by a large Pàmandan woman. His shrieks of pain jolt Jaehyun into full awareness and then it is he who is taking hold of Doyoung and dragging him away from the skirmish.

“Down with the monarchy!” is yelled over and over from every corner of the crowded courtyard as fights break out all around them. The guards band together to defend themselves against the masses and with their advanced weaponry they keep their attackers at bay, but they are vastly outnumbered.

Families and children rush to get away, but the people are growing blind in their anger and all the feelings of injustice and abuse cloud their minds with the need for revenge. Everyone becomes a validated target.

They have barely moved from their spot when a laser sword zings to full size right through the bag Doyoung is carrying and buries itself in a woman’s abdomen. Doyoung goes still as the heat from the sword burns his back and when Jaehyun turns to look at the perpetrator, the young man’s eyes are as wide and surprised as his own. He must have picked up the weapon from a fallen guard, unknowing of what it could do. The woman falls to the ground with a heavy thunk, dead. Jaehyun tears the bag from Doyoung’s back and throws it to the ground, pulling the sword from the man’s hand. He can barely breathe around the lump in his throat, but Doyoung is still alright. That is all that matters now, getting Doyoung out of there in one piece. He can’t afford to think of anything else. Not right now.

“We’ll have to fight our way out,” he says. Turning around he spots an old man holding a quarterstaff made of metal, and uncaring of the other’s fate he tears it from his arms and lands a kick behind the man’s knee when he attempts to take it back. The quarterstaff has never been Jaehyun’s weapon of choice, but it will have to do.

“Stay close,” he shouts over the din, but Doyoung pulls him back and shakes his head.

“Let me take care of you for once,” Jaehyun looks into Doyoung’s eyes and implores. He is the better fighter between them, it is only natural he goes first, but Doyoung is also fiercely protective.

“We don’t have time to argue” Jaehyun shouts and goes ahead before Doyoung can protest. He looks over his shoulder after a step to see if the other is following. He cannot afford to be distracted for long however, as he walks right into a fight between three guards and an uncountable number of civilians. He is jostled around for a moment before he can ground himself and strike out with one end of the quarterstaff, landing a blow to the backs of one guards knees and sending her crashing to the ground. Another guard notices him and lifts his raygun to fire at him, but by a strike of fortune he is torn backwards and his shot flies into the air.

They are at the far end of the courtyard and there are more than a thousand people in between them and the hangar they want to get to. Doyoung tugs at his arm and points to the side, telling him without words what Jaehyun has already realised. They will have to go around if they are to have any chance of reaching the hangar alive. The fight is spilling out of the courtyard however, and it will not be easy no matter what route they take.

With Doyoung’s hand a comforting presence clutching the back of his robe, Jaehyun leads them through the masses, using his acquired weapon to shove people out of the way. The concentrated attack is slowly yielding to utter chaos, and by the time they reach the outskirts of the skirmishes they can move around more or less freely, if they keep out of the fights.

Manoeuvring around burning food stalls and crushed flora and stepping over the dead bodies that are already littering the ground, they make it to the large pool outside the hangar. The Seup from earlier is sprouting water out of its snout at the burning bushes around the pool and they get showered in water as they inch along the edge of it to the entrance doors. Jaehyun recognises the female inspector from earlier amongst the attendees ushering people to their ships or to safety further inside the building. It seems most of the people have made it inside as the hall is teeming with them and there are children crying everywhere around them.

Jaehyun stops in the middle of the floor, his eyes focused on a group of children huddled together not far from them, shaking in fear. Doyoung is pulled to a stop when Jaehyun won’t move and he follows the other’s gaze to the lonely children. Most of them have probably already lost someone to the rioting, some of them may be orphans now and their forlorn faces tugs at his heartstrings as much as Jaehyun’s heart is breaking for them. They are both orphans now as well and the desperate loneliness shining through the children’s tears hits them both like a reflection of their own pain.

“We can’t stay here Jaehyun,” Doyoung whispers and tugs gently at his arm. Jaehyun lets himself be pulled away and down the walkway to the quay where their ship is parked. They can only hope the pilot has not left already.

Once they reach the right quay, the ship is still there, its white surface shining orange from the flames on the other side of the glass wall. Jaehyun lays his hand against it and thinks it open and the moment the wall melts away to form a door, Doyoung runs past him and into the ship.

“Where is the AI interface located?” he yells to Jaehyun. Shaking his head in confusion Jaehyun trips over his own feet as he follows the elder into the cockpit.

“What do you mean?” he mumbles and stumbles his way to the pilot’s seat into which he crumbles like a sack of potatoes.

“We need to take it out” Doyoung grunts as he forces open lid after lid looking for the interface. Jaehyun reaches out with shaking hands and grabs the back of his robe, pulling him back as he finally opens the right one.

“What do you mean?” he asks firmly, keeping Doyoung a good distance from the wires and couplings he apparently wants to tear out. “We need her to land!”

Doyoung stops entirely and looks at Jaehyun with dark eyes, his forehead furrows and his mouth thins and Jaehyun frowns angrily back at him in turn. He doesn’t like the look Doyoung is giving him.

“We can’t go back Jaehyun” Doyoung starts off slow, as if he is speaking to a child. “You’ll be killed if we go back.” Jaehyun shakes his head resolutely.

“My people are dying, I am not going to run away with my tail between my legs!” He shouts it in Doyoung’s face, rising from his seat to be at an even height with him.

Doyoung in turn keeps his voice level, “there is nothing you can do. Going back to Taranjà would be suicide.”

Jaehyun knows the other is right, but he remains standing and staring angrily into his eyes for a long time because it feels like the wrong thing to do. He does not like the thought of running away. Doyoung apparently sees it in his eyes as he squeezes his elbow once and then goes back to removing the AI interface from the ship’s system. He is no mechanic however, and after several minutes of fumbling with wires and buttons and couplings he takes the entire box between both hands and tears it from the wall. Sparks fly in the instant it is disconnected, but settles after a second.

“Well,” Doyoung sighs, “either that worked or the ship will no longer fly. We couldn’t have used it with the AI either way, they would have tracked us.” He turns to throw the box from the ship only to find a man in a black uniform with red shoulder pads standing right inside the door. Jaehyun turns as well when Doyoung goes still and is just in time to see the pilot raise his raygun and point it at Doyoung.

He reacts instinctively, rushing around the console between him and the pilot and knocking his arm to the side. A shot is fired into the wall, melting through it to the titanium outer shell. A second later Jaehyun has the gun in his hand and without thinking he fires it right at the pilot’s chest. He watches in morbid fascination as the laser bullet burns through the man’s uniform and melts both flesh and bone in his chest. The man is dead within a second, a single strangled breath drawn in through his mouth and then he falls backwards and out the door. Doyoung falls to his knees beside the pilot and tumbles him over the edge so the body falls between the ship and the quay and then he throws the interface box along with it.

“Strap in,” he says as he hits the door panel with a clenched fist. Jaehyun follows him mindlessly, still trapped in the image of the pilot’s bewildered face right before he fell, as the life was burnt from his body. He gasps sharply when Doyoung slaps him hard across the face.

“You need to fly this thing!” he yells at him and Jaehyun forces his body to move and start the engines manually. Fortunately, they still work and not long after they are flying out of the open roof of the hangar and speeding through the atmosphere and into space.


	3. Chapter 3

Jaehyun sets a steady course away from Seni Rupa, not to anywhere in particular, away from the chaos and the melee on the planet below. As much as he tries however, he cannot outrun the turmoil in his own mind.

He knows, objectively, that he should feel mournful at the loss of his father. No matter what else he was, the man partially raised him, not to be a man, but to be a king and he owes a great deal to him.

He should feel saddened at the death of his uncle, but Jung Kyung-soo was even less of a family to Jaehyun throughout his life than his father was. To him, the military was his only passion and Jaehyun was too much of a soft soul for him to feel anything but scorn for his nephew.

He knows he should feel disheartened for the ones left behind after the slaughter of the Han faction’s leaders, but a part of him, he would go as far as to say, feels a sick satisfaction that they’re gone. He is disgusted with himself for thinking like that. No matter the injustice they have done, the lives they have exploited, no one deserves to die.

“Jaehyun.”

All he can think about, all he can see in his mind’s eye, is the image of his home engulfed in flames. His ears are still ringing with the sound of bombs going off and he can’t forget the quiver in the reporter’s voice as she gave her account of the situation. He can’t forget the look of fear in her eyes when she said civilians are dying, and he can’t rid himself of the knot that has been twisting painfully in his stomach ever since.

“Jaehyun.”

He is running away, it’s as simple as that. Selfishly prioritizing his own life before that of his people. Whatever Doyoung said, he is the one at the controls, he could turn the ship around in an instant, but he doesn’t. Fear holds him back, fear and cowardice. What could he really do anyway? Without the support of councillors and military and foremost, the people, he is nobody, just a kid. He would only get himself killed, but a part of him wants that. A part that thinks the rebels have been right all along, that everyone would be better off without a Jung dictatorship, and that can only happen with his death, cutting the line of his father off at the root.

“Jaehyun!”

He gasps as Doyoung’s voice filters through the white noise of his cluttered mind and shudders when the dam breaks on his tears and they spill over his cheeks. Suddenly he can’t breathe and his hands shake so hard the ship jostles back and forth. He killed someone, perhaps more than one someone, he wouldn’t know what happened in the chaos on the planet, but the face of the pilot he shot jumps to the forefront of his mind and he feels sick. He tugs on the controls to get himself quickly out of his seat and the ship does a sharp, upward jump that throws him to the floor. He is back on his feet in an instant and hurries to the lavatory, emptying his stomach into the tiny toilet bowl. Water and bits of chewed meat and foul-smelling bile rushes up from his stomach and burns through his throat. He grips the aluminium edge tightly as the ship hurtles back and forth for a few more seconds before steadying and then Doyoung is there, rubbing up and down his back with one hand while pushing his hair out of his face with the other.

He stays bent over the toilet for minutes after he stops regurgitating the contents of his stomach and Doyoung sits behind him, quietly waiting.

“I killed him,” Jaehyun whispers after a long stretch of silence, his voice is hoarse and it hurts his throat to make any sound. Doyoung hushes him and rubs circles into his back while cleaning his mouth with a wet towel as if he was a helpless child.

“I killed …” Jaehyun whisper again, but his voice breaks on a sob and his body jolts as he heaves for breath and chokes on air. No matter how he tries he can’t breathe in as his brain narrows in on the look on that pilot’s face as he died. The shock that froze his face in a wide-eyed grimace as the laser hot bullet ripped through his chest, tearing muscles and rupturing his lungs and arteries and stopping his heart in less than a second. There is no crueller weapon to do so much damage even with the slightest of grazes. Jaehyun shot him in the middle of his chest, he gave him a certain death with no hesitation. Didn’t even think of who he was and who he would be leaving behind. The only thought on Jaehyun’s mind was Doyoung. It scares him that he cares about Doyoung enough to kill for him, to take another’s life to spare his.

He cannot say when he passed out, but the next time he opens his eyes he is draped over a cot in the ship’s cabin and Doyoung is sitting on the floor, leaning against the metal frame. The elder doesn’t turn to look at him when he struggles to sit up, but his head lifts from where it was slumped towards his chest.

“You didn’t kill that man, Jaehyun.” Doyoung’s voice is hoarse, as if he has been crying and when he turns to look at him over his shoulder Jaehyun can see how red his eyes are.

“You saved my life. You have to think of it like that, or it’ll tear you down until you can’t move forward anymore.”

Jaehyun scoots to the edge of the bed and lowers himself onto the floor beside Doyoung, He doesn’t quite know what to say, but it sounds as if Doyoung is speaking from experience and he has so many questions, about everything, that he isn’t sure where to begin.

“You know?” he asks, so simple it’s not even a full sentence, but Doyoung understands him anyway. He tilts his head to look at him and Jaehyun’s heart clenches in his chest at the helpless smile on Doyoung’s face.

“You’ll be amazed at how far you’re willing to go to protect the people you love.” Jaehyun understands that. It is what made him take that shot unhesitatingly, it is what drove him to go back to Taranjà, because he wanted to protect his people.

“All I ever wanted was to correct my father’s mistakes,” he whispers into the room. Doyoung curls his arms around Jaehyun’s and leans his head on his shoulder for only a second.

“It’s too late for that now.”

Jaehyun draws a breath through his teeth and tears free from the elder and flies to his feet.

“No it’s not!” he shouts at the ceiling and blinks rapidly to hold back tears, “I refuse to believe that!”

There must be something he can do. He hasn’t spent his whole life in his father’s strict court for nothing. The root of the problem has always been the Jung family and he is more than ready to hand himself over if that can solve the conflict, but the immediate problem is that hundreds, maybe thousands, of civilians are caught in the crossfire in the middle of the harshest frost season Taranjà has seen in a decade. Losing their homes, losing their livelihoods, losing their very lives, all because of his father. It doesn’t matter that he is dead or that anyone who supported him have been massacred. This is not the first time Jaehyun has heard of the rebel group calling themselves _Libertas Libertatem_ , they have acted up with smaller acts of violence and upheaval in the past ten years and the one common denominator has been the loss of civilian life. An incident of this scale with destruction of the magnitude that they have already seen, Jaehyun cannot imagine the number of people who have already become a victim of this revolution. He can’t imagine it has seen an end just yet either.

“I have to do something.” His voice comes out as dejected as he feels, because he cannot see anything that he can possibly do. He is alone on a stolen space ship heading nowhere with his aide the only company he is likely to have for the rest of his very short life. Doyoung is right, it’s too late for him to do anything.

He slumps to the floor and buries his face in his hands, pressing his fingertips against his eyes to keep the tears that are burning his cornea from slipping over the edge.  He has never in his life felt so helpless.

“A little over three-hundred years ago, this system was at war.” Doyoung is studying his own fingers as he talks and Jaehyun tries to assemble his mind enough to focus on what he is saying.

“The Intergalactic Council still ruled over the Keratas System, just like it did every other inhabited planetary system. Enforcing the same rules everywhere, regardless of race, habitat, economy, necessity, there was no leeway and because of that some planets and systems benefited well from the coalition, while others suffered under it.

The Keratas System suffered perhaps more than most. In the year 978 AR* the planets bounded together against the Council, the Pàmandan with their ingenuity and excellent workmanship, Curug Tam with its great army and Runtah. They made a formidable foe to the coalition, but it just wasn’t enough. That is when the Jung family stepped in. They were well-known throughout several systems as being a superpower and they had a fleet of ships large enough to drive the Intergalactic Council out of the Keratas System.

We wouldn’t have the lives we have had if not for your ancestors, and a lot of people owe them everything. That is why to some, the name Jung is synonymous with freedom.”

“I said I would tell you everything.” “I already know this though,” Jaehyun interrupts, but Doyoung doesn’t even look at him. Instead he curls his fingers around and around each other and continues as if he never said anything.

“And I will tell you all that I know. The Jungs didn’t come to our aide out of charity or the good of their hearts or even because they had something against the coalition. The simple truth is that their planet was dying and they could no longer sustain their people. They came to Keratas because of Pàmanda, because they knew there was sustainable life to be found in this system and a wealth of undiscovered lands to explore. In the beginning, they offered their fleet in return of Runtah, they wanted to make the planet their new home, but Runtah took a lot of damage during the last stages of the war and now the planet is nearly desolate. Instead they took Taranjà, a completely uninhabited planet and demanded the Pàmandan to keep them fed during the times they could not do so themselves.”

The frost seasons, when everything dies.

“The Pàmandan were more than happy to support them, they felt it was the least they could do, especially once Taranjà started accepting refugees from other systems and the population grew. It seemed like it was all going to be okay, but the indigenous of Curug Tam have always been more sceptical by nature than the Pàmandan, and they didn’t approve of what they saw as the Jung’s extortion of Pàmanda. Unrest started brewing again, this time within the system, just around the same time as the Jung claimed dominion over the system and made their _Stratagos_ the King. Curug Tam was threatening with an uprising and Taranjà answered by enslaving the people of Pàmanda and the small colonies still living on Runtah, and most violently, their own people on Taranjà. All to make them stand down.

This lasted for years, neither side backing down nor evolving the conflict further, it was a literal Cold War. Your grandmother is the one who managed to negotiate a deal, they would loosen their hold on the other planets if Curug Tam accepted their rule.”

At Taranjà, the story Doyoung told has no mention of slavery, it only tells of a doomed resistance on the part of the indigenous people. Jaehyun knows the tale, but at the same time he obviously had no clue of the truth of it. His father never spoke of it, all he ever told him was how his great-grandfather, Jaehyun’s great-great-grandfather, drove out the Intergalactic Council and made a new home for his people and the people he had rescued. Jaehyun only has an inkling of how bad it was from the books he has read in hiding in the large palace library.

He had never once thought about how biased his father would be and how much history can be bent and twisted to fit the idealised view of the victor. It didn’t help that his father and grandmother had been on less than stellar terms and the most Jaehyun knows about her is the shape of her face and the colour of her eyes. And this only from looking at her picture in the throne room, not any memory of his own.

He knows his father disapproved of her way of ruling, he remembers when he was little the man would often pace around the library and complain to his mother about it. He would say that she had left him with too many loose ends, and that she had disassembled the foundation her predecessors had built. It took Jaehyun years to learn that he meant slavery. Doyoung coughs a couple times and swallows hard before settling his hands on the metal frame of the bed and pulling himself onto the mattress.

“The relationship between our two people was never mended however. If it were not for the plague that took my people, you and I would probably never have met.”

He smiles wryly at Jaehyun, a shade of uncertainty covering his eyes as he looks at the younger, but his story has calmed Jaehyun enough to where his anger and self-loathing is no longer focused outwards. He takes a seat next to Doyoung on the bed and slumps forward to rest his elbows on his thighs and his head falls between his knees.

“If that’s the truth how can anyone even think to keep us on the throne?” he mumbles. His tongue feels thick in his mouth, making it hard to swallow.

“Because of your grandmother,” Doyoung says lightly. He pulls his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around his shins. “People believe there is good to be found in having a system united under one rule, and maybe because history is long and lasting I couldn’t really say, but they believe in keeping the Jung monarchy. If only for the symbolic.” 

In other words, they would want to keep him as a front, or even a possible scapegoat. To be very honest, he doesn’t know what would be the worse option, between that and them cutting him down and removing his name from history entirely.  There is something that doesn’t quite resonate in all this though.

“How do you know so much? How do you know what they want?” Jaehyun turns his head so he can look up at Doyoung and holds his breath when he sees the other go still before returning his look with a jaded smile.

“You hear all kinds of things merely by walking in the streets at Taranjà. Do you know; there are more than one rebel group?” Jaehyun shakes his head and sits up straight.

“There is _Libertas, Libertatem_ as you know, that name is the biggest cliché ever by the way, they want to liberate the galaxy through war. Their priority is not human life, it’s persistence, strength, independence … I don’t really know _what_ it is they fight for, but they care nothing for who they hurt and collateral damage is a given to them.

Some people say they originated on Runtah in the wake of the Great War, and that they worship a deity from an old religion called Ares, God of War.”

Jaehyun knows that name. There are books upon books about Runtah’s ancient religion in the palace library, fascinating stories about how the universe was created, how their world and its people were created.

“I know of that, I always really enjoyed reading the creation stories. Did you know they believed that, in the beginning, humans had two heads, four legs and four arms and that their god, feeling threatened by their strength, spilt them into two. Ever since then, every human-born spends all their time searching for their other half. The people of Runtah strongly believed in the concept of soulmates.” He can’t help but scoot closer to Doyoung while he speaks, but he hesitates when it comes to taking his hand because the look on the elder’s face is a little less than agreeable. Instead he laughs quietly and withdraws, squirming around a little before settling against the wall and pulling his feet onto the bed.

“It’s cheesy,” he scoffs with his eyes firmly fastened on the space between them on the bed. Doyoung lays a soft hand on his knee and waits for Jaehyun to lift his eyes to him.

“No, it’s sweet,” he whispers with a little smile before retreating to a further distance from Jaehyun.  Jaehyun normally isn’t affected by the elder’s often somewhat standoffish attitude, physical contact needs to be on Doyoung’s terms or it won’t happen and that is alright, but he wishes for once it wouldn’t be so. Because he might seem like he is doing alright, but he is only barely coping and keeping himself together to the extent he is doing is proving to be the hardest thing he has ever done. He could really use a hug, or some sort of physical reassurance as his whole world steadily unravels beneath his feet.

“What is the other one?” he asks instead, forcing his voice to come out loud and steady and unaffected by everything.

“It’s the People’s Political Party, or PPP for short. They have been growing steadily in influence over the last decade with how they work unceasingly for the betterment of the common folk. They want a real democracy, run by people-elected officials with,” he pauses and gestures with an open hand at Jaehyun, “a symbolic king.”

“They are the reason your father, supported heavily by the Han faction as well as some smaller party officials, removed the lower-class workers right to vote. They removed the opposition’s voices, hoping to kill them entirely, but all they did was rile more people to the cause.”

“But I thought those were one and the same.” Doyoung shakes his head hard and sucks his lips in for a short second.

“The two are as alike as oil and water, hot and cold, war and peace.” Doyoung’s fingers are chalk white where he has wrapped them around one of the metal staffs inside the bed’s headboard. He looks visibly upset and Jaehyun gasps quietly when a single tear rolls down his cheek.

“But if there are people who’d support us, why aren’t we going to them? We could stop this all-“

“No we can’t! The PPP don’t have the means to stop this revolution, I don’t even know if they still exist. For all we know they could have been amongst the ones targeted by those anarchists!”

Jaehyun frowns severely at the other as his breath comes in shallow gasps. He can’t wrap his head around Doyoung right now. He doesn’t understand why he, the same person who has always taken everything and put it at a distance, kept himself an arm’s length from even Jaehyun, someone he professes to love, is breaking down so openly and so suddenly. Jaehyun has no idea what to do and what he will be allowed to do and that holds him back, forcing him into a state of unresponsiveness instead as he only watches while his heart cracks a little more for every tear that spills past Doyoung’s eyelids.

Doyoung breaks on a sob, wrenched from his throat with a sound close to a cry and he bowels over into himself as his stomach contracts with the force of the sobs that follow.

“I thought …” he gasps, but his voice disappears into a shuddering sob that makes his whole body tremble and Jaehyun takes back his thought from earlier because seeing Doyoung so utterly broken has him feeling more helpless than he ever has before. Doyoung has always been the strong one, a little too shut off and always very direct in both words and actions, but strength was something he never seemed to run out of. He has always been there for Jaehyun, in the short years they have known each other, and his mask of delicate-looking porcelain have been so impenetrable that Jaehyun was almost convinced Doyoung wasn’t capable of such emotion. He has been proven grievously wrong in an instant, and it makes him regret ever thinking that about Doyoung. Now he just hopes for a sign of what to do as he sits motionless and watches his best friend cry and realises that this is his world, and he is letting it unravel unchecked because of his own cowardice.

“I thought—“ Doyoung swallows loudly and tries again, “I thought I could have found a home, a new life a—a family.” Jaehyun finds he has scooted right against Doyoung’s side before the elder has finished speaking, but he holds back from wrapping his arms around him. Doyoung looks at him then.

“I’ve already lost everything once. I can’t do it again. I can’t lose … you.” Doyoung raises his right arm slightly and Jaehyun takes the invite, drawing him in as close as he can and wrapping him in his arms. Doyoung sighs lowly and rubs his wet cheek against Jaehyun’s shoulder, digging his fingers into Jaehyun’s lower back. Jaehyun nudges his leg under Doyoung until the elder is almost sitting in his lap and he can curl around him as tight as possible.

“You will never lose me,” he whispers firmly into Doyoung’s hair, listening to the other’s sighs and rubbing soft circles into Doyoung’s back.

“But I will,” Doyoung murmurs back, in a tone daring Jaehyun to contradict him. Jaehyun doesn’t, instead he holds him tight and hides his own tears in the collar of Doyoung’s robe.

 

*

* * *

*

 

They had fallen asleep after a while, curled together front to front on the narrow bed, hands clasped between them. When Jaehyun wakes, hours must have passed as his body feels rested and his mind more at ease. Even in sleep he must have worked through the events of the previous day and come to some sort of settlement within himself. He is alone in the bed however, so he doesn’t linger, climbing off it and stretching until his joints pop.

There is soft music drifting through the ship and Jaehyun follows the sound into the cockpit where Doyoung is draped sideways in the pilot’s seat, nibbling on a ration bar and staring out the window.

“Hey” he murmurs in greeting while looking around for where Doyoung had found the food. He picks a ration bar and a dragon fruit out of an insulated bag on the floor before flinging himself down in one of the uncomfortable passenger seats along the wall of the cockpit.

Doyoung mumbles a muffled greeting back and then quiet falls over them as they both focus on filling their stomachs. What the ration bars lack in taste, they at least make up for by containing enough protein and calories as well as vitamins to keep a ship’s crew in top condition even after weeks on board. For Jaehyun who has only spent a day and not even that, flying through the vast deadlands around them, its benefits are not appreciated well enough. He can only hope the fruit will taste better.

“Not succulent enough for you, your majesty?” Doyoung quips from the pilot’s seat and while comments like that is something Jaehyun is used to from the elder, Doyoung can’t seem to keep his voice as light-hearted as usual.

Jaehyun tries not to be offended by it, but he acts before he can think and takes a large bite out of the ration bar and throws a rude gesture Doyoung’s way. He should have figured Doyoung would throw his walls up after last night.

The silence between them turns sullen on Jaehyun’s part, but Doyoung continues nibbling quietly on his food, seemingly unaffected by everything. Minutes stretch on and Jaehyun starts to squirm in his seat, he never was very good at the waiting game and Doyoung won’t relinquish his silence anytime soon.

“So where are we going?” Jaehyun cracks after close to ten minutes, letting out all the breath in his lungs in one large gush of air.

“We can’t just fly around in space, we’ll run out of food.”

“Mmm, your greatest love.”

Doyoung reaches out and flicks a switch on the console and a sleek, white apparatus appears from the floor and rises to a height of close to five feet. A blue, sheening hologram unfolds above it, a map of the system with their moving ship a red dot in the lower right corner, following a red line towards a small planet not far off.

“Runtah?” Jaehyun questions, hand going slack around the half-eaten dragon fruit so that it drops with a splat to the floor.

“I have a friend there. He’ll help us out for now.” Doyoung flicks the switch again and Jaehyun watches transfixed as the navigation system disappears back into the deck. Then his eyes fall to his ruined fruit between his feet and he pouts.

“Catch!” Doyoung calls out to him and Jaehyun looks up just in time to see the flying projectile and catch the fruit between both hands.

“Have that,” the elder says as he rises to his feet and exits the cockpit. Jaehyun smiles and licks his lips, picking up his knife again and splitting the fruit in half down the middle. The red, uneven shell is hard against his fingers and palms, but the inside is white and soft, almost gooey, and smells delicious. Dragon fruit is not quite as good as the yellow fruit Doyoung would bring him back every time he went out to town, Jaehyun isn’t even sure what kind of fruit it is as he never asked, but it is still close. He turns the knife around in his hand and digs the flat spoon into the meat, holding the fruit up to his chin while he eats out of the make-shift bowl.

Doyoung comes back after a few minutes, drying his hands on a paper towel, and for the first time Jaehyun notices that the elder has shed his robe and instead is wearing a black, cotton shirt, tucked into a pair of very tight leather trousers and he has switched his wool slip-ons for a pair of black, lace-up boots.

“Did you ransack the pilot’s closet or something?” he asks instead of voicing what is really on his mind. Doyoung looks hot in his all black ensemble and the way the leather fits like a second skin to his long legs has Jaehyun’s mouth watering.

“There’s enough for you too if you want to change. I set the course for Runtah when you were worshipping the toilet god last night so we’re making good way, but it’s still going to take another thirty hours yet.”

 

While Doyoung settles in the pilot seat again, presumably to watch the stars, Jaehyun wanders back to the cabin, swaying back and forth every other step to the beat of the song playing from the speakers. Inside he finds Doyoung has made the bed and folded his own clothes neatly on a shelf in the wall along with his slippers and the room looks a lot neater than how Jaehyun remembers leaving it. Some habits must be hard to shed.

He opens the only door in the room, pushing the button and watching it slide aside with a muted hiss. There are a couple black undershirts and another pair of the same leather trousers Doyoung was wearing, as well as a jacket with the standard red shoulder pads. Nothing of which is very appealing to Jaehyun. He enjoys the comfort of his robes, how they drape over his entire body and keeps him warm. Pursing his lips, he shuts the wardrobe again and twirls on his heels a couple times and looks at the room around him.

He walks automatically over to the shallow shelf where Doyoung has left his clothes and runs his fingers over the black robe. A slight burnt smell reaches his nose and he sniffs, lifting the robe up between four fingers and unfolding it gently. He hadn’t noticed the previous day, but the laser sword that almost gutted Doyoung, burnt through the fabric of his clothes. He trails a finger around the burnt area before he pulls the other’s undershirt from underneath it and holds it up to his face. There is a hole in that as well, which means the sword must have burnt all the way to Doyoung’s skin. Dropping the clothing, Jaehyun hurries to the washroom and digs out the first aid kit he knows is supposed to be there and once he finds it he is storming back into the cockpit and all but tearing Doyoung to his feet.

“Turn around,” he orders, but Doyoung only raises an unimpressed eyebrow at him and sits back down. Jaehyun huffs through his nose and stomps his foot a little, so little he hopes Doyoung didn’t see it.

“I know that sword must have hurt you, will you let me have a look at it? Please?” Doyoung studies him for a long moment before he sighs in defeat and rises from the pilot’s seat and turning his back to Jaehyun.

Jaehyun sets the first aid kit on the deck and carefully undoes the button on the elder’s trousers and pushing them down his hips a tiny bit, probably standing far closer than necessary, and he smiles happily when Doyoung doesn’t comment. He tugs the shirt free from underneath the heavy leather fabric and lifts it away from Doyoung’s back until he has an unobstructed view of his narrow waist and his soft skin. Except where his skin is usually unblemished, there is now a large red area that covers most of his lower back. Jaehyun hadn’t imagined it would be so bad.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” he whispers as he pokes gently at the skin just outside the burnt area. “Idiot.”

Doyoung hisses when he touches on a particularly sore spot and Jaehyun withdraws his hand immediately, gently letting the shirt fall back down as he crouches down and opens the first aid kit. There should be a burn salve in it.

“It’s not that bad,” Doyoung grunts, but Jaehyun can hear the pain in his voice. He understands why Doyoung was sitting so funnily in the chair earlier, he was removing any pressure from his lower back.

“It’s bad enough.”

Jaehyun pumps his fist in the air once he finds the salve and is so quickly on his feet again he almost falls over, but he stays on his feet by grabbing the back of the chair in front of them. He rolls Doyoung’s shirt hem halfway up his back. “Hold this,” he says and guides the elder’s hands to keep it still before twisting the cap off the small container.

Scooping a generous dollop onto his fingers he sets the plastic box on the deck and gently he sets his cold fingers over the irritated skin. It isn’t really all that bad, there are no scorch marks, no burnt flesh, no perforatioins, only a large red area of slightly burnt skin. He spreads the salve over Doyoung’s skin while the elder grips tight around his rolled-up shirt and grunts and hisses interchangeably.

While he moves his fingers over Doyoung’s lower back, making sure to cover every inch of the burnt area with the salve, Jaehyun’s eyes are drawn time and again to the thin curve of the elder’s neck. He has always thought Doyoung looked delicate, skinny and long with a face that is so pretty, sometimes Jaehyun finds it hard to believe he is even real. It is difficult to fathom the strength in his slender, veined hands, or that his words can carry so much bite when looking into his slanted doe eyes. Doyoung is very much like the icebergs in the North Sea on Taranjà, because what you see above the surface is not even a tenth of what hides underneath. Jaehyun has learnt more about the other in the last twenty-or-so hours than in the two years he has known him, and it feels so good, warms him to his very core, to finally be dipping under that chilly cover and seeing the depth beneath.

As he finishes with the salve he leans close to Doyoung and presses a kiss to the curve of his shoulder and neck, feeling the other tense under his touch. He expects Doyoung to tilt his head like he always does, but instead he is pushed gently away and can only watch as the elder folds his shirt back down and tucks it into his trousers before fastening them tightly around his waist again.

“I’m not in the mood Jaehyun,” he murmurs, avoiding his eyes. Jaehyun grimaces minutely, but then puts on a wide, toothy smile and shrugs.

“It’s fine. Besides; we have all the time in the world. If this is going to be our life now, at least we won’t have to hide!” He reaches for Doyoung’s hands and slinks his own fingers to curl into the elder’s palms.

“That’s one positive thing about this.” Doyoung smiles back at him, but it is weak and trembling and makes Jaehyun hold on tighter to his hands.

He has almost lost his own smile when Doyoung leans into him and takes his mouth in a kiss that quickly grows desperate and Jaehyun moans around the elder’s tongue and inches a step closer to be pressed chest to chest against him. They kiss for what must have been a few minutes at least before Doyoung pulls back and retreats a few steps from him.

“Was that enough?” he teases and Jaehyun contemplates doing something nasty, like putting dung beetles in his clothes or something, because no; “that made it worse!”

 

*

* * *

*

 

Jaehyun will admit he is a little nervous about going to Runtah. The stories about the place are all gruesome and dark and filled with nothing but thievery and violence and death. It is the literal slum, the backdoor of the Keratas System, rotting at the core ever since half the planet was blown away in the war three hundred years ago.

There is something horrifically ominous about it when their ship glides slowly into the crater and the rock of the planet is suddenly above them and below them and right in front of them at the same time.

“People live here?” Jaehyun whispers to Doyoung as they near the docking area and he is forced to focus on preparing the ship for landing.

“Most of the people on Runtah live inside the Crater, it’s a pretty wild place. Lots of good food, interesting people and you’ll find the best mechanics in the universe here, I’m sure of it.”

Jaehyun hums, but balks a little at the interesting people. He would rather avoid meeting any of them.

“Where is this friend of yours then?” he asks and cringes visibly when the rusty hinges on the docking bay squeals as they unfold and their ship is pulled into place.

“Further up,” is Doyoung’s only answer.

Doyoung is out of his seat the moment he has turned off the engine, but Jaehyun hesitates a little. He is not in any hurry to get out there at all.

“Maybe I should just stay-“ he doesn’t get to finish as Doyoung pulls him out of the pilot seat with a laugh.

“Coward.”

Jaehyun stumbles on his feet as he is pulled after Doyoung out onto the landing bay and while the elder stops to lock up the ship after them Jaehyun breathes deep in through his mouth and immediately regrets it. The air is stale and smells of metal and sweat and fungus and it has him nearly coughing up a lung while Doyoung laughs at him once again.

“You’ll get used to it, come on.” He jumps down the three-step ladder and hits the big red button to open the sizable metal door leading off the docking quay. It is quiet on the other side still, only a grouchy janitor washing the floor with sludgy water.

Doyoung leads him down a long corridor before turning left through a rusted archway and right into a bustling street so loud the noise rings in Jaehyun’s ears. One-wheeled scooters drift past them, upsetting the dust covering the concrete road, and people on hoverbikes yell for pedestrians to get out of the way as they whiz around corners without slowing down. They turn right down the street, following the yellow metal wall that separates the street and the docking quay, dancing around people of all shapes and sizes, most of whom are dressed in yellow overalls and very little else. A group of dark skinned women whistle as they walk by and Jaehyun hurries to get ahead while Doyoung tips his head and smiles.

“Are all women like that?” Jaehyun whispers when they have walked a distance down the street.

“Forward?” Doyoung hums, only half paying attention to him as he looks around them for something.

“The women here are, everyone at Taranjà are more reserved actually. Apart from your penchant for walking around in your birthday suit.” Doyoung pulls at his wrist and they run quickly across the street when they find an opening. This side is made up of buildings, all nondescript and run-down, but Doyoung leads them quickly in between two rusted houses and to a steep stair.

“Why is their skin so dark?” Jaehyun wonders as a middle-aged man passes them going down and he is sent a dirty look from under bushy eyebrows.

“Sorry,” he whispers as he didn’t mean to offend anyone, but the other man is too far gone to hear him.

“I’ve never met a human with dark skin before … they are homo sapiens aren’t they?” he hurries to add, afraid his ignorance will cause him to offend more people.

“Yes, they are. And you wouldn’t have met any because they never leave the planet. They don’t want to.”

Jaehyun takes a breath and nods at Doyoung’s back. He should probably keep his mouth shut if he wants to keep it safe, but he won’t get anywhere unless he educates himself properly. He reaches up and pokes Doyoung on his shoulder when no answer is forth-coming and the other stops quite suddenly and turns around to face him, with a look on his face clearly saying ‘huh?’

Jaehyun waits until they are alone on the stair, smiling nervously at the couple that passes by them, and then he repeats his question.

“Why?” Doyoung parrots with his eyebrows raised. “Because they’re closer to the sun. You people on Taranjà living in your frosty world you stay all pale and boring.” Doyoung chuckles a little and ruffles Jaehyun’s hair before continuing up the stairs.

“I’m from a frosty world?” Jaehyun mutters and Doyoung’s laugh grows louder.

“Well, who said I’m any different,” he winks over his shoulder at Jaehyun and Jaehyun cracks a smile himself.

“But why don’t they want to leave the planet?” Jaehyun prods just as they finally reach the top of the very long, winding staircase. Doyoung holds up a finger as he looks around them once again and after a moment he points at a yellow and black contraption not far from them. As they start walking Jaehyun notices they have exited onto an open space with a playground in the middle teeming with children and surrounded by what he guesses to be family homes. It all looks every bit as dilapidated as the lower level, and Jaehyun can’t imagine how so many people could choose to live like this.

“There must be better places to live,” he comments as Doyoung leads him into a small metal box, an elevator he surmises as the door closes behind them and it rumbles to life.

“You would think that,” Doyoung says, sounding almost angry and Jaehyun frowns at him because he really didn’t mean any offense and it is out of place for Doyoung to say that.

“I didn’t mean it like that, those kids could get so much more from living on Taranjà or Seni Rupa and I know they would have been welcomed, so why do they choose to stay?” Doyoung looks at him with a look he has never seen before, as if he can’t believe what he is saying and it is so cold Jaehyun can feel it literally sting his heart.

“Because they don’t have a choice and because they don’t want to subjugate themselves to the same people who put them in this situation to begin with. Their very world was ruined, quite literally, and what was once a thrilling and thriving community is now forced to live like this, because 90% of their planet is uninhabitable.

It’s also a matter of pride Jaehyun, and not losing sight of where they came from. I can understand that.”

Jaehyun swallows, feeling properly contrite. He may not have meant to offend anyone, least of all Doyoung, but sometimes even good intentions fall short of ignorance. _Actually_ , he thinks, _that is the case for most of the time_.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, he doesn’t think he can speak any louder for now. He tries to imagine what would be enough to keep him living in a place like this, but no matter how deep inside he goes he cannot fathom anything that would hold that kind of pull over him. Maybe only his love for Doyoung.

_Not losing sight of where they came from_ , Doyoung said. Obviously, the dark-skinned humans he has seen are the indigenous people of Runtah, so their roots are steeped in creation fables and love stories and tragedies and religious beliefs so colourful they have survived for centuries. They are an ancient civilisation unlike anything Jaehyun is familiar with outside of his books. Taranjà has nothing of the sorts, Doyoung was not wrong in calling them boring. The only resembling religious thing they have is the annual bath day at the beginning of harvest, where they, as Doyoung aptly called it, walk around in their birthday suit.

“You don’t have to apologise Jaehyun,” Doyoung murmurs and lays his hand briefly on Jaehyun’s shoulder. The chilly glaze over his eyes has disappeared and when the elevator doors open in front of them he leads Jaehyun out with a hand comfortably pressed to his lower back.

“It’s not you I’m angry with,” they exit into a narrow alley, so high up that Jaehyun can see the arch of the planet above their heads.

“You should have been taught these things is all, you were the future king.” Jaehyun smiles tremulously and looks around him, looks at anything but Doyoung for a moment as he pulls himself back together. He didn’t think it would affect him so much to hear it said in the past tense. He is no longer Jung Jaehyun, Crown Prince of Taranjà and Future Regent of the Keratas System, he is just Jaehyun. His last name he won’t dare utter anymore, not even in his own mind.

He clears his throat a couple times and turns back to Doyoung who is watching him with open concern drawing his brows together.

“My teaching never focused much on Runtah at all really. All I know comes from the stories in the books I found in the library.” All he knows is their cultural history, an important thing for a prince to know, yes, but it hasn’t given him a very substantial knowledge of the planet and its people’s current situation.

“Well, I guess the best way to learn is by experience” Doyoung smiles tightly and after a moment gestures down the alley behind Jaehyun. It is not a very long alley, but it grows steadily narrower and when they reach the end they are forced to slither sideways through the opening. Jaehyun shudders as the cold wetness of the stone seeps through his robe, but it is only a moment before they are free of them and he can shake his shoulders loose.

They have come into another cobblestone street, mostly empty where they are standing. The buildings here look newer, their largeness and modest façade giving off the impression that they belong to businesses. A couple hundred feet to their right, the street comes to a junction, and the street disappearing in between the buildings is lit up in warm, orangey light and is teeming with people. There is a thick scent of cooked meat drifting from it and Jaehyun’s mouth waters at the thought of finally having real food to eat again. He takes a step towards it, but is stopped by Doyoung gripping his wrist tightly.

“This isn’t a very safe place Jaehyun, you need to be careful.”

Jaehyun nods and tries to take another step, but Doyoung won’t let go.

“I’m going to find my friend, but I can’t take you with me inside. Take this,” he hands Jaehyun his credit chip, ”go buy us some food and I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Doyoung gestures at the large building right in front of them and then he finally releases his hold on Jaehyun’s wrist.

Jaehyun is halfway down the street when Doyoung calls after him, “don’t wander, keep your head down and don’t talk to anyone.” Jaehyun turns back to him and even in the near darkness and the distance between them, he can see that Doyoung’s entire body is tight with tension. It doesn’t give Jaehyun a lot of confidence in his simple endeavour of procuring food.

“This isn’t a safe place Jaehyun, not for anyone.”

 

The mix of meat and boiling grease and countless cloying, fruity smells oozes out of the packed street and when Jaehyun is close enough to peek inside it settles nauseatingly in his throat. His stomach churns and aches at the prospect of being filled with proper food and Jaehyun presses a hand against his abdomen as he takes the first steps into the busy street. A radio somewhere is playing loud music, lively drums and string instruments, but it is mostly drowned out in the incessant chatter of the crowd.

Jaehyun walks past a few stalls selling fruit and bubbling cheese in pots and homebrewed liquor, until he finds one that is grilling skewers of meat with a passable crowd lingering around it. He does his best to push through the throng without touching anyone and orders four skewers at once.

The man in the stall looks him up and down while he turns the skewered meat on his grill and Jaehyun attempts a smile. The man is large and packed with muscle, his arms and chest covered in black tattoos. He is somewhat handsome, in a rugged way, but Jaehyun is more than put off by the gaping hole where his left eye used to be. The stall owner isn’t even wearing an eyepatch to cover it.

“Hey kid,” the man calls in a very gruff voice and Jaehyun visibly startles before taking a deep breath. Doyoung may have said he wasn’t to talk to anyone, but he thinks ignoring the larger man would be very unwise. Even so he can’t get any words out when he tries and ends up smiling oddly and jerking his head a little. The man laughs loudly at him and throws a hand out over his grill stand and ruffles Jaehyun’s hair. His hand is so heavy that it forces Jaehyun’s head forward, but it puts him a little more at ease with the surprisingly exuberant man. He is given his four skewers on a plastic tray a moment after, but before he can take his leave, the man waves him to come a little closer.

“Kid,” he says again, “you want a little extra with that?” He slinks nimbly around his stall and pulls Jaehyun by the wrist. There is a narrow alley only a couple feet away and when he peeks inside Jaehyun can see glass cases along the left wall, lit up in white light, shining onto the case’s occupants.

“A nice woman?” the stall owner asks him before stretching his hand out more as if to gesture even further down the display.

“Or a man, maybe. Is that what you like?” Jaehyun tries his best to wiggle free of the man’s tight hold without upsetting his food, nor the burly man he bought it from. He realises suddenly what the glass cases lining the alley are as a woman comes walking back up the alley with a scantily clad female Pàmandan in tow. She tugs the young prostitute with her up a staircase right before the mouth of the alley and the large man beside him lets out a rumbling chuckle.

“Good choice that one, good choice,” he murmurs, more to himself it sounds, and Jaehyun all but rips his wrist free of his grip.

“You don’t want any?” the man asks, sounding completely befuddled, and Jaehyun sends him a scathing look while he rubs his wrist against his chest to alleviate the slight pain.

“No, Sir.” He tacks on the honorific when the man’s eyebrows raise almost to his hairline.

“You one of them weirdos? The ones that don’t have sex?” It is a weird assumption to make on the grounds that Jaehyun doesn’t want a prostitute, and while he _does_ want sex, and almost all the time at that as long as it involves Doyoung, he still feels offended by being called a weirdo.

“You shouldn’t be so judgemental!” He scolds in a loud voice, and the moment the words leave his mouth, Jaehyun knows he has overstepped it. The man had been agreeable with him so far, but all the mirth leaves his smile in an instant and his large fists curl together. In the back of his head Jaehyun also notices that the area around them has grown worryingly silent.

“You got a problem with my boss here kid?” a voice asks from behind Jaehyun, gruff and unfriendly and when Jaehyun turns to see, there are three men lined up behind him with their hands resting on their rayguns hanging from their belt.

“I’m … I’m sorry,” Jaehyun whispers, but the words reach no longer than an inch in front of him before fading away. The other two men laugh snidely at him and Jaehyun gulps when their fingers dance on the triggers of their weapons.

A loud pinging noise ricochets off the brick walls of the buildings and a searing pain shoots through Jaehyun’s leg, focused in a single second on the middle of his shin before spreading through his entire leg from his toes to the top of his thigh. Jaehyun screams in pain as his legs buckle under his weight and he falls to the dirty cobblestone. He can’t seem to catch his breath as the stinging pain clouds his mind, but he does at least get a good look at his leg. Shrapnel bullet, he has read about those. Designed to injure, not kill, they were made as a non-lethal option for law-enforcers, but the schematics of the bullet’s design was sold on the black market several decades ago.

He takes a deep breath through his nose and closes his eyes. _Distraction Jaehyun_ , he thinks. The bullet works by shooting tiny metal shrapnel in an inch-wide circumference from the bullet’s point of impact. He should still be able to walk, if barely, but there is no way he will get out of this on his own.

“Problems fellas?” a new voice penetrates the cloud of pain in Jaehyun’s head.

“Nothing for you to concern your lousy ass with pirate,” the man who sold him his food grunts close to Jaehyun’s ear, and a second later Jaehyun’s head swims as he is lifted to his feet by one very strong hand.

“Kiddo here’s just waltzed himself into a right mess.”

“Let him go Stew.”

Jaehyun’s head lolls on his neck and he gets a hazy look at his would-be-saviour. Medium height and a slender build, clad in top-to-toe brown leather and more weapons than Jaehyun’s addled brain can count.

“What’s it to you what I do with him huh?” Jaehyun wishes someone would just shoot him because he kind of wants to die now. The pain in his leg is too much, he can’t even see right.

“It’s four against one Stew, plus I get off on helping the underdog.” The man holding him laughs at the other’s words and Jaehyun gasps as the shaking of the man’s arm jostles his leg. A second later however, he is dropped to the ground again as the large stall owner doubles over in pain, clutching his new stump where his hand used to be. Three more shots are fired and then Jaehyun is pulled to his feet by a smaller, somewhat gentler hand and pulled along down the street as a wave of sound explodes behind them. Glass shattering, voices yelling and metal and wood clattering as carts are torn down and stalls are smashed. Jaehyun looks over his shoulder at the mess the street has turned into just in time to catch a woman bearing down on them with a long metal pipe in her hands, ready to swing at them. He shouts something unintelligible and his rescuer has his gun pointed at the woman and is firing a shot without even turning his head.

They make it off the market street and the pirate takes a moment to turn to Jaehyun and slaps his cheeks lightly to wake him up.

“Do you have someplace to go?” he asks and in his haze of pain Jaehyun shakes his head in the negative. He doesn’t remember where he is, doesn’t remember where Doyoung is. He needs to find Doyoung.

“A ship then?” the other asks, louder and more rushed as he fires another shot at a potential assailant. Jaehyun nods and immediately he is pulled along down the street, hobbling painfully until the other man wraps Jaehyun’s arm over his own shoulders and grabs him around the waist so Jaehyun can attempt to walk on one foot.

“I’m … Jaehyun,” he chokes out after they have squeezed through the narrow mouth of an alley.  
“Nice to meet you Jaehyun. I’m Yuta.”

 

They make it to the docking quay without another incidence, after countless detours to avoid the wild brawls that had spread along every level of the city. Jaehyun throws out a shaky hand and lays his palm flat on the ship’s white exterior and thinks it open. Yuta helps him inside and into a seat along the wall of the cockpit.

“Pretty nice ship you got,” he says with a whistle of appreciation. Jaehyun grunts as he leans forward and cups his knee in between his hands. His robe has been torn and falls easily aside and he can see tiny silvery points sticking out of his shin.

“We stole it,” he chokes, lucid enough to realise it is better if Yuta thinks he is a thief than a prince.

“Stealing from a Taranjian pilot, that’s pretty badass.” Yuta’s praise goes unnoticed as Jaehyun doubles over as pain shoots through his leg again.

“Okay. First aid kit?” Jaehyun waves with one hand in the general direction of where he remembers putting the first aid kit after he treated Doyoung’s burns. Jaehyun gingerly tugs on his silk pants until it comes free of the shrapnel that has pierced it and he can curl the leg up over his knee.

“The shrapnel is only in your shin and you have skinny legs so there shouldn’t be too much stuck inside it, but I might not get all out,” Yuta warns him as he lowers himself to his knees in front of Jaehyun.

“Put your foot on my shoulder,” he whispers as he slides Jaehyun’s woollen slip-on from his foot, eyes focused with astute concentration on the picture of metal scrap and pale, hairless skin that is Jaehyun’s leg.

“Wait, give me that,” Jaehyun whimpers and points at the bottle of pain relievers in the first aid kit. Yuta gives him three and then he waits for thirty seconds for them to kick in before he sets the teeth of his medical pliers to one piece of shrapnel and pulls it out.

Jaehyun can still feel it, but the pain is muted enough that it doesn’t bother him. Finally, he is able to take in the face of the man who saved his life, and he blushes a little when he sees how good-looking Yuta is, he might even go as far as to say he is pretty.

The pirate has shed his jacket and the sleeveless, low-necked top he is wearing shows off his finely muscled arms and trim, narrow chest. He is so handsome, Jaehyun, in his pill-numbed state, almost wants to kiss him. Then he remembers Doyoung and the panic spikes again because he still can’t remember where he is. He tries to get up, but Yuta grabs his leg and easily forces him back in his seat.

“My friend, I have to go,” Yuta is shaking his head at him, but Jaehyun can’t sit still and do nothing, “I need to find him!” He tries once again to get up and this time Yuta lets him go. Jaehyun does not make it two steps before he crumbles.

“Yeah, those pills are good for the brain, but not for the body. You still can’t walk.” Yuta helps him back in his seat and settles again with Jaehyun’s foot resting on his shoulder as he continues pulling shrapnel from his leg.

“Besides, if he has the KEY, he’ll know you’ve come back to the ship,” the pirate rationalises and Jaehyun’s heartbeat slows down to a more normal speed. Doyoung does have the KEY, he remembers the elder teasing him about how he would just lose it if it was left with him, and it should have given him a notice the moment Jaehyun unlocked the ship. Just like how the pilot found them so quickly on Seni Rupa. Jaehyun might not remember where Doyoung is, but Doyoung at least knows where to find him.

“Wait,” he turns squinted eyes to Yuta, “how do _you_ know about the KEY?” No one outside the Taranjà Space Fighter and Transportation Squad is supposed to know the intimate details of their space ships, so how could Yuta, a Runtah pirate, know so much?

“I know ships,” he answers immediately, eyes fixed on Jaehyun’s and a rugged smile turning his mouth upwards. “I’m a pirate remember?”

Jaehyun smiles back, easily convinced by Yuta’s easy and infectious smile. The pirate continues pulling shrapnel from Jaehyun’s leg in silence, wrapping it in bandages once he is done. He packs up the first aid kit and tosses it on the seat beside Jaehyun as he rises to his feet again where he stands with his hands on his hips, looking down at Jaehyun for a long moment.

“Your clothes are a disaster,” he says suddenly and Jaehyun looks over himself, at the torn bottom of his robe and the bloodied silk pants and then he notices the grime covering his hands and face and shudders. He struggles to his feet and attempts to hobble mostly on one foot to the lavatory.

“Here,” Yuta says and lifts Jaehyun’s arm over his shoulder again, just like before. This time Jaehyun notices how Yuta is a little shorter than him, but he seems to have no trouble lugging him around.

“Thank you,” he says once Yuta deposits him to his own means in the bathroom. The pirate smiles again and shrugs, “you’ll make it up to me.” He winks lewdly and folds his arms over his chest as he leans against the door frame.

“Do you have any spare clothes? I can get them for you,” Yuta offers and Jaehyun points him to the cabin where the pilot had kept his spare outfits. He guesses he doesn’t have much of a choice but to wear them now.

Jaehyun is in the middle of washing his face when Doyoung’s voice comes from the cockpit, calling his name. His heart soars in relief and he quickly responds with a muted _yeah_ as he towels his face dry. Doyoung says something more that he doesn’t catch and not long after he stumbles on his one good foot as the ship jumps to the side and takes off, with Yuta still on board.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *: AR stands for After Rising and is used to label the years in the Keratas System's calendar. Year 1 AR was when the Pàmanda planet was discovered and it signifies the rise of a great planetary system.


	4. Chapter 4

He watches Jaehyun disappear down the street, more than a little apprehensive about leaving him alone in a place like this. The years he spent on this planet, living in the Crater, made it sure he never wanted to set foot here ever again, but if he wants to find Hansol, this is where he must start. And he would rather leave Jaehyun to the mercy of the mercurial inhabitants of the Arch, than have him any closer to Taeyong than he already is. Hopefully they can both leave this city without anyone being the wiser of Jaehyun’s true identity.

The large wooden doors creak ominously as they are pushed open enough for him to pass through. Nothing has changed since he was last here. The entrance hall is as pitch black as he remembers and the unnatural wind whistling through the room is still cold. A high-pitched tinkling sound, like wind chimes, sounds in the darkness somewhere to his left, a few seconds later from his right and immediately after from directly behind him. He ignores the music and walks determinedly straight ahead until his foot hits against something hard. It is the bottom step of the staircase to the upper levels, and he ascends it without hesitation.

As he walks, the steps light up, sending rivers of light shooting up the walls on either side of him until the stairwell is fully lit in green light, as poisonous in colour as the man he is about to see. He stops when the walls melt away and the light slithers down the newly formed passages like green snakes; he doesn’t remember this.

In a flash of blinding light the passage to his left turns white from floor to ceiling, shadowy outlines of croppy mountains appearing on the walls. Doyoung exhales all the air in his lungs in a huff and takes off down the corridor, not even blinking when the wall forms behind him again, sealing off the staircase. The hallway circles slowly in on itself in a gentle upwards slope, like a spiral staircase, and at the top, thick double doors meet him, as white as snow except for the image of him staring back at him from beneath a domed, rocky entrance.

“Gried.”

The doors open at his voice and Doyoung’s fists clenches as he does everything he can to rein in his anger. If he could go the rest of his life without ever seeing Taeyong again, he would be better off for it. That man and this place has only ever served to be a painful reminder of everything that he has lost, he can only hope that for once, something good can come out of their meeting. As much as it pains him, Taeyong is his only hope.

The room he enters into is grey and purple, green light zipping around the walls as if it is alive, and almost every inch of its floor-space is taken up by glass cases, short and tall, and ornate tables with strange-looking gadgets on display. There is a smoky scent in the air, a foreign kind of incense, and the smog from it stings his eyes.

“How do you like my new toy?” Taeyong’s voice comes out of the darkness, and the lights shoot out from the walls, crossing right in front of Doyoung in the same fashion as the fountain on Seni Rupa, before melting back into the steel surfaces, appearing as a cloud of glowing, multi-coloured cosmic dust behind the person he is here to see.

Taeyong turns to look over his own shoulder, unfazed by Doyoung’s continued silence.

“Don’t you just love a Nebula?” he glides smoothly down the steps of the podium he had been standing on and mimes pressing a button. Instantly the motif on the wall spreads to cover every surface of the room perfectly, not even glinting off the multiple glass cases and crystal figurines spread around the room.

Taeyong walks slowly around and around, weaving in-between his various displays, paying no heed to Doyoung standing still in the middle of the room.

“It’s built on a neural network. I’ve modified the entire building to react to the commands of my ingenious mind. It also allows me full knowledge of what, or who, steps foot inside.” He had stopped for a second when he addressed Doyoung, but Taeyong disappears into the shadows again as quick as he appeared. The shadows seem to follow him around, swallowing him into their darkness as he sees fit, probably a trick created by his _toy_ , as he calls it. Taeyong always did have a flair for the dramatic.

A door on the right wall opens silently and orange, almost cosy, light falls out of the opening, beckoning Doyoung further inside. The light comes from a fireplace, a genuine grate with blocks of wood, and in front of it, lounging in a high-backed armchair, is Taeyong.

Doyoung walks hesitantly to the chair opposite the other man and sits down on the very edge of it, folding his hands together in his lap.

“Has palace life taught you some manners Dongyoung? I understand it is quite different than what you were used to on Curug Tam.”

Doyoung holds his silence still, it is his only defence in front of this man.

“Relax Icy. Let us be good company to each other again.” Taeyong kicks at a burning ember that has tumbled out of the grate and slouches even more in his chair.

“I don’t think that’s possible,” Doyoung finally breaks his silence, but despite his words he leans back into the chair and takes up a more comfortable position in it. A surprised laugh bursts out of him when he realises how his nerves have settled. He might not trust Taeyong even as far as he can throw him, but there is familiarity in his company and an ease that only comes with being himself fully and truly.

 

They sit in silence for a long while, watching the flames lick at the burnished steel grate and listening to the wood pop and crackle as it is consumed in the fire.

“You’re here for Hansol,” Taeyong says eventually, voice quiet. He is looking at him when Doyoung turns to face him, a subdued look in his eyes and his pretty face resting against his own fist. His purplish white hair is styled in a stiff brushed-up fashion and his white, sheer shirt and tight, purple leather pants paint him in a picture so reminiscent to Curug Tam that Doyoung feels a hard pang of homesickness just by looking at him. He is so cold, so distant and shut off behind a mask of indifference and playfulness. It is so unfitting with the soft look opening his face.

Once upon a time Doyoung would have marvelled at the stars in Taeyong’s eyes, a time when he would look down upon them in the dark of the night and the orange light of morning while he created a new life for himself.

But Taeyong is a remnant of his old identity, and now Doyoung can barely penetrate the mask the elder wears, even if Taeyong is so obviously inviting him in.

“That’s all,” he whispers into the heat and intimacy of the moment and watches untouched as the softness melts out of Taeyong’s eyes. The other man curls away from him in his chair, lifts his legs over the armrest and tips his head back. He falls still, not so much as a twitch of one perfect, chalk-white toe and Doyoung lets his eyes roam around the dark room while he waits for whatever terms Taeyong thinks up for his help.

For a moment, he wishes he had thought to play along, so he could lose himself in Taeyong one last time and get the information he needs for free, but the lie settles like a stone in his stomach even when it is merely a thought and he knows he could never have gone through with it. Besides, Jaehyun is waiting for him.

“Are you sick again?” Taeyong’s voice is a thin whisper in the relative silence of the room.

“No,” Doyoung answers brusquely and his head moves restlessly on his neck while his left hand unconsciously falls on his sternum.

“You’re lying,” Taeyong says to the ceiling, “I can hear it in your breath.” Doyoung winces when he takes a deep breath and feels it rattle in his chest, so miniscule that, even knowing him as well as he does, he is honestly surprised Taeyong noticed.

“You know I would get you to Hansol if that was the case.”

Taeyong rises from his chair, pushing his body into an arch as he slides over the armrest and straightens, and when he passes behind Doyoung he runs his fingers through his hair.

“Is he still on the planet?” Doyoung avoids answering and turns to follow Taeyong with his eyes. The other man disappears into the shadows of the room again, but this time Doyoung can follow him by the obvious pit-pat of his bare feet on the stone floor. He walks back and forth behind Doyoung, always out of sight, picking up and putting things down and rearranging them into what Doyoung imagines is a new perfectly symmetrical pattern. Doyoung waits him out for a couple more minutes before his patience leaves him. Reaching out to the skinny, metal table not far from his chair, he moves the tiny circlet of palladium flowers half an inch to the left. As if summoned by the sound of blaring alarms, Taeyong is at his side in seconds, carefully placing the ringlet back in its proper place. He delivers a weak slap to Doyoung’s hand, but with a resigned sigh he goes to lean against the wall beside the fireplace and waits for Doyoung to speak. It takes him a moment to gather his thoughts as Taeyong arranges himself so very alluringly against the wall, spreading his legs just slightly and exposing his neck by tipping his head to the side. It is all an act, Taeyong’s favourite tool for negotiation is his own body, but he does it so well it is almost bewitching. Doyoung tells himself the reason he is affected is because he knows how Taeyong feels like, how he tastes and sounds like, but he can’t deny for long that Taeyong is just that good. He could probably seduce a Nøkk* out of the water if he tried.

 

“I need to find Hansol,” Doyoung reiterates and rises to stand behind the chair he was sitting in. He feels like he will need the barrier between them if this is to be successful on his part.

“I need a place to lay low for a while.”

Taeyong looks him up and down a couple times and even with the high-backed chair in front of him Doyoung feels that stare right through to his bones. The white-haired man slowly moves his eyes to the right and through the wall he is leant against and knocks a knuckle against the metal surface.

“ _You_ need?” is all he asks, but Doyoung feels a block of ice drop in his stomach and can’t contain the sharp inhaling of air as what Taeyong is insinuating becomes perfectly clear.

“They still haven’t found him,” he continues once he turns back to Doyoung, an eyebrow raised and his face colder than Doyoung has ever seen it before. Taeyong can be a manipulative shrew, but while his methods are sometimes downright despicable, the ageless broker has a clear set of morals that he never wavers from. At least that was the case until now. While Doyoung had prepared for Taeyong potentially already knowing about the prince, he was not expecting the other man would use Jaehyun’s life as a bargaining chip.

“How do you think he is holding up out there? The Arch can be a mean place, one wrong word and he’s done for.” Doyoung’s heartbeat turns erratic at the other’s words, but he must trust Jaehyun to keep his head down. If he can’t get the information he needs from Taeyong, then Jaehyun is better off being shot down in the rowdy streets of the Crater. The rebels have operatives everywhere, but with Hansol’s expertise in hiding from unwanted attention, his old friend is possibly the only safe-haven left for them in the entire Keratas System.

“What do you want from me?” Doyoung asks and Taeyong twitches a little, a slight raise of a hand and half a swivel of his hips, before regaining his composure with a quick inhale.

“Give me your body and I’ll give you what you need,” he says and runs a teasing hand down his own body. Doyoung shivers in disgust and bores an angry glare into Taeyong while his lips twist in a sneer.

“I will not prostitute myself,” he growls and Taeyong laughs loudly with his head thrown back against the metal wall. It is almost carefree and Doyoung sinks together a little at the sound. Taeyong pushes away from the wall and slides along the floor on silent feet until he is pressed against Doyoung’s front. The way the elder looks up at him from under fluttering eyelashes and how he takes his hand in his own is so soft and gentle, so reminiscent of the day Taeyong took him in and taught him about the universe he had only known through a mirror image. He turned everything to its right place, moulded Doyoung’s vision of it into how it is now and showed him what kind of person he was and the kind of person he wanted to be. He has so much to thank Taeyong for, and so much to hate him for, it’s difficult to decide if he ever really liked him, and if the distrust and subtle loathing came _after_ their separation or blossomed in the middle of their volatile relationship.

“That’s not what I meant,” Taeyong whispers against Doyoung’s jaw, breath washing over his skin, but not touching him.

“How is Prince Snowflake? Can he please your darkest fantasies?” Taeyong is gripping at his clothes now, has wrapped a leg around his knees and tipped his head back in the most obvious offering.

“Those were never my fantasies Taeyong, they were yours.” Doyoung untangles himself from Taeyong’s octopus-like hold and walks all the way to the other side of the room to create a distance between them that Taeyong cannot as easily close.

“I’m not here for you.”

Taeyong closes off again, shifting between faces so naturally Doyoung wonders if he even knows how Taeyong is like at his core anymore. He remembers someone kind, someone who selflessly took in a starving stray and taught him to stand tall once again. He was fifteen and on his own when he met Taeyong and found a semblance of a family with him, something he had not had in five long years. When he opened up to the all-knowing deity, as that was how he was to Doyoung in the beginning, he walked blindly into him and fell more and more in love with his pretty face and his ever-expanding intellect and the soft way he held him as if he was simultaneously holding Doyoung up and clinging to him like a lifeline.  It’s difficult now, to say if the Taeyong he remembers was actually Taeyong, and not a projection of what Doyoung needed Taeyong to be, but the pain and anger that drove Doyoung away from him is still an open wound in his chest, pulsing with pain just from standing in this room.

“All these masks,” he starts, his voice a near whisper in the tense air between them, “do you even know how to take them off anymore?”

Taeyong walks to the fireplace, close enough that the flames tease at his bare toes, but the heat doesn’t seem to bother him. What it does, is claw its way up his slender form and fight a war with the frosty front Taeyong so desperately clings to, and for a moment, when it gains the upper-hand and the ice starts to melt, Doyoung is privy to a side of Taeyong he has never seen before.

The pale man in the flowing shirt and tight leather pants, with his snow-white hair and his ghostly skin, crumbles. What is left is a scared little child, with too many questions and not enough answers, and a longing for a specific hand to hold in the darkness.

It lasts for merely a second before the confusion is replaced with resolution and the devastating sadness is hidden away behind a façade of apathy.

“I don’t,” Taeyong answers bluntly, “I have no reason to anymore so I must have forgotten.”

He swivels on his heels to face Doyoung and gestures with his head towards the door to the other room and when he starts walking, Doyoung follows. Taeyong leads him to the stairwell and down the right corridor, spiralling down and down until they reach the subbasement.

“It was a month after you came to live with me,” Taeyong says as he stops in front of a non-descript door at the end of the pseudo-staircase.

“You were eating properly, you slept most of the time and you had started talking finally, but you still seemed sick and I couldn’t understand what it was.” He laughs a little incredulously, as if the very idea of him not knowing something is ludicrous.

“It took me a while to see that you were reacting badly to the heat, but you were from Curug Tam and from what you told me, you had spent most of the time since you left your home planet, on Taranjà. Runtah in general, but the Crater especially, was too warm for you to handle.”

Doyoung gulps as he realises where they are. The room on the other side of the door used to be on the ground floor, Taeyong must have moved it after Doyoung left.

“You spent almost all day in this room after I had it made for you,” Taeyong closes his eyes and a second later the door in front of them swings open on silent hinges. A gust of cold air hits them in the face and Doyoung finds himself stepping over the threshold before he can even think.

This is the part of Taeyong he loved, loves. The part that was like an older brother to him who would do anything to make him comfortable, who took care of him and gave him everything he needed, the one who made him this room because his physiology was incapable of adapting to an environment with a temperature above zero.

He feels so at home in this room, more than he ever has anywhere else outside of Gried. The only thing that can even compare is being at Jaehyun’s side.

He wanders around the room and takes in the little details that he still remembers, like how the left side of the sofa is more worn than the right and the ceiling lamp with its old-fashion technology and drooping, crystal icicles is a little askew and how the holographic book covers are in no kind of order in the bookcase because Taeyong never touched a thing in the room. Not when Doyoung lived here, and not since.

He takes a book from the case, holds the little device in the palm of his hand and flicks through the pages without reading. Taeyong used to talk about it a lot, but Doyoung never read it again after the first time so he can’t say why it drew his attention so promptly.

“You asked me once why I would want to extinguish death.” Doyoung lifts his head from the blue pages, but Taeyong is staring transfixed at them and his voice sounds far away, as if he is speaking from another galaxy entirely.

“When I was fourteen years old, I lost my older sister to the fume sickness. She was all I had.” Taeyong tears himself away from the trance he has fallen into and takes a step back out the door, disappearing from sight. He comes back a second later, eyelids fluttering and jaw clenched as if he is steeling himself for wherever this conversation is leading.

“I was cast out by the other villagers because they thought I was weird and I wandered the Surface for months. This was not even half a century after the Liberty War and this planet was still wrought with devastation and so scarred by the transgressions of our predecessors that it was barely survivable. The very air we breathed was toxic.”

Taeyong flops down onto the sofa and curls up in the corner with a pillow in his lap. Doyoung hesitates with approaching him, preferring to keep his distance and watch as the other man becomes more human than he has probably been for literal ages.

“I met this old woman and she was crazy, and I mean bat-shit crazy, the fumes had gotten to her and she was so close to death, but she didn’t stop walking. She kept moving forward without stop and so I followed her. I think mostly because I didn’t want her to be alone when she died.

She told me that; someday I would find someone who would need my help, someone I would do anything to save.”

He stops and looks at Doyoung and there is something so significant with the way he looks him in the eye with no filter between them. It takes a moment for what Taeyong means to become clear to him and when it does he shuffles over and falls heavily into the sofa next to him.

“Me?” he asks for clarification and Taeyong nods silently. Doyoung looks at him for a long, quiet moment and then he sighs.

“But Taeyong, this was years ago. You were almost three centuries old when we met, you didn’t make your magical potion and stop cellular decay because some woman said you would need to save my life.” He laughs a little as he speaks, but Taeyong remains silent with the same look of something momentous that his eyes are trying to relay.

Doyoung scoffs a little with a baffled, incredulous smile barely curling the corners of his mouth.

“You and I meeting was only coincidence!”

Taeyong ducks his head and turns the small, square pillow around in his hands a couple times before looking him deep in the eyes once more.

“Coincidence is only fate interpreted by the narrow-minded,” he says and clutches the pillow firmer into his chest.

“No,” Doyoung shakes his head resolutely. “There is no higher power or a pre-ordained destiny for everyone. I can’t believe that.”

Taeyong’s eyes soften even more and again Doyoung can count the stars in them, two in each blinking at him from the dark depths. He leans towards him with the pillow falling to the sofa between them and Doyoung welcomes him with a hand around his nape when Taeyong kisses him. It’s deep, but still chaste and lasts for no more than ten seconds before Taeyong sits back and pulls the pillow into his lap again.

“Hansol is in Thíva,” he says and takes the reading device from Doyoung’s hand, walks to the bookcase to put it back in its place. He remains standing with his back to Doyoung.

“In the ruins of Cadmea.”

Taeyong runs his fingers along the white bookshelf and hums a tune, an old lullaby Doyoung has heard only once, long ago.

“Beware of pirates,” he says, like an afterthought.

Doyoung turns his head away, allows the other man a moment to get his wits about him again, and reaches out for a thin, coal black dagger resting on the short side table to the right of the sofa. It has a short blade and a handle fit for a much smaller hand than his. The grooves in the handle and the miniscule nick at the tip of the blade are familiar, and the knife feels almost warm as Doyoung takes it in his hand.

It was his once upon a time, his only memento of Curug Tam.

Taeyong is standing still with his back towards him, shoulders relaxed and his head tipped slightly to the left as he peruses the small collection of books. It is almost as if he is waiting for something. Waiting for Doyoung to leave maybe.

Doyoung rises slowly from his seat and walks haltingly up to Taeyong, and stopping a scant inch from his body he lays his mouth against the elder’s ear and whispers softly to him.

“Thank you.”

Taeyong gasps sharply when the knife pierces his abdomen, and his body falls limp into Doyoung’s arms as they both crumble slowly to the floor. Doyoung cradles him against his chest as he pulls the knife free from his flesh.

As the blood starts to gush Doyoung feels his eyes sting with oncoming tears and he wants nothing more than to tear himself away, but he won’t dishonour Taeyong by leaving him to die alone.

The knife clatters to the floor and Doyoung cups Taeyong’s cheek in his red-stained palm and presses a lasting kiss to his forehead while his body shakes with the strength of his silent sobs.

“Doyoung … you,” Taeyong chokes and raises a hand to clutch at Doyoung’s wrist. “I need you to … to do something for me.”

Doyoung shakes his head despondently and tightens his arms around Taeyong as the dying man in his arms turns his head away from him, stretching his neck until Doyoung can see a slight protrusion under the skin.

“Take it,” he grunts as his body gives a shiver and a fresh river of blood streams from his wound. “Destroy it. The knowledge it gives … is too powerful for anyone to hold.”

It is the control chip for his new toy, as he had called it, he realises and picking up the bloody knife he sets the tip at the top of the protrusion and digs it into the skin, cutting it open enough for the tiny chip to come loose.

“Wait,” Taeyong gasps when he tries to pull it free. “You can never tell,” his voice is growing fainter and Doyoung can see his mind starting to drift as the blood loss weakens him more and more every second.

“I’ve lived too long Dongyoung, I’ve forgotten how to be happy.”

Seconds later, the light fades slowly from his eyes and his head falls limply over Doyoung’s arm as the last breath of his unnaturally long life leaves his body.

Doyoung clenches his eyes on the stream of tears overflowing and slipping down his cheeks as he clutches Taeyong’s lifeless body to his chest and cries into his hair.

 

A buzzing against his thigh pulls him out his grief and he fishes the small, triangular device out of his pocket, registering that Jaehyun has returned to the ship. At least he is alive and well still.

Doyoung gathers Taeyong into his arms and lifts him from the cold floor, carrying him the few steps to the sofa, he lays him down gently and folds his arms over his chest and straightens out his legs, runs his fingers over his eyes to close them. Lying there like that, it almost looks as if he is merely asleep, and if not for the bright-red stain covering his left side, and the suffocating guilt in Doyoung’s heart, he might have believed so.

He drops to his knees beside Taeyong’s head, and taking the chip between two fingers he tugs hard until it breaks off from the skinny strings connecting it to Taeyong’s brain. The white, slimy strings flutter around, curls around each other in the open air before retreating under Taeyong’s skin again. Organic technology, just another thing Taeyong was experimenting with. The man had the potential to change the very way of thinking about the universe and all it offers, if he hadn’t kept everything to himself all the time.

He runs a hand over Taeyong’s hair and lets it rest on top of his head as he leans over him.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, “you knew too much. You always knew too much.” He breathes a quiet laugh that ends in a choked sob.

“I couldn’t risk him.”

He places his lips against Taeyong’s cold forehead, rests there for a whole minute while he cries, and then he rises slowly to his feet and walks backwards out of the room, never taking his eyes off the still form of his first love.

The door falls slowly shut once he is over the threshold, a metallic click echoing in the narrow space. The freezing temperature in the room will preserve Taeyong’s body, his grave will be the very room that kept his humanity under lock and key, and there he will remain. Despite it not being sentient on its own, the house is loyal to him in a way, Doyoung can feel that in the still pulsing chip he holds in his hand, and after he leaves, no one will step foot inside ever again.

He takes a deep, shuddering breath and with the tiny computer chip clutched tight in his fist, he turns his back to the room. As he replays Taeyong’s last words, a faint, grateful whisper of _thank you_ , he feels his stomach clench and his airways shudder. Taeyong had seen it coming, he knew the moment Doyoung picked up the knife, and he welcomed it.

Shaking like a leaf in a storm, Doyoung makes the trek up the winding hallway and into the foyer and out the door to the street.

 

*

* * *

*

 

He stands in a solemn daze, leant against the entrance door to Taeyong’s house, for several minutes. His mind is blank, shut off from any painful thoughts that could plague him, in the most basic of defensive measures. Self-preservation is putting all this at a distance, taking it in a little at a time and not letting the guilt-ridden grief consume him all at once.

Jaehyun still needs him, and if he can’t be there for him then all this will have been for nothing.

He pushes slowly away from the door and takes the first step down the stair to the street. Before he can lift his foot again, a shrapnel bullet tears through the metal in front of him and Doyoung’s ears and eyes are alerted to the sound of absolute chaos echoing up and down the street. There are fights happening all over the cobblestone, painting the ridges in between with red. On the wall opposite of him, a man with knives protruding from his knuckles is tearing into the stomach of a scantily clad hooker, the blankness of her eyes and her limp body tells him she is already long dead.

He hurries down the street before the man notices him and slips through the mouth of the narrow alley he and Jaehyun had gone up not thirty minutes ago. He might be a decent enough fighter, but he dares not take his chances with a tiny dagger and his fists being his only weapons. As he weaves around fighting bulldogs of men, slipping easily under their radar on accounts of his slender form and staying out of range of the numerous spectators along the streets, he keeps himself going with the knowledge that Jaehyun is safe and sound in the ship, far away from this melee.

When he reaches the lower level with the docking bay only feet from him, a heavy-set woman comes barrelling into him, knocking him down to the ground. She lies still where she falls with a metal pipe sticking out of her chest and Doyoung wastes no time on her as he pulls his legs free from under her. He freezes as he looks up into the face of a woman and the barrel of her gun pointed right at his heart, but thinking quickly Doyoung grabs the gun from the dead woman’s hands and pulls the trigger at the dazed woman before she can even blink.

A rush of ice cold fear goes through him when what comes out of the gun is not a shrapnel bullet, nor a laser bullet, not even a static or toxic bullet, but a cold bullet.

The kind that is native to Curug Tam.

He rakes a look over the woman beside him on the ground, but she is dark-skinned and clearly a Runtah native, so where did she get the gun from?

The sound of crackling ice draws his attention back to his surroundings and he raises an arm in front of his face to shield himself as the cold bullet freezes the woman’s insides so rapidly it explodes, leaving a gaping hole in her abdomen. As she falls to the dusty ground, Doyoung pulls himself to his feet and continues down the street with the gun held tightly in his hand. He slips past two men making out, of all things, as he enters the door to the docking bay hallway and counts the numbers beside the doors until he reaches the one they parked at. Punching the button to open the door, he goes straight to the control panel and loosens the clamps anchoring the ship to the dock. He jumps up the ladder while pressing frantically on the key to open the ship.

Once he is inside he calls out for Jaehyun to make sure he is on board and then he slides into the pilot’s chair and fires up the engine.

“I’m taking off, hold onto something!” he shouts over his shoulder and pulls at the controls to take them up and out. He is not the best pilot and Taranjian ships are about as foreign as it can get, with technology that is completely different from any other ship, but he has watched Jaehyun enough over the last couple of days to get them out of the bay. It’s a little rough in the beginning and he can only hope Jaehyun is holding onto something, but once he has levelled the ship and set the course for the surface, he sits back into the chair with a heavy sigh. He digs his hand into the pocket of his leather pants and wraps his fingers around the tiny chip, marvelling at how such a small thing can hold so much coding in it and store so much information in the grooves of its narrow surface.

Taeyong told him to destroy it to make sure no one could use it ever again, but Doyoung won’t. He will keep it, as a memento of his lost family.

 

Footsteps alert him to Jaehyun’s presence in the cockpit so Doyoung pulls his hand out of his pocket and swivels the chair around.

“Sorry about the rough start, I—“ he stops abruptly as he realises the man in the cockpit is not Jaehyun, but someone completely unfamiliar to him. He is on his feet in a second, gun drawn and pointed at the intruder’s head. The leather-clad stranger raises his hands in a placating gesture, empty palms by his own head and facing Doyoung. His timid smile does nothing to assuage Doyoung as he counts no less than five weapons on the man’s lower body alone, including a large, ebony-handled hunting knife. Rather archaic.

“Doyoung!” Jaehyun shouts as he comes hobbling into the cockpit. He steps unhesitatingly between them and grips Doyoung’s wrist gently between his fingers and makes him lower his gun.

“He’s a friend,” Jaehyun implores, his glassy eyes blinking incessantly. Doyoung recognises the effects of pain dampeners and in a second he forgets about the smiling stowaway and rakes sharp eyes over Jaehyun’s body. He notices how he is favouring his left leg and drops to his knees to feel around his right calf.

“Shrapnel gun,” Jaehyun whispers, steadying himself with a hand on the top of Doyoung’s head. Doyoung sighs heavily through his nose and rises to his full height again with Jaehyun’s help.

“You shouldn’t be on your feet,” Doyoung admonishes and guides Jaehyun to sit in the co-pilot’s chair. The younger does as he is told without complaint, but when he looks up at Doyoung after being settled in the chair, his eyes widen and his mouth falls open.

“You’re covered in blood,” Jaehyun exclaims and reaches out with a hand to hover curled fingers over Doyoung’s shirt.

“I’m not hurt,” Doyoung says and moves out of the reach of Jaehyun’s grabbing fingers. He can’t look at Jaehyun, not without feeling that knife of guilt twisting in his heart once again.

“Doyoung,” the younger calls after him as he withdraws even more, but he stays in his seat and curls his hands together in his lap when all Doyoung does is sit back in the pilot’s chair and turn his attention back to the stranger.

“Who are you? What are you doing here?” he asks stiffly, debating whether or not to turn the ship around. He knows how rowdy the brawls in the Crater can get however, so he would rather not go back. At the same time, he will not bring this poser anywhere near Hansol and just dropping him off in the middle of nowhere would be very impolite.

“I’m Yuta—“ the man starts only to be cut off by Jaehyun’s loud voice. “He saved my life,” he says firmly, eyes still locked on Doyoung’s blood-soaked shirt. The blood is still a little wet, but mostly it has started to dry from the intense heat of the streets they just left, and it is hard to see against the black fabric. Jaehyun caught it anyway and when Doyoung glances at him out the corner of his eye, he is tracing the outline of the stain with his narrowed eyes. Trying to find a tear and a wound maybe, so he can determine if Doyoung is telling the truth or not.

“Who are you?” he asks again, looking pointedly at Yuta so the man will answer on his own this time. The man smiles brightly, changing his face into something soft and Doyoung can understand why Jaehyun seems so smitten with him.

“As I said, my name is Yuta.” Doyoung raises an eyebrow, possibly being crasser than necessary, but at the moment he could not care less if this stranger is offended.

“Jaehyun talked himself into a spot of trouble and I couldn’t possibly leave him all on his own,” Yuta flashes a wider smile, showing off rows of pearly teeth and Doyoung snorts quietly before he can stop himself.

“Regular charmer aren’t you,” he mumbles and turns his chair around again towards the display and starts fiddling with the controls.

“You shouldn’t touch that one,” Yuta points out sardonically a second before Doyoung presses down on a blue panel and the ship jerks forward, putting them out of their pre-programmed route and nearly throwing Yuta off his feet. Doyoung almost apologises when the other man coughs and holds his chest in pain from his abrupt run-in with the back of the pilot’s chair, but bites the words down. He doesn’t quite know why, but he no longer feels bad about leaving Yuta stranded on the Surface.

“Not that meeting you both haven’t been fun,” Yuta lays a hand on the top of Jaehyun’s head and ruffles his hair and Doyoung snorts again and turns his eyes away, “if you’re taking off now, would you mind taking me back to port first?”

Doyoung flicks a couple more switches, ones he knows is useless without the AI interface, and pretends to be busy with plotting their course on the miniature map of this galactic quadrant, so he can prolong answering a little longer. He knows he has a tendency to get snappy when he doesn’t mean to, and while he has little reason to be nice to Yuta, he would rather not estrange Jaehyun over his temperament.

“I’m not turning the ship around,” he says eventually, voice regulated to be mellow and not petty. Yuta is getting under his skin simply by being here, standing close to Jaehyun and looking stupidly charming with his easy smile and floppy hair and all that tight, brown leather.

“It’s too risky with the riot you’ve incited.”

Jaehyun drops his head and curls his fingers around the armrests on his chair and Doyoung wants to reach out and uncurl them, take Jaehyun’s hands in his and tell him nothing is his fault, that if not today than that brawl would have happened tomorrow or two days from now. It is just how the Crater is.

He still can’t fully look at Jaehyun though, and he can only clench his jaw and breath through his nose as Yuta ruffles the younger’s hair once again and even grips his nape in his hand and jostles him in a friendly manner.

“Don’t worry about it, chaos like that is a part of the Crater. It wouldn’t be the same without at least one murder per day.” He laughs at his own words, but Jaehyun’s eyes are locked on Doyoung, burning into the side of his head. He doesn’t seem to have even heard Yuta.

“Can you give us a minute?” he asks Yuta, turning his head to look up at him. Doyoung closes his eyes in resignation as Yuta answers immediately in the positive and walks off into the living area of the ship. It is far too early for him to have this conversation.

 

Jaehyun sits quietly for a whole minute more, just watching him, before rising from his seat with some difficulty and turning Doyoung’s chair around to face him. He leans over him and tugs the shirt away from his skin, feeling around it for any lacerations or anything that could indicate Doyoung had been hurt.

“It’s not my blood,” Doyoung murmurs and pulls Jaehyun’s hands away from his stomach. Jaehyun sighs in palpable relief and in a rather bold move drops sideways onto Doyoung’s knees, balancing himself with his hands against Doyoung’s chest and shoulders. Before he can stop him, Jaehyun is leaning into him and pressing their mouths together in a hard kiss brimming with desperation and relief. As every other time before this, Doyoung follows quickly along, settling his arms around Jaehyun’s waist to pull him deeper into his lap and opens his mouth to his probing tongue. Jaehyun needs this closeness, he always has, and even more now, he realises. It must have scared him to be separated during such an event, it scared Doyoung too, but he knew Jaehyun was at the ship. Jaehyun hadn’t had that luxury.

Doyoung breathes slowly out his mouth when Jaehyun pulls away, keeping his eyes closed while the younger cups his face and strokes gentle fingers over the crease between his eyebrows.

“What happened?” Jaehyun whispers, his breath fanning over Doyoung’s cheek. He caresses Doyoung’s face from his temples to the hard set of his jaw and makes a small, distressed sound when Doyoung’s face only hardens more. He breathes a faint _no_ when Doyoung pushes him gently from his lap and Doyoung gets a glimpse of his hands starting to shake before he turns around again.

“Don’t shut me out,” he pleads, sounding so young and vulnerable in the shaking timbre of his voice.

“I only want to be there for you, like you always are there for me.” His voice grows louder as he speaks, dipped in a resolution of strength, but Doyoung can see him in his mind’s eye, standing with his feet pulled together and his arms folded in front of him. Jaehyun has always shielded himself from the outside world like that, with a fragile armour of inaction. He has always been only words, both in situations where such a trait was preferable and the ones where it proved disadvantageous. It was always his father’s favourite picking point of things he disliked about his only child and Doyoung has listened to Jaehyun despair about it himself on multiple occasions.

As opposed to Jung Jaehyuk however, Doyoung has always admired this attribute of Jaehyun’s personality. The younger man is a true diplomat in that way, always instinctually searching for a way to solve a problem with words and not action or violence. It is part of what made Doyoung so certain that Jaehyun is the person to bring peace to the Keratas System and right the wrongs done by his predecessors.

Just like how Taeyong gave him a clear vision of what the universe and their little corner of it is like, Jaehyun is the one who showed him what it could be.

“Whatever it is, Doyoung” Jaehyun lays a hesitant hand on his shoulder only for a second before retreating and Doyoung hears him settle heavily into the co-pilot’s chair again.

“I can take it.”

Doyoung has no illusions that Jaehyun couldn’t handle anything thrown at him; from a malignant and neglecting father to being chased by blood-thirsty rebels to rising from the ashes of his soiled family name and like a phoenix, spread his wings of new life over the carnage that has become of their world. Jaehyun is stronger than anyone has ever given him credit for, but he is still so very young at heart, so untouched by true heartache. If Doyoung opens his mouth and takes the lid of on everything Jaehyun wants to know, there would be no going back, and Doyoung isn’t sure Jaehyun could take that without his heart shattering to pieces. Everything Doyoung does, is for Jaehyun, and that includes holding him at a distance. Still, he is selfish on occasion, so Doyoung pushes his chair around to face Jaehyun and looks him in the eye with a crooked smile teasing at the corner of his mouth. He raises a hand to the younger’s face and tucks a lock of hair behind his ear and grips his knee weakly.

“I’m not shutting you out,” he says and watches for a second as Jaehyun’s face twists in a mix of disbelief and chagrin and softness as he leans into Doyoung’s hand.

“Give me some time, I’m not ready to talk about it right now.”

Jaehyun opens his mouth to speak, probably with a protest at the ready, but Doyoung squeezes harder around his knee and his mouth snaps closed with a click of teeth.

“It went bad Jaehyun, please just leave it at that,” Doyoung murmurs and Jaehyun nods compliantly while his forehead scrunches into a worried frown. He knows the younger must be itching to continue digging, but after two years of reeling him in and then pushing him away, Doyoung has conditioned him to not prod.

He casts a glance at the control panel to make sure the intercom system is turned off and leans a little closer to Jaehyun.

“I have a destination where we should find Hansol. We can lay low there for as long as necessary,” he whispers and Jaehyun nods again. Doyoung can’t tell if his glassy eyes are due to the pain dampeners or something else, but he tangles their fingers together and presses a comforting kiss to the younger’s cheek either way.

“We just drop Yuta off when we reach the Surface and then we’ll make our way there.”

Jaehyun rears back and shakes his head with a disbelieving laugh escaping him on an exhale.

“We can’t just leave him there! It’s dangerous,” Jaehyun starts off with a shout, but quiets to a whisper after sending a look over his shoulder to the door out of the cockpit.

“We’ll take him back to the Crater.”

Doyoung is shaking his head before Jaehyun has even finished.

“It’s too dangerous, and not just because of the ruckus currently going on. Flying in there with a Taranjian ship once and we could slip under the radar, go in there twice and we are sure to be noticed.”

Jaehyun sinks into his seat and Doyoung knows he has won this one. The younger might not like leaving Yuta in the middle of nowhere, Doyoung doesn’t either, not really at least, but they don’t really have a choice. Doyoung turns back around and opens the map of Runtah from the ship’s library and adjusts their course to take them as close to the planet’s surface as possible. He can get them to Thíva by ship, but after that, their only option is to scour the grounds until they find Hansol.

Jaehyun hops to sit on the edge of his seat and reaches over Doyoung to turn on the intercom.

“You can come back in now,” he says once the light beside the switch turns on and seconds later, Yuta comes swaggering into the cockpit, twirling one of his revolvers around one finger. He is so conceitedly charming, Doyoung finds it far too easy to hate him.

 

“So, are you dropping me off somewhere or are you going to force me to walk the plank, so to speak?” Yuta winks at Jaehyun and smiles widely at Doyoung when he catches him looking. Jaehyun giggles while he swings back and forth on his chair’s swivel and Doyoung almost growls. Yuta comes to stand between them, leaning with an elbow on the top of both their chairs and looks out the front window shield.

“You’re going to the Surface?” he asks lightly and leans over the console with an arm outstretched to touch it. Doyoung catches his wrist before he can reach it and grips it tight between his fingers, looking up at him out of the corner of his eye with his head barely tilted towards him.

“You don’t touch anything,” he says and Yuta retreats easily with a slanted smirk lifting one side of his face and a wink sent Doyoung’s way.

“He knows ships Doyoung,” Jaehyun intervenes, tugging at Doyoung’s wrist to make him let go.

“He’s a pirate,” he adds as if that is meant to reassure him.

Jaehyun and his endearing naiveté is liable to get him killed one day. He still sees most of this world through the lens of his fairy tales and story books he has scavenged from the palace library, and to him pirates must seem awfully exciting.

Doyoung has had a few dealings with them in the past however, and is not the least bit surprised that Yuta is one. Being disarmingly charming even when decked from head to toes with deadly weapons is only one of their many qualities, none of which are good.

Yuta turns towards Jaehyun after a lengthy staring contest with Doyoung leads nowhere and bend over him, putting his mouth close to the younger’s ear.

“How about we leave your friend to his thoughts and you give me a tour?” he says, not at all quiet.

“We can see about that favour you owe me,” he winks and pats Jaehyun’s right knee. Jaehyun stiffens noticeably in his seat, but before the younger can say anything whether it be in the positive or negative to Yuta, Doyoung swings the navigation controls over to Jaehyun and rises from his seat.

“I’m going to change,” he grumbles and strides around the pilot’s chair and gets right in Yuta’s face, noticing with delight that he holds an inch on him in height if not more.

“You don’t touch anything,” he repeats and storms off to the cabin for a change of clothes.

 

He is tearing at his shirt to get it over his head before he is even in the cabin and his sudden spike of anger is making the job twice as hard as it should be. When the door closes behind him, he falls against it and holds the shirt against his chest as he takes a couple deep, calming breaths.

His stomach is churning with repressed emotions and the addition of Yuta onto their ship and into their dynamic, however brief it will be, is pushing him off-kilter. The man’s obvious flirting with Jaehyun is unsettling and the way he has handled the curveballs thrown at him since bordering their ship is enviable. Doyoung would do a lot for an iota of that ease right now.

He tears the shirt from his wrists, ripping the seam of one arm in the process, and makes to throw it at the wall. The dried, peeling blood on the front of the shirt scratches over his forearm and he stops with his arm raised to his head.

Taeyong’s face swims before his eyes, his defined jaw and thin lips and those sparkling, bewitching eyes, and Doyoung’s breath is driven from his chest as if he had been physically punched.

He has measured his grief, practice has taught him how much he can take at once, and silly as it sounds, he had planned on finding a quiet space to cry once they were in the air and on their way. Yuta’s presence on the ship was an unexpected roadblock to his plan and instead of draining a little from the decanter of grief inside him, he has been forced to let it build up under his skin in other forms, most prominent of which is anger.

Revisiting the kairotic moment from which his grief emanates is re-opening the wound in his heart and pouring salt into its lacerations and ruptures. His entire body aches and he twists in agony against the door while Taeyong’s black eyes blinks up at him in his mind’s eye and his pretty lips form his name over and over.

“I hate you,” he whispers into the empty room and Taeyong smiles cheekily at him. “No, I really do.” He lets the shirt fall from his fingers and leans his head against the door.

“You were never good for me,” his voice is tear-choked and he clenches his fists at his sides as he talks to the image of Taeyong his mind has created.

“You took me in, and you taught me and you made me think like you,” he sinks slowly down the door to sit on the floor and wraps his arms around his legs.

“You fed me your screwed-up ideology and your twisted view of life, you made me value it less and less because you no longer valued it. You had had too much of it, it had lost its vibrancy and allure long ago.” Now that he has started talking, Doyoung finds he doesn’t want to stop. Everything he has wanted to say to Taeyong comes tumbling out of his mouth.

“You drew me into your dark, perverse appetite for sex and made me break you because any other way had lost its spark with you. You corrupted me.”

He closes his eyes on Taeyong’s hooded eyes and pink tongue and breathes shakily deep through his nose.

“But you also saved me and I will always love you for that, I guess.”

He imagines he can feel a ghostly hand cover his cheek and turns into it as the last tears drip down his cheeks.

“You were so good; I can’t ever understand why you went to such great lengths to hide it.”

He is ripped from his one-sided conversation when Jaehyun’s voice comes over the intercom, calling out for him in a panicked way.

Doyoung is on his feet in an instant, punching the control to open the door and falling out the door. He should never have left Jaehyun alone with that pirate.

When he barges into the cockpit however, Jaehyun and Yuta are both sitting at the controls, staring out the window at a humongous, brown dust storm. Doyoung rubs his hands over his face to remove any lingering tear stains as he walks up behind Jaehyun.

“We can’t fly through that,” Yuta says, sounding almost anxious. He takes the navigation controls from Jaehyun’s hands and pulls as hard as he can on the decelerator to slow down their forward momentum. Doyoung staggers into the back of Jaehyun’s chair and holds tight to its plastic frame as he watches Yuta expertly manipulate the controls. As the blanket of swirling dust and sand enfolds them, strong winds start tearing at the ship and tosses it back and forth in the air.

“Can’t you fly over it?” Jaehyun shouts over the noise from the outside. Yuta shakes his head as he grips tightly to the controls to try his best at keeping them level in the air. Jaehyun searches around the panel in front of them until he finds the display he needs, presses a few buttons and the windows in front of them changes from a view of the outside to a blueprint of the ground beneath them. With exact numbers telling them how high in the air they are and an image of where the ground is flattest, Yuta lowers the ship slowly and readies it for a terrain landing. When they are no more than five feet from the ground, a particularly strong gust of wind grabs the ship and tosses it several feet to the left and right into the front treeline surrounding the glade they had been trying to land in.

Doyoung goes flying into the wall of the ship as they impact with the trees and slumps to the floor, the knock to his head leaving him dazed and blinking rapidly to regain his vision.

“Doyoung!” Jaehyun calls out and Doyoung drowsily lifts a hand to assure him, but Jaehyun is out of his seat and hobbling on one foot over to him the second the ship settles. He lowers himself carefully beside Doyoung and takes his face in his hands, turning it up to him.

“I’m alright,” Doyoung mumbles thickly and retches as he swallows and tastes blood mixed in with the spit. He must have bitten his tongue.

He sits against the wall, with Jaehyun running his fingers through his hair and pushing it out of his forehead, until his head stops spinning and his vision clears.

“It appeared out of nowhere,” Jaehyun says gently as he helps him up. “It didn’t show on the sensors or anything, everything was clear outside and then suddenly it was just there.”

Doyoung takes the chair when Jaehyun forces him into it and turns to Yuta, expecting the pirate to already have a diagnosis on their current situation.

Yuta doesn’t disappoint, a quick thinker like any other of his kind.

“The impact dislodged the left side stabilisers, and a quick diagnostic of the motors show they are filled with dust and tiny debris, that’s why I couldn’t stop us from crashing. Control of the engines right now is at a minimum, this ship isn’t going anywhere without a proper overhaul.”

Doyoung sighs heavily through his teeth and gladly accepts Jaehyun’s hand when the younger tangles their fingers together. They were still at least an hour away from Thíva by ship, making the trek on foot would take them days. Days through dangerous territory.

He can’t quite believe it, but they are stranded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *: A Nøkk is a character from Scandinavian folklore, a terrible creature that lured people into lakes and drowned them. It is a representation of everything that is dangerous about water.  
> For Doyoung, it is folklore belonging to his home planet, which is based a lot on Scandinavian nature and Northern Mythology.  
> **: Thíva is the greek writing for Thebes and Cadmea was the citadel in ancient Thebes.


	5. Chapter 5

A gust of wind hits them when the rear hatch of the ship opens. It lowers soundlessly towards the ground, but stops short of unfolding fully, creaking a little as the machinery pushes it into the grassy terrain. The ship is lilting on its supports, tilted enough to the right to make standing straight a difficulty, but once the ship settles it remains unmoveable, even under their shifting weight as they exit.

There is a thickness to the air outside, a rusted smell, and rough dust particles scratch his throat when he breathes. Doyoung coughs a little beside him and Jaehyun reaches out in concern and lays a hand against his back. The other is looking in the direction they had been flying before the dust storm appeared, a blankness in his eyes that Jaehyun doesn’t quite know what it means. There is longing in his face, and anger in his clenched fists and Doyoung is once again a hundred miles away from Jaehyun.

A resounding clang fills the little glade and Jaehyun snaps his head to the side where Yuta is standing with his knuckles still resting against the white hull of their ship.

“This is useless for now,” he says and dusts his hands off on the outside of his thighs.

“Too much debris lodged in the rotor blades, we wouldn’t get it off the ground, at least not without burning a hole through the earth, and possibly ourselves.”

That they would be brought down by the one weakness the Taranjian ships have, the basic terrain landing, is more than a little ironic. Jaehyun always thought the superior technology of Taranjà would be the thing that would eventually trap them in the figurative snake pit. Now they might be stranded in an actual snake pit, he is pretty sure he saw something rustle through the grass a little ways from them.

“Your best bet is too walk back to the Crater, there are no other settlements within leagues of here,” Yuta looks ready to start walking, standing with one hand on his belt and the other shielding his eyes from the harsh light. Of course, he must be eager to get back. He was never meant to come even this far with them at all.

“No,” Doyoung says close to Jaehyun’s ear. His head is turned to look over Jaehyun’s shoulder and in the direction they had been flying before they were brought down, and he is so close Jaehyun feels his ears burn a little. He casts a glance at Yuta, but the pirate is only looking at them both with a raised eyebrow and his fingers twitching against the ivory handle off the large knife hanging from his belt.

“We continue,” without further ado, Doyoung turns to walk back into the ship, but not before Jaehyun catches a glimpse of his face. There is a disconcerting calm to Doyoung, the kind that is so obviously forced, but he does such a good job of appearing unconcerned that it would be an offense to question him. There is something bothering Doyoung, and Jaehyun thought it had to do with whatever happened in the Crater, but now he’s not so sure.

Jaehyun follows him to the ramp, Doyoung is busily packing ration bars and water bottles into a backpack, and he hesitates, looking between Doyoung and Yuta. The pirate is staying put for now it seems, his dark eyes glued to Doyoung’s back.

Jaehyun furrows his brow as he looks between the two a couple times. There seems to be something in the air that is making them both act weird. At least he thinks this is odd behaviour for Yuta, he doesn’t actually know the man after all.

He opens his mouth to say something, but only inhales a lot of dusty air he ends up coughing on, and then he joins Doyoung inside the cockpit.

“Can we really walk?” he asks, clutching his right thigh in an attempt to stave off the shaking. The painkillers are starting to wear off, sending tingles interspersed with sharp spikes of pain through his entire leg. Doyoung sends him a look out the corner of his eye and immediately drops the backpack in his hands, digging the medical kit out of it and placing it on one of the seats against the wall. He grips Jaehyun’s biceps with both hands and guides him carefully to sit down, and Jaehyun stretches his leg out with a small relieved sound slipping from between his lips. Doyoung sits down beside him with the medical kit in his lap, long fingers sifting through the various salves and pill sheets with a controlled, blank look on his face.

Jaehyun lays his hand over Doyoung’s and the elder stumbles a little over the kit’s contents, but he grabs a large, round, plastic-covered pill between his fingers a second later and when he pulls his hand away it is the natural course of action, but it still stings Jaehyun as if he had been violently shrugged off. He tells himself he should be used to Doyoung’s bouts of callous disregard, but maybe there really is something in the air or maybe it is the fact that Doyoung is the only anchor Jaehyun has left in his life, because he finds it harder to digest than ever before.

“You don’t have to tell me anything Doyoung, I’m not going to force you to tell me okay. Just don’t, please,” his eyes drop to his lap where his fists clench together. He never feels as if he has a right to pry, if Doyoung doesn’t want to talk then it’s his business, but he can’t stand the loneliness that now accompanies being brushed off.

“We only have each other.” Doyoung is busying himself with unwrapping the large, yellow pill, but his chin is turned towards Jaehyun so he knows the elder is listening.

“Say ah,” Doyoung murmurs with a tiny smile and Jaehyun opens his mouth obediently, accepting the pill when Doyoung places it on his tongue. It tastes almost unbearably sour and Jaehyun can’t stop how his cheeks suck in and his eyes pinch closed, but it’s worth it when Doyoung laughs quietly and tucks his hair behind his ear.

“Your hair grows so quickly,” Doyoung muses while studying a lock of brown hair falling over Jaehyun’s temple, rubbing his fingers over it. Jaehyun’s bangs have grown past his cheekbones, half an inch longer than it was when they left the palace three days ago, but it is not long enough yet to be a bother.

“Do you want me to cut it?” Doyoung asks, hands once again fiddling with the first aid kit. Jaehyun would want nothing else, but there is a strained quality to Doyoung’s voice, like he is forcing the pleasantry, and it makes Jaehyun nauseous. Anyway, he is no longer a prince, and Doyoung is no longer his aide.

“It’s fine,” he says, looking down into his lap while he experiments with putting weight on his right leg as good as he can while sitting down. The pill Doyoung gave him is a relatively new type of pain medication, exclusive to Taranjian military, though pain medication might not be the right word for it. Jaehyun knows it only from hearsay, but supposedly it works on a cellular level to enhance healing. It all sounds a bit too science fiction to him. Curing illnesses is one thing, manipulating the growth of new tissue is something completely different. Though, his father _was_ obsessed with finding new ways to improve the efficiency and quality of their military, it might just be possible after all.

Real or fiction, it does a better job of taking away the pain, and Jaehyun feels brighter than he did before, more alert.

“We can’t go back to the Crater Jaehyun, it’s far too dangerous. We don’t really have a choice but to walk,” Doyoung is looking out the opening at where Yuta is still standing, fingers wrapped around the pommel of his knife and looking around himself. He has no reason to think Doyoung’s words are wrong, but seeing Yuta so on guard makes him think attempting to traverse the land on foot would be just as dangerous.

“Would you trust _him_?” Doyoung asks and Jaehyun startles, head whipping around to look at the elder. Doyoung isn’t looking at him however, his eyes are still locked on the lithe form of the winsome pirate and Jaehyun watches as his brow slowly furrows.

“He’s a pirate Jaehyun, and they are nothing like what you have read in your stories.”

He doesn’t say it outright, but Jaehyun can hear the distrust in Doyoung’s voice, he can see the abhorrence in his eyes, and if it had been anyone else he wouldn’t hesitate to concede. However, Yuta is more than a pirate, he saved Jaehyun’s life when there was no reason for him to do any of the sort. He can’t not believe that there is good in him.

“I don’t know what happened with you in the past,” he pauses, subconsciously maybe, hoping that Doyoung will fill in the blanks, but continues when he is just as forthcoming as he always is.

“But I believe it’s possible to be both a pirate and a good man. If Yuta says it’s too dangerous, I believe him, but I also believe in you.”

Doyoung doesn’t say anything in answer to that, rather he packs the first aid kit into the backpack again and zips it closed. Pushing himself to his feet, he extends a hand to Jaehyun and pulls him up as well before proceeding off the ramp once again.

When Jaehyun joins him on the ground, Doyoung presses his thumb in the middle of the triangular key and it beeps once as the ship’s ramp rises from the ground and the ship locks itself up. The key lights up red for a few seconds before fading back to white and Doyoung tucks it back into his pocket. No stranger will be able to get it open now, not without blowing a hole in the hull.

“I guess this is goodbye then,” Doyoung says, facing Jaehyun but clearly talking to Yuta. He gestures with an arm out for Jaehyun to start walking, but jerks it back when Yuta quickly steps in front of them and grabs his wrist between his fingers. The pirate holds his palm out between them for a few seconds before lowering his arm to his side.

“You’re not actually thinking of walking to Thíva?!” he exclaims in disbelief.

Jaehyun opens his mouth to explain, but Doyoung is quicker than him and suddenly he is being pushed back and Doyoung is standing between him and Yuta with a tension in his broad shoulders that is similar to a predator about to pounce.

“Why would you think we’re going to Thíva?” he grinds out between clenched teeth and Jaehyun can do nothing but stare at the back of his head, wide-eyed and speechless. He has never seen Doyoung like this before, had no idea there existed such a terrifyingly vicious side to him. His voice is venom and his grip on Jaehyun’s forearm is bruising, but Yuta seems not affected at all. Apart from a raised eyebrow, his face remains blank and his hands remain at his sides, open and relaxed.

“I highly doubt you’re going to Melos, and the only other settlement you’d meet on the trajectory you were flying, is Thíva. It’s a simple case of deduction.”

Despite his aloof appearance, Yuta’s voice is strained, and when he smiles it is close-lipped and tight, his jaw tensing and his eyes pinching at the corners.

A tense silence stretches between them. Jaehyun’s wrist is starting to ache, but he bites his tongue to stay still. This is between Doyoung and Yuta, he shouldn’t interfere, is what he tells himself, but the animosity bouncing back and forth between the two hangs thick in the air, and it scares him quiet.

Doyoung has only ever been kind to everyone, there is always a warmth to him, even when he is pushing Jaehyun away it is never done out of ill intent. To see him so openly hostile is devastating, because Jaehyun cannot even begin to imagine the reasons why. What has happened to Doyoung in the past to make him distrust pirates to such an extent?

Doyoung’s fingers slacken around his wrist and Jaehyun inhales sharply, just realising he had been holding his breath the entire time.

“We _are_ going to Thíva, now get out of my way,” Doyoung says quietly, still glaring at Yuta with his mouth drawn in a thin line. Yuta steps aside with a pretentious bow and a smile of barely veiled dislike stretching his mouth, and for effect, throws one arm out to guide them on their way.

Jaehyun sends him a look of, he doesn’t quite know, regret or remorse or confused accusation, he is feeling both at the moment and it is impossible to tell from Yuta’s face what it is that is coming through. The pirate only winks at him one last time and Jaehyun makes a quiet huff before turning to follow Doyoung who has already stepped into the trees.

“You’re not going to make it,” Yuta calls after them and Jaehyun almost runs into Doyoung’s back when the elder stops suddenly, exhaling a rush of air between his teeth.

“Jaehyun can barely walk, you have one gun, this is a dangerous place.” Yuta’s voice grows steadily closer until he is standing only a few steps behind them, and Jaehyun almost expects Doyoung to lash out again, but this time the elder keeps his cool. He turns on his heels, a purposely blank look on his face and the sweeping gaze he makes up and down Yuta’s body is wholly unimpressed.

“And what would you suggest we do?” Doyoung’s voice is condescending, but this time Yuta doesn’t rise to the bait at all.

“I go with you,” he says, straightforward.

Doyoung snorts loudly and shakes his head.

“And do you expect me to believe your offer is that simple? Pirates never do anything for charity!”

Jaehyun has to agree with Doyoung, he finds it hard to believe Yuta would make an offer like this simply because he is worried for their safety. Then again, he did step in to save Jaehyun back in the Crater, presumably out of a sense of fairness, certainly not for any personal gain.

“No, you’re right, I do expect something in return,” Yuta nods continuously with his eyebrows raised, before nodding back towards their crashed ship.

“Your ship,” he says and digs one hand past the open flap of his leather jacket to rest against his left collarbone. “I like ships,” he adds with a wink.

“Okay,” Jaehyun says before Doyoung can even open his mouth. He could see his face tightening before Yuta even finished speaking, and he didn’t want to give him the opportunity to turn the pirate down.

He will be of no help to Doyoung in his current condition, and Doyoung would readily take a bullet for him, or in this case, potential mauling by a wild animal.

Doyoung can hate him for the rest of their lives, but Jaehyun will not let him risk his life in unknown territory that even the locals dare not venture into alone.

“Jaehyun,” Doyoung grits between clenched teeth, “a word.”

Doyoung pulls gently at his shoulder to lead him a little away from Yuta and Jaehyun hobbles along on unsteady feet. The pain is hardly there, but his leg is itching with the feeling of pins and needles from his knee to his toes.

“What are you doing?” Doyoung whispers once they are a sufficient distance from the dubitable pirate. Jaehyun sighs quietly and looks over Doyoung’s shoulder at Yuta, who is intently studying the canopy above them with his fingers still wrapped around the bronze pommel of his knife.

“We don’t know him Jaehyun, he can’t be trusted.”

Jaehyun flicks his eyes back to Doyoung’s and huffs desperately at him.

“Now you’re contradicting yourself, we don’t know him so we don’t know if he can be trusted!” Doyoung rolls his eyes with an exasperated sigh.

“Besides!” Jaehyun tilts his head to regain eye contact, “we don’t need to trust him, but we could need his help. We don’t know what we might run into, and right now I’m not sure if I would be of any help in a tight situation.”

Jaehyun exhales shakily, a quiet whine slipping out at the end while his face scrunches in resentment over himself and their current situation.

“I can’t protect you,” he implores in a whisper, gripping Doyoung’s fingers between his own.

Doyoung smiles placatingly at him and lifts a hand to brush a lock of hair out of his face.

“You’re still my prince Jaehyun,” he says, softly and consolingly, “I’m supposed to protect you.”

“I’m not though. I will never be a prince ever again, so please stop treating me like one.” Doyoung tilts his head and his forehead furrows in the way it always does before he expresses sympathy to Jaehyun, so before he can open his mouth, Jaehyun hastens to add; “if I was, you wouldn’t go against my word like this.”

A choking silence stretches between them. Jaehyun has never lorded his title over Doyoung, over anyone, before. He has never expected anyone to treat him special or heed his every word without question because of his status, and saying so now, even if he doesn’t mean it, is almost enough to make him sick.

Jaehyun has always thought highly of Doyoung, put him on a pedestal almost; a representation of everything good in his life. More than being equal, Jaehyun has been dependant on Doyoung from the day they met. It feels utterly wrong to even suggest that their relationship is anything but exactly like that.

“I don’t mean that,” Jaehyun whispers hoarsely, “you know I don’t.”

Doyoung only nods, but the tiny smile on his face says everything Jaehyun needs to know.

Jaehyun’s hold around Doyoung’s fingers slacken until their hands fall apart and then he tugs his shirt sleeves over his fingers and sucks his lower lip into his mouth. He doesn’t want to keep trying to poke holes in Doyoung’s iron clad reluctance to share his feelings with him, but he can’t go on without letting the elder know what it does to him.

“I won’t make you tell me what it is, but your attitude, all of this, it worries me.”

He gestures discreetly at Yuta as he speaks and Doyoung follows his movements with his eyes, biting down on the corner of his mouth. There is a flicker of fear in his eyes that Jaehyun almost believes he imagined if not for the shaky inhale that follows it.

“Don’t trust him,” Doyoung murmurs, holding up a hand for silence when Jaehyun starts to object. “For all we know he could be a _Libertus_ sympathiser. I’m only asking that you stay on your guard and don’t reveal anything about who you really are.”

Jaehyun smiles and leans in to place a kiss on Doyoung’s lips, but misses when Doyoung abruptly turns away from him. He inhales sharply in surprise as he almost loses his balance and a spike of pain shoots through his leg when he sets his feet into the ground to steady himself. Doyoung has already traversed half the distance between him and Yuta by the time Jaehyun opens his eyes again, and he limps hastily after him, knitted eyebrows decorating his face in worry.

“You follow us as far as to Melos; the ship is yours.”

Doyoung’s words are short and concise and he waits only long enough for Yuta to tilt his head in agreement before he sets of.

He stops after taking three steps and gestures with an arm for Jaehyun to walk ahead of him, twitching obviously on his feet and breathing heavily through his nose. Jaehyun hobbles as quick as he can and once he reaches Doyoung’s side he grips the elder’s hand in his, just as much to restrain Doyoung as to steady himself, and with Yuta jogging ahead to take the lead, they start the long trek to where they need to go. Jaehyun can only hope their path will finally lead them to safety.

 

*

* * *

*

 

They have been walking for three hours without stopping, lead on by Yuta’s increasingly tense form. The pirate will cast a glance up at the leafy canopy over their heads every ten seconds and his uneasiness is putting Jaehyun on edge.

The forest they had landed in was small, or at least they had crashed right at the edge of it, but they had walked for no more than ten minutes through open space when they hit the threshold of another. This one looked much the same, same trees same yellowy grass same cloying scent, but the longer they walked the thicker it grew. The trees are relatively short, no more than twice Jaehyun’s height at the tallest, and the trunks are dark green and overgrown with moss. Yuta had torn off a piece when Jaehyun asked him about the strange smell in the air and had thrust the handful of moss in his face. It was sweet, but up close the moss didn’t give off as strong a smell as Jaehyun had anticipated.

The amount of it, covering every trunk as if it has been sprayed on, must be what makes it so rich in the air.  It had them all sneezing for a good half hour before they got used to it.

Jaehyun surmises they must be somewhere in the middle now, the trees are standing so close together that the canopy blocks out all light except for tiny streams where a branch has been broken or a hole has been torn through the large, circular leaves.

It was about midday when they left the Crater, and as they walk, the light slipping through the canopy grows fainter and fainter as night approaches.

Doyoung has placed himself between Jaehyun and Yuta, more weary of the pirate than any other dangerous creature that might be lurking in the darkness, and he’ll look over his shoulder at Jaehyun at least twice every minute. Jaehyun kept with the pace for the first two hours, but his limp started to slow him down and now it feels as if every step he takes is on a bed of needles, poking his nerves with zaps of pain. Most of it is psychosomatic, he is sure. The painkillers are supposed to last for hours, up to half a day Doyoung had told him a while ago, but it is better to focus on a physical pain than the weird churning in his gut.

He doesn’t want to admit that he is the tiniest bit disappointed in Doyoung. If he does that, he fears all the rest of the thoughts he has supressed could also come to the surface. He loves Doyoung, there is no doubt in his heart about his feelings for the man, but it is sometimes hard to love someone so secretive. Doyoung cherishes his secrets, his privacy and space so much, and the weight of dealing with such reticence is only getting heavier. Jaehyun no longer knows what to do about it.

Does he confront Doyoung? Ask and ask and ask until Doyoung will tell him just to get him off his back? Or does he play the waiting game and draw out his silence until Doyoung tells him of his own accord?

It doesn’t sound like much of a dilemma, there is really only one thing he can, with good conscience, do. But Jaehyun has played the waiting game for two years already and it seems he is no good at it.

He stumbles as his leg falters under his weight and falls to the soft ground with a small whimper of pain. _It’s all in my head it’s all in my head_ , he repeats like a mantra in his mind, but the pain does not lessen.

Doyoung is with him in an instant, hands running briskly over his body before hooking under his armpits to help him off the wet ground. He is lead to lean against a tree and Jaehyun sags in relief as he removes any weight from his injured leg. The pain is still there however, and so Jaehyun tries to think of anything that will not cause his mind to be troubled.  Like his favourite blue flowers on their ivy, frozen in crystallised ice, or the yellow fruit Doyoung would often bring him, or how pretty the moons on Taranjà look on a clear night sky. He thinks back to the night before all this happened, when Doyoung stayed with him until morning, touched him under the sheets and made him feel good.

His eyes are closed, but he can feel Doyoung close by and he wants to reach out and touch him, to steady himself on him and feel his arms around him.

“We should keep moving,” Yuta’s quiet voice breaks through the fog of pain slowly clearing in Jaehyun’s mind.

“He needs a break,” Doyoung responds, voice just as quiet. There is something about this forest, Jaehyun thinks, that makes speaking at a volume higher than a murmur seem inappropriate.

“We can stop for a minute.”

There is a slight rustle in front of him and then a water bottle is being placed in Jaehyun’s hands and Doyoung is whispering at him to “drink a little.”

Jaehyun takes the aluminium bottle with a grateful smile and drinks a large swallow at once.

“We should keep moving,” Yuta repeats, more urgent and when Jaehyun takes a glance at him, he is tapping his fingers nervously against his thighs and searching the treetops. Jaehyun sees the exact moment Yuta’s face pales and his eyes go wide with fear and he follows the pirate’s gaze up and chokes on his own tongue.

“We can afford a minute,” Doyoung is saying, but Jaehyun is already shaking his head and Yuta is suddenly at his side and tugging one of Jaehyun’s arms over his shoulders.

“No, we need to go now,” Jaehyun says and throws his left arm over Doyoung’s shoulders and tugs him along as he hobbles in between the two of them.

He understands now why Yuta was so eager to get clear of the forest, and why he has spent the entire trek looking up at the treetops. Above them, a long, yellow-green creature, cylindrical body interrupted by thin, talon-like legs and its head consisting mostly of sharp teeth and nothing else, is curling over the branches and reaching out for them.

“What is that?!” Jaehyun yells in terror, unable to take his eyes off the horrific creature. Yuta tugs them all down the path where the trees are sparser, not as close together as the ones behind them.

“It’s an Ygr, more commonly known as a Soul Eater,” the pirate explains in a rush, tacking on “and it wants to eat you,” probably in the hope of making them move faster. It works anyway, and Jaehyun bites his teeth together against the pain as they set off at a run.

It’s an uphill climb and the elevation in the terrain has them all gasping for breath when they finally stop, at least ten minutes later.

The trees have opened up around them and the light the fading sun gives them is a blessing. Yuta assures them they have outrun the monster, but they instinctually move to press their backs together to have eyes on their immediate area while they catch their breath.

“The Ygr is rather slow,” Yuta says in between large gulps of air, “but they’re quiet as a flower petal in wind. That’s how they hunt, you won’t know they are there before they attack.”

“Why are they called Soul Eater?” Jaehyun asks once he starts to calm down and his heart is no longer racing a mile a minute.

“I don’t know, it sounds scary?” Yuta laughs a little and fluffs his hair. “There is a story to it, but I don’t know it. Everything with a story needs two names.”

Jaehyun takes a desperate gulp from his water bottle, drinking probably half of it before handing it to Yuta who gracefully declines.

“No need,” he says and digs a hand past his jacket, pulling out a transparent blob that he puts whole into his mouth.

“Water bubble,” he explains and Jaehyun nods even though he has never heard of it before. He can guess well enough what it is anyway.

“We should try and find a place to make camp for the night,” Doyoung says and walks between them and continues up the hill. The trees are sparse here, and Jaehyun reckons by the time they reach the top of this hill there will be no more trees left. He desperately hopes they won’t find just another forest after this.

 

The grassy knoll gives them a panoramic view of the surrounding land, green and red trees swallowing most of it, but fortunately not in the direction they need to go. What awaits them there is a large, rocky field that apparently narrows into a steep valley some ways off. Jaehyun can’t see it, but Doyoung has always had better eyesight than him, which makes sense considering he is of Curug Tam.

A large rock gives them cover from the elements with its sloping form creating almost a roof for them to sit under, and Yuta has wandered off down the other side of the hill to look for firewood. It would keep the animals away while they rested.

It is not at all the right place nor time for it, and Jaehyun is most likely still running on the adrenaline of nearly being eaten alive, but Doyoung has stretched out on his back in the grass and his long body is tantalising enough that Jaehyun can’t stay away.

He crawls around the backpack Doyoung has deposited between them and settles his knees on either side of Doyoung’s hips and sits down in his lap. Doyoung’s eyes snap open and his entire body tenses under Jaehyun, eyes flicking from side to side as he attempts to push himself up without touching Jaehyun.

Jaehyun smiles at him and makes a tiny hushing noise as he runs his fingers through Doyoung’s hair and lays down against his chest to keep him still under his own body weight.

“Jaehyun,” Doyoung protests and Jaehyun hushes him again and cups his face between his palms.

“Just a little kissing,” he whispers and plants a tiny peck on Doyoung’s lips. “We’ve wasted enough opportunities.”

He lays his mouth over Doyoung’s and applies only a little pressure, taking the elder’s bottom lip between his own once Doyoung stops trying to push him off. Jaehyun slips his hands around the back of Doyoung’s head, curling his arms around him as he lays down more against his chest and teases his tongue inside Doyoung’s mouth. For a moment, Doyoung’s tongue rubs against his and Doyoung’s lips press back, but in the next, Doyoung is turning his head away and his hands are once more pushing at Jaehyun’s sides.

“Jaehyun, stop,” he whispers firmly with his eyes closed tight and Jaehyun sits up, obedient to his vocal protests once more.

“Why?” he asks, lashes fluttering and tongue running back and forth over his glistening lips. “Yuta won’t be back yet, we have time.”

Doyoung sits up as well and pulls his legs out from under Jaehyun, retreating to sit leant against the rock face.

“It’s not right,” he whispers, sounding choked and Jaehyun can only blink in confusion at him. He considers no part of what they were doing as being anything but absolutely prefect.

“It’s not right, I’m not in the mood; ever since we left home you’ve given me excuse after excuse not to touch me. Why is that?”

A sliver of Jaehyun’s frustrations leak through and he can’t help the embittered tone his voice takes. Doyoung frowns at him, looking both affronted and surprised, but he doesn’t say anything, only opens and closes his mouth a couple times.

“I just want a little closeness,” Jaehyun softens his voice and reaches out a hand that stays hanging in the empty air between them. “Please.”

This is the point where Doyoung usually softens, when he will reach out for Jaehyun and allow him close despite what he may have said before.

This time that is not how it happens.

“You could always go find Yuta then,” he says instead.

A pregnant silence falls between them. Jaehyun thinks this must be revenge of a sort for what he said earlier at the crash site and is only waiting for Doyoung to say he didn’t mean it. He doesn’t. Instead he curls tighter together against the rock and turns his head away from Jaehyun.

“If you want sex I’m sure he’s more than up for it,” Doyoung says, his voice cold and hollow and Jaehyun laughs because, preposterous as it sounds, Doyoung is jealous.

“Why would you even say that?” Jaehyun laughs incredulously and Doyoung turns back for a second to give him a raised eyebrow and shake his head at him.

“You owe him,” Doyoung murmurs, more serious than Jaehyun is prepared for.

“Because he saved my life?”

He shuffles across the grass to find Doyoung’s eyes with his, but the elder keeps avoiding him by paying close attention to his fingers twisting together on top of his drawn-up knees.

“He’s a pirate,” he repeats once again in a whisper, “they don’t do anything for free.”

Jaehyun huffs as he sits heavily on his haunches in front of Doyoung, folding his hands in his lap and stares at Doyoung with a fond expression on his face.

“Even so, I wouldn’t let him touch me. I don’t want him; I don’t want anyone that isn’t you.”

He is sure of this in his heart and it is reflected in his voice, but all his words seem to do is cloak Doyoung even further in the shadow he has cast over himself. He is frowning terribly at his own hands which are gripping his knees so hard his fingertips are turning white. It almost looks as if Doyoung is forcing back tears as his face contorts, and then he suddenly unfolds with a loud inhale followed by a choked exhale.

“What I meant earlier, is that this is not right _to you_. I’m sorry Jaehyun, I’m so sorry.” He stops suddenly, eyes lidded and teeth biting gently into his lower lip. Jaehyun doesn’t understand where he is going with this and as such has nothing to say. All he can do is wait for Doyoung to elaborate and hope it isn’t as bad as it sounds like.

“I should never have,” Doyoung falters as if the words are painful to say and Jaehyun’s lower lip starts to tremble as the implications of what Doyoung might be trying to say registers in his mind. He is already shaking his head when Doyoung finally raises his eyes to look at him and it is as if the sight of him forces all the words from Doyoung’s mouth.

“I love you Jaehyun, you’re everything to me. You need to know this. But I should never have approached you in the way I have. It’s not what I want from you. I’m so sorry.”

Doyoung’s sentences are choppy, his voice rough as if the words have grinded against his vocal chords and made them sore.

The rush of emotions coursing through him is dizzying and Jaehyun can’t for the life of him settle at one. Confusion is the prevalent feeling, but it is nearly drowned in the sea of frustration and disappointment and despair and utter heartache. Slowly, one emotion rises to the fore, covering his face in it and coating his voice with its resonance.

“What?” is the only word he can force past the lump in his throat and it is harsh and dark and so _angry_.

Doyoung doesn’t flinch, but he retreats from Jaehyun even further, shame glistening in his eyes.

“How can you say that?” Jaehyun grits out between his teeth. His breath is coming short in his chest and his head feels light in the way it does right before you pass out. He holds his breath for a couple seconds and then releases it all in a big gusty exhale to clear his head.

Doyoung is shaking his head minutely and licking his lips over and over while repeating the same words of apology on a loop.

“You don’t want me?” Jaehyun says, half a question and half a statement.

“But … all we’ve done all you’ve said all the times we’ve had sex?!” His voice grows progressively more panicked as he talks, rising in volume until he is almost shouting. Doyoung is standing now, looking down at him, and Jaehyun watches helplessly as his face contorts, going through so many different expressions before finally settling on one of pity. Jaehyun feels his tampered anger roar back to life.

“It felt good, and you needed it.” Doyoung’s words are soft, consoling. He seems more in control of himself now than ever before, and as a direct opposite of him, Jaehyun is quickly falling apart.

“I need …” Jaehyun swallows and tries again, “I need.” The words won’t come so he jumps to his feet and shakes his arms around a little, maybe trying to dislodge what it is he wants to say. He stills so abruptly that Doyoung startles a little when he turns to look him in the eye.

“I needed you,” he implores, begging Doyoung with his wide, glistening eyes to take back his words.

He doesn’t, and Jaehyun shudders as the tears finally falls. Because this is real, Doyoung is really saying this and he is really, truly, tearing up the last good thing Jaehyun has in his life. After all the losses Jaehyun has already suffered, this comes as the crushing blow to his life, making it feel, in its suffocating darkness, like a supernova; imploding on itself.

Doyoung whimpers like a wounded animal and reaches out to Jaehyun with fingers gently curled and aiming for his cheek.

“No!“ Jaehyun reels back as if burned.

He is shaking all over as he tries to make sense of what is happening. Doyoung is saying he loves him, but he doesn’t love him. How can he say that Jaehyun is everything to him, but he doesn’t want to be with him in the way Jaehyun wants him to? Is he expecting to find another person to love as much, or does he already have a person like that? How can Jaehyun be everything to him and not enough at the same time? None of it makes the slightest bit of sense. The only explanation is that it’s not _meant_ to make sense, it’s all bullshit.

“Bullshit,” he says out loud and Doyoung immediately pulls back, a coldness falling over his face that is almost enough to make Jaehyun retreat. _Not this time_ , he tells himself and forges on.

“This is bullshit, you don’t mean that!” He latches onto the anger still simmering under the surface, what he believes might have been there for a very long time, always directed at Doyoung.

“I don’t believe you!”

Doyoung huffs and turns away, putting on an act of exasperation and frustration. Jaehyun knows it’s an act now, is remembering so many other instances where the elder has done something like this and effectively kept him at a distance, and realises that it has all been an act.

He knows Doyoung loves him, he can feel it in his bones when Doyoung so much as looks at him. It’s impossible to hide something like that.

Doyoung can act as cold and callous as he wants, Jaehyun will no longer believe him.

“You should, it’s the truth,” Doyoung says, sounding apathetic. He won’t look Jaehyun in the eye, and the disbelief that Doyoung would go so far just to push him away, makes Jaehyun’s words loud and mean.

“ _The truth_ is that you’re hiding something from me, and you’re too much of a _coward_ to come clean!”

Before Doyoung can say or do anything, Jaehyun turns angrily on his heels and storms off, tears drying up as his breaking heart is hardened to stone.

 

*

* * *

*

 

He doesn’t want to wander too far, but he can’t stay with Doyoung either. Not when the words he said are still ringing in his ears and churning in his stomach.

While he set of at a run, his leg still pains him so he has barely rounded the large rock gathering where they are camped before he slows down to a walk. Doyoung is calling out his name, but is making no move to follow him and Jaehyun feels his eyes sting with new tears that don’t fall. His leg is aching, and when he puts his hand to it he notices how it shakes. His mouth is trembling as well and his eyes burn, but he refuses to cry anymore. The tears he shed in front of Doyoung will be the last he spares the man. If he will insist on being a jackass instead of owning up to whatever it is that makes him push Jaehyun away, then Jaehyun won’t bother.

The forest starts closing in around him the further down the hill he walks, until he reaches the bottom and comes upon a small pond. It is no more than twenty feet across and covered in a fine layer of spider silk.

Jaehyun drops carefully to his knees at the grassy bank and dips his fingers inside the strange white substance. The silk comes alive at his touch, wrapping around his fingers and pulling at them with surprising strength. He falls back with a yell, the silky strands tearing and falling harmlessly into the grass.

He casts a cursory look around himself, but the forest is quiet, apart from the chirping of birds and the rustle of small animals scuttling through the undergrowth. He gives the canopy a good, hard look to make sure there are no more Ygr hiding amongst the leaves, ready to swoop down and swallow him whole.

When he finds none, he falls back into the grass with a shuddering sigh, spreading his arms out at his sides, he looks up at the red sun burning in the sky. It is getting late and the light cast down between the trees makes the leaves glow bloody red on their branches.

Jaehyun feel empty inside.

Doyoung’s words of affection that has always floated around in his head are no longer there, replaced by the lies the older man spouted minutes ago.

They take every form he can imagine; a heart-breaking song, a note written on the yellow papyrus Jaehyun used to draw on as a kid, he imagines them as a rose in his hands before he pricks his fingers on the thorns.

He knows Doyoung loves him, that is the only thing he is still certain of, but it is bittersweet.

Jaehyun’s love for Doyoung is like an oil painting. It has stained his fingers and his face, it has stained everything he is, and it is not easily washed away.

“I love you,” he whispers out loud, and then he does it again, louder. He tastes the words on his lips and wishes Doyoung was there to hear him say them. He rarely told him how he felt, never thought he would have to put it into words. Jaehyun has always felt as if he and Doyoung understood one another. Now he realises he never truly understood Doyoung’s mind at all, though he still holds hope that he was not wrong about his heart.

A branch snaps to his right and Jaehyun sits up, hopeful despite it all that he will find Doyoung standing there.

Instead it is Yuta, coated in red sunlight, holding a thin branch in each hand.

“A snapping branch seems a popular way to announce your possibly unwelcome presence,” he says with a half-smile.

Jaehyun watches him quietly as the man throws the two pieces from his hands one by one as he walks closer.

Yuta is handsome no doubt, his windswept hair and full leather ensemble, that lop-sided smile and the glint in his eyes make him look like a pirate straight out of his old nan’s stories. And his large assortment of weapons, ranging from his brand new raygun to the archaic knife he carries in his belt, makes him look dangerous. Jaehyun has seen first-hand what the man can do back in the Crater, but he has never been the slightest bit afraid of him.

As Yuta walks out of the trees towards him now, his slow gait and the way his hand rests on the hilt of his knife, a chill goes through Jaehyun’s body and he finds himself unwittingly holding his breath.

Doyoung’s multiple warnings run through his mind and the other’s distrust of Yuta seems suddenly not so ludicrous after all.

“Dano av Lanach,” Yuta says with a tip of his head, “or the Lake of Spiders.”

His eyes stay locked on Jaehyun and there is something disconcerting about the way he keeps watching him. Then he smiles and his whole face changes, lightning up in a marvellous way and all of Jaehyun’s worries evaporate. At least those he had about Yuta.

He wishes it would take away the hurt Doyoung has left him with as well.

“You shouldn’t touch the silk, it’ll drown you,” Yuta says and laughs shortly. Jaehyun laughs with him, turning his head away as his cheeks turn red. He wonders if it is only coincidence or if Yuta has been watching him for longer than he is letting on.

“I couldn’t help but overhear your … _talk_ earlier.”

Yuta walks to stand at the edge of the lake, his back facing Jaehyun and his fingers playing with the ivory hilt of his knife. Now that he can’t see Yuta’s face lit up with his smile, that fear he felt earlier comes creeping back. There is something unsettling about Yuta, a sense about him that is entirely different from the charm and blasé seduction that Jaehyun has become familiar with.

Yuta pulls his knife from its sheath and Jaehyun’s breath is stuck behind the lump that forms in his throat.

“I lost my kid brother to a lake like this,” Yuta says and throws his knife in the air once, catching the blade between two fingers before carefully placing it back in its sheath.

Jaehyun mumbles an apology, muted by his own mistrust. It seems ridiculous now, but for a moment he was convinced Yuta was going to kill him.

“It was many years ago,” Yuta dismisses him with a flippant wave of a hand. “If I could cut all their strings and leave them dead in the water, I would. But even a blaster wouldn’t do enough damage on these bastards. They just regenerate.”

Yuta takes out his knife again and flips it in the air and balances it on his fingers.

“I’m sorry, by the way. I was returning with firewood and you guys were being kind of loud,” he says and Jaehyun blinks several times in quick succession as he tries to keep up with Yuta’s jumps in conversation.

“You’re so archaic,” he says without thinking, focused more on the twirling of the pirate’s large knife than anything he might have said. He bites his tongue immediately after the words leave his mouth, an apology ready to be served when Yuta throws his head back and laughs. The sound carries through the silence of the forest and Jaehyun ducks his head as his ears and cheeks turn pink in embarrassment.

As the pirate quiets down, Jaehyun mumbles an apology to which Yuta answers only with a dismissive wave.

“I guess I sort of am, or I would be to you at least,” Yuta says, a slight trace of mirth still in his voice.

“What do you mean?”

Yuta sighs in the way Jaehyun has long gotten used to hearing from Doyoung, that self-induced frustration when one realises they have overshared. Jaehyun has troubles figuring out what he revealed in such a short sentence.

“It’s very obvious you were brought up nicely, Jaehyun.”

He quiets, hunching down to trail his fingers an inch above the silky web. The strings shudder under his palm and it spreads out like a sigh over the lake. Yuta’s left hand curls once more around the hilt of his knife, hidden back in its sheath.

“I’ve always believed technology to be severely faulty,” his voice is low and the resonance of it sends shivers down Jaehyun’s spine.

“They need to be recharged, or they need a specific set of bullets or they simply lose their efficiency from old age.”

Yuta twirls on his toes, rising to his full height as he faces Jaehyun. His eyes are dark under his floppy bangs and he stands, like always, with his finger curled around the decorative ivory hilt of his knife. Jaehyun is really starting not to like that knife.

“A well-used knife is more than a weapon; it becomes an extension of you. The more you use it the better you get and the better it becomes.”

He pulls the knife from its sheath with a quiet zing and holds it up in front of his face. The blade glints in the red sunlight, giving it the appearance of being on fire. Yuta sets the tip against his own finger, drawing blood instantly.

Jaehyun flinches, not from the blood, but from the look on Yuta’s face. The pirate watches with fascination as his own blood trickles down his finger, and then he lays his eyes on Jaehyun.

Several minutes go by in silence as Jaehyun studies Yuta’s fingers and Yuta studies him.

“You love him?” the pirate asks, so suddenly Jaehyun startles a little and to hide it he wraps his arms around himself.

“I do,” he answers carefully, looking anywhere but at Yuta.

“Didn’t seem like the feeling was mutual,” Yuta walks closer and crouches down by Jaehyun’s feet. One of his hands drop to Jaehyun’s ankle, gripping it for a moment before simply holding it loosely.

Jaehyun can’t tear his eyes away from the almost possessive hold the pirate has on him anymore than he can conceal the shiver it sends down his spine. He can’t quite tell whether it is from fear or some twisted excitement. There is no denying Yuta is handsome and his ruggedness and dangerous look and his pirate life is enough of a draw for any adventurous soul. To Jaehyun, Yuta seems like an adventure and if it were not for Doyoung, he would not even think to say no.

Doyoung is the one who has always doubted Yuta, he is the one who put doubts in Jaehyun’s head and caused this unfounded fear of the pirate. Yuta saved his life, if he did it to gain access to Jaehyun’s pants then so be it. It doesn’t change the fact that Jaehyun would not be sitting here if it weren’t for him. Though he can’t help but think that maybe he would be better off dead, it can’t possibly be worse than having life in your body and none in your soul. He would rather be a dead body, than an empty shell.

He finally lifts his eyes to Yuta and finds him watching him with an expectant look that makes his eyes round and large.

“It’s complicated,” he whispers and pulls his legs up, free from Yuta’s hold.

“I don’t want to be rude, but can you leave? I kind of want to be alone right now.”

Yuta sighs and his head drops forward while he rests his elbows on his knees and his hands hang limply from the wrists in between them.

“Of course,” he says, but makes no move to leave. Instead he moves closer to Jaehyun, almost prowling even when on his knees, and lays a hand against the side of Jaehyun’s neck, thumb rubbing gently against his jaw.

“If you need a distraction or something,” he doesn’t finish his sentence, but instead leans in and takes Jaehyun’s lips in an unsolicited kiss.

Jaehyun can tell that Yuta is objectively a good kisser, but the callouses on his palm and fingers, the shape of his mouth, the minty taste of his breath is all wrong.

He longs for the thin lips, the rounded, sugary taste of Doyoung’s mouth and his soft hands brushing through his hair.

Yuta kisses him like he is going somewhere, it’s a persuasion, and Jaehyun knows the destination, but it’s a train he refuses to board.

Doyoung’s kisses have always been comforting, they would kiss only to kiss, with no other intention, no hidden agenda. He should thank Yuta, because without knowing his kiss Jaehyun would not be as certain as he is now that Doyoung really does love him. And not in the platonic way he is trying to make Jaehyun believe.

Doyoung loves him, and Jaehyun wish that knowledge would make forgiving him easy, but it doesn’t.

Jaehyun pulls away with a jerk of his head and a sharp inhale, pushing Yuta away with both hands planted on his chest. The pirate falls into the grass, unbalanced as he was crouching, and a flash of anger in his face makes Jaehyun flinch before it is replaced with a soothing furrow in his brow and Yuta raises his hands in a placating manner.

“I’m sorry,” he says, though Jaehyun doesn’t think he manages to sound very convincing.

“I’ll let you be now,” Yuta rises to his feet and dusts off his trousers. He stays staring down at Jaehyun for a moment longer, fingers toying with the hilt of his knife, before he sighs and looks up at the leafy canopy.

He makes to walk past Jaehyun, but stops half a step behind him and drops his hand to the top of Jaehyun’s head, ruffling his hair gently.

“You still owe me _something_ ,” he says and walks off, leaving Jaehyun alone in the forest once more.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took so long, I'm sorry. I've struggled like crazy with this chapter and I'm so happy to finally be posting it!

The next morning the sun is blocked out by grey clouds and from the distance they can hear the rumble of thunder and Jaehyun feels the weather could not be more appropriate. He barely slept the night before, plagued by the uncomfortable ground, but mostly by his own heart’s incessant rapid beating in his chest.

It was weird, wanting to run away from and to Doyoung at the same time, it was almost like his body was trying to split in two, taking his heart to Doyoung and his brain as far away as possible.

He had slept on the very edge of their camp, keeping Yuta and as much space as possible between him and Doyoung, and when they woke with the sun he accepted the ration bar Doyoung handed him without looking him in the eye. An awkward silence has lain over them ever since Jaehyun returned to the camp site to find a fire burning in the middle and Yuta and Doyoung staring each other down from either side of it.

The tension between the two has yet to dissipate, if anything it has grown thicker since the day before and Jaehyun is almost certain that Doyoung knows what happened between him and Yuta. He doesn’t know how Doyoung could know that, but he never does yet Doyoung always knows. Secret-keeping is not a skill Jaehyun has ever refined, least of all his ability to keep anything from Doyoung. It was an unnecessary skill, in the past.

The day brings more walking, struggling through wet grass and swampy fields, being bitten by tiny, flying insects and always keeping a woke eye on every rustle in the surrounding grass.

“This is the wild lands,” Yuta had said before they left the camp site, “there’s no telling what we’ll meet.”

Taranjà is home to plenty of indigenous species, some docile and some extremely dangerous, but having grown up in the Capital Jaehyun has never seen anything larger than a household cat. The Ygr from the previous day, with its terrifying visage, is not something he would wish to encounter again, so he keeps his eyes trained on the ground, watching his step and searching for anything moving in the yellow grass.

When he stumbles on a tussock for the fifth time, Doyoung is there with a hand around his upper arm, steadying him until he can get his feet under him again. Doyoung stays close still, his hand hovering over Jaehyun’s back, but not daring to touch.

“Are you okay?” he asks when Jaehyun inhales shakily and leans a little away from him.

Jaehyun feels the familiar warmth in his chest when he meets eyes with Doyoung for a second and sees the concern glistening in the brown orbs. He feels a bit bad when he shrugs him off, because Doyoung looks to be on the verge of tears, but the pain still clenching his heart is difficult to forget.

“I’m fine,” he grunts and takes a large step over the tussock and continues walking.

The have walked for half a day when Jaehyun finally sees the cliffs Doyoung had mentioned the day before and the slim valley between them. The stone is a grey disruption in an otherwise green and yellow picture, and the cliffs are so smooth, so symmetrical, they hardly look natural.

“Are they manmade?” Jaehyun asks, tapping Yuta’s shoulder.

“The cliffs,” he explains when Yuta raises an eyebrow at him. The pirate follows his finger and hums lowly.

“They’re not cliffs,” he says, pausing for effect and smiles when Jaehyun’s eyes light up in curiosity.

“It’s a gate. Ages ago this was the gateway to the Acropolis, but now it’s all ruins.” Yuta looks up at the sky, studying the sun, and then he ups his pace.

“We’ll want to put the valley well behind us before dark, hurry,” he says and Jaehyun looks behind him to make sure Doyoung heard before he forces his tired legs to move faster.

 

Dusk is settling over the landscape when they reach the imposing gates. Jaehyun strains his neck trying to see the top, but standing almost at the foot of them it is impossible.

There is a strange smell in the air, the sweetness from the mossy trees overwhelmed by a sour, sulfuric smell and every breath he takes rattles in Jaehyun’s lungs.

“What is this?” he coughs, pulling the collar of his too-large shirt up to cover his mouth. A strange smoke is seeping out from the narrow valley, pale orange in colour and obviously the source of the foul smell.

“It’s natural gas, not too dangerous, but be careful of the flames,” Yuta says before wrapping a handkerchief over the lower part of his face and stepping carefully into the thin gas cloud. Jaehyun reaches a hand out for Doyoung, keeps his eyes directed steadily forward as the elder hesitates, and gulps when Doyoung’s cold hand slips into his.

“Stay close,” he says and covers his mouth with his palm, pulling Doyoung along as he follows Yuta into the valley.

The air grows progressively hotter the further they walk and the gas grows thicker in places, making it difficult to see as it stings his eyes, and then it dissipates.

“To your left,” Yuta’s disembodied voice echoes around them. The pirate is no more than ten feet ahead of them, but the gas is so thick Jaehyun can barely see the grey rock his right shoulder keeps brushing against.

Doyoung hisses behind him suddenly, jerking sideways so hard he crashes into the cliffside. Jaehyun hears it then, the quiet crackle of flames amongst the rock. It’s a wonder this whole valley isn’t an inferno with how gas-covered it is.

“How is this not all on fire?” Doyoung asks, crowding against Jaehyun’s back and holding his left arm up between Jaehyun and the fire on the other side.

“Careful,” he whispers and Jaehyun wants to push him away. It’s unfair that Doyoung can go on as if nothing has changed, while Jaehyun feels like every molecule in his body is rearranged when Doyoung so much as looks at him.

“I’m fine,” he grumbles and walks quicker, letting Doyoung’s hand slip from his. He misses the contact at once, but Doyoung has already played with his heart more than he can take, he needs the distance.

“Jaehyun,” Doyoung calls after him, catching his wrist before he can move out of his sight.

“We need to stick together here. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, but we only—“

“No!” Jaehyun interrupts loudly. “You don’t have the right to tell me how to handle this, you don’t have the right!”

Doyoung falls silent then, slowly loosening his grip on Jaehyun’s wrist until his fingers fall away. Jaehyun feels an ugly satisfaction swell in him at how, for once, Doyoung is the one forced to retreat. So many times, he has pushed and been rebuffed by Doyoung’s iron walls, it feels almost good to have their roles reversed. Almost, because as he does it, his longing for Doyoung only grows.

If only there was a way to shut off the hurt, to forget the things that have gone wrong in his life so he could go on living better from now on. His fingers move unconsciously to the left side of his nape, running over the thin scar there. He could do it, if he damaged the chip it would take away his memory. A flaw in the technology they never found a way around.

But it would leave him with nothing, no memories of his childhood be it good or bad, all the wonders he has seen from the frozen flower fields on Taranjà to Seni Rupa, his mother. The hurt would be gone, but so would all the love and happiness he has shared with Doyoung.

His hand falls limply back at his side and he resumes walking.

Most of all, right now, what he wouldn’t want to lose is his anger. The burning rage in his stomach is his only source of energy. He thinks, as long as he has that, he can do whatever is needed, get to wherever it is Doyoung wants them to go and then he’ll find his own way from there. Maybe he’ll go with Yuta to Melos, or maybe he’ll keep walking until he reaches the sea, build himself a home and live in solitude for the rest of his life. He doesn’t think he could do either, but he’ll take anything rather than staying with Doyoung for much longer. How the older man chips away at his heart more and more with every breath is too painful to stand.

“Just leave me alone,” he whispers, not caring if Doyoung hears him or not.

He feels used.

Beguiled and manipulated.

His father always told him his naiveté would be taken advantage of one day and it feels so much like he had foreseen this very situation, this moment where Jaehyun is questioning his own worth and Doyoung’s character.

He knows he is wrong, Doyoung loves him, though clearly not enough to not break his heart. Further than that, he can’t be certain. He feels like he doesn’t know Doyoung anymore.

“Why don’t you trust me?!” he exclaims, but doesn’t wait for an answer from Doyoung. He doesn’t want an answer, doesn’t want him to try and explain or make excuses, he just needs to get this off his chest.

“I know there is something you’re not telling me and I know it’s always been that way, but I’m sick and tired of it. You can’t expect me to sit idly by as you decide not only what’s best for you, but also what’s best for me.”

His breath quickens and he slams his palm into the stone wall beside him, wincing at the pain and then he rambles on.

“You can lie until your face turns blue, tell me whatever it is you feel you need to, but I will never believe you. Not anymore. That’s what you’ve done!”

Doyoung doesn’t try to say anything in his defence and when Jaehyun looks over his shoulder at him he is walking slowly with his eyes fixed on the ground in front of him.

“I love you,” he seethes, “and I’m starting to hate that I do. That’s what you’ve done!”

He shouts the last part and then promptly chokes on the sour gas in the air when he breathes in deep through his mouth. Doyoung is there in an instant, patting his back and lifting his own wide shirt sleeve to Jaehyun’s mouth, and Jaehyun hates himself for not pushing him away. He clearly loves the pain as he automatically turns into Doyoung and lets the older man hold him.

The gas burns in his lungs and he can barely breathe, tears stinging his eyes as it feels like his trachea is shrinking, or being squeezed in a tight hold, and the pain is almost unbearable.

“Water, he needs water,” he dimly registers Yuta, suddenly appearing beside them. The pirate pushes a water bubble against Jaehyun’s lips, forcing them to open, and when the bubble bursts upon contact with his tongue, the outer layer dissolving to nothing, the blessedly cold water is instantly soothing to his throat.

“Come one, we’re nearly out,” Yuta says once Jaehyun stops hacking.

“You can finish your spat when we get to higher ground, it’s not safe here at night.”

Yuta walks off quickly, disappearing into the gas cloud again and Jaehyun hurries after him. He thinks he prefers Yuta’s company to Doyoung’s at this time. Yuta may be confusing him, but at least there is no pain in his heart and no nagging voice in his head telling him to forgive.

They exit the gas cloud as suddenly as they entered it, one second it is so thick he can’t see anything for how his eyes are stinging and the next he is breathing fresh air again. The valley is dark, the only light in the sky is a very faint moon, barely enough light to see by, but the fires still burning in intermittent places along the rock lights their path. Jaehyun takes a few steps down the path, wanting to get as far away from the foul-smelling gas as he can, only to be stopped by Yuta gripping the back of his shirt tightly in his fist.

“Quiet,” he hisses when Jaehyun scoffs and tries to tear free of his grip.

“Don’t move,” he says, holding a hand up when Doyoung finally emerges from the gas cloud to keep him standing in place.

“What is it?” Doyoung asks at once and Jaehyun can imagine him fidgeting anxiously, eyes flitting from left to right and above their heads to locate any threat.

“Fyre,” Yuta whispers and as if the word is magic, growling starts up from everywhere around them all at once.

“Stay close, keep quiet, no sharp moves and for goodness sake _don’t run_ ,” Yuta tugs them both a little closer and slowly guides them down the path.

“They can attack at any moment, but they may also let us pass. Just don’t run, they’re predators, they want you to run,” Yuta whispers through the corner of his mouth and Jaehyun swallows hard as the closer they get to what he thought was gas fires burning in the stone, the clearer is becomes that he was wrong.

They are animals, four-legged, furry animals with fire in their jaws. It’s terrifying walking right into their midst, but there is no other way for them to go. From his understanding of what Yuta said they have a fifty-fifty chance of making it out of this alive. Jaehyun holds his breath and clenches his fists and walks slowly and quietly with Yuta’s hand in the small of his back guiding him forward. He is quite certain without it he would be frozen to the ground, never moving an inch.

_Just keep walking, look straight ahead and keep walking_ , he tells himself over and over and before he knows it the valley opens up around them into a wide empty field. The sound he thought was blood rushing through his ears turns out to be several rivers flowing downwards from the peak in the distance, glinting silver in the moonlight. At the banks, he can just make out the shapes of tall flowers, their large petals flowing in the wind.

Even in the dark it is a beautiful sight, and Jaehyun wants to wait in this exact spot for the sun to rise and bathe the landscape in its hot rays. The growling from the fyres is still loud behind them however, and Yuta guides them far into the field before he allows them to stop for a break.

“Pretty sure we’ve all used up our luck for the next fifty years now,” Yuta laughs and flops onto his back in the grass.

“You should fill your water bottles in the river,” he says and points lazily over his head at the gentle river. Doyoung drops heavily next to the river bank, leaning over the water and drinking straight from the source. He moans in relief and ducks his entire head under the surface. Being from Curug Tam, Jaehyun can imagine he isn’t a very big fan of the Runtah heat. Doyoung unbuttons the top four buttons on his shirt when he sits back and for just a moment the moonlight hits him just right, glinting off the white gold band hanging from his neck. Jaehyun crouches beside him and reaches out for it, cupping the ring in his palm. He can feel Doyoung’s eyes boring into him while he stares at the ring and traces the chain with his fingers, breathing deeply and shakily through his mouth. He gave Doyoung this ring, six months ago. Licking his lips, he runs a finger along the smooth surface of the ring and then he lets it fall back to Doyoung’s chest as he rises to his feet and walks a little further down the river.

“I know you kind of hate him now Jaehyun, but you shouldn’t wander too far,” Yuta calls after him and Jaehyun huffs in annoyance and drops to the ground. The pirate is starting to get on his nerves. If he says one more thing about his relationship with Doyoung he might shove him into the river. Though that would probably feel very nice in the heat.

He fills his water bottle in the river, drinks all of it and then fills it up again, leaving it in the grass beside him as he stretches out on his back. The breeze feels good on his heated skin so Jaehyun opens his shirt and contemplates taking his trousers off as well. The only thing stopping him is very simply the fact that he doesn’t want Doyoung to see him naked.

He lies in the grass, enjoying the cool breeze on his chest for a quiet minute before deciding that Doyoung shouldn’t be allowed to hold that much power over him anymore. Quickly stripping himself off his leather trousers he stretches out naked in the grass, sighing contentedly when his body temperature finally starts to cool down.

“I’m not complaining, but this is an unexpected turn of events,” a smug voice says from above him and Jaehyun opens his eyes to find Yuta standing leant over him.

“In front of him? Really?” he laughs then as he crouches beside Jaehyun’s knee, one of his hands falling heavily on Jaehyun’s thigh. Yuta must have been making his way over to him when Jaehyun took his trousers off.

“I wasn’t,” he starts, but Yuta interrupts him easily.

“Relax, I’m only messing with you.”

He falls onto his butt beside Jaehyun and points at the dark, oddly formed peak in the distance.

“That’s where we’ll part ways,” he says and rubs his palms over his raised knees. “You’ll head on north and I’ll go east to Melos.”

Jaehyun sits up slightly, resting on his elbows, and looks across the field trying to gauge the distance between them and the mountain in the dark. He sighs and gives up after only a moment. Doyoung could probably do it, but Jaehyun doesn’t have half the vision he does. Especially not in the dark.

“How long will it take us to get there?” he asks and Yuta shrugs.

“Just a few hours to the base and then a couple more to get through.”

“Get through?” Jaehyun asks and Yuta hums, pointing at the peak again and tracing his finger along the outline of it, lit up by moonlight.

“That’s the city, that’s the Acropolis.”

Jaehyun feels excitement flare through him for the first time in days, and his eyes light up as he rises to his knees.

“It’s still there?” he asks, voice brimming with newfound joy. He turns to look at Yuta and the pirate nods and then tilts his head from side to side with a hum.

“Mostly,” he says and reaches out a hand to Jaehyun. He startles when Yuta’s palm glides across the back of his naked thigh and jerks when his fingers dig painfully into his flesh for just a second before his hand retreats entirely. Jaehyun stares at him perplexed for several seconds, but Yuta doesn’t so much as acknowledge him after that.

“I’m sure it would be better for you to cross the field here to Melos, instead of going all the way to the Acropolis,” Doyoung says from behind them. Jaehyun shivers at the thinly veiled anger in his voice, he must have been watching them all the while.

Yuta looks up at Doyoung and takes a sharp breath through his nose, fidgeting uncomfortably and presumably looking for the words to say.

“I’ve never seen the Acropolis before,” he says finally and smirks up at Doyoung. “I’m not going to miss out on it now just because you don’t like me.”

Jaehyun frowns at the both of them and when Doyoung opens his mouth, probably with a scathing comeback on the tip of his tongue, he quickly interrupts the both of them.

“Is Melos where you live?” he asks the first thing that comes to mind, turning towards Yuta as he pulls his shirt back onto his shoulders.

Yuta stares up at Doyoung for a long while more before turning to Jaehyun and there is a coldness in his eyes that Jaehyun has never seen before. And it sends shivers down his spine that has nothing to do with the cool breeze.

“No,” he says shortly and then he clears his throat and blinks several times in quick succession and the smile that slips on his face is as charming as ever, but Jaehyun now knows how fake it is.

“I live in the Ark, I mainly go to Melos for the booze,” he laughs loudly and leans back on his elbows in the grass, kicking his feet apart in front of him. He looks Jaehyun over and sends him a saucy wink before tipping his head back to look at the stars.

“Why do you call it the Ark?” Jaehyun asks, deciding to ignore the unwelcome onceover.

“It’s the Crater, isn’t it? But both of you call it that,” he looks up at Doyoung as the other walks around him and sits down in front of them.

“Everything with a story has two names,” Yuta says, pulling at the blades of grass between his fingers.

“We call it the Ark because it’s a safe place for people who have nowhere else to go.”

Jaehyun laughs quietly, incredulously, raising an eyebrow at Yuta and then at Doyoung for confirmation.

“Safe place? Not sure I’d call it that,” he laughs and rubs at his calf. It still stings a little, but mostly the pain is gone as well as his limp.

“They’re not violent people Jaehyun,” Yuta says, frowning at Jaehyun when he scoffs in disagreement.

“They’re angry, angry at people who will never listen to them so they turn their anger on each other instead.” Yuta’s voice grows solemn and he shifts around in the grass to put his back to Jaehyun.

“Holding onto your anger is no way to live, the longer you contain it the bigger the explosion when you finally lose the reins. But sometimes the anger can’t go away unless you can direct it at the right person. It eats at you, taints everything else in your life until nothing is good, and in turn that makes your anger grow even more.”

Neither Jaehyun nor Doyoung has moved as much as a muscle during Yuta’s speech, the darkness coating his voice keeping them riveted to his words.

“It’s the kind of anger that can only come from strong hatred, but in truth the catalyst is love,” Yuta swivels his head slowly to look at Jaehyun then.

“There cannot be hate where there previously has been no love, after all.” He holds Jaehyun’s gaze for a long time and Jaehyun feels it like a knife in his gut.

“Unless it’s for processed meat because that shit is nasty,” Yuta laughs and rolls around in the grass until he almost tips over the river bank and into the water.

“Get some rest, we should be safe here,” he says and then his head dips under the surface of the gently flowing river. Jaehyun watches him for a long while and then he turns to Doyoung only to find him staring at Yuta with a calculative look on his face. He looks so handsome when he is focused like that. Jaehyun’s fingers itch to reach out and touch him, curling restlessly on top of his thighs. It has only been a day, but he misses Doyoung desperately. The way his heart clenches just by looking at him makes him forget Yuta’s odd mood swings and the chilly way he looked at him, and when Doyoung’s eyes meet his, Jaehyun’s heart thumps hard in his chest. He is so in love with him, and he wants to forgive him for everything and tell him that whatever it is he is hiding cannot possibly be worth putting them both through this. He is certain Doyoung loves him just as much and in the exact same way as Jaehyun loves him, so why is he so adamant on hurting them both when they could be together and be happy?

“What?” Doyoung whispers and Jaehyun tears his eyes away. He is getting tired of this rollercoaster of emotions Doyoung puts him through simply by being. It only takes seven seconds, he counted, before his eyes find their way back to Doyoung’s face. Doyoung is watching his body, eyes flickering away from him every other second as if Doyoung is berating himself for looking, and Jaehyun moves before he can even think it through.

He leans back on his elbows and raises a knee, putting his body on display for anyone to see. Jaehyun takes pride in his nakedness, like any Taranjian does, but like always his excessiveness is purely for Doyoung’s benefit. He sees Doyoung swallow when his eyes land on his cock and then he hastily turns away, tilting his face to the sky instead. Jaehyun’s smirk goes unnoticed and he flops to the grass, rolling onto his stomach and pillowing his head on his crossed arms. The grass tickles his naked skin, but it is nonetheless comfortable and he is asleep in no time.

 

*

* * *

*

 

Pale sunlight is what wakes Jaehyun hours later. It is still early dawn, the first sunrays peeking over the horizon, and the grass around him is dewy and somewhat cold. He shivers when he climbs to his feet and pulls his shirt closer around his upper body, buttoning it as quickly as his sleepy fingers can.

Yuta is asleep by the river bank, but Doyoung sits in the same spot as he did when Jaehyun fell asleep, head tipping forward and jerking back up every few seconds as he struggles to stay awake.

“You didn’t get any sleep?” Jaehyun asks him, clearing his throat afterwards. Doyoung’s head whips towards him and his eyes are so wide and so bloodshot, he looks terrible.

“You should have slept,” Jaehyun says and crouches to pick up his water bottle, bringing it with him as he walks to stand in front of Doyoung.

“Here,” he hands him the bottle and Doyoung takes it with a whispered word of gratitude. He drinks a long swig from the bottle before capping it and cradling it between his hands.

“I couldn’t sleep,” he says and the way his eyes flick back and forth between Jaehyun and Yuta tells him exactly why that was. He sighs and smiles wryly before making to push to his feet. Doyoung catches his wrist before he can get so far.

“I mean it this time Jaehyun, I don’t think he’s safe,” he whispers and Jaehyun flops onto his butt with an incredulous sigh.

“And why should I think you sound any less ridiculous now than every other time you’ve said that?” Doyoung places the bottle in Jaehyun’s hands and takes a long look at Yuta’s curled-up form.

“I don’t think he’s being honest with you,” he says, immediately wincing afterwards.

“Yeah well,” Jaehyun scoffs, “it’s not like you’re the king of honesty either.”

He walks away before Doyoung can possibly say anything in his defence, he doesn’t want to listen to anything more. Yuta means nothing to him; he could care less if he has some sort of ulterior motive for helping him. Doyoung should worry more about himself.

“Ready to go?” Yuta’s voice calls out behind him and a second later the pirate is standing beside him, looking far too awake to have just woken up. Maybe he, like Doyoung, was wary that night.

 

It takes them a little more than a few hours to reach the base of the mountain the Acropolis is built on, on account of their exhaustion, and the sun is high in the sky when they are finally standing before it. Jaehyun looks with dread up at the high mountain, but Yuta leads them to a steep staircase of no more than a hundred steps and from then on it is only narrow streets and blank-worn stairs leading them up and up into the city.

It’s beautiful, even as dilapidated as it is, and Jaehyun’s neck is a swivel, turning his head this way and that as he tries to see everything at once. The yellow-white stone buildings, the paved courtyards overgrown with flowers in every colour imaginable. The polished marble pillars, still shiny in the light of the sun after so many years. The art carved into the walls of almost every building, be it big or small, and the multitude of different statues.

“Why don’t we sightsee a little, huh?” Yuta says and without waiting for an answer he skips off down a narrow street and disappears from sight. Jaehyun walks in a different direction, glad for the opportunity to be alone.

“Jaehyun,” Doyoung calls after him, but before he can say anything else Jaehyun rounds on him and points a finger at his chest.

“Don’t follow me,” he says and laughs incredulously when all Doyoung does is frown and look down the street Yuta had gone down.

“Watch him then, if it makes you feel better. But I _need_ some _space_!” he turns on his heel with a harsh sigh and walks off. He wants to get to the summit so he can see the view.

He finds it eventually by taking every uphill street and every staircase he sees, and he breathes in deep through his nose as he takes in the view from atop the mountain. It is as stunning as he had hoped.

While he could have stayed there for hours on his own, silencing his thoughts in the beautiful landscape stretching out in front of him, it is not meant to be. Only minutes after he reached the top there are footsteps in the gravel behind him and Jaehyun almost tells Yuta to leave him alone. Doyoung isn’t stupid enough to follow him, so it could only be him.

“Is it a good view?” Yuta asks and Jaehyun turns to him with a quiet sigh.

“Yes, it is,” he says and when Yuta doesn’t respond, seemingly lost in thought, Jaehyun walks closer to him with a furrowed brow. He notices that Yuta has strapped an additional knife around his thigh that he has never seen before, and the clip in his gun holster is unfastened, as if it was recently used. He licks his lips and smiles at Yuta when he is close enough, hiding his growing trepidation with a laugh.

“It’s the most beautiful view I’ve ever seen,” he says as he stops right in front of Yuta, looking down at the shorter man who smiles blindingly up at him.

“That’s good,” he says and Jaehyun almost grimaces at the fake amiability that is between them now. He feels the need to take precautions, just in case.

“I wanted to apologise to you,” he says and takes a small step closer to Yuta. “For Doyoung, he’s been terrible to you from the beginning and I—I should have stopped him.” Yuta’s eyes are locked on his, not wavering for a second as Jaehyun reaches a careful hand to his gun. He licks his lips again and tilts his head.

“May I?” he whispers just before brushing his lips against Yuta’s in a tiny kiss. Yuta still doesn’t move so Jaehyun presses harder against his mouth in another kiss, moving his mouth over Yuta’s until the pirate finally responds. When Yuta bites down on his lower lip, Jaehyun moans louder than necessary to mask the sound of his fingers unloading Yuta’s raygun.

He pulls away once the deed is done and walks quickly back towards his spot close to the edge of the cliff they are standing on.

"You told me that everything with a story has two names. Is Yuta all you're called?" Jaehyun wraps his fingers around the magazine he took from Yuta's gun and folds his hands together in front of his chest. The pirate shuffles on his feet behind him, soles scrubbing over the gravel. He holds his breath while he waits, for confirmation or denial, he is not sure. He's going off a hunch on this, but he very much suspects Doyoung may have been right about Yuta from the beginning. 

"Yuta was my friend, Your Highness."

Silence stretches between them, even the wind seems to have quieted as a chill goes down Jaehyun's spine. Yuta's voice, or whatever he is called, is not only cold, but cruel. The sneer in his voice twisting Jaehyun's old title is laced with venom of a kind not even Jaehyun's father ever used against him. 

It has his mind running circles trying to figure out who Yuta can be that he has grown such deep detestation for Jaehyun. 

The click of a gun sounds behind him and when Jaehyun turns, Yuta has his gun pointed at his head, narrowed eyes locked on the empty barrel. 

"I thought I had you fooled," he smirks at Jaehyun, all his previous charm gone from it.  Yuta throws the gun aside and Jaehyun is suddenly reminded how the pirate said he was more fond of the earthly weapons when Yuta's fingers curl around the hilt of his knife. The scraping sound it makes when Yuta pulls it slowly out of its metal scabbard rings in Jaehyun's ears. He throws the magazine as far away as he can and takes a fighting stance, he doesn't expect to get out of this unscathed, but if Yuta wants to kill him he is not going to make it easy for him. He doesn't want to fight, not without knowing who Yuta really is, but it seems Yuta wants him to know as he only twirls his knife around and stands relaxed with his right hand tucked under the flap of his jacket. 

"I recognised you the moment I saw you," Yuta says, lifting an eyebrow as the corners of his mouth turn down in distaste. 

"A Taranjian ship in the Ark? Everyone knew within the minute. I saw you outside the docks and followed you, waiting for an opportunity. When you didn't recognise me, I took the chance handed to me to get close to you."

_Why_? He wants to ask. If Yuta wanted revenge on his family he would understand and Yuta would be in his full right to take it, but this feels personal. The hatred burning in Yuta's eyes is so intense, it can't be meant for anyone but him. 

_What have I done to you_? He wants to ask, but all his words get stuck in his throat, fear for his own life clogging him up. He thought he was ready, that he would gladly give his life if it meant he would make something right, no matter how small it may be. 

But the truth is, he doesn't want to die. 

"You still don't know who I am, do you?" Yuta says, laughing caustically with a twirl of his knife. The hilt settles firmly in his palm and Yuta stalks a few steps closer, forcing Jaehyun to retreat to the very edge of the plateau. 

"I'll give you a hint; colour pencils."

 

He knows. He doesn't want to accept it, but he knows. 

Jaehyun shakes his head in silence, blinking as his eyes start to burn. Yuta ... Yuta laughs then, wide-eyed and mean and Jaehyun's heart breaks. 

"What happened to you?" He whispers, clutching his chest. 

"Yuta," "That's not my name!"

Jaehyun shakes his head again, inching along the edge to keep the distance between them as Yuta advances on him. 

"Say my name Jaehyun!"

He doesn't want to. It would make it real and it can't be real. He needs it to not be real!

"Say my name," Yuta repeats, and again and again, taunting Jaehyun while jabbing his knife at him. 

If Jaehyun can only get past him, he can run back to Doyoung and they can take him together. He knows now that he stands no chance on his own, but maybe when the odds are two against one Yuta will simply stand down. He doesn't want anyone to die tonight. 

"Say my name little prince," Yuta singsongs, sidestepping to block the way for Jaehyun when he notices his shifting eyes. 

"There's nowhere to run. No one to save you this time," something about Yuta's words makes Jaehyun halt and Yuta notices. 

"You were supposed to die in the Capital with your father, but the _Libertas_ has been infected. There was a spy in our midst and you and your boytoy were gone before we could act!" His voice grows louder with every word, but remains a growl. As if the prospect of a spy in his organization is a personal offense. He is calm again a second later, but Jaehyun thinks he prefers it when Yuta is loud and angry. 

"Who could have known it would give me the chance to kill you myself?" 

His sweet voice sends a shiver down Jaehyun's spine. 

"You happened to me!" he growls then and it takes Jaehyun a second to realize Yuta is answering his question from earlier. 

"You ruined my life."

He starts crying then, standing silently clutching his knife as the tears roll down his face. His mood changes so quickly Jaehyun can't keep up and he doesn't know what is genuine and what is an act to throw him off. Maybe it all is genuine, Yuta doesn't seem like a particularly balanced person, but Jaehyun prefers to think it's an act. It hurts too much to think he did this to his closest friend. 

" _Ten_ ," he whispers. 

Silence stretches between them.

Only the sound of a trickling river and the wind whistling between the ancient stone buildings can be heard for a long time. Jaehyun clenches his fingers around the collar of his shirt. His entire body aches as he does everything to stop the tears from falling. 

"I didn't know it was you," he chokes, wincing when he realises it sounds like an excuse. He has no right to make excuses for anything. 

"I thought you were dead, they told me you were dead I didn't think-" he stops when Ten holds his knife up, only then realising he has taken several steps closer to him. Ten is still crying and Jaehyun might be crying too, he doesn't even know, the shock of finding his friend again after so many years is starting to set in. 

"Please Ten, I-I've missed you," he sobs, reaching out with a hand to the other man. It is promptly slapped away by the flat side of Ten's blade, nicking the skin of Jaehyun's palm. 

"I've longed for you as well," Ten says while twisting his face in sorrow to imitate Jaehyun. 

"Every night I've dreamt of you. I've killed you in so many different ways already I don't know which to choose."

Jaehyun doesn't know what to say to that, what do you say to someone who harbours such strong hate for your person? He holds his tongue. 

"Do you remember?" Ten asks, fingers curling and uncurling restlessly around the hilt of his knife. 

"In the gardens, when we used to play at being pirates?" Jaehyun nods with a hard swallow, he remembers it well. Some of his fondest memories were created doing that. 

"Then you know what to do," Ten smirks, twirling his knife once in his palm so the tip of the blade points inward at his own body, ready to slice at Jaehyun's flesh. 

"Run."

Jaehyun stares at him for several long seconds, but Ten makes no move towards him. He is reminded suddenly of the fyres from the day before, how Ten told them not to run. They wanted them to run. Ten wants him to run. 

And Jaehyun does, turns on his heel and runs into the narrow street to his right, going zigzag between the dilapidated buildings and slipping through the tightest alleys he can fit through to try and shake Ten off. He can still hear him, yelling taunts at his back; " run little prince, run until you can't lift your feet anymore. I'll be there." 

He stumbles as his vision gets too clouded with tears and falls hard into the stone wall of a building. The rough surface cuts his palm and cheek and catches on his shirt, tearing a hole in the fabric. Ten is nowhere to be seen and everything is quiet around him so he takes a moment to catch his breath, wiping his dirty palms over his face to dry his tears. 

He can't run, he can't fight. Ten was trained in the royal guard, there are no better fighters, soldiers, anywhere in the galaxy probably. He can't do this alone. 

"Doyoung, where are you," he pleads, face pinching to hold back another stream of tears. In the span of five days he has lost his home, his people, his family and the love of his life and now this. He doesn't know how to go on. 

A whistling sound precedes the thump of a knife digging into the wall barely an inch away from his head and his eye fly open to find Ten standing only feet away. 

"I said there's no one to save you this time," Ten narrows his eyes and pulls another knife from a holster on his thigh. Jaehyun stills as his breath is knocked from his chest. _Doyoung_. 

Ten stalks back and forth, like a predator playing with its cornered prey, and Jaehyun's breath quickens as fear almost chokes him. 

"Why didn't you just kill me back in the Crater?" he shouts, clenching his fists as he stands tall, refusing to be cowed by the other man. 

"Why save me? Why come along with us and help us? Why did you kiss me, what was it all about?!" the words flow unchecked from his mouth, jumbling together in his rush to get them out while he still can. Ten stops, arms falling limp at his sides. 

"Simple," he says, "you didn't know me."

"I needed you to know me."

He rushes at him then, knife slicing the air in front of him as Jaehyun ducks away, narrowly escaping its bite. He twirls on his heels, arms up in a defensive position to counter Ten's next move, when a gunshot rings through the air, painfully loud as it ricochets off the walls. Ten stands, arm raised and ready to throw his large knife at Jaehyun's chest, eyes wide and mouth open in shock. A second later the middle of his chest explodes, icy pieces of flesh and organs raining over the ground and Ten falls lifeless to the dusty floor. 

Behind him stands Doyoung, raygun raised and with a wild look in his eyes. 

Relief rushes through him at seeing Doyoung alive, but it is short lived as reality catches up with him. 

"What have you done?!" He shouts at Doyoung, dropping to his knees beside Ten. He scoops up as much of the crystalline debris as he can, fingers trembling as he shakes Ten's shoulder. It's hopeless, but he still looks for the slightest sign of life as he cradles Ten against his chest. 

"Jaehyun are you okay?" Doyoung asks, fingers cold as he grips Jaehyun's shoulder and tries to look into his face. Jaehyun shrugs him off and glares up at him. 

"What have you done?" He repeats in a choked whisper, shouting it again at his face when Doyoung only looks him silently in the eye. 

"He would have killed you Jaehyun," he says gently. Jaehyun shakes his head, clutching Ten tighter to him. 

"No you don't know that, you don't know him he wouldn't have done it!" 

Doyoung tries to put his hand on his shoulder again, but pulls back and takes several steps away when Jaehyun gasps "no" and shakes his head madly. 

"I think, right now, I know him better than you do," Doyoung says, voice carefully measured. 

"He would have killed you, Jaehyun. Maybe the boy you knew wouldn't, but this one most definitely would."

Doyoung leaves him then, disappears around the corner, but his footsteps stop and Jaehyun knows he'll stay close by. He wishes he would leave for good. 

 

Holding Ten's small, lifeless body in his arms, Jaehyun lets the tears fall silently and unchecked down his cheeks. He has already mourned Ten's death once, but this time is so much more painful. Seeing Ten grown up, how beautiful he has become and remembering how beautiful his soul was before Jaehyun tainted it. Darkened it with his incompetence and complacency. He caused this. 

"You didn't deserve to die," he sobs into Ten's hair. 

"I'm so sorry."

"I'm so sorry."

"I'm so sorry."

He presses his mouth to Ten's forehead and rocks back and forth with him clutched close to his chest. Tears dripping from his chin onto Ten's relaxed face. 

"Sleep now," he whispers and closes Ten's eyes carefully with his fingers. He lays Ten on the ground and looks around himself for a proper place to leave his body. 

"Jaehyun we have to move," Doyoung is back, his stance at the end of the alley is tense and anxious, fingers resting on his gun. 

"No," Jaehyun says and turns his back on him. 

"You have to leave him Jaehyun!" Doyoung's voice grows urgent and Jaehyun notices for the first time that the sun is close to setting. But he won't leave Ten in the streets like this, he deserves more than that. 

"You can go, I'm not leaving him here," he says and then he gathers Ten into his arms and pushes himself with some difficulty to his feet. The baptistery, that's where he'll leave him. He can see it from where he is and the building is decidedly more whole than anything else. He doesn't turn to look, but he can hear Doyoung follow him as he walks the uphill streets, carrying Ten in his arms to his final resting place. 

The entrance to the ancient baptistery is partially collapsed, a block of stone leaning against the wall and rotten wood, the remnants of a door, blocks it off. 

"I got it," Doyoung says quietly and steps around him to pull the old wood aside, clearing the opening enough for Jaehyun to slip through. He stays at the door and Jaehyun is grateful for Doyoung's sensitivity. At least he seems to understand Jaehyun's need to do this. 

There is a large alter in the middle of the room so that's where Jaehyun takes him. The place is battered and dirty, crumbling stone allowing slivers of fading sunlight through the walls and most of the ceiling lies in the middle of the floor, the damage like a gaping wound in the infrastructure.

Jaehyun walks back and forth between the debris, stepping carefully so he won’t drop his precious burden. He reaches the altar just as he feels like his arms will give out and he places Ten gently on the dusty marble slab. He brushes a hand through the layers of dust to reveal the blue-grey colour and then he pulls at his shirt sleeve, the one with the tear, ripping it clean off. He wipes the surface with it, removing as much of the dust and debris as he can.

As he walks around the altar he trips over something sitting leant against it and when he looks down he jerks back with a yell, almost tripping on the stones behind him. It’s a skeleton, centuries old and almost falling apart.

“At least you’ll have company,” he says and forces a laugh and then he bends over the altar again and brushes Ten’s hair away from his forehead.

This is not the right resting place for someone like Ten. Jaehyun remembers how much Ten loved the stars, how often he would talk about going out to see them, explore the darkness and vastness of space.

“ _When I die,_ ” he used to say, “ _I want a Pàmandan funeral. That way I can be with the stars forever._ ”

Jaehyun swallows hard and leans over Ten to place a kiss on his brow.

“I’m sorry I can’t bring you to the stars, but I know you’ll find them on your own,” he whispers against his forehead. He gathers Ten’s hands on top of his still chest and folds his own over them, closing his eyes.

“In peace, may your soul leave these shores, and sail the stars to the end of eternity.”

He stands with his head bowed and his eyes closed for a long time, repeating the Pàmanda prayer in his head while clutching Ten’s cold hands in his. While he doesn’t want to leave him, he knows he can’t stay forever, so he turns his back and walks away, but he only makes it a couple steps from the altar. His entire body is shaking; his throat hurts from crying and there are no more tears left to fall.

“I _can’t_ ,” he wheezes and drops to his knees. He comes to a jarring stop on the hard, stone floor, shocks of pain going through his legs and hips, but Jaehyun hardly notices. He feels numb, like he has been drained of life and there is a gaping emptiness in his chest. He can’t breathe and his hands are shaking so hard he has no strength in them to clutch at his throat. Bowling over, holding his head as it starts to pulsate with a pounding pain in his skull, Jaehyun screams into the abandoned city, empty and falling apart, just like how he feels. He screams all his pain into the dusty air until his stomach hurts and then he falls forward, anticipating the hard blow to his head, hoping the stone floor will knock him out cold.

It never does and Jaehyun falls into a warm chest instead, arms wrapping around him and holding him tightly when he weakly attempts to wiggle away. Doyoung shushes him with his gentle voice, rocking him back and forth until Jaehyun stills in his arms and slowly, very slowly, wraps his arms around Doyoung’s waist. He slumps against Doyoung’s chest and closes his eyes when Doyoung brushes a hand through his hair and presses his mouth against his head and hums a soft, soothing melody in his ear.

When he can finally breathe properly and his shaking has slowed to a small tremble, Jaehyun pushes away from Doyoung and looks him hard in the eye.

“This Hansol guy,” he says, swallowing and licking his lips to moisten his dry mouth, “can he get me off the planet?”

Doyoung studies him in silence for a long time, but Jaehyun’s face doesn’t change from the determined mien it has settled in.

“He can get you anywhere you need to go,” he says finally and Jaehyun nods resolutely.

“Then take me to him,” he says and uses Doyoung’s thighs and shoulders to push himself to his feet. He walks back to the altar and leans over Ten’s peaceful form, framing his face in his palms as he makes his promise to him.

“I’ll make it right,” he whispers.

“I will do everything I can to make sure what happened to you will never happen to another child ever again. I’ll protect them all, like how I wish I could have protected you.”

He presses a final kiss to Ten’s forehead and whispers a last promise against his skin before he turns away and walks determinedly past Doyoung and out of the baptistery.

He needs to get back to Taranjà, that’s the only way he can make sure that the future they get is one that he can proudly tell Ten about when he meets him again.

Doyoung told him that the PPP was most likely eradicated in the initial attack on the Capital, but Jaehyun will hold onto the hope that they are still there, waging the fight for freedom and safety for _all_ people. Despite his anger at him, Jaehyun is grateful to have Doyoung by his side. He wouldn’t know what to do next if it wasn’t for him, wouldn’t even know about the PPP if it wasn’t for him.

He wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for Doyoung.

“ _The Libertas has been infected_ ,” Ten’s words return unbidden to his mind, but he shakes them away. There is no way.

He whips his head around when a hand lands on his shoulder. Doyoung’s face is pinched and drawn with remorse and when Jaehyun turns to him, he slips his hand along Jaehyun’s arm to loosely wrap his fingers around his wrist.

“I’m sorry Jaehyun,” he says, voice quiet but steady. “You’re right, I didn’t have to kill him, there’s so many other ways I could have done that and he would still be alive if I had, but I saw you in danger and I acted on instinct.”

Jaehyun shakes his head with a wry smile, gently extracting his wrist from Doyoung’s hold.

“It’s done, you can’t take it back,” his words are harsh, but Jaehyun doesn’t feel the same anger towards Doyoung anymore. It has simmered, taken over by his determination to fulfil his promise to Ten.

“I know, but Jaehyun … I’m dangerous when I’m around you. All I ever think about is keeping you safe, damn everyone else and damn the consequences of the things I do to ensure it, your life is that precious to me.”

Doyoung says something more, but Jaehyun can’t hear him. Doyoung isn’t telling him something Jaehyun hasn’t already guessed, but to hear him say it out loud like that and the words he used makes everything fall into place in his mind. And the strength that was slowly returning to him drains from his bones in an instant.

“Jaehyun?” Doyoung asks and lifts a hand to Jaehyun’s cheek, brushing away the tears that have started to fall yet again. Jaehyun flies back as if burned by his touch, a wildness taking over his eyes and he holds his hands up in front of him to keep Doyoung at bay.

“It’s you,” he gasps and his voice is wispy and weak, “you’re the one … all this time you’ve been … YOU’RE WITH THEM!”

Doyoung’s face goes from confusion to terrified realisation in a second and Jaehyun feels like his entire body is torn apart at the silent admission.

“Ten told me there was a traitor in the _Libertas_. I always knew they must have had people already in the palace to take it so easily. I never imagined it would be you!” His sentences are choppy and choked, the loudness of his voice carrying along the narrow streets in every direction.

Doyoung is shaking his head, looking so distraught Jaehyun isn’t sure he even knows he is doing it, but it only serves to fuel Jaehyun’s anger. And break his heart even further.

“Don’t try and lie to me, not anymore!” he yells, choking as his sore throat hurts from the force. He wants Doyoung to say it for once, even knowing that the words coming from Doyoung’s mouth will hurt him more than anything else ever could, he needs him to be honest about this.

Doyoung doesn’t say anything, but his silence is just as damning to Jaehyun. He is a little glad this came to light now because the train wreck of bad things and painful emotions that has been his week softens the blow considerably. He was already numb.

But the worst thing is, “you knew what would happen and you never said anything.”

A long silence falls between them as Jaehyun waits for an answer and Doyoung casts his eyes to the ground in shame. When no answer is forthcoming, Jaehyun shakes his head in disappointment and turns his back to Doyoung.

“Which way is Thìva?” he asks instead and starts down the street leading around the baptistery once Doyoung points in its general direction. Doyoung follows him silently and Jaehyun casts a look at him over his shoulder once they are halfway down the mountain. He finds he can’t look at him. Clearing his throat and steeling his heart, he stops and says over his shoulder at Doyoung;

“I need you to show me the way to Hansol, but after that, know that we’re done.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit shorter chapter, but I wanted to end it there so. Sorry about the wait, I really want to get these chapters out quicker, but writing is hard lol

They make it to the base of the mountain before the dark is too thick to see through, but by that time the sky has opened up on them, rainwater soaking them to the bone before they can find shelter. Jaehyun would prefer walking through the rain, he thinks he needs to stay moving to keep from falling into despair, but Doyoung convinces him with reason. Like he always does.

“I won’t find the way through the dark and the rain,” he says, hand reaching towards him, looking ghostly in the bare light of the moon shining through the clouds. Jaehyun pulls away with a resigned, heavy sigh and slips past Doyoung without touching him. They take cover in a mostly untouched building, a house he guesses by the layout of the small space. It was built into the mountain and Jaehyun reckons it is still this whole because of how it seems hewn from the rock itself. It would take something stronger than time to tear its foundation apart.

The house looks partially lived in, but in a way that suggests it hasn’t had a permanent resident in a long time. Jaehyun guesses there have been more people like them, passing through on their way to someplace else. He falls heavily to the floor in a corner, turns on his side to lean his shoulder against the wall and curls together, drawing his knees to his chest. He watches Doyoung out the corner of his eye as he walks around the room, poking at empty food cans and staring wistfully out the large crack in the wall. Doyoung kicks at a newer aluminium chair, standing out like a sore thumb amongst the old stone and marble inventory, and picks it up from the floor. He sits down after dusting off the seat and then there is quiet between them. Jaehyun curls tighter into himself, hissing when his fingers dig into the scrapes on his upper arm. Doyoung jerks, but remains seated and Jaehyun bites his bottom lip as his traitorous heart aches at his inactivity. He wishes they could go back in time to when Doyoung would be at his side before Jaehyun even knew he needed him, and Jaehyun would welcome him with open arms and no bleeding wounds yet to scar. In all of his heartache and loss, all of the changes that has happened in Jaehyun’s life in such a short time, Doyoung was his rock. Doyoung was his support when everything else fell to ruin, but now that is gone as well. He feels light, but in a way that makes his stomach teem with nervous butterflies. He is afraid he might just float away and lose himself along the way.

“Will you let me tell you why?” Doyoung asks all of a sudden. His face is blank when Jaehyun looks at him, but Doyoung can’t hide the broken tone of his voice. It’s a tiny bit satisfying to know that he isn’t the only one hurting, but Jaehyun doesn’t have enough life left in him to gloat.

“That is _all_ I’ve ever wanted from you,” he says, unable to keep the judgemental tone out of his voice.  Even if he wants to hear everything Doyoung has to say, it feels cheap now that it comes on the tails of his exposure. He wishes that Doyoung would have trusted in him enough to tell him on his own and not because Jaehyun forced his hand.

“I know,” Doyoung whispers and Jaehyun clenches his fists and taps them gently against the stone wall to distract himself so he doesn’t say something he’ll regret. He doesn’t understand; he has been hurt beyond imagining by the person he loves most, and even if his blood is burning with the want to hurt Doyoung back, he can’t do it. He wants to stab Doyoung with his words, cut him open and watch him bleed the way _he_ is doing now. Ten is a distant hurt in the back of his mind with Doyoung sitting in front of him, ready to spill his guts like a man with no more smoke and mirrors to hide behind. And Jaehyun finds he doesn’t want the truth anymore. All he has is his anger, and Doyoung has a way of rationalising things that turns Jaehyun around like a swivel.

“I was a child when they found me, the first time at least,” Doyoung begins and Jaehyun holds his breath as his nails bite into the skin of his palms.

“Hansol and I had made it to Runtah and suddenly I was alone. A kid, starving in the streets of the Ark, burning inside and out from the sweltering heat, I didn’t care about anything but myself. I was given the smallest shred of kindness and I lapped it up, I didn’t care who it came from, why would I?”

Jaehyun tries to imagine Doyoung, dressed in rags and slinking through the narrow and dangerous streets all on his own, but it’s too painful.

“They wanted to recruit me. That’s how they do it, find kids no one will miss, train them to be spies no one will notice, condition them to die for the cause even when no one will mourn them. I was a good spy.”

An unintentional sob escapes Jaehyun’s raw-bitten lips and something in Doyoung’s countenance changes. He moves to the edge of his seat almost as if he wants to move over to Jaehyun and take him in his arms. Jaehyun doesn’t want him to.

“I already know that,” he says through his teeth, blinking rapidly to rid his eyes of the tears clinging to his lashes. He doesn’t dry them away, Doyoung won’t see them in the dark anyway. Doyoung clears his throat, whispers a tiny “yeah” and scoots back into his chair.

“I had been with them for a year when I met Taeyong. He saved me from them, I know that, but he also destroyed me and sent me right back into their arms in the end. I thought I loved him, but I have only ever truly loved one person in my whole life.” He looks meaningfully at Jaehyun then and Jaehyun curls further into his corner, hiding from those beautiful eyes that always stare right through all his defences.

“They gave me an assignment the moment I returned. _Be employed at the palace; my target was the Crown Prince._ It’s not a coincidence that I was made your aide; I made sure of it. It took me a year and I had anticipated everything, from you dismissing me to being exposed by one of my own, but I could never have anticipated you.

Do you know why I am so sure you would be a magnificent king?” Jaehyun stares at him in silence and Doyoung stares back for several seconds before answering his own question.

“Your heart. You move people, Jaehyun, inspire them with your kindness, your open-minded naiveté, your willingness to learn, even the childish gleam you sometimes get in your eyes.” Doyoung smiles fondly down at his own hands and Jaehyun feels his cheeks burn at the heartfelt praise, so unlike anything he has ever heard before in his life.

“You care with your heart, not your head. It makes you very foolish, but it is also your greatest strength. Your love is unconditional, and you never stop believing in people which is why I know I have hurt you terribly. I thought sparing you from the truth was the best thing to do, but I shouldn’t have. I thought I could have everything of you and not give you everything of me and that was selfish and preposterous and I am so sorry.”

An apology so sincere should at the very least leave an impression in Jaehyun’s heart, but all he feels is impatient.

“You said you would tell me everything, but this is not what I want to hear,” he says, gritting his teeth when Doyoung’s face falls.

“I want to know why you thought their cause was right. I want to know how you could justify the deaths of so many people. I want to know _how_ you could look me in the eye and fall _in love_ with me, knowing that you were supposed to kill me in the end!” His voice is tear choked, but he no longer cares if Doyoung knows of his tears. He hadn’t meant to say the last part, but he can’t deny to himself that the personal betrayal is far worse than anything else Doyoung has done.

“I thought it was the only way,” Doyoung says, words ringing in the air between them. He says them with such force Jaehyun coils away as if struck. The desperation in Doyoung’s voice is as clear as day to Jaehyun, and it makes his heart break into even smaller pieces. Doyoung hasn’t just broken _his_ heart, he has also torn apart his own.

“All I wanted was an end to the regime that had taken my … that had taken so much from so many people. I didn’t care what happened between A and B, I just wanted results. Human life meant nothing to me anymore, but then suddenly it did. Suddenly everything had meaning, suddenly there was beauty and light and colour to the world again, and my heart was beating so fast all the time and I felt so _alive_.

You saved me Jaehyun; from myself, from the unconditional doom of the path I set myself on. I owe everything to you.”

“I had only been your aide for three months when you convinced me that everything I believed in was wrong, and you didn’t even know you were doing it. During my time as a spy I had gained enough information about the People’s Political Party to know that they were more than what they presented themselves as, and I sought them out. I wanted to make right for what I had done, but there wasn’t much I could give them. I didn’t know who else was in the palace, I didn’t know when the planned attack would happen. All I had, all I think anyone of us had, was a poem:

_A Mountain Tall,_

_May Hard It Fall_

_A Foundation Bestrewn,_

_Set Libertas Attune._

I thought it was a metaphor, the mountain to fall was the Jung monarchy, but it wasn’t a metaphor, it was an actual mountain. I had no idea that was their plan, if I did I would have tried to stop it. By that time, it was too late to do anything, if I had left you for even a second I wouldn’t have been able to save you. And that was _all_ that was on my mind, all that is still on my mind.”

“I think sometimes, if it wouldn’t have been better that we didn’t leave. We could have died together and it would have saved you all this hurt, but being with you isn’t what is most important to me. It is that you’re alive, and hopefully one day you will be happy again too.”

 

Jaehyun takes his time processing everything Doyoung has told him. He understands now why it was impossible for him to believe that Doyoung didn’t love him. Doyoung’s love for him has formed his entire person, this new person he became after meeting him, and it would be impossible for Doyoung to hide it without hiding every part of himself. And that is not something Doyoung has ever done. He has never been fully truthful, he has always held back, but he has never actively lied to Jaehyun. He has deceived him, but never lied. Not until that night at the hill when he tried to convince Jaehyun he didn’t love him.

“We should get some rest,” Doyoung says quietly and Jaehyun whips his head up to stare at him. He has moved without Jaehyun registering it, curled up in the corner across from him with his arms wrapped tightly around himself. Jaehyun appreciates how well Doyoung knows him. He doesn’t need to tell Doyoung he needs his space, doesn’t have to ask for time to take it all in as Doyoung gives it to him in the most unobtrusive of ways. He watches Doyoung until he falls asleep, the familiar sound of his slow breathing filling the quiet space between them. He can’t help but look at him differently after learning all this. Doyoung killed Ten so easily, it is only natural for Jaehyun to think it wasn’t his first kill. He tries to place the Doyoung he knows in the image of a killer, and while a week ago that would have been impossible, now it is all too easy. Doyoung was a spy, a good one according to himself, and there is a part of Jaehyun that fears he is still being played. That Doyoung is telling him exactly what he thinks Jaehyun needs to hear and that will put him back in his good graces. It is an irrational fear, he knows. If Doyoung meant to turn on him, he wouldn’t have done such a good job of driving him away.

His body sags more and more against the ground, eyes slipping closed, heavy with exhaustion. It has been a tiring day, both physically and emotionally, but Jaehyun fears sleep. At least when he is awake he can distract himself from the most cutting pain, but he has no control over what will haunt him in his dreams. He lays his fingertips against his cheekbone, gently strokes them down the side of his face and rests them against the underside of his jaw, just the way Doyoung would touch him late at night before they fell asleep. Before he knows it, his eyelids close and his mind slips away into unconscious bliss, unaware of the images created in his sleep.

 

When he wakes he feels even more drained than he did when he went to sleep, and even in the heat of the temperate climate he feels cold. A shiver goes through him and as if on reflex Doyoung’s arm tightens around him, alerting Jaehyun of its presence over his shoulders. Slowly pushing away from Doyoung’s warm body, Jaehyun sits up and stares tiredly into his tanned face. Doyoung has always been beautiful, his distinct yet soft features bordering between delicate and masculine, and Jaehyun is still so attracted to him. He doubts he will ever not be attracted to Doyoung, but he wishes it wasn’t so. He is exhausted by this state of flux that he is in, both loving and hating Doyoung’s presence, both loving and hating Doyoung. He squirms out of Doyoung’s hold, feeling caught as Doyoung’s fingers instinctively curl into the fabric of his shirt before his weak struggling jolts him awake.

“Sorry,” Doyoung is quick to apologise as he lets go off Jaehyun so he can scamper away.

“You were having nightmares; I couldn’t wake you. It was the only thing that helped.” Of course it was; Jaehyun isn’t the slightest surprised with himself and his subconscious need for Doyoung’s arms.

“Tell me about Taeyong,” he says, the thought has been on his mind since he awoke. Doyoung stares apprehensively at him for several seconds before shifting his gaze to the crack in the wall.

“We should get going if we want to reach—“ “Tell me about Taeyong,” he interrupts, harsher than he intended, but he won’t allow for any more evasion from Doyoung.

“He was a scientist, I guess. Mostly he was a collector, or a broker I’m not sure, all I know about his business is that he had no scruples. But he was kind to me, he made it so that I could finally leave my past behind me, and I really did love him at the time. We were together.” He looks at Jaehyun then, as if that information could possibly mean anything to Jaehyun now.

“What we had was dark and twisted and I was far too young for any of it, but age ceases to matter with an immortal.”

“Immortal?” Jaehyun interrupts again, despite himself.

“I don’t know the science behind it, but what he told me had something to do with stopping, or reversing, cellular decay, giving them longevity or whatever.” Jaehyun scoffs at the explanation, wondering who could ever believe that.

“Sounds like rubbish,” he mumbles and Doyoung laughs quietly with him.

“I think it was. I never knew what it actually was, but I had my suspicions and it was one of the many reasons why I left him.”

“You killed him, didn’t you? Back at the Crater?” He remembers how distant Doyoung had been when he returned, there but simultaneously not there. And the blood soaking his shirt that wasn’t his.

“Taeyong wasn’t a good man,” Doyoung says, more to himself, turning inwards as if he is convincing himself he did the right thing.

“He knew too much, he always knew too much, and I couldn’t trust him.” Doyoung doesn’t say the words, but Jaehyun hears them anyway. Taeyong knew about him and that’s why Doyoung killed him. Jaehyun blinks up at Doyoung when the other shuffles on the ground, sticking his hand in his pocket and retrieving a tiny object. When he holds it up into the light, Jaehyun recognises it as a microchip, though it is unlike any microchip he has ever seen before.

“This was his,” Doyoung whispers and Jaehyun instinctively moves closer. “It’s not just a chip, it’s … part of him, almost like a piece of his soul.” He wraps his fingers around it and lifts his eyes to Jaehyun’s face.

“It’s probably the most dangerous weapon in the universe, no one can ever have it.” Their eyes remain locked as the gravity of that little piece of technology and what it could potentially become settles in Jaehyun’s stomach like a stone. He looks around the small room as an idea falls into his head, and pushes away from the floor to stand on stiff legs once he finds what he was looking for. A box, small and holey and covered in a thick layer of dust, stands on top of a ledge near the roof. He uses his sleeve to wipe the dust off as best he can and brings it back to Doyoung, forcing the lid open.

“Then bury him, no one will find him here.” Doyoung looks at him in amazement, lower lip shaking as his eyes well with tears.

“You have to move on, and you can’t do that if you’re still holding on,” he says, pretending for a moment that that is exactly what he is doing by leaving Ten behind. Doyoung’s hand trembles as he drops the microchip into the box and he gasps quietly when Jaehyun smacks the lid closed.

“Sorry,” he whispers, he hadn’t meant to do it so abruptly. He rises to his feet and after a second of consideration holds a hand out for Doyoung to pull him to his feet.

“We can bury him outside, maybe find some flowers,” he says, but Doyoung shakes his head and takes the box from him.

“Taeyong already has a grave,” he says and walks to the other side of the room where a crack in the wall large enough to fit the box stretches from one end of the wall to the other. He lodges the box into the crack and covers it with a loose rock. It looks inconspicuous enough from where Jaehyun is standing so hopefully it will remain untouched. He doubts anyone who could come across it out here would have the slightest clue how to use it anyway; to Jaehyun’s untrained eye, it didn’t look compatible with any known technology. Doyoung is quiet for a long time, standing with his fingers resting on the surface of the rock. Jaehyun hesitates on whether to approach him or not, but in the end stays in his place. He should give Doyoung the same space that Doyoung gave him.

“In peace, may your soul leave these shores, and sail the stars to the end of eternity,” he whispers and Doyoung finally turns around, giving him a grateful smile. They leave the building side by side and Jaehyun takes a deep breath through his nose once they are outside. After the moldy, dusty smell of the old space, the air outside is fresh and sweet. It’s a nice day, the petrichor emanating from the drying grass is pleasant, though the thick clouds above is enough to keep them wary of another downpour.

“Do you know why the Pàmandan say _to the end of eternity_?” Doyoung asks, sounding lighter finally. His hand brushes against Jaehyun’s, sending a jolt of electricity through his arm. He hums questioningly and curls his fingers into his palm.

“Because they believe everything must come to an end, that eventually the very universe will be swallowed into the void and disappear. And that in its place, a new universe will form. An ultimate new beginning.” Doyoung’s fingers curl into Jaehyun’s and by instinct, an innate need for self-preservation, Jaehyun pulls away with a quiet hiss. Doyoung folds his hands to his chest and looks regretfully at his face. He doesn’t look surprised, or hurt; there is only sad resignation in his eyes, and so much understanding it glues a couple pieces of Jaehyun’s heart back together.

“I understand now, but you deceived me from the beginning and I can’t trust you. You said you did what you did because you thought it was the best for me, but it _wasn’t_ and I can’t risk you doing that again.” He wants to say he is sorry because a part of him is, but he needs to think about himself for once. He hasn’t decided yet if not being with Doyoung the way he wants to must also mean not being with Doyoung at all, but he will figure that out after they get where they need to go.

“How far is it to Thíva?” he asks when Doyoung starts walking. There are no paths to follow, only a wide, open field and mountains in the distance.

“It shouldn’t take us more than a day now,” Doyoung answers and points at the horizon. “There is a path at the foot of those mountains, it will take us to Thíva. Then we will have to find the ruins on our own.” They have been staying off the roads so far, but travelling cross-country can’t get them everywhere. He read once that the old city of Thíva was enclosed by the mountains on one side and the sea on the other, and the only way in and out of the city was through a narrow valley, no more than ten feet across. He guesses that is the path Doyoung is talking about.

They walk for hours in silence, trudging through the damp grass with only distant bird song to keep them company. There are no animals in the field, feral or otherwise, and the emptiness leaves a lot of room for everything Jaehyun has supressed to seep through the cracks. He is crying before he knows it, silent tears dripping down his cheeks, for Ten, for Doyoung, for himself. He bites his lip and walks with his head down so Doyoung won’t notice, following in his footsteps across the field. A sob breaks through at one point and he sees Doyoung stumble, halt for a second, before he continues walking. Every bone in his body is aching with exhaustion, but Jaehyun doesn’t want to stop, doesn’t think he can stop without collapsing. It is his anger that drives him still, quietly simmering beneath his grief, but he is no longer angry with Doyoung. He is quite certain he has already forgiven Doyoung.

He is angry at his father’s tyranny, he is angry at the heartlessness of those who oppose him, he is angry at the idleness and indifference of those who claim to work for the good of all. _Is there no good left in the world_? he asks himself. Maybe the Pàmandan are right, maybe the universe needs a new beginning to be whole again.

The clouds fall lower by the hour, cloaking their path in a dense, grey carpet. It doesn’t seem to deter Doyoung, who walks on steadily even as fog begins to creep towards them. Jaehyun casts his eyes to the sky, grey and dreary except for the odd window through which the mountain peak can be seen, and blue sky in the distance.

“It looks like a gateway to another world,” he says and knocks gently against Doyoung when the other man stops to look at him. It’s a bewitching sight, almost symbolic to him. The foggy uncertainty of their current position, and the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel is where he wants to be when it is all over.

“Fascinating,” Doyoung whispers and Jaehyun turns his head to look at him. Their hands have linked, a subconscious action by one of them. Who, Jaehyun couldn’t say. He allows it for a few more seconds before he pulls away, regret squeezing his heart.

“I forgive you,” he says, stares hard into Doyoung’s eyes until he sees them water and then he forces himself to look away. He didn’t think staying away from Doyoung was going to be so hard.

“Thank you,” he hears Doyoung whisper as he walks away. He almost believes this is it, that they will part ways just like that, but then Doyoung catches up to him and Jaehyun couldn’t stop the smile twitching in the corner of his mouth even if he wanted to.

 

*

* * *

*

 

With the heavy clouds blocking the sky it is impossible to keep track of time, but Jaehyun guesses it is close to sundown when they finally reach the path between the mountains. He stops at the edge of it and looks across the many heads of weary travellers shuffling slowly along the dusty path.

“Refugees,” Doyoung whispers beside him. Jaehyun had already come to that conclusion; the familiar winter robes of Taranjà is not easily misplaced. Even in the sweltering heat, the refugees wear the thick clothing, clutching at the fabric as if it is the only thing they have. For most of them, that is probably now true. Only a handful have any luggage with them, a small backpack or a duffel bag thrown over a shoulder, filled with whatever they could grab in a hurry.

“Thíva have a long history of helping people in need. Even now, you can be sure you won’t be turned away.” They slip into the crowd, sharing tired smiles and greetings with the people around them. Thíva used to be the largest city on Runtah, but as its planet, it too has suffered from the warring of their predecessors. He wonders how it looks, if the people still living here have kept it standing or let it fall into ruin.

“You mentioned ruins,” he says to Doyoung as a thought occurs to him. “Did you mean the ruins of Cadmea?” Doyoung nods with a hum, smiling as Jaehyun’s face lightens significantly. He has always had a predilection for old history, and the ancient civilisation of Runtah, or Kuna as it was once called before the Liberty War left its scar on the planet, has always been his favourite. Cadmea was once a great stronghold, millennia ago before the Curug came from the sky, before the Intergalactic Council forced the planet into its Coalition; Thíva was the greatest city ever built and Cadmea was its acropolis. It has been abandoned for centuries, stories tell of ghosts and demons and all kinds of supernatural beings roaming the shadowed, misty grounds. Instead of scaring him away, the horror stories only enticed Jaehyun and for as long as he can remember he has wanted to visit the ancient ruins of Cadmea. It must be a good hiding place, though why this Hansol person needs to hide in such a place is beyond his imagination.

“Why is he hiding?” he asks, catching Doyoung when he stumbles. His eyebrows furrow in worry when Doyoung coughs and clutches his chest, but Doyoung waves him off.

“Dust,” he croaks and clears his throat. “Why do you think he’s hiding?” he asks once he stops coughing and dabs at the tears gathered in the corner of his eyes.

“He’s in the ruins, no one goes to the ruins,” he says and cocks and eyebrow at Doyoung when the elder chuckles.

“Lots of people go to the ruins, mostly kids,” he grins and Jaehyun rolls his eyes.

“You’ll know when you meet him,” Doyoung says with a muted smile, but then his face falls and he tugs harshly at Jaehyun’s arm to pull him behind himself.

“It’s the PPP,” he whispers harshly, turning to look at Jaehyun while keeping one eye on the four, uniformed people standing on either side of the path not far ahead.

“They may not be _Libertas_ , but they still can’t see you. We don’t know what they will do—Jaehyun wait!” He reaches for him, but Jaehyun slips out of his grasp and continues down the path like nothing untoward has happened.

“It’s fine, they won’t know my face, my father made sure of that,” he whispers in Doyoung’s ear when the other falls in line with him again.

“This is good though, if they’re here then it means the PPP is still around.” Doyoung hums beside him, obviously as pleased about this as he is.

“They must have made port in Melos, ferrying refugees from the Capital and guiding them on the road to Thíva,” Doyoung says, studying the four Taranjian as they get closer. They are handing out water bubbles and ration bars, blankets and what looks like cooling covers. The heat on Runtah is almost enough to kill, and the transition from the icy temperature of a Taranjian frost season to the sweltering and humid heat of mid-summer must be harsh.

“Have a care package,” one of the women says, handing a water bubble and ration bar to both of them. As he expected, she has no idea who he is. He accepts the water bubble, but declines the ration bar. They still have a couple in Doyoung’s backpack, but they ran out of water several hours ago.

“Give that to someone who needs it more,” he says with a gentle smile. “You’re saving their lives, you know.” She looks him in the eye with a profound solemnness and Jaehyun fears that he said something wrong.

“It’s why I joined the PPP, Sir,” she says after a second, bowing slightly at the waist. He returns the gesture with a tilt of his head and they smile at each other before he continues down the narrow path. The mountains are close by on either side now and it is more than a little claustrophobic, how they disappear into the thick fog hanging just above their heads, caging them in. He pops the water bubble in his mouth, sighing through his nose in relief as the water soothes his parched mouth and throat. They may not have been long without water, but the humid air makes it hard to breathe and after walking for so long it was a much-needed relief.

“This is why I joined the PPP,” Doyoung says, speaking quietly in the cramped space. “It’s not a freedom movement if there are no more people to free.” It hasn’t escaped his notice that Doyoung still clutches gently at his own throat from time to time, always keeping a hand pressed against his sternum, and he wants to pull him aside and make him stop for a minute, but the crowd is too dense. If they tried to stop, they would be carried away by the slowly moving masses. Instead he grasps for Doyoung’s hand and grips it tightly in his, keeping a close eye on him as he seems to grow paler by the minute.

The path between the mountains is long and awful as the heat gathers below the clouds, making the narrow valley feel not unlike a burning furnace. Children and old, strong and weak, all suffer as it stretches on and on. Jaehyun reaches out on reflex to catch a small child as it topples backwards off its mother’s back. He cradles the child in the crook of his arm as Doyoung wraps an arm around the weakened woman. The heat has left her too weak to even speak, but Jaehyun recognises the words of gratitude she forms with her mouth and smiles at her. They walk together the rest of the way, the child wrapped in a cooling cover and sleeping peacefully in Jaehyun’s arms, and when daylight has faded completely, a gust of wind flows over them, salty with the taste of the sea. Once they round the bend, the mountains part on either side of them and they can see across the entire city, well-lit by street lights and the glow from the windows of homes. Jaehyun can see all the way to the ocean shore, imagines he can hear the crashing of the waves over the clamour of a city teeming with life.

There is no time to take it all in from the great vantage point atop the city as the line of refugees press them forward, but he figures he will have plenty of time to see the city once they find Hansol. As they move further down what he assumes is the main street, the crowd thins as more and more of them are taken in by the kind and generous locals. It is a relief when they find shelter for the small family of mother and child as the mother is helped inside a small house and Jaehyun leaves the child in the arms of an old man with a weather-worn, but smiling face. The citizens of Thíva certainly live up to their reputation, and their endless generosity helps take a little of the weight off Jaehyun’s heart.

“I didn’t know people could be so kind,” he says, only half-joking. On Taranjà the people have a narrower view on hospitality and aren’t nearly as giving. Doyoung laughs quietly and then he coughs, turning his head away and hiding his face in the crook of his elbow to muffle himself as he coughs and wheezes.

“Are you alright?” Jaehyun asks, gripping Doyoung’s upper arm and leading him to the mouth of a narrow alley where they won’t be in the way.

“Yes, I’m fine,” Doyoung croaks, but Jaehyun doesn’t fold, only stares at him with a furrowed brow as Doyoung coughs a couple more times and takes several shaky breaths. It is almost like he is struggling to get air into his lungs and Jaehyun hesitates between holding him closer to make sure he doesn’t fall over and giving him space to breath. It passes in less than a minute, but Doyoung is winded, like he just ran a marathon and Jaehyun stays close when Doyoung insist they continue.

“Once we find Hansol, I will be alright,” he says cryptically, but Jaehyun doesn’t ask. For once, he doesn’t want Doyoung to spend his energy on talking.

“Excuse me,” he says politely, touching the shoulder of the young man standing with his back to them, immediately past the alley. The man turns to them with a warm smile and looks them over once.

“I’m sorry, we have no more available beds, but our neighbour here has two,” he says, but Jaehyun waves him off.

“We have a place to stay, we only need to find it,” he says, smiling quickly down at the little boy clutching the man’s trouser leg. “Could you point us in the direction of the ruins of Cadmea?” The man smiles once more, large and friendly, and points down the street.

“Walk until you hit the fisher’s market, then take a left. Follow that street until the end and you’ll find the ruin. No walking inside now, there’ll be gargoyles and ghosts out at this hour,” he laughs and ruffles the little boy’s hair.

“Thank you Sir,” Jaehyun bows at the waist and takes Doyoung’s hand to guide him down the street. He can hear Doyoung huffing in annoyance behind him, but he only tightens his grip. He intends to take care of Doyoung now, like how Doyoung has taken care of him since the moment they met.

The clamour of people is loud between the stone buildings, only growing in volume as they near the still bustling fisher’s market. The city and its people is an odd mix of rural and technological; fish is transported from the harbour on wooden carts, but there are electronic lights hanging along wires all the way down the street. The fishermen weigh the fish by hand and approximate, but the buyers pay with the same credit chips as people on Taranjà or Seni Rupa.

“Jaehyun?” Doyoung says, drawing his attention away from the trade going on in front of them. He sniffs as he looks Doyoung over, noting the tremble in his hands and the shaky way he breathes. If he thought Doyoung would agree to it, he would tell him to get on his back so he could carry Doyoung the rest of the way.

“Let’s go,” he says instead and walks a step behind Doyoung to keep an eye on him as they start down the much narrower street. He doesn’t know if Doyoung’s condition has worsened quite suddenly or if he has been suffering for longer than he has known about, and the thought leaves a sour taste in his mouth. Has he been so caught up in himself, so determined not to give Doyoung the time of day that he has failed to notice that something was seriously wrong? He watches Doyoung watch the street around them, clenching his fists so hard his fingers start hurting.

“I like the houses here,” Doyoung says and stops to run a hand over the rough surface. He leans in to smell the flowers hanging from a window sill and Jaehyun notices every little detail when Doyoung stills and takes a slow breath. Notices how his fingers curl against the stone, how his shoulders rise slowly and the low coughs Doyoung forces to clear his throat. It’s all so subtle Jaehyun wouldn’t have noticed if he wasn’t looking and the truth is that these last few days he hasn’t been looking at all. It must have been so easy for Doyoung to hide this from him.

“I’m sorry,” he says and Doyoung turns to him, a worried frown forming his features.

“Sorry for what?” he asks hesitantly. Jaehyun gestures to him while he fumbles for the words to say and Doyoung understands what he means before he can find them.

“You don’t have to apologise to me Jaehyun, not for anything, ever.” He smiles at Jaehyun, but it’s self-deprecating and Jaehyun doesn’t like it.

“The bad things you do don’t negate the good and you’ve always been good to me. Just because you hurt me doesn’t mean that I want, or gods deserve!, to hurt you in return.” He may have considered it more than once, and though there was a moment he did want to hurt Doyoung like how he has hurt him, that moment has passed.

“If I do hurt you I’m going to apologise and you should accept it!” His exclamation draws a laugh from Doyoung, before he chokes and doubles over gripping his own throat. Jaehyun is at his side in an instant, supporting his weight as Doyoung continues to cough and gasp for air.

“You need to sit,” he says when Doyoung tries to take a step down the street, but Doyoung only shakes his head. He seems determined to move on and Jaehyun couldn’t have stopped him without hurting him so instead he walks close at his side and keeps an arm around Doyoung’s waist.

“I need to get to Hansol,” Doyoung whispers between deep breaths, his voice like a painful scratch in his throat. He throws an arm over Jaehyun’s shoulders and leans half his weight on him and Jaehyun grips him tighter and blinks back tears at the raspy quality of Doyoung’s breath. He is afraid Doyoung is going to collapse, finally stop breathing all together, and he will lose him as well.

“Don’t die” he whispers, but Doyoung doesn’t hear him, caught in another coughing fit. It’s slow-going after that as, despite Doyoung’s insistence, they are forced to stop several times when Doyoung struggles to get air into his lungs. Jaehyun wants to take him to a doctor, reasons that there has to be one and if they go back to the main street it won’t be hard to find help, but Doyoung insists once again that they need to find Hansol, that he will be alright once they find Hansol. It makes Jaehyun curious about who this Hansol person is, what is so special about him that Doyoung will go to such lengths just to find him and why he trusts in him more than any other trained physician. He keeps his questions to himself, not wanting Doyoung to waste his breath on answering them. Reaching the ruins takes far too long in Jaehyun’s opinion and his concern only escalates as Doyoung has grown terrifyingly silent. Even so, he can’t help but to take a second to absorb the daunting sight they make when they are standing at the base of a tall wall. It is crumbling, even as they stand there; stones fall from cracks and the air is thick with dust.

“There are no gargoyles, there are no ghosts,” he tells himself before he walks through the wide arch, pulling Doyoung along with him and worrying that the gateway will drop on their heads.

“There are no gargoyles, there are no ghosts,” he mumbles again when the already dark sky seems even darker on this side of the wall. He shivers as the temperature falls and looks around them with wild eyes when every little noise makes him jump.

“Where to now?” he whispers and Doyoung makes a sound and grips Jaehyun’s shoulder, trying to pull himself into a straighter position and look around them.

“Don’t know,” he whispers with no real sound, only air passing his lips. Jaehyun wouldn’t have heard him if not for how the tall, crumbling walls surrounding them seems to suck up any sound from the outside, leaving an eerie quiet around them. They walk several more steps into the ruins, the occasional click of their soles on the ground letting them know of the stone flooring underneath the grass and overgrowth.

“Should we call out? Maybe he’ll hear us, somehow,” his words disappear into the quiet, and Doyoung doesn’t respond. The sifting of grass sounds from their left and Jaehyun whips his head around to look over Doyoung’s drooping head.

“Hello? Anyone there?” he calls out and after several seconds of no response and no more suspicious sounds of movement, he pulls Doyoung along with him and walks further into the ruins where the dilapidated stone buildings make room for a wide stone courtyard. Unlike the surrounding area, the courtyard is clear of grass and weeds and Jaehyun can see clearly the intricate designs carved into the large tiles. It’s like this place alone has been preserved and only looking at it gives Jaehyun chills. Stepping inside the circle feels like stepping into a spiritual rite, there is something so special about the place, and Jaehyun is reminded again of the local’s warnings of ghosts.

“You don’t think he was serious, do you?” he asks hesitantly, gripping Doyoung’s waist when a shiver travels down the length of his spine. He has the distinct feeling that they are being watched.

“Doyoung?” he asks when there is no response from the other man. The first clue he gets that something is wrong is Doyoung’s tight grip on his shoulder loosening to nothing. Only a second later, Doyoung’s body tips forward and crumbles to the ground. Jaehyun barely has the time and reaction speed to catch Doyoung’s shirt in his fingers, roughly stopping his fall, luckily before his head hits the ground.

“Doyoung!” he yells as he crouches on the ground and pulls Doyoung into his lap. He shakes him a little and calls his name again and again when there is no response. Dread stabs at him when he notices the stillness of Doyoung’s chest.

“Doyoung!” he yells again, but still he gets no response, not even a breath of air passing Doyoung’s lips as he lies eerily still in Jaehyun’s arms.


	8. Chapter 8

There is a fire crackling in the corner of the room, in an iron bowl with four legs shaped like lion paws and an invisible plasma field containing the flames, and the popping of the burning logs is a comforting sound in the otherwise dead quiet. Jaehyun watches the flames, transfixed by their irregular dance, and counts every breath he takes. He winces when a single beep sounds in the room and his eyes are drawn to Doyoung’s lifeless form on the bed beside him. He is so pale, dark bruising around his eyes and his lips are tinted with blue, he looks almost frozen and he reminds Jaehyun of the aide he had stumbled upon one frost month years ago, dead from the cold in the halls of the palace. He reaches out for Doyoung’s wrist, stretches to lay a hand against Doyoung’s cheek just to feel the warmth underneath his fingers and reassure himself of Doyoung’s continued survival.

The door creaks open behind him and Jaehyun sits back in his chair and looks over his shoulder at the intimidating being stepping over the threshold. His features are mostly humanoid, with the exception of his pointy ears and blackened eyes, and his nose that is a little too flat and up-turned, more like a pig’s nose than a human’s. But he is beautiful, in a very exotic and distinguished way, but there is no doubting his beauty. Jaehyun would reckon he has never encountered a being more beautiful than the one currently striding across the floor, his long legs bringing him to Doyoung’s bedside in a second.

A Panacea, Jaehyun has only ever read about them.

Doyoung had been right when he said meeting Hansol would explain a lot. As a Panacea, his life has been in danger since the moment he was conceived so it’s no wonder he is hiding in a place like this. He watches as Hansol lays a hand on Doyoung’s chest. The first time he saw it he was expecting something more, a glow or a sound or for Doyoung to react in some way to indicate that it was working, but when Hansol closes his eyes and presses harder on Doyoung’s sternum there is nothing. His readings are the only reason Jaehyun even knows what is going on as Hansol has been less than forthcoming about anything, despite Jaehyun’s many questions. When Hansol removes his hand, he looks slightly haggard, blinking continuously and breathing deeply. The heart monitor connected to Doyoung beeps and only a second later it beeps again and Jaehyun holds his breath as it finally starts a steady beeping, indicating the renewed beating of Doyoung’s heart. A relieved laugh bursts from him and he curls over Doyoung’s form and hides his face in his stomach, muffling his sobs in the thin sheets.

“He should wake up soon,” Hansol says and Jaehyun startles a little at his deep voice, still not used to how it contrasts his soft face.

“He’ll be alright?” he asks, sitting up and wiping his tears. Hansol stares silently into his eyes for a long time before he sighs.

“He was dead, Jaehyun.”

He says no more and with a last look at Doyoung’s face, he leaves the room as quickly as he had entered. His words echo in Jaehyun’s head for a long time after he is gone. _He was dead, he was dead, he was dead, Doyoung was dead._

He had held Doyoung’s lifeless body in his arms for he doesn’t even know how long, crouched in that cold, dark place, crying out for him and breaking apart inside and out as every call of Doyoung’s name yielded no response. He doesn’t remember how he got here after that, only has a blurry memory of strong arms holding him and feeling warm and safe, and then he woke up in this room. He had cried then, cursed loudly at whoever had put him there with Doyoung lying next to him, as still as death, as if it was a cruel joke. Then a beep had sounded in the room and Doyoung took a single breath. When he touched him, it was like putting his hand in a bowl filled with jelly, slick and wiggly as it parted around his hand, and Jaehyun recognised the transparent stasis chamber from the many times he had hugged his mother goodnight so many years ago. Doyoung was alive, or almost. Dead, but not as dead as he was when he collapsed in Jaehyun’s arms. Jaehyun knew the extraordinary effects of a stasis chamber on a living person, but he had never thought it could be used to bring a person back to life. In theory, it shouldn’t even be possible, but the laws of the universe cease to matter when there is a Panacea involved. At least that’s what people say. Jaehyun doubts they have that much power though, no matter how mystical they are.

He glances at the bag of purple blood hanging from the pole beside Doyoung’s bed, and he follows the drop of blood passing through the tube with his eyes until it disappears into the needle lodged in Doyoung’s wrist. It’s Hansol’s blood, a drop of it is transferred into Doyoung’s body every minute. When he had asked why so little at a time, Hansol had told him it was for the best as, even as it is healing him from the inside, any more and his body would violently reject the foreign blood. It has been hours since Jaehyun woke up, and he was told he had been out for several hours before that, but Jaehyun would wait for the rest of his life if that was what it took to see Doyoung’s eyes open again.

Hansol had said he would wake soon however, and Jaehyun trusts him despite not knowing him at all. He suspects Hansol must have a connection with Doyoung beyond anything Jaehyun can ever know and that can only come from sharing his very life force with another person. Hansol is slowly bringing Doyoung back to life, and Jaehyun will owe him a lifetime of debt no matter how many times Hansol denies it.  

A slight scuffling on the other side of the door draws Jaehyun’s attention and he itches to cross the room and lay his ear against the wood, or even open the door, when Hansol’s quiet voice sounds through it.

“No, you can’t go inside,” he says, but there is no answer, only the shuffling of feet until it eventually grows quiet again. Jaehyun knows there are other people here, human or Panacea like Hansol he doesn’t know, but he is too nervous to poke his head outside to check.

“I don’t know if you can hear me,” he says, looking closely for any hint of consciousness in Doyoung’s face. There is none, but Jaehyun takes his hand between both of his anyway and sits on the edge of his seat.

“I just need to tell you this and I think you being unconscious will make it easier,” he laughs at himself, playing absentmindedly with Doyoung’s fingers. He clears his throat and fixes his eyes on the middle of Doyoung’s chest, letting his vision blur as he tightens his grip on Doyoung’s hand.

“I know I said I forgive you, but I don’t really, not completely. There’s so much that’s happened and there’s so much you haven’t told me; and the things you _have_ told me doesn’t make it any easier.

I’ve thought a lot about what you said, how you’re dangerous when you’re around me, and being around you changes me as well. I’ve always been told I’m too naïve, too forgiving, but you make me want to forget everything and continue as we were because it’s the easy thing to do. You have a hold on me, an influence, that I’m not even sure you know the extent of and that I haven’t even known about myself before now and that’s why it’s dangerous for me to be around you. Because I don’t trust you, but I will forgive you because it’s the easiest thing to do.”

He bends down and wipes his tears on his own sleeve, burying his face into the space between Doyoung’s arm and body. He has never thought of their relationship in great detail before, but it didn’t take him long to notice the control Doyoung has over him when he did. It’s not even Doyoung’s fault, not entirely though Jaehyun has long since been conditioned not to pry, but that is only one part of it. Doyoung has been in control of their relationship since long before their first kiss. It wasn’t a bad thing before, but knowing everything that Doyoung wanted to keep from him has pushed them off kilter and Jaehyun simply doesn’t feel safe anymore.

Telling Doyoung that he has forgiven him was maybe not the right thing to do when he still has all of these doubts, but Jaehyun needs time to decide what he wants to do and pretending that things are alright between them is easier than confronting Doyoung with it all. Especially when all Jaehyun wants to do is kiss him.

He thought it would be an easy decision to make, that it was something he would just know, but every instinct in his body is telling him to keep Doyoung close and never let him go and he doesn’t want to listen.

“Why are feelings so hard?!” he exclaims and pushes away from the bed and Doyoung’s limp hand in his. He can’t even make sense of the thoughts in his head, much less the conflicting feelings in his heart. With everything that has happened in the last few days though, how can he be expected to make decisions like this? It’s not something he can do when he feels disconnected even from himself.

“I know you don’t expect anything from me, but I expect a whole lot from myself and I am _not_ delivering!”

“That’s unhealthy Jaehyun,” a hoarse, thin voice sounds behind him and Jaehyun whips around so fast he nearly loses his footing on the polished wooden floor.

Doyoung’s eyes are open, mere slits of brown and white, but they are open. Jaehyun reaches out with a shaking hand and lays it on top of Doyoung’s chest to feel it move.

“You’re breathing,” he whispers and Doyoung’s lips twitch in an imitation of a smile and their eyes lock together as the air grows tense around them. Before the moment can stretch on, the door opens behind them and Hansol is back. He doesn’t say a word as he checks Doyoung’s vitals and presses his hand to the middle of his chest again. Jaehyun watches as the colour returns to Doyoung’s skin, immediately making him look healthier and more alive. He expects one of them to say something, from his understanding they were friends once, but Hansol leaves the room as quickly as he entered it and Doyoung slumps further into the bed with a resigned sigh.

“How do you feel?” he asks, opting to ignore the weird tension he had sensed between the two. Doyoung moves carefully onto his side and rests his head on his forearm, while his left hand claws lightly at his own chest.

“Terrible,” he mumbles, adding jokingly; “like death.”

“Not funny,” Jaehyun whispers, lightly slapping Doyoung’s hand before twining their fingers together. He can still see Doyoung’s lifeless form in front of him, can still feel the weight of him in his arms. He remembers Doyoung’s words from days before, and knows now that even if he ultimately decides to leave Doyoung behind, knowing that he is alive and well is the only way he can ever live a full life.

“I will never stop loving you,” he whispers, but Doyoung is fast asleep.

 

*

* * *

*

 

Jaehyun taps the side of his cup with the tips of his fingers, watching the wisps of steam rising from the hot liquid inside. He desperately wants to wiggle his feet to get rid of some of the tension, but he doesn’t want to risk jostling the table and give his companion even more of a reason to stare at him so intently. It’s more than a little unnerving, the guy has almost a brooding quality to him and the way he looks at him over his cup of steaming java with that blank face is downright unsettling. Jaehyun has been trying to figure out what he did to offend the other man ever since they sat down together.

Finally deciding enough is enough, Jaehyun pushes his chair away from the table and rises to his feet.

“Where are you going?” the man asks in a deep, though not nearly as deep as Jaehyun had expected, voice and quirks one thick eyebrow at him. Jaehyun wants to ask him how he does that so perfectly.

“I thought I’d check on Doyoung,” he mumbles, but remains standing in an awkward position with bent knees and leaning on the table.

“He’s alright, Hansol is with him. Sit,” the man says and Jaehyun falls back into his seat with no hesitation. He blames it on some mystical Panacean influence, but in truth, Jaehyun is terrified of disobeying the quiet man.

“You have a deeper voice than I expected,” the man says suddenly after a lengthy pause.

“You have such a quiet and soft aura I was picturing you as more of a little Bolognese pupper. How old are you?”

“I’m not a dog,” Jaehyun says instead of answering the man’s unprovoked question. He is a little miffed to be called a dog; only Doyoung is allowed to give him pet names. In an attempt to divert himself from that pathway of thoughts, Jaehyun squirms in his seat a little and decides to answer anyway.

“I’m nineteen.”

He takes a sip of his java and almost spits it out when something in the man’s words finally makes sense in his head.

“What do you mean you _pictured me_? You can’t see?!” He coughs as some of the hot liquid goes down the wrong pipe and sputters. Without missing a beat, the man reaches for the serviette holder in the middle of the table and passes him one and Jaehyun finally notices how his eyes rests unseeingly on a random spot on the table. All this time he was shrivelling up on the inside from the man’s intense stare and he couldn’t even see him!

“Not with my eyes,” the man says humorously.

“I’m Johnny, by the way,” he says and Jaehyun sighs a little in relief at finally having a name to a face.

“I thought you were going to string me up or something, the way you were looking at me,” Jaehyun mumbles as he dabs at his chin with the serviette. Johnny laughs and takes a long sip from his cup before putting it aside.

“Sorry, I was checking you out,” he says and Jaehyun’s ears burn at his bluntness before he comes to his senses and realises that was not at all what Johnny meant by those words.

“What did you find?” he asks tentatively, still dabbing absentmindedly at his chin. Johnny merely smiles at him from behind his cup and downs the rest of his bitter drink. Jaehyun watches him for a while longer, feeling the hair at the back of his neck prick at the man’s steady, yet vacant stare into his face.

“I need some air,” he mumbles and rises carefully from the table, keeping a minimum distance between him and Johnny as he rounds the table to get to the door behind the tall man.

 

Stepping out into the grey light of an overcast sky, he breathes in deep and tastes the salt on the wind. Following the cobbled path leading from the wood and stone cabin, he makes his way to a small alcove in the towering cliffs facing the sea. The rolling of rocks on the seabed echoes like thunder in the small space and the wind from the sea blows his hair back and makes it difficult to keep his balance on the slippery stone beach. He has never seen the sea before arriving in Thíva and being so close to it he can almost feel the droplets spatter on his skin when the waves hit the shore with an ominous rumble, it scares him. The heavy, impenetrable blue surface, the white foam where it hits the rocks with incredible force, the undertow pulling rocks heavier than him back and forth. He is awed by its natural power, as much as it terrifies him. The sea could consume worlds, drown lands as easy as people, and he couldn’t hope to stop it. The _Libertas_ are nothing like the sea. It’s made up of people, and people are fickle, susceptible to fear and manipulation, weak against disruption. They can be pulled apart and torn down, unravelled from the inside out. He just doesn’t know how to go about doing that.

“Doyoung would know,” he says out loud, stretching his arms out to keep his balance as he jumps from one stone to another. He doesn’t doubt it for a second that Doyoung would tell him everything he needed to know to break them, but it would work so much better with Doyoung at his side. Having someone on the inside is what made it so easy for the _Libertas_ to take Taranjà after all. Then again, Ten said there was a traitor in their midst; he knew about Doyoung, which means someone told him.

A bird lands on a tall, vertical stone not far from him, stretching its long neck out and fluttering its wings before it settles on one foot and clicks its beak at him a couple times. It is a beautiful deep pink colour, with eyes like green gems. Jaehyun has never seen a bird like it before.

“I don’t know what to do,” he tells it and laughs when it cocks its head.

“Do you understand me?” he asks and wobbles carefully over the rocks to get closer. The bird stretches its neck out towards him, but flutters its wings in a way Jaehyun recognises to be threatening when he gets too close.

“You’re beautiful,” he murmurs, chewing on his bottom lip as he carefully reaches a hand out, palm up, to the bird who only stares him flatly in the eye.  
“Right, you’re not a dog,” he laughs. There is a profound intelligence in the bird’s eyes, Jaehyun almost believes it actually understands him, and he is highly disappointed when it flies off without a sound. If anything, it was a good distraction.

However, as he watches it fly out to the sea, the heavy thoughts settle back into him and he sags slowly onto a rock and buries his face in his hands. How could he even think about putting Doyoung in any sort of danger when he watched him die in his arms mere days ago?

Doyoung is still on bed rest, barely able to walk on his own, and Jaehyun wants to send him back into the organisation that ruined his life and will most likely kill him on sight. The thought alone makes his heart twist painfully in his chest.  Since when is he capable of such cynical thinking?

“Of course I’ve changed,” he talks out loud. It always helps him get his thoughts in order, and gods knows he needs it now.

“I’ve had my entire world turned upside down, it’s only natural to be affected.” He longs for his silent companion back, looking out towards the sea in the hopes he will see the bird soaring through the skies again. He sees nothing, and looking out over the thick grey sky and the dark blue sea makes him feel compressed, boxed in, and weighed down. So, he closes his eyes and covers his ears and folds into himself, thinking about happier times to escape the suffocating pressure of the decision hanging over him that he refuses to acknowledge, but that he has to make eventually.

 

He is brought back to an early morning more than a year ago, when he was up before dawn, huddling under the blankets of his bed with Doyoung. There is nothing really special about that morning, so Jaehyun doesn’t know why he remembers it so well, but when it pops into his head he is lost to it so completely he imagines he can feel the memory of Doyoung’s bare skin against his own. It feels so long ago since he last felt that, he was afraid he had forgotten it.

“Did you know that Lucia wore six dresses when she travelled the length of Seni Rupa so she would have more room in her suitcase for her collection?” The him in his head says, propped up on an elbow and rubbing his fingers over Doyoung’s bare chest. Doyoung is half asleep and only tugs Jaehyun’s thigh further over his waist and presses a kiss against his collarbone.

“How did people even travel before miniaturisation technology,” he muses and laughs when Doyoung grunts. Normally Jaehyun would be just as tired after the night they had, but there is something sweet about watching Doyoung’s long eyelashes splay over his cheeks and his lips pout in sleep. Or almost sleep, as Jaehyun is talking too much for him to actually doze off.

“Since you won’t let me sleep, how about you use that mouth of yours for something less aggravating, hm?” Doyoung says, eyes finally fluttering open to look at him. Jaehyun only smiles and gently tugs his leg free of Doyoung’s grasp, shimmying down the bed until he disappears under the covers. He remembers how they indulged themselves that day, locking the room and not leaving it until their stomachs ached with hunger, and their bodies ached with exhaustion. It wasn’t something they did often, but in hindsight it is probably what gave them away. Homosexuality is common on Taranjà and Jaehyun is certain more than a few even expected it of them, but his father would never have allowed it even if Jaehyun had talked to him about it instead of him finding out on his own. Not for the first time he wishes he wasn’t the Crown Prince and his father’s only heir.

“That’s one thing we had in common at least,” he laughs despondently. He is sure, knows it actually, that his father would have given a limb for the opportunity to make someone else his heir.

 _“Jisung would make a better ruler than you, and he’s an infant,”_ his father told him once, referring to his young cousin, his uncle’s second child. Well, first child. It is an unspoken truth that his cousin Wendy is his older sister by blood, if not by law. She is the reason his father and uncle spent the last two decades only exchanging words regarding matters of state and military, yet never letting go of solidarity. Ruling was always more important than family, for both of them.

It hits him then that they are probably both dead. He hasn’t even spared them a thought before now, but there is no reason for the _Libertas_ to leave a single member of the royal family alive, even a four-year-old boy, innocent of all the crimes of the universe. He hasn’t seen either of them in more than two years, and they were never all that close, but a sob bursts through his chest and tears slip down his cheeks when the loss finally hits him. Has he been so consumed with himself, with Doyoung, with Ten, so saddened by the fate of his people yet relieved at the fate of his house, that he forgot about them entirely? His view has been simultaneously too wide and too narrow to see the whole picture. He is not the only one suffering.

Saying a silent prayer Jaehyun rises to his feet and starts gathering rocks to make a grave, a small memorial to the people he wishes he didn’t lose. Stacking them on top of each other, he builds a cairn as close to the sea as he dares. As he is placing the last stone on the small monument, he hears steady yet careful footsteps approaching from behind. He doesn’t turn to acknowledge them, he figures it is either Hansol or Johnny, and only folds his hands in his lap and stares at his creation and the crashing waves in the background.

“I’m sorry,” an unfamiliar, young voice says. “I can leave if you want me to, I just saw you building a grave and thought maybe you didn’t want to be alone.” He looks over his shoulder at the tall, gangly youth with the wide eyes and the blonde curly hair that is standing behind him, pursing his mouth and throwing something back and forth between his hands.

“You can stay,” he says, clearing his throat as his voice comes out rough and thick with tears. The boy sits down next to him and Jaehyun can’t help but smile a little at the innocence shining out of his large, earnest eyes.

“Actually, dad told me where you were and suggested I find you,” he says and reaches out a hand to Jaehyun.

“I’m Mark, by the way,” he says when Jaehyun grasps his hand in his and gives it a tiny shake. He wonders if _dad_ means Johnny or Hansol, as Mark’s Panacean heritage is as obvious in him as in either of them. He is about to ask when Mark holds out a pale beige stick with a white head and raises one hand to rub the back of his own neck.

“I thought you might want to light an incense stick,” he mumbles, looking at him with both compassion and understanding. He has lost someone too.

“I don’t know if you do that, but I figured I’d bring one in case.”

Jaehyun accepts the stick with a smile, drawing a shuddering breath as more tears spill from his eyes. He strikes the white head of the stick over a rock and when it sets aflame, Mark helps him steady it on top of the cairn and together they watch it in silence until it burns down and leaves nothing but smoke behind.

“In peace, may your soul leave these shores, and sail the stars to the end of eternity,” Jaehyun whispers as the last dregs of the scented smoke disappears into the wind. They sit for a while more, Jaehyun trying to stop the tears from falling and Mark awkwardly fiddling with his fingers. This isn’t the best of first meetings, he supposes.

“Thank you,” he croaks and almost laughs when Mark sits ramrod straight and hides his hands behind his back at the sound of his voice.

“For staying with me,” he clarifies, “thank you.” Mark nods solemnly and then they sit a little while longer in silence until Jaehyun’s tears have dried and he feels ready to go back. He doesn’t quite want to admit it, but all he wants is to see Doyoung and to talk to him and be near him.

“It’s no problem man. When my mom died, I remember it was really nice to just have someone be there y’know,” Mark says, proving him right on his previous speculation. He looks up at the sky, mouth falling open with a tiny sound when he sees the clouds have parted right above them and he can see the stars.

“Did you do that?” he asks and Mark laughs.

“No, that’s just coincidence,” he chuckles and rocks back and forth in his seat, “we’re not magical.” Something about the tone of his voice is so similar to Johnny that Jaehyun loses any doubt that Mark is Johnny’s son.

“Unless you believe in ghosts and spirits and that stuff,” Mark says as he rises to his feet, stretching his arms over his head. “Maybe they cleared the sky,” he nods at the cairn and turns to walk away. Jaehyun looks back at the memorial and sets a hand against one of the rocks. He startles a moment later when something pink seemingly grows out of the rocks, covering the surface in a thin, slimy substance.

“What is that?” he exclaims and Mark comes running back, repeating _what what what_ before he bursts out in silent laughter.

“That’s pink algae. You should be careful about touching it too much, it wants to eat you,” he says and Jaehyun shoots back so fast he almost falls from his perch, rubbing his hand on his pants leg. Mark laughs and Jaehyun looks up at him with a mean pout.

“You’re messing with me,” he accuses him and Mark laughs even more and shakes his head.

“I’m really not. It wants to eat you; it just doesn’t have the anatomy to do it. I mean, if you laid still for like a decade and let it cover you completely, it would very slowly erode you into nothingness, but you won’t do that.”

No, Jaehyun most certainly wouldn’t do that. Rising hastily to his feet, he brushes off any dirt from his butt and wipes his hands harder against his thighs to make sure he doesn’t have any pink algae stuck to his skin.

“I don’t like the sea,” he mumbles as he wobbles past Mark as quickly as he can.

“I don’t like beaches,” he says a little louder as he slips and slides over the wet rocks, only barely staying on his feet.

“This isn’t exactly a beach, y’know,” Mark says, walking beside him with far more ease.

“Beaches are sandy, nice. I can take you to one if you want.”

 

*

* * *

*

 

By the time they make it back to the cabin, Jaehyun knows Mark is some kind of wizard mechanic. At least that’s what it sounds like when he talks about all the things he knows and everything he has invented. Jaehyun doesn’t even understand what half the things Mark has tried to explain to him even do, but he is impressed nonetheless.

“I’ve been working on a hyperdrive for our spaceship. You know, the Curug invented those. At least in this quadrant, I’m sure they exist elsewhere otherwise we would never have had the Coalition. I kind of get the concept so I wanted to give it a try. If it works it can take you to Taranjà in the matter of an hour.”

It’s clear to Jaehyun that Mark is excited about this, but his voice remains mellow and there is no smugness or hubris in his words, only well-placed pride for his work.

“I always thought the Taranjian mechanics were the best in the universe, but they have never come close to creating a working hyperdrive,” Jaehyun says, happy to finally understand something.

“Yeah, the Curug were the best mechanics in the universe. The ships they built, man. I would pay good money to get a look under the engine of one or even just talk to someone who _knew_ someone who _watched_ them build it!” Mark skips ahead a few steps and turns to walk backwards. They can see the cabin now, and Johnny standing outside it with a long, oblong object in one hand.

“What’s he doing?” Jaehyun asks, feeling so comfortable around Mark that not even Johnny’s strong, quiet demeanour can shake him. Mark shrugs and turns on his heels again and waves a hand at the older man.

“Hey dad!” he calls, just before a loud rumble of thunder cuts the air. Jaehyun hadn’t even seen the lightning, he was too preoccupied. Johnny throws the object in his hand up and it opens into a large umbrella, covering all their heads a second before the sky opens up.

“Took you long enough,” Johnny grumbles as he herds them both inside.

“Sorry dad,” Mark laughs as he kicks his shoes off, lining them up nicely when Johnny clears his throat.

“He probably saw himself shielding us from the rain and have been standing out there, waiting, ever since,” Mark whispers with a small giggle.

“Mark, go turn on the stove. The soup is ready to boil,” Johnny says, unhesitatingly gripping one of Marks’s shoulders and steering him towards the kitchen. Jaehyun almost believes Johnny lied when he said he was blind.

“Sure dad,” Mark trips over his own feet and skids on his socks over the smooth wooden floor to the kitchen. With the younger boy gone, Jaehyun feels his apprehensiveness about Johnny return.

“I’m sorry I put you on edge,” Johnny says just as the thought enters Jaehyun’s mind. Jaehyun’s eyes widen, but before he can so much as move a muscle Johnny continues.

“I can’t read your mind, don’t worry. I’ve seen this conversation play out in about six different ways.” Jaehyun feels his stomach churn in anticipation of what it is about _this_ conversation that is going to be important enough for Johnny to have seen it so many times.

“I’m sorry about your sister,” Johnny says and Jaehyun feels all his accumulated happiness seep out of him on a single breath.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, you’ve been through a lot in a very short time,” Johnny says and lays a warm hand between Jaehyun’s shoulder blades.

“Even so, you don’t forget family,” Jaehyun says, blinking to soothe his stinging eyes. He doesn’t think he’ll cry again, but his eyes feel painfully dry and there is a lump in his throat that feels decidedly like his heart trying to force its way out.

“No, but you focus on the family you still have,” Johnny says and gives Jaehyun a slight push towards the bedrooms. Jaehyun doesn’t need to be encouraged, he needs to see Doyoung now. Walking to the very end of the hall he stops outside the door to their room when he hears voices, one more aggravated than the other.

“I still think you should tell him,” he recognises Hansol’s soft baritone. There is no doubt that they are talking about him.

“I can’t,” he hears Doyoung’s impassioned voice next. “I could never tell him something like that, it would break him.” Jaehyun slumps against the wall next to the door as his mind spins with every possible implication in that sentence. Is Doyoung not getting better? Or is it another secret that Doyoung hasn’t told him, _for his own good_?

“I’m thinking about you; if he knew he would understand why,” Hansol says and it only confuses Jaehyun more. What would he understand?

“I’m not telling him Hansol, I’m not putting that burden on him.” There is a note of finality in Doyoung’s voice that he is very familiar with. Before he can change his mind, he swings the door open and all but falls through it, but just as he opens his mouth to demand an explanation, all courage leaves him and he is left gaping silently at the two sitting on the bed.

“Jaehyun,” Doyoung sighs, a hesitant smile twitching at the corner of his mouth.

“I need to talk to you,” he says haltingly, turning to Hansol after staring at Doyoung for a second too long. “Can we have a moment?”

Hansol rises gracefully from the bed and Jaehyun is struck dumb at his beauty once again, shaking it off with difficulty once Hansol leaves the room.

“What is it?” Doyoung asks, growing quiet when Jaehyun takes quick steps to his bed and sinks down on it. Jaehyun gathers Doyoung’s hands between his and presses his fingers to Doyoung’s pulse, reassured by its steady beat under the skin.

“There is something I haven’t told you and I think you should know,” he begins, postponing thinking about whatever Doyoung and Hansol were talking about to a time when he has the words to question Doyoung about it.

“I have a sister,” he begins as he looks into Doyoung’s eyes, stopping once he sees recognition dawning in them.

“You already know that,” he says, his chest tightening as he is reminded of how Doyoung knows so much about him.

“I do,” Doyoung whispers. They sit in quiet then, Jaehyun wondering once again why he tries anymore and Doyoung waiting for him to make the next move. It always used to be the other way around, Doyoung waiting for him in his duties as his aide and Jaehyun waiting for Doyoung for everything else. Doyoung’s hold over him has yet to go away and by now Jaehyun doubts it ever will.

“Johnny said soup was almost ready,” Jaehyun mumbles and escapes the oppressive air between them, slamming the door after him.

 

Dinner is a quiet affair. It is the first time all five of them are together and it’s hard to miss the tension between not only him and Doyoung, but Doyoung and Hansol as well. Jaehyun was under the impression the two had a long friendship behind them, but it looks more like a grudging truce with Doyoung’s life on the line and he is intensely curious about their story. Johnny had gripped his shoulder and whispered “family” when Hansol helped Doyoung into the kitchen earlier, but as he studies the three Panacean in front of him, he is acutely reminded that him and Doyoung can never have that. That ease and familiarity that only comes from uncomplicated love and blind trust. At this point, Jaehyun doesn’t even trust Doyoung to give him his real name anymore.

He wishes he had the strength to let him go, but he doesn’t know what he would be without Doyoung and the prospect of a future alone, is too terrifying.

Hansol and Johnny move as one organism, passing bowls around from one hand to another and breaking bread between them, never so much as sharing a look or a word. Jaehyun remembers reading that the Panacea was born as one, but he didn’t believe it until right now. The harmony between the two of them is like between a left hand and a right hand, a left foot and a right foot, led by a single force of thought.

He watches them all in between spooning soup into his mouth and notices how Hansol and Johnny tangle their fingers on top of the table, how Mark looks at the both of them together with obvious longing, and finally notices how Doyoung never lifts his eyes from his bowl, as if he is afraid to catch someone’s eye.

“What did you do?” he asks before he can stop himself. The accusation was meant for him alone, but he can’t regret sharing it. Doyoung has earned it.

“He did nothing,” Johnny says not even a second later. He must have been waiting for him to speak.

“The collector,” Hansol says softly, “the one he killed.”

“Did you know?” he asks, and Jaehyun realises he opened a lid on something no one has dared to talk about.

“No,” Doyoung says at first, a determined answer, but Johnny has him backtracking with a single look.

“Yes, I guess! On some level, but I never asked.”

Jaehyun is taken aback by the force of Doyoung’s voice, seeing him on the defensive like this is unsettling and he doesn’t know who to back.

“No, you never asked,” Hansol says with a tone so disappointed it makes even Jaehyun sink into his seat with regret. It might as well have been directed at him, because he never asked Doyoung a single thing.

“After all that I told you; about how every cell in my body longs to be complete, you chose to believe him when he said he concocted it all on his own.” Hansol rises quietly from the table, no sign of anger in his movements as he helps Doyoung from his seat as well.

“You need to lie down,” he says and wraps one of Doyoung’s arms over his shoulder to steady him as they leave the kitchen. Johnny follows them after dropping a heavy hand on Mark’s head and telling him to clean up.

“What was that about?” Jaehyun asks once the kitchen is empty except for the two of them. Mark shrugs and pouts in confusion at him before stacking the bowls together and taking them to the sink.

“Get the pot will ya,” he grunts and Jaehyun hurries to comply.

They work in silence, cleaning and drying, and Jaehyun is a little bit in awe at how therapeutic the monotone activity is. He feels calmer after they finish than he has been in ages.

“That thing Hansol said,” Mark says quietly, looking down at his hands and the cloth he is drying them on. “I feel that all the time.” His flat nose twitches when he sniffs, but a moment later he laughs and blinks rapidly as he throws the cloth onto the counter.

“There is this, I don’t know mischief I guess,” he says and turns to Jaehyun, patting a hand to the middle of his chest, “that’s kinda out of place. That’s him. Donghyuk. My other half.”

A lump settle in Jaehyun’s chest, he is somehow understanding what Mark is saying, if in a more metaphorical way.

“Looking at dad and Hansol, I want that. I know dad loves me, and I know he loved my mom, but there is nothing that can compete with that connection.”

“That’s very romantic,” Jaehyun mumbles, smiling a little at how much it sounds like one of the fairytales his mother used to read to him.

“Yeah I guess,” Mark shrugs, “but it’s not, I mean … it’s not what you think, I think. It’s more than that.” Shaking the somber mood from his body, Mark points towards the living room and grins at Jaehyun.

“There are books, or games, cards if you like that. I’m gonna go to the garage,” he says and skids off on his fluffy socks over the smooth floor boards.

“It’s always been more than that,” Jaehyun mumbles to himself, thinking about Doyoung and all they have been through. Together.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not completely satisfied with this chapter, so I hope you liked it better than I did<3
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> [Find me on twitter](https://twitter.com/whenineternal)


	9. Chapter 9

“It would be easier just to ask him,” Johnny says as he falls heavily onto the couch next to Jaehyun. He looks at him over the holographic book he is reading, huffing quietly to keep from answering him. He can’t say when or why, but Johnny is about ten degrees less intimidating now than he was before. He looks almost like a big, pointy eared teddy bear in his fluffy, brown sweater with his hair ruffled and all over the place. How he can wear such thick clothing in this heat is beyond Jaehyun, but he can’t be bothered to ask. The knowledge he can gain from the books he plucked from the little library in the corner is his priority right now.

“I don’t want to,” he mumbles and frowns when Johnny laughs and says something that sounds a lot like “kids.”

He had been scouring the bookshelves for anything about the Panacea race before realising that he’s not in the right place to find any like that, when he came across a book from Curug Tam. While the palace library had books from every world and every civilisation, Curug Tam had not so much a mention in any text. His father’s work, he presumes. Jung Jaehyuk was never one for preserving history other than his own.

So far it was a fascinating read. The Curug had a long history of ingenuity and creativity, from agriculture to waterborne heating, and infrastructure and galactic travel. Apart from his own family, the Curug are the only ones of the Keratas System to travel beyond this little quadrant of space. He supposes their predilection to the particular climate of Curug Tam is what always brought them back. Not even the coldest winters on Taranjà can compete with that cold. He has seen how much Doyoung has struggled, even with the mellow heat on Seni Rupa. Jaehyun wants to visit Curug Tam even if just once; to see everything that Doyoung showed him that day on the fantastically life-like model of his planet, to see Grid where he grew up, and the water fall cove where he almost lost him. He realises that was long before he met Doyoung, but he still thinks about it as if Doyoung would have been lost to him that day if not for Hansol. And he would have; as Jaehyun would never have met him to begin with.

He flips through the book slowly, skimming the text and reading the headline for every page.

“The Curug went to Taranjà?” he asks in surprise as a title catches his attention.

“Yes,” Johnny hums, resting an arm on the backrest of the sofa and turning towards Jaehyun.

“They deemed it uninhabitable. The drastic change between the seasons makes agriculture near impossible, and without the modern heating system in your city there would be no water to find in the winter season.”

“I know that, it’s why no one lives outside the city,” Jaehyun says, running his fingers over the page, hoping to catch a feel of paper, only for his fingers to slip through the holographic display, shutting it off.

“My mother used to read to me from actual books,” he mumbles and jumps a little when Johnny’s hand curls around his nape. He settles when it remains there in a warm, comforting grip.

“Mark told me about his mother,” he says tentatively and sighs in disappointment when Johnny pulls his hand back.

“Yes, I imagine he did,” Johnny says, a humorous tilt to his smile.

“She died many years ago, before you were born.” Jaehyun isn’t surprised to hear that Mark has lived longer than him despite his youthful look, Panacean have notoriously long lifespans.

“It was my fault of course, I fell in love with her,” Jaehyun makes a noise of dissent, but Johnny holds a hand up to stop him.

“It only takes one Panacean parent for the spawn to be Panacean as well, and I knew that. I never wanted to subject another to the harsh reality of my life, but I loved her too much. When she got pregnant no one knew I was the father, but it became very clear at the time of birth,” Johnny laughs, but Jaehyun sees the regret in his whole face.

“You regret having Mark?” Jaehyun asks in a whisper, unable to help the slight accusative tone.

“No, my only regret is that I couldn’t save Donghyuk as well.”

“ _Non est timor, cor meum_ , if you believe,” Hansol’s quiet voice comes from behind them, making Jaehyun jump. He has no idea how long he has been there, and Jaehyun sinks a little deeper into the sofa in an attempt to hide. Hopefully Hansol won’t be mad at him for bringing up painful memories for Johnny. The other Panacea have been locked up with Doyoung most of the time, leaving very little opportunity for Jaehyun to get to know him, and it is impossible to get a read on his blank face. Jaehyun is still quite intimidated by his perfect visage, but his big eyes are soft as he looks down at Johnny, and it makes him look almost cute. Johnny lifts a hand and lays it over Hansol’s on his shoulder, gripping it tightly before a smile lifts the corner of his lips and he relaxes, almost as if Hansol’s very presence has put him at ease. The effect is exactly like how Jaehyun imagined soulmates would be.

“The Runtah myth about soulmates, it’s based on you, isn’t it?” he asks, fiddling with the small projector in his hands.

“Kuna, please Jaehyun. This is our home and it may be desolated, but it is not garbage,” Hansol says quietly as he rounds the sofa and the lounge table and settles in the armchair across from them.

“Sorry,” Jaehyun mumbles, casting his eyes into his lap. Hansol makes a small sound, of disappointment or frustration or regret, Jaehyun can’t tell, but then the room is quiet. Johnny watches them both with a small smile on his face, moving his head back and forth between them with precision despite his lack of sight.

“He’s going to slap you one day, Hansol” he says suddenly, voice filled with mirth. Jaehyun’s head shoots up and his eyes fly from Johnny to Hansol and back, wide with terrified shock.

“No I-I-I, n-no,” he stutters, shutting up once Hansol laughs and looks up at him through his eyelashes.

“I hope I deserve it at least,” he says and his smile softens his entire face, making him look warm and welcoming. Jaehyun isn’t sure if Johnny actually saw that happening or if he said it to ease the tension, but either way the atmosphere is a lot more bearable when they all settle again. And Jaehyun has no qualms about opening his book once again, leaving the other two to talk amongst themselves.

 

*

* * *

*

 

Doyoung is sitting in an armchair in front of the lion pawed fireplace in his room, breathing through a mask, when Jaehyun comes in. He doesn’t notice him for the longest time and Jaehyun takes the opportunity to study him uninterrupted.

Doyoung still looks weak, there is a sickly pallor to his skin and his hands shake minutely at all times. Jaehyun has gathered that there is something wrong with his lungs, but he hasn’t wanted to ask until Doyoung was strong enough to answer his questions himself.

“How are you feeling?” he asks quietly, hurrying over when Doyoung startles and begins to cough.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he mumbles as he helps Doyoung take the oxygen mask off so he can cough freely.

“It’s alright,” Doyoung croaks, bent over and gripping the armrest of the chair tightly enough to stop the flow of blood to his fingers. Jaehyun wraps his hand around Doyoung’s and carefully pries his fingers off the wood. He pats his back until the coughing stops and stays at his side until Doyoung settles into the chair again, shaking his head when Jaehyun makes to pull the mask over his face again.

“It’s alright, I don’t need it. It’s just easier with it,” he mumbles, smiling tremulously at Jaehyun knelt beside his chair.

“I wanted to ask you about this, but if it’s a bad time I’ll let you rest,” Jaehyun says as he rises slowly to his feet. He pulls up a chair when Doyoung shakes his head and gestures for him to stay.

“Is it … because of the plague?” he asks tentatively, looking into the fire. Doyoung hums and Jaehyun sees him nod his head from the corner of his eye. It’s hard to take his eyes off Doyoung when he is this fragile.

“But you said, I thought Hansol cured you of it?” He turns to face Doyoung, dragging his chair a little closer so he can lay a hand on Doyoung’s forearm. His fingers travel south by their own accord, wrapping around his wrist to feel his pulse.

“He did, at the time,” Doyoung whispers, laying a hand over Jaehyun’s. He takes several deep breaths before he continues.

“I always knew it would come back, Hansol couldn’t offer me a permanent solution, and with everything that’s happened and with the climate here on Runtah, the rate of deterioration sped up immensely.”

“So it’s your lungs? They’re not working like they should be?” Jaehyun chews his bottom lip and his hand moves on its own accord to press gently against Doyoung’s sternum.

“Yes, and no,” Doyoung mumbles, eyes fixed on Jaehyun’s fingers still wrapped around his wrist, feeling his pulse to make sure his heart is still beating.

“There is … a hostile bacterium in my body. _It_ attacks my lungs, weakening them. Hansol is able to keep it at bay by infusing me with his own blood, but he can’t kill it,” Doyoung’s voice is weak, a mere whisper, by the end and Jaehyun places the mask over his face again, swatting at Doyoung’s hands when he tries to take it from him.

“You don’t have to say anything more, just breathe,” Jaehyun whispers. His hands remain on Doyoung’s face for a long moment after the mask is in place, fingertips brushing over his high cheekbones. Even as weak and sickly as he looks, Doyoung is still the most beautiful person Jaehyun has ever seen.

A knock on the door startles Jaehyun and he falls back into his own chair, gripping his own hands tightly and chiding himself for letting his guard down like that. He looks over the back of the armchair at Hansol slipping quietly into the room. He smiles at Jaehyun, but his face goes blank again the moment he reaches Doyoung’s side. The tension between the two is thicker than ever and Jaehyun doubts they talked anymore about what was said at dinner earlier in the day.

“Johnny wanted to talk to you,” Hansol tells Jaehyun as he checks the small, portable oxygen container in Doyoung’s hands. Jaehyun hesitates before slowly rising to his feet, uncertain if he should leave them alone, but it doesn’t seem like either of them is intending to say a single word to each other so hopefully it will be alright. He looks over his shoulder at Doyoung until he crosses the threshold and then he closes the door softly behind him.

He finds the living room empty, as well as the kitchen, and it occurs to him then that he didn’t ask for Johnny’s whereabouts. Instead of going back and asking Hansol, he searches the small house and when he finds absolutely no one, he steps outside. Johnny is sitting on the largest out of a cluster of rocks not far from the front door, turning something over in his hands.

“You wanted to see me?” he asks when he reaches him. Johnny pats the rock and waits until Jaehyun have clambered up to sit beside him before he talks.

“I wanted to give you this,” he starts, handing Jaehyun the small object he was fiddling with. It’s a simple pin, small enough to fit in Jaehyun’s palm, showing two crescent moons in symmetry with each other, enfolding an infinity symbol.

“What is it?” he asks, looking up at Johnny with a frown. He has never seen a pin like it in his life, and there is nothing to suggest what it could be.

“It’s the symbol of the resistance, the unofficial label of the People’s Political Party,” Johnny says, tapping the silver pin with one finger.

“I’ve had it for almost four decades, since I first was drafted.”

Jaehyun studies the pin closer; it is polished to a shine and looks brand new, but the fastening on the back is broken, the needle missing. It’s old, but clearly cherished.

“They drafted you?” Jaehyun asks, running a thumb softly over the smooth silver. Johnny hums and leans forward with his forearms resting on his knees.

“in the beginning I only joined because I had seen myself wearing that pin when I found Hansol, but I began to believe in their cause and for twenty years I used my gift to help them. I met Mark’s mother there. While Panacean are met with fear and contempt most of the time, and taken advantage of the rest of it; I made a place for myself with the PPP.”

Jaehyun tries to give the pin back, but Johnny closes his fist around it and wraps his own fingers around his hand.

“Keep it,” he says and slips of the rock.

“Why did you leave?” Jaehyun asks when Johnny only walks to the apple tree a few feet away and picks one from a low-hanging branch.

“I became a father,” Johnny says, throwing the apple to Jaehyun before picking one for himself.

“The only way all four of us could live was to separate Mark and Donghyuk, so I took Mark and left, came here.” Jaehyun wants to ask him how he could choose between his sons, but Johnny gives him his answer before he can open his mouth.

“I knew from the moment they were born that Donghyuk was like me. With an unpredictable, untameable gift like foresight, he would be safer in their hands than Mark would.” Johnny turns to face Jaehyun then, one corner of his mouth quirked up in a half smile.

“Hansol isn’t cold because he doesn’t like you, he is guarded because he has been burnt too many times trusting humans. His gift of healing is so easy to take advantage of.”

Jaehyun thinks back on every encounter he has had with Hansol and how each and every one of them has left him with a sense of déjà vu by the anxious pit in his stomach. Hansol reminds him of how Doyoung acted around Yuta, with a deep-seated distrust based not on personal knowledge but the perceived idea that all pirates are the same, all _humans_ are the same.

“They’re still here, after everything they have been through they still go on. My life takes one bad turn and I break,” the silver pin digs into his skin when Jaehyun’s fist clenches around it.

“That’s it,” he says, more to himself than to Johnny. He remembers his old nan’s lesson about the fickleness of anger, how it’s never only what it looks like. The most obvious cause of your anger is merely the trigger, not the whole gun.

He _is_ mad at Doyoung, he _is_ mad at his father, he _is_ mad at the cowardly anarchists that caused all this pain, but behind it all is his anger at himself. Anger at his own helplessness, his own cowardice, his own betrayal, his own weakness. If he but _once_ in his life acted on the thoughts always in his head, maybe this could have all been avoided. Resolved in a peaceful way without the loss of so many lives.

He was a passive observer to his father’s cruelty; too scared to resist even when Jaehyuk took his own mother away from him.

“You’re not weak, Jaehyun,” Johnny says, his quiet voice penetrating the fog of self-hatred in Jaehyun’s mind.

“You’re fighting, that’s not weakness, that’s strength.”

Jaehyun wipes a hand roughly over his face and digs his hands into the pockets of his borrowed jacket.

“But I can’t do it! I would never have gotten here alone,” he grits out between his teeth, frustration and anger seeping out of him without reins.

“No one can do this alone, Jaehyun! No one.” Johnny reaches out and places a hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder, gripping it tightly.

“The reason I told you my story was to prepare you for what you’re going to meet. Their regard for _all_ human life is what separates the PPP from the _Libertas_ , but make no mistake, they are not perfect. They are just as liable to kill you on sight, so _please_ , don’t do this alone.”

Jaehyun hears him, loud and clear, but Johnny’s words don’t affect him. He’s not afraid of dying, if that’s what happens then that’s what happens, as long as his final act is to make the world a better place for everyone, everywhere. The last thing he wants is to bring someone with him into a place Johnny clearly deems dangerous.

“I’m not taking Doyoung with me, that’s out of the question,” he says, pushing himself off the rock and walking away before Johnny can give him that look that digs straight through him and leaves him feeling exposed.

 

*

* * *

*

 

Doyoung doesn’t listen to him. He’s not the slightest surprised, but he doesn’t stop insisting he stays behind as Doyoung still carries his oxygen can with him and steadies himself on walls and furniture wherever he goes.

“I can do this on my own,” he says for the twelfth time, Doyoung’s arm hooked through his elbow as they follow Johnny and Hansol to the garage.

“I don’t want you to,” Doyoung mumbles, weak from moving about. Jaehyun catches a droplet of sweat on Doyoung’s temple with his thumb, stopping himself before he runs his fingers through his damp hair.

“How are you going to be of any help when you can barely walk two feet on your own?” Jaehyun mumbles, keeping his voice soft so his words don’t carry any bite.

“I’m not planning on doing any fighting, I’m coming with you to ensure there won’t _be_ any fighting,” Doyoung tugs at his arm to stop him.

“I believe in the PPP because of their cause and their regard for human life, but I don’t trust them, not with you,” Doyoung says, looking him firmly in the eye as he repeats nearly word for word what Johnny told him the day before.

“They could choose to put you in the front to bring the ones lodged in tradition to their side, or they could choose to kill you the moment you set foot in their base. They are as unpredictable as the wind and that’s exactly the reason I didn’t bring you to them in the first place.”

Jaehyun fiddles with Doyoung’s fingers and avoids his eyes. He knows what Doyoung is trying to do and if anyone could convince him not to go it would be him.

“You don’t have to get involved, Jaehyun. It’s a change of power and it was bound to be messy no matter what, but none of this is your fault. Stay out of it, please. You can stay here, we … _we_ can stay here,” Doyoung tilts his head softly to try and catch his eye, but Jaehyun doesn’t dare look at him. His words are too tempting. He _wants_ to stay here, with Johnny and Hansol and Mark and _Doyoung_.

“What is it Hansol wants you to tell me?” he asks, the words slipping from his mouth before he can think them through. Doyoung freezes in an instant, fingers digging hard into Jaehyun’s arm on instinct and he sucks in a gasp with a strangled sound of surprise. After a beat his mouth falls open and his jaw moves as if he is trying to form words, but is unable to find the right ones.

“I thought we were done with secrets,” Jaehyun mumbles, blinking rapidly to ward off tears as it becomes clear Doyoung isn’t mum from shock alone. He really didn’t intend to ever tell him the whole truth.

“it doesn’t matter,” he scoffs, letting Doyoung off the hook for now, “you can’t change my mind, whether you told me now or not. I’m going, Doyoung, and that’s the end of it. I know I’m probably not needed in the slightest, but I need to make sure things turn out for the better. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t.”

Doyoung looks at him in silence for several more moments and despite his determination, Jaehyun is unable to move or even look away.

“Okay,” he says eventually, “I can understand that.” Jaehyun smiles in relief and Doyoung’s lips turn up in the slightest smile in return. Without another word, they resume the walk to the garage, finding Hansol waiting by the door for them.

“I can’t go with you,” he says to Doyoung, falling into stride with them on Doyoung’s other side. He is clearly worried for Doyoung’s health, despite what transpired between them in the past, and Jaehyun is grateful for him. At least he can be sure Doyoung will be in good hands if he doesn’t return.

“You’ve done enough, Hansol. I’ll be alright,” Doyoung says and stops, turning to face Hansol and they press their foreheads together in a greeting or a sentiment of some sort. Jaehyun leaves them be and walks a little further into the large garage to look closer at the small, but finely built spaceship it holds.

“It’s a reconstructed city hopper,” Mark says, appearing from under the elevated vehicle, face red with exertion.

“It can fit four people, but that’s a tight fit. For two, it should be plenty enough.”

Mark waves him over and shows him the ship’s intestines behind a smooth bonnet, pointing out various things as he talks that makes absolutely no sense to Jaehyun.

“As you can see, the hyperdrive is working as it should. I’ve done a couple dry-runs on it and it should withstand the pressure of light-speed travel so the likelihood of it combusting in space has gone down _significantly_ since the last time I tested it,” he laughs and ruffles the hair at the back of his head.

“Of course, it hasn’t been tried before so it’s impossible to be one-hundred percent sure,” Jaehyun smiles at Mark and pats his back in wordless gratitude.

“I’ll try to get it back to you in one piece,” he says and Mark laughs again, a sudden burst of humour from his lips that quickly ebbs out in the otherwise sombre mood. Jaehyun looks up at Johnny who he knows is only a few feet away, watching them, but he tears his eyes away again in a second. He hasn’t been able to look at Johnny since that morning. Not when he has that look on his face as if they are never going to see each other again.

“Let me show you the consoles,” Mark says and takes Jaehyun’s hand in his to pull him along. Jaehyun has to bend almost in half to get into the cockpit, but once Mark settles into the pilot’s seat and he can stand behind him, the glass dome above them is tall enough that he can stand upright and look over Mark’s shoulder at the multi-coloured display.

“I’ve put it together from several console tables from downed ships all over the planet,” Mark explains and points at one big, pink button in the far right corner.

“This is the ignition, I got the button from an old ship from Seni Rupa that crashed in the ocean several years ago, but the mechanism behind it is brand new so don’t worry about it malfunctioning.” He points at an array of small, white buttons along the bottom of the console.

“I’ve installed a shield, but it’s kind of tricky. You have to punch all these buttons for it to work, otherwise you’ll only cover part of the ship and that won’t do you any good.

Of course, you probably won’t need it,” he hurries to add when Jaehyun remains quiet. Clearing his throat, Mark continues.

“This one opens the door, this one closes it. This one seals the cockpit, if the rear part of the ship were to be damaged you could seal the cockpit and fly only with that, it has separate engines that you engage by pressing on this button,” he points at a blue spotted, square button out of the way of the rest of the console in the far left corner.

“This one extends and retracts the landing gear, this activates the landing stabilizers. Remember this one, it’s _very_ important!” Mark looks over his shoulder at Jaehyun then, finger still hovering over the button in question and he doesn’t move on until Jaehyun shows he remembers.

“That one activates the landing stabilizers,” he says and reaches around the seat to point at the bright yellow button smack-dab in the middle of the console. Mark nods with a hum and then he leans back in the chair and takes the joystick with both hands.

“This, of course, steers it. Breaks, accelerator, left and right, up and down, easy,” he demonstrates and Jaehyun hums, tapping his fingers on top of the chair. He is starting to get anxious about leaving and though he appreciates that Mark is thorough, this is taking too long.

“Lastly,” Mark says and Jaehyun breathes a quiet sigh of relief, “this is the hyperdrive.” He grips the silver lever with one hand, the only lever amongst a multitude of buttons.

“Once you get into orbit, just pull it towards you and off you go.”

Jaehyun nods and moves back when Mark slips out of the pilot chair.

“Careful,” Mark laughs when Jaehyun hits his head against the top of the interior.

“Oh,” he exclaims and pulls at the back of Jaehyun’s jacket to make him turn in the narrow space.

“There’s a second seat in the cockpit, you have to pull it out from both sides so don’t do it until you’re both in the cockpit. It’s comfier than sitting back here,” he says and points to the small indents in both walls that Jaehyun now recognises as handles.

They crawl back out into the well-lit garage and Jaehyun is met by Hansol who holds a hand to his sternum the second Jaehyun has both feet on the ground.

“What …” he mumbles, but Hansol silences him with a single look. Both he and Johnny are very good at doing that.

“Johnny says you’re getting sick,” is the only explanation Hansol gives and Jaehyun accepts it. He hasn’t noticed himself getting sick, but if Johnny says so then it must be true. Hansol makes to move away, but Jaehyun catches his wrist and he stops dead in his tracks.

“Sorry,” Jaehyun mumbles, loosening his grip, but not letting go. “I wanted to thank you for saving Doyoung’s life.”

Hansol smiles, shoulders relaxing and his entire countenance changes as his face softens with the presence of his smile. Jaehyun feels like Hansol is beginning to trust him and hates that he’s leaving before they could get to know each other.

“I hope we see each other again,” he mumbles, quiet enough for only them to hear.

“I hope so too,” Hansol says, folding his right hand around Jaehyun’s still gripping his left. In a move that clearly surprises them both, Hansol leans forward to press their foreheads together and Jaehyun feels a surge of strength run through his body along with a feeling of warmth, almost like a companionship.

“Thank you,” Jaehyun whispers when they part, though for what, he isn’t quite sure.

 

“I’ve had Mark input the coordinates to Svava, Taranjà’s second moon, into the ship. That’s where you will find their base,” Johnny says, coming to stand next to Hansol.

“Think you can remember everything I showed you?” Mark follows him, wiping his hands on a spotless handkerchief.

“Remembering has never been a problem for me,” Jaehyun says, lips curling into an odd smile. There are many things he would prefer to be lost to time.

“Memories is not something to fear, Jaehyun. Use them as a source of strength,” Johnny says, smiling when Jaehyun finally looks at him. It’s clear to Jaehyun that there is something Johnny isn’t telling him, but he trusts Johnny to tell him if there was any real danger. To him, but mostly to Doyoung. Johnny may not know Doyoung any better than he knows Jaehyun, but it’s obvious, despite the tension between them, that Hansol cares about Doyoung. Jaehyun trusts him to have Doyoung’s best interest at heart, for Hansol’s sake.

“Thank you,” Jaehyun says, looking first at Hansol, then Johnny and finally Mark. The young Panacea smiles brightly and steps close enough to lay a hand against the back of Jaehyun’s head. Their foreheads meet and Jaehyun feels a little more optimistic about the day’s outcome. The feeling is different from when Hansol did it, but only slightly. Instead of his body feeling rejuvenated, his mind is given a refreshing boost.

“Good luck,” Mark whispers when he steps back, still smiling and showing a row of sparkly white teeth.

“It would be awkward if I didn’t do that as well, wouldn’t it?” Johnny laughs quietly, drawing a smile from Jaehyun. He appreciates Johnny’s aptly timed, humoristic interruptions. Johnny rests both hands on Jaehyun’s shoulders and strokes them up his neck to cup his head, leaning forward to press his forehead to Jaehyun’s.

The moment they touch Jaehyun is filled with a sense of dread, it is nothing like how it was with Hansol or Mark as flashes of images fly through his head, slowing down just long enough that he can make sense of one. A split-second image of rocks caving in and then nothing, only blackness. Blackness and a sense of chaos.

There is nothing to tell on Johnny’s face when they part whether what he was just showed was a glimpse of his own future, or something else entirely. He can only see confusion in Johnny’s veiled eyes, a reflection of his own face in their dark pupils.

“Ready to go?” Doyoung says, breaking his silence as he walks slowly to stand next to Jaehyun. He looks at him, brows furrowed as he looks over Doyoung’s haggard form and opens his mouth to give a last attempt at convincing him to stay when Doyoung talks.

“If I can’t convince you to stay, then there is nothing you can say to convince me not to go with you,” he says, standing straight and looking Jaehyun square in the eye.

“Fine,” Jaehyun sighs and grips Doyoung’s cold hand in his own. They stand in silence for a long moment, but Jaehyun has to tear himself away before he changes his mind. He could stay here, live out the rest of his life in this place, with these people, and be happy. Except for the guilt he knows would follow him to his death if he doesn’t act now.

“Let’s go,” he says, closing his eyes on Mark’s forced smile, Hansol’s eyes that are filled with worry and Johnny’s terrifyingly blank face. He crawls into the ship first, offering a hand to Doyoung that he accepts with a small smile.

“Don’t forget the landing stabilizers! Or you’ll end up crashing to your death!” Mark yells after them, followed by a laugh that is obviously forced. Jaehyun doesn’t look back, fears he won’t go if he does, and slides into the pilot’s chair and closes the hatch. He turns to help Doyoung with the second seat only to find him already settled in.

“Let’s go,” he says again, more to himself as he falls back into his seat and hits a hand on the button to start the engines. Sunlight hits his eyes when the ceiling of the garage is pulled back, Mark turning the wheel to work the structure he probably built himself.

Doyoung grips his shoulder from behind, kneading it with his whole palm.

“Let’s go,” he says and his hand stays on his shoulder as Jaehyun takes them into the air. Once they are hovering some fifty feet above ground, he retracts the landing supports and pulls the joystick towards himself while pushing the accelerator button as hard as he can. The ship glides smoothly through the air, not a single hiccup in the machinery as Jaehyun pushes it to its capacity, and he sends silent praise to Mark for his expert work. It feels almost like flying a Taranjian ship in its simplicity. When they exit the atmosphere, Jaehyun hears Doyoung mumbling quietly what sounds like a prayer, but he doesn’t offer any to the gods himself as he pulls the lever and initiates the hyperdrive, sending them flying through space at the speed of light.

 

*

* * *

*

 

He thinks the light speed travel killed him. For a second, or a minute or an hour or more he doesn’t know, he feels detached from his own body, like he has no material form and is merely drifting in the cosmos. Maybe he is. Maybe his body evaporated along with the ship and this consciousness he is experiencing is a cruel trick by the universe to make him aware of his own death.

Then he is sucked back into his body and pushed back in the pilot’s chair with the force of a high-pressure cannon against his chest, and after a few more seconds he can see again. He isn’t dead, neither of them are; they are halfway across the quadrant and he recognises his home planet, so massive that it’s all he can see out the windowed dome of the cockpit.

“Crude, but effective,” he hears Doyoung say and his voice rings in Jaehyun’s ears, morphing into white noise and he feels nauseous and dizzy. The ship moves on its own then, turning away from the planet and Jaehyun’s head finally stops spinning when his view of it is switched out for the easy blackness of space.

“Jaehyun?” Doyoung whispers, or yells, Jaehyun isn’t sure he would know the difference right now.

“I’m alright,” he says and grips the stick as Svava finally comes into view. Taranjàs smallest moon is a grey speck against the black backdrop of space and Jaehyun finds it hard to believe that it holds the base of a resistance organisation. Then again, maybe that is exactly why it is there. His finger pushes on the accelerator, but without meaning to he holds back and doesn’t go full speed. There is no telling what will happen when they land. Maybe all will be well, maybe they will simply tell him to get lost and he and Doyoung can fly back to Kuna. Hansol was right, it is a much better name for such a beautiful planet.

Maybe they’ll be merciful and choose the laser gun when they shoot him.

“You’re only delaying the inevitable Jaehyun,” Doyoung murmurs, his hand once again gripping Jaehyun’s shoulder. Jaehyun knows Doyoung is right, but he doesn’t go any faster either way. Instead he grips Doyoung’s hand in his and keeps a steady, slow course to their destination. If the worst should happen, he will have this last moment to hold his life in his hand.

 

He remembers the landing stabilisers when they land. It is not without mistakes and he is sure he is going to feel the kink in his neck for days after bumping roughly into the rocky, uneven ground.

“Are you alright?” he groans, struggling to turn in his seat and look at Doyoung without his neck smarting.

“Fine,” Doyoung grunts, his words muffled behind his oxygen mask. Jaehyun rubs his thumbs over the back of Doyoung’s hand as he cradles it in his own and watches quietly as Doyoung breathes the oxygen from the small can into his lungs.

“Are you alright?” he asks again when Doyoung takes the can and the attached mask away from his face. Doyoung smiles at him and nods, fingers curling between Jaehyun’s hands and something passes between them, something warm and comforting that feels scarily close to love. Jaehyun knows he still loves Doyoung, and that the sentiment is returned, he is just not sure that love can, or even should, be shared between them anymore.  

“Look,” Doyoung says then and gestures out the front of the cockpit. Jaehyun turns in his seat, regretfully letting Doyoung’s hand go, and sees people walking towards them. Clad in light blue uniforms, all armed with at least one gun in their belt; they wear no protective clothing and carry no oxygen with them that Jaehyun can see.

“I knew there was something off about this place,” he mumbles to himself and Doyoung hums in agreement.

“It’s a protective dome of some sort, filled with artificial oxygen. That is how they can have their base here,” he says and it’s Jaehyun’s turn to make a hum of agreement. He hits the button to open the hatch with more force than is necessary and tries not to hurry Doyoung out of the ship. His blood is rushing through his ears, but he feels strangely calm inside despite his somewhat erratic outward reactions. He squeezes past Doyoung in the tight space so he can exit first and help Doyoung down, smiling when his hand is accepted without a single complaint. Doyoung hesitates once his feet are on the ground and Jaehyun gives him a curious look. He knows Doyoung doesn’t like this plan, that he only conceded because he realised how set Jaehyun was in it, but there is a strange dread in his eyes now that they are finally here. Jaehyun decides not to think about it and when he walks to meet the uniformed men and women, Doyoung trails close behind him.

“The absentee prince is finally here,” the woman at the front says when they meet. “We have been expecting you.”

She waves them both to follow and her companions fall back to take up the rear as they walk to the hidden door they had all appeared from earlier. Jaehyun shares a look with Doyoung, but he seems as confused as him at the unexpected, amiable greeting.

“What do you mean you were expecting me?” Jaehyun dares to ask eventually and the woman who had spoken looks over her shoulder at him with a stern look in her soft, round face. She doesn’t say anything and only turns back around as they near the doors that open for them at their approach.

“Donghyuk,” Doyoung whispers at his side and then it occurs to Jaehyun that of course it would have to be him. With the same gift as Johnny, he would have seen them coming even before Jaehyun made the decision to do so.

“Seulgi,” a man of medium height with a feather in his hair meets them at the doors, nodding his head respectfully to the woman, presumably called Seulgi. He looks at Doyoung next and Jaehyun watches with curiosity as his face brightens in a smile. He is even more surprised when Doyoung is the first to reach an arm out and they clasp hands in greeting.

“Doyoung, you’re looking well,” the man says with a wry laugh and his eyes sweep quickly over Doyoung’s pale, haggard form.

“You got a new feather,” Doyoung says and the man laughs uproariously and throws his head back.

“Good, you can get reacquainted while I speak with the prince,” Seulgi says, her voice neither warm nor curt, but not entirely emotionless either.

“Yes General,” the strange, expressive man says with a bit of an exaggerated bow, but Doyoung stays firmly at his side.

“With all due respect, General. I’m not leaving Jaehyun’s side,” he says and Jaehyun feels warm all over.

The woman, Seulgi, the General; Jaehyun isn’t quite sure how to call her, watches them for a long while and then a small smile tugs at the corner of her mouth. It is gone so quickly Jaehyun almost thinks he imagined it, but her voice is laced with humour when she turns back around and says; “follow me then.”

When they start walking again it is just the three of them, everyone else remaining at the entrance they came through, at least until they are out of sight. Seulgi leads them through a network of tunnels hewn out of the rock, taking one left turn and then two rights and then they end up in a long, gently curving hallway that ends in a grey, nondescript door.

“Through here,” she says unnecessarily and pushes the door open, stepping through and leaving them to follow.

“Jaehyun!” he hears the moment he steps over the threshold and the voice calling his name is at once familiar and not. A woman is crossing the room in quick strides, her long hair a curly mess down her back and her round cheeks are a flattering pink colour. It takes him a moment longer to recognise her, maybe because in his mind, Wendy was dead.

“It’s so good to see you,” she says and grips his arms tightly. She hesitates and Jaehyun can see she is debating whether or not to hug him, so he makes the decision for her and pulls her slight form into his arms.

“I thought you were dead,” he whispers and she laughs. Hugging her feels good and he remembers how he always used to think Wendy had such a motherly air about her and thinks that is probably why he doesn’t want to let go.

“Jisung?” he asks, a little scared to know the answer.

“He is fine, he’s here,” she says and Jaehyun reluctantly lets her go when she pulls away.

“You’re here?” he asks then. Meeting Wendy in a place like this is not something he could ever have imagined happen.

“You’re lucky she is,” Seulgi says suddenly, “she’s the only reason you’re still alive.” He senses Doyoung going tense next to him and slides his fingers into Doyoung’s palm.

“That’s not true,” Wendy says turning back and forth between Jaehyun and Seulgi. “They won’t kill you,” she directs at Jaehyun and after that a silence settle in the room. Jaehyun is happy that Wendy is alive and it feels so good to see her, but despite their familial bonds they have never been all that close and Jaehyun finds he has nothing to say to her.

“You’re probably wondering why I’m here,” Wendy says after a while, laughing slightly, and Jaehyun smiles and nods so she’ll continue talking. In all honesty, he had simply accepted it. He has gotten used to people having secrets.

“Well, it’s because of her, really,” she says and turns to look at Seulgi. “We met at the bakery I used to volunteer at.” Another secret, he never knew Wendy worked.

“She’s still making up for the things she called me when she realised I was a Jung,” she laughs, and Jaehyun can hear the fondness in her voice as clearly as he sees it on her face.

“Being, well, nothing really, I was afforded a lot more freedom than you ever got. I haven’t even lived in the palace in eight years.” Another secret, she never mentioned _that_ all the times she complained about how they never saw each other.

“Seulgi convinced me to join the cause and, well it wasn’t difficult, and then the rest is, as they say, history.” She is quiet for another long moment then and Jaehyun only nods and chews on his lips.

“And you’re not alive simply because I will it,” she says, casting a look over her shoulder at Seulgi who has settled in a plush chair behind a writing desk.

“I’ve been with you since you were young Jaehyun, I know how you think. All I have done is make sure they know it too.”

A knock at the door interrupts them, but Wendy winks at him before calling out to whoever is on the other side of the door and he knows she can see how grateful he is. Wendy’s acceptance has always meant a great deal to him, because she would say the things that he didn’t dare to. That is why it makes so much sense to him that she is here.

A short woman opens the door and, looking right through Jaehyun, she bows her head in a quick salute to Seulgi.

“The council is waiting, General,” she says and leaves again when Seulgi immediately rises from her seat.

“Follow,” is all she says as she strides past them all and out the door. Wendy gestures for them to walk before her and as he starts to move is when Jaehyun notices his hand is still tangled with Doyoung’s. He pretends he doesn’t notice and leaves it there, curled against Doyoung’s palm.

 

The next room they enter is grey and cold, a large circular table stands in the middle with little else to furnish the room and across from them, on chairs lining the black table, are seven unfamiliar people and the strange man with the feather in his hair from earlier.

“Have a seat,” Seulgi says and waves her hand at two chairs for him and Doyoung to sit in. She and Wendy walks around the table to join the others; the council Jaehyun presumes.

“It is good to see you alive, Doyoung,” she says once they are all seated, as if she hadn’t spent the entire time since they met ignoring his existence.

“Thank you, General,” Doyoung says and bows his head respectfully. “I am saddened not to see your mother with us,” he says and then everyone bows their head for several seconds.

“The late General lost her life in the attack on the Capital, forcing me into this role far sooner than I would have liked,” Seulgi is the first to raise her head and her eyes flick to Jaehyun for a millisecond when she talks.

“If I could interrupt, General, we are not here to exchange pleasantries, nor to share our grief,” an old woman sitting beside Wendy leans forward and says. Her elderly face seems stuck in a stern frown and she hasn’t taken her eyes off Jaehyun since he stepped into the room. He thinks he hears her mutter, “looks like his father,” when she sits back in her chair, but he can’t be sure.

“You’re right, we are here to determine whether to recruit the prince or not,” Seulgi says, looking around the room at everyone present.

“Those in favour, raise your hand,” she says and slowly nine hands raise in the air. The old woman who spoke before wraps both arms firmly over her chest and shakes her head.

“It’s settled then,” Seulgi says and Jaehyun realises this was just a formality, they had already decided to recruit him.

“We are taking back the Capital, and we want your help,” she states and everything is quiet as Jaehyun takes in her words and turns them around and around in his head. This isn’t what he set out to do, but he won’t deny them his help when they ask for it.

“Anything I can do,” he says solemnly.

“Jaehyun,” Doyoung whispers, but he ignores him. He doesn’t want a voice of reason about this.

“Good,” Seulgi says and rises from her seat. She opens a screen in the middle of the table by waving her hand over it and Jaehyun recognises the partial blueprint that is displayed on it as his old home.

“To take the Capital, we need to take the royal palace and _all_ its associated edifice. That is where you come in. Can you get _into_ the palace mainframe without being seen?” Jaehyun nods and she continues.

“We will provide a distraction by requesting parlay, and you will lead a squad of Cadets through the back door.” “Cadets?!” Jaehyun interrupts her angrily.

He is met with blank stares, but when he moves his furious eyes to Wendy he sees the disapproval in her face and knows it’s not a matter of misunderstanding.

“Child soldiers?” he asks just to be sure, barely containing his anger at their hypocrisy. When no answer is forthcoming he scoffs loudly and shakes his head.

“Do you know who else had child soldiers? My FATHER!” his voice rises to a yell and echoes back at him from the stone walls.

“You claim the higher ground, but you don’t respect it! If you want to be better, then you must do the opposite of _everything_ he did! My father was the worst man I have ever known, truly awful, but at least he was not a hypocrite!” He realises only once he stops talking that he has, at some point, risen from his chair and is now standing leant over the table, staring hard at each and every one of them in turn.

“I would like to reopen the vote on absolving the Cadet program,” Wendy says, her voice quiet and strong and Jaehyun’s eyes fly to hers. In a second he is calmer, and can sit back down in his chair. He is a little embarrassed at his outburst, but only because it was so out of character. He doesn’t regret any of what he said.

“I highly doubt it will make any difference,” a grumpy-looking middle-aged man says, looking at Wendy with a nasty expression that makes Jaehyun’s blood boil again.

“Abstain from casting your vote then, we all know what it’ll be anyway,” the man with the feather in his hair says snidely.

“Heechul,” Seulgi reproaches, “we cannot do this without his vote, that is our democracy.” She looks around at every face in the room, studying them silently and lingers on Jaehyun. He meets her gaze steadily and after several seconds a small smile curls her lips.

“Three times we have voted on this, and three times the opposition have lost. This time, I suggest a more extensive argument for shutting it down and I invite Prince Jaehyun to present it to the council.”

Jaehyun swallows as all eyes turn to him. This is why he came here, to do his part in making things better. He takes a deep breath and gathers his thoughts to put into the best words he can manage.

“I propose an age limit on army recruitment to avoid _both_ voluntary sign-ups and enforced drafting.” “Turning away volunteers is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” the mean man from before interrupts, but Jaehyun pays him no heed.

“Train them if _they_ wish it, but don’t send them into battle. They are the future of our civilisation, and you are tearing that down piece by piece with every young life you sacrifice.” He contemplates bringing up his father again, but he thinks he got through to them with his outburst earlier. Cold, calculated facts is what they need now, not emotional manipulation. He feels like he should say more, but he can’t think of anything else.

“A vote,” Seulgi says and her voice is quiet and subdued. Slowly, hands rise in the air, Wendy’s first and Heechul’s and Seulgi’s quickly after, then one by one everyone raises a hand to cast their vote until only the mean old man is left.  He looks around at everyone and sighs in defeat, tucking his hands under his arms.

“It is decided,” Seulgi says, “effective immediately, the Cadet program is officially absolved.”

He looks at Doyoung and finds him already looking at him with pride and the soft look in his eyes makes Jaehyun warm to his very core. Reaching for his hand under the table, he grips it tightly and smiles back at him.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he whispers.

“There’s nowhere else I would be,” Doyoung whispers back and Jaehyun knows that, with every inch of his being, he knows that.

“Now, can we get back to our attack plan?” Seulgi says and Jaehyun’s head whips back around and he feels not unlike he was just caught doing something he shouldn’t have. Seulgi is laughing, without sound but Jaehyun can see it in her face, and he feels his ears grow warm with an embarrassed flush. He nods and clears his throat quietly, and he feels a little better when Doyoung squeezes his hand under the table.

“To take the palace, we need the help of its main AI. We don’t want to go blowing things up like the _Libertas_ did.”

“We have intel that the palace AI is making things difficult for the _Libertas_ , mostly by locking doors and stopping the elevators in between destinations,” Wendy says and Jaehyun can’t help the laugh that slips out of him. That sounds like Yeri.

“The AI was implemented by my grandmother; it has a lot of her values in its core directive. My father often had troubles with it as well,” he says with a chuckle.

“Do you think you can get through to it?” Seulgi asks, a worried frown on her pretty face.

“Jaehyun convinced it to let us through when we left Taranjà,” Doyoung says, leaning forward slightly.

“I don’t doubt that he can do it again.”

Doyoung’s unquestioning belief in him is all Jaehyun needs to feel strong. He knows he’s not alone.

“A team will be assembled for you, and we will send our request for parlay out tonight. Be ready, we may have to move out already tomorrow.” Seulgi’s words are final and with them the majority of the council members rise from their seat and quickly leave the room. In the end, only Wendy and Heechul remain with the General.

“Heechul, would you show them to a room?” Seulgi asks and the jovial man with the strange feather smiles widely.

“Of course,” he says, clapping his palms twice on the table top before rising to his feet. Jaehyun’s eyes are on Wendy as Heechul walks along the table to Doyoung and he hears them exchange words, but his attention is fixed on the soft exchange happening before him. Wendy is rubbing her thumbs into Seulgi’s palms, whispering quietly to her as Seulgi stretches her neck with a tired, drawn look on her face. He sees his and Doyoung’s differences mirrored in them, but Wendy and Seulgi have let their relationship flourish around their differences, where he has made it impossible for anything to be between him and Doyoung because of it. Regret consumes him and he knows, with how he is feeling right now, that he is the worst hypocrite of them all.

 

Heechul leads them through several long tunnels going further and further into the base, talking all the while, mostly to Doyoung.

“That was a good speech you made,” he says suddenly, smiling at Jaehyun.

“The _destroying our future_ argument you made really resounded with everyone, even Soo although he would never admit it,” Heechul laughs loudly, throwing his head back and making the feather fly back and forth with his hair.

“It’s why we’re here, after all,” he says after quieting down, “we want to be free, and it’s not a freedom movement if there are no more people to free.”

The familiar phrase has Jaehyun stopping in his tracks and he looks bewildered between the other two until Heechul laughs and ruffles Jaehyun’s hair with a heavy hand.

“He told you that too? You’re going to have to think up a new catchphrase soon,” he laughs at Doyoung, but then he turns solemn as he guides them onwards again with a hand at both their backs.

“Doyoung and I were in the _Libertas_ together, I recruited him actually, mentored him. He reached out to me below the radar only a month after he was instated in the palace, convinced me we were on the wrong side.”

Heechul stops in front of a grey door, as nondescript as every other door they have passed, and pushes it open for them.

“You can stay here, the canteen is just around the corner there, if you’re hungry,” he says and smiles thinly at them before leaving with a nod. Jaehyun steps into the room first and Doyoung closes the door behind them when he follows.

“There’s something on your mind,” he says and then waits for Jaehyun to talk first. He knows what he wants to say, he just doesn’t trust his voice not to shake once he does say it. Tears are already pushing at his eyes, making them sting, and Jaehyun doesn’t want anything to hinder the genuineness of what he needs to say.

“I’ve been hard on you, unfairly so,” he says and turns to face Doyoung. Taking a deep breath, he rubs his palms hard against his legs.

“I’m so scared,” he gasps and Doyoung erases the distance between them in a second, throwing the oxygen can on a nearby bed so he can grip Jaehyun’s biceps with both hands.

“Then don’t do this, you don’t have to,” he says, but Jaehyun shakes his head.

“I’m not scared for myself,” he says, smiling tearfully, strangely happy despite his fears. He swallows and breathes in deep through his nose, letting all the air out in a loud, sharp exhale.

“I need you to go back to Hansol, I need to know that you’re safe. That’s the only way I’m going to be able to do this because if I didn’t think you were safe I would drop _everything_ to make sure that you were and that’s not.” He is interrupted by Doyoung’s warm mouth pressing to his in a desperate kiss, and there is nothing he can do, and wants to do, other than wrap his arms around Doyoung and relish in Doyoung’s arms wrapped around him as everything settles back into place and he finally feels like he is home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> caaaaan you feel the loooove tonight  
> i'm sorry, but they're such idiots in love and that's all on dojae


	10. Chapter 10

In the darkness of the room Jaehyun is warm as if the sun was shining on his skin. He hasn’t gotten a wink of sleep all night, but he feels stronger and rejuvenated by Doyoung’s presence next to him. Pressed against him so closely.

“I love you,” he whispers into the darkness and hears the same three words whispered back to him. Light floods his eyes, blinding him for several seconds, when Doyoung turns on the wall lamp hanging right above their heads.

“I thought you were asleep,” Doyoung whispers and Jaehyun shakes his head in a tiny movement and scoots even closer to Doyoung’s warm body and hides his face in the crook of his neck.

“Haven’t slept,” he mumbles and sighs when Doyoung’s hand runs through his hair.

“Me neither,” Doyoung whispers, “I didn’t want to miss a single moment.” It’s so cheesy and it makes Jaehyun’s ears burn bright red and he scoffs in reply, but really, he was thinking the exact same thing.

“I want to tell you everything,” Doyoung mumbles, sifting his fingers through Jaehyun’s hair and burying his face into it.

“After,” Jaehyun whispers and uses Doyoung’s body as an anchor to pull himself even closer and tips his head back. Doyoung meets him halfway in a kiss and Jaehyun once again feels that soothing wave of warmth wash over him. There is nothing better, he decides, than kissing Doyoung. If he could do nothing else for the rest of his life, that would be fine.

It’s not to be, however, as no sooner than the thought entered his mind, there is a knock on the door. The knocker doesn’t seem to stick around as there is not a sound after, but Doyoung stirs at the sound, sighing loudly in regret as he pulls out of the kiss.

“It’s almost time,” he says and Jaehyun groans quietly and curls into himself and rolls onto his back.

“Is that what that meant,” he grumbles and Doyoung laughs.

“Afraid so,” he presses his mouth to Jaehyun’s temple and Jaehyun sighs and hums a small, content sound.

“Let’s spend the next week in bed after this is over,” he smiles at Doyoung and rolls over on top of him for a last, thorough kiss before they have to leave their little sanctuary.

“Longer,” Doyoung murmurs, running his fingers through Jaehyun’s hair and cupping the back of his head as their mouths meet and part, meet and part, in soft kisses. Jaehyun places his palm in the middle of Doyoung’s chest, gently caressing his skin with his fingertips as he breathes his air into Doyoung’s mouth.

“Tell me everything. I can’t bear to lose you like that again,” he whispers and Doyoung’s eyelids flutter as a tear falls from Jaehyun’s eye and hits his cheek. Doyoung begins to speak, but Jaehyun lays a finger against his mouth to quiet him.

“Save it for later,” he says with a smile, but Doyoung takes his hand in his and shakes his head a little. He pushes up to sit, forcing Jaehyun to move back and his body feels cold the second it parts from Doyoung.

“There is one thing I want you to know before you go,” Doyoung says and Jaehyun’s stomach churns with a sudden anxiety. He grasps for Doyoung’s hands, hoping their sure grip will help steady him and calm his racing heart.

“My birth name,” Doyoung says and Jaehyun exhales a laugh, relieved that it is something so simple.

“My parents named me Dongyoung. I didn’t want to use it when I was.” He doesn’t finish the sentence, but Jaehyun doesn’t need him to.

“Whatever name you choose to call me, I won’t mind either way. I just wanted you to know,” Doyoung cups Jaehyun’s cheek in one hand and strokes his thumb back and forth under his eye.

It is a very real possibility that they might never see each other again, and Jaehyun knows that they both understand that.

“I will come back,” he swears, because they both need to hear him say it. Doyoung is silent for a long while and Jaehyun studies his face, burns it onto his mind so he will never forget how he looks like.

“I know,” Doyoung whispers eventually and lifts Jaehyun’s hands to his mouth.

“I know,” he repeats, tears pooling in his eyes and choking his voice, and Jaehyun tears his hands free to slip them to the back of Doyoung’s head and pulls them together for one last kiss.

“I wish I could go with you,” he whispers against Doyoung’s lips, tasting his salty tears as they finally spill down his cheeks.

“Be careful,” Doyoung whispers, running his fingers through Jaehyun’s hair repeatedly.

“You will have no one on your side so you have to watch your own back. And never forget that everyone here hates you,” Jaehyun laughs, but Doyoung remains solemn. It wasn’t a joke.

“Right, don’t trust anyone,” he mumbles.

“No,” Doyoung says, cupping Jaehyun’s face to make him look at him.

“Trust, but don’t let it blind you. Don’t make my mistake, Jaehyun.”

He gets what Doyoung is telling him. Doyoung was a spy, for the _Libertas_ and the PPP _and_ for him, even if Jaehyun never realised it. Doyoung didn’t trust _anyone_ , for fear of blowing his multiple covers, and the consequence of his lack of trust was very nearly _him_. Their relationship.

“I promise,” he gasps, drawing Doyoung into a hug to hide his face from his keen eyes. He doesn’t want Doyoung to ask him to stay again, not now, because this time he’ll listen. He really would leave everything, give up on what he believes in, abandon his promise to Ten, to be with Doyoung. For the first time in his life, he feels like he really understands Doyoung.

“You have to go,” Doyoung whispers, arms still clinging to Jaehyun’s body.

“So do you,” Jaehyun whispers yet hides his face in Doyoung’s shoulder. He wants to tear himself away from Doyoung and run off in the opposite direction from him to avoid having to say goodbye, but he needs to see him off or he knows he will regret it.

 

They walk in silence to the hangars, hands clutched between them as they follow the signage on the walls that Jaehyun hadn’t noticed the day before. Once they reach the ship, Jaehyun shows Doyoung everything he needs to know, taking even longer than Mark did to prolong what little time they have left together.

“Hopefully it’ll work again,” Jaehyun tries to joke, but he chokes and can barely get the words out at all.

“Don’t worry about me, Jaehyun. I will be safe,” Doyoung says and Jaehyun clearly hears the _you won’t be_ hanging silently at the end of the sentence.

“I don’t like this, I don’t like leaving you now, I should be with you,” words suddenly rush out of Doyoung’s mouth and Jaehyun shakes his head rapidly and steps closer to quiet Doyoung with his own mouth.

“Please,” is all he can get out, the word slipping past his trembling lips as softly as a breath. It’s so difficult to be strong when he knows he could have everything he ever wanted by being weak.

“If you don’t leave now I will follow you into that tiny spaceship,” he laughs a tearful sound and Doyoung smiles.

“I’ll leave then,” he whispers and grips Jaehyun’s neck with one hand, runs his fingers through his hair until he cups the back of his head and pulls them flush together. Jaehyun rests his chin on Doyoung’s shoulder and buries his nose in his hair, smelling him. He smells like spicy tea and Jaehyun’s favourite fruit.

“Bring back some Caua, hm?” Doyoung says in his ear and chuckles a second later.

“The yellow fruit you like so much,” he adds and Jaehyun hums. Hugging Doyoung is warm and safe and he just wants to remain that way for a little longer. Eventually, as all things must, their time comes to an end. Doyoung stiffens in his arms and begins to pull away.

“Heechul,” he whispers with a nod of his head over Jaehyun’s shoulder. Jaehyun knows it’s time to say goodbye and he grips Doyoung’s hands and looks him in the eye to convey the words he doesn’t know how to say. At least not without breaking down. The possibility that this might be the last time he will see Doyoung is all of a sudden very real to him and it hollows him out inside. His heart feels like it is beating its last as Doyoung smiles at him and walks slowly backwards until their hands slip away from each other, and when Doyoung disappears into the spaceship he swears his heart stops beating entirely.

He is forced to retreat inside the hangar when Doyoung fires up the engines and he stands just inside the doors and watches as the only good thing left in his life flies away without him. And he regrets letting him leave.

“I should be going with him,” he mumbles to himself, unaware that he has company.

“If it makes you feel better, we couldn’t do this without you,” Heechul says, patting Jaehyun’s shoulder for a brief moment before snatching his hand back as if he was burned.

“I’m sure Doyoung already told you this, but don’t expect _anyone_ here to be your friend,” he says and Jaehyun hums with a raise of his eyebrows. He is getting the feeling Heechul doesn’t actually like him.

“Right now, we have a use of you, that’s all.”

Good thing he’s not planning on sticking around to figure out what they would do when he is no longer useful to them. As a seemingly random thought, he is suddenly reminded of something his mother told him when he was fourteen and mourning Yerim.

_“The world isn’t good, and people won’t always be good either. But to live a happy life, you must always look for the good and sometimes that means dealing with the bad.”_

She was talking about his father, but it is very fitting to his current situation. He has been told by both Doyoung and Johnny that the PPP aren’t all good, and he has experienced himself that they are merely the lesser evil. But their cause is good, and for it to succeed Jaehyun will have to manoeuvre the bad things he can manoeuvre, and ignore what he can’t. They have showed they are open to change and he has already achieved the most important part about his promise to Ten; to not let any other child go through what he did. That starts with abolishing the entire concept of child soldiers. If he can do that, then he can deal with all the bad.

“Everyone’s waiting for us,” Heechul says and Jaehyun’s attention is drawn by the fluttering of feathers and tinkling of small bells as the man turns swiftly on his heel and walks off. He looks out at the darkness beyond the glass one more time before he follows.

 

They don’t go far. Heechul leads him to another hangar bay, this one filled with people. He recognises the rest of the council, smiles at Wendy when she waves at him, but the rest are unfamiliar to him. He guesses by their uniform that they are soldiers and he can’t help himself when he grows tense as one of them approaches him with an automatic weapon in his hands.

“Captain Zhang, for the duration of the mission I am your superior,” he says and Jaehyun can only stare as it feels like the soldier stopped in the middle of his sentence and he doesn’t know how to respond.

“He’s Rupian, doesn’t speak the common tongue that good,” Heechul says and Jaehyun turns to look at him, but he is already gone. He looks back at Captain Zhang and swallows. The man has a kind face, but his eyes are so intense Jaehyun can feel the hairs at the back of his neck stand on end.

“Yes, Sir,” he tries and sighs in relief when it gets him a quirk of a smile.

“You are my responsibility,” Captain Zhang says and throws and arm out to indicate for Jaehyun to follow him. He seems like a trustworthy man, but after being warned on three separate accounts about these people, Jaehyun finds it difficult to believe he is genuine. They need him, or so they keep telling him, but he still has no idea what they could need him for. He has no idea what their plan is at all.

Captain Zhang introduces him to what presumably is his team. A man with funky hair and a doe-eyed face, carrying a similar automated weapon as Captain Zhang, and two short women, twins by the looks of them, weighed down by more weapons than Jaehyun even knew existed. It’s a small team, for infiltration more than combat it seems like, and Jaehyun is beginning to get an idea about what they need _him_ for.

“You can’t get past the AI,” he mumbles to himself, but the others are so quiet they hear him anyway.

“No,” the woman on the left says, “we can’t get past it’s biometric scanners.”

“That’s why you’re here pretty boy,” the woman on the right smirks, but it only lasts for a split second. They keep looking at him as if they would like nothing more than to throw him into the vacuum of space and it makes Jaehyun feel more than a little uneasy. Captain Zhang steps between them, seemingly with no purpose as he doesn’t say anything, but Jaehyun is a little comforted by his presence.

“Alright, listen up!” Seulgi yells and immediately everyone stands at attention, their focus on her admittedly impressive form. She looks more dignified than his father ever did, in her dark red uniform decorated only with the symbol of the organization pinned to her chest. Her hair is tied in a bun behind her head and Jaehyun notices not only the one, but two guns strapped to her belt. She looks ready for a fight.

“We all have our tasks, and it is our duty to the people we have sworn to protect to do everything in our power to execute them with precision. Double check your equipment, triple check it, we leave in five minutes.”

Short and concise. It is obvious to Jaehyun that Seulgi is new to leadership, but she carries her shortcomings with grace.

“Here,” Captain Zhang hands him a uniform jacket, plain black like the rest of the team and helps him button it up. It seems a little thin for the Taranjian frost, but no one else seems worried about it so he guesses it’ll do. He startles when Captain Zhang pins an automated weapon the same as his own to a fastening in Jaehyun’s jacket, leaving it hanging against his chest.

“I’m not going to shoot anyone,” he says, shaking his head. Captain Zhang stares him down, intentionally or not Jaehyun really can’t tell, and then he sighs and mumbles something in a language Jaehyun recognises but never learned.

“You might not have a choice,” he says in the common tongue, patting the obnoxiously large weapon that feels like a noose around Jaehyun’s neck.

“Mind filling me in on what exactly we’ll be doing?” he asks, keeping his voice low so only Captain Zhang will hear him. Several seconds go by as the other man fiddles with Jaehyun’s uniform and checks his weapon, even going as far as to pop the collar of his jacket, while mouthing words to himself.

“The council will meet with the _Libertas_ leaders, the distraction. We will sneak in the back door, so to speak, and install software to the AI, enabling us to take control of it.”

“And you think that will work?” Jaehyun almost scoffs. The palace AI is an incredibly intricate piece of technology, not easily hacked.

“I would hope so, or I will have wasted five years of my life working on it,” Captain Zhang laughs and pats Jaehyun’s bicep two times before gripping it.

“Now it is time to go,” he says and they join the team waiting near the hangar doors.

The council leaves first, in a grand ship of Taranjian design, while Jaehyun and the infiltration team leaves on a smaller ship of the same kind as he and Doyoung had escaped with from Seni Rupa. It feels weird going back to Taranjà after everything that’s happened, and he is not looking forward to seeing the damage he knows the Capital has suffered since he left. But Captain Zhang pushes the sublight engines to max and Jaehyun can barely begin to gather his thoughts before they are already there.

 

*

* * *

*

 

Captain Zhang leads them quickly yet carefully through the snowy landscape, walking in a winding path and sometimes even doubling back to take a different route.

“Wouldn’t it be more prudent to walk in a straight line?” Jaehyun asks when he can see the palace walls ahead of them, quickly changing to being behind them as Captain Zhang backtracks several feet.

“Only _prudent_ if you wanna get caught,” one of the twins, Irene he thinks, says. Jaehyun bites his lips together to keep from reacting to the obvious mockery in her voice.

“You are not familiar with the sensor grid?” Captain Zhang asks and Jaehyun only shakes his head. His silence must have been answer enough as Captain Zhang doesn’t turn his head to look at him, and Jaehyun keeps his head down and follows in the other man’s footsteps until the shadow of the palace walls falls over them. Then they all turn to look at him.

“What?” he asks dumbly.

“Let us in,” the male Pámandan shoves him gently between his shoulder blades. Jaehyun doesn’t know his name as the soldier had been adamant they not reveal it to him.

“How? There is no door,” he says and pats the cold stone wall, startling violently when it melts away under his touch.

“See? Told you we only needed his hand,” the Pámandan laughs. It is cut short however, when Captain Zhang hits him hard in the chest and glowers at him so intensely even Jaehyun feels a shiver go down his back.

“Silence,” is all he says and then he motions the twins through the door. They step through together, covering a direction each with guns drawn.

“Clear,” they say in unison and Captain Zhang waves the rest of them through, taking up the rear.

“According to our blueprints, the core is closer to the throne room and three levels underground. Lieutenants, you are on point. I will take the rear and Sergeant; the civilian is your main priority.”

Jaehyun can’t see the Pámandan’s face in the darkened corridor, but it doesn’t take a genius to understand that being in charge of his safety is not something the man would want.

“Move out,” Captain Zhang says and the soldiers move as smoothly as a single organism, Jaehyun stumbling over his own feet as the Pámandan grips his bicep and hauls him along.

 

They move quickly down corridors that Jaehyun would recognise blindfolded, stopping at every corner and intersection to make sure the coast is clear. Never before has Jaehyun felt the overwhelming size of the palace. It always felt too small when he was trapped within its walls. They encounter a single guard three minutes in, walking the perimeter of the throne room in the very centre of the palace. Jaehyun excepts them to wait until the guard moves on so they can slip across and through the door on the other side of the hallway. But Irene moves quickly, slitting the man’s throat with a razor-sharp knife before Jaehyun can even blink. She covers his mouth to keep him from making any sound and lowers his gently convulsing body to the floor. Jaehyun wants nothing more than to look away, but he can’t. He watches as the life drains out of the man’s severed arteries, and sighs when his body finally falls still and his eyes glaze over with death.

“First time?” Captain Zhang asks him in a whisper, and all Jaehyun can do is shake his head. He is acutely reminded of watching Ten die and the memory of it hurts even more than when he witnessed it first-hand.

“Not enough time, not enough time,” he whispers to himself as his breath comes short and he has to steady himself on the nearest wall as the room spins around him. His strong reaction is unexpected, catches him completely off guard, and as much as he clings to the present, his mind is spiralling into dark memories. Standing in the ruins of that ancient city, looking up at Ten as he falls dead on the ground, falling in slow motion in Jaehyun’s mind. Then the face of the child Jaehyun knew, that smiling face covered in blood and grotesquely disfigured.

He is shaken out of his stupor by Captain Zhang’s hand on his shoulder, and blinks his eyes open to the older man’s worried face in front of his, but the image stays in his mind. A horrible mutation of his grief and love.

“Snap out of it soldier,” Captain Zhang chides in a gentle voice and Jaehyun wants to remind him that he is not a soldier, but his lips won’t move. He somehow manages to nod his head, or shake it, he isn’t sure which way it moves only that it does.

“You can listen you can walk,” Captain Zhang pushes him roughly past the bloodied body of the enemy soldier and doesn’t let go of his shoulder until they are through the door.

They are halfway down the stairs when they encounter another guard, but this time Jaehyun doesn’t so much as flinch when he is quickly disposed of as well. His mind is still reeling from the force with which the memories of Ten hit him, and a haze has fallen over him almost like a firewall in a computer, protecting his mind from malicious inputs. He doesn’t even notice it when the blood from his would-be attacker splatters his face and hair.

“You okay?” the Pámandan grunts as he heaves the heavy body of a man almost twice his size out of their way. Jaehyun doesn’t answer, but the Pámandan doesn’t seem to care either way. As they get closer to the data core, the number of guards they encounter rise exponentially and Jaehyun knows now what Captain Zhang meant when he told him he might not have a choice about killing. He has yet to use his gun, his team is as excellent as they look, and the one that did get through he managed to catch off guard and push head first into a wall, knocking him unconscious. But they are losing the advantage as more and more guards appear around every corner. So much for a distraction, the infiltration, for going unnoticed. They may as well have parachuted through the glass ceiling in the throne room. Just as the thought has passed through his mind, a sudden silence falls over the corridor they were fighting in. No more running footsteps, no yelling, no gunfire, only a low humming that seems to vibrate through the very walls around them. And then the sound of multiple heavy bodies falling to the floor at once.

“Quickly, they won’t stay down long,” Captain Zhang’s quiet voice echoes in the eerie silence. The other three move quickly and agilely between the bodies littering the floor, meticulously killing each and every one of them before they regain consciousness.

“What are you doing?” Jaehyun demands, staring hard at the back of Captain Zhang’s head. The man keeps his back to Jaehyun, fiddling with a small spherical object in his hands. He doesn’t say anything and Jaehyun turns his eyes away from the massacre being performed in front of him.

“They are the enemy, Jaehyun,” Captain Zhang says quietly, barely audible over the sound of knives slicing through soft flesh.

“They were our enemies, we were theirs. That doesn’t make this right,” Jaehyun says between clenched teeth.

“I didn’t say it was right, but it was necessary.” Captain Zhang rises to his feet and takes a firm grip around Jaehyun’s wrist, leading him down the blood-soaked hallway.

“Our mission cannot be compromised, General Seulgi is counting on us.”

It doesn’t make sense to Jaehyun. If they are supposed to infiltrate the palace, then they shouldn’t encounter so many enemy soldiers, shouldn’t leave so many bodies behind to mark their passing. If by a stroke of luck, no one sounded an alarm before engaging them, it would only gain them a short time of cover before someone found the man they left upstairs in the hallway, not to mention the massacre they are leaving behind now. This looks more like a distraction than an infiltration.

“You don’t know how to override the AI, do you?” Jaehyun asks everyone and no one in particular.

“Oh he figured it out. Can we leave him behind now?” the Pámandan says sarcastically.

“No, we need him. Now keep formation,” Captain Zhang grunts, and Jaehyun notices for the first time that his hand is pressed to his side, soaked in blood.  He reaches out to offer a steadying hand, but it is brusquely shrugged off.

“We need you to override the AI, Jaehyun,” he murmurs and Jaehyun walks closer to hear him.

“It’s sentient, it can be swayed. You grew up with it so you know it better than any of us,” Captain Zhang grunts again, stumbling a little before he rights himself, still refusing any help.

“I apologize for all the deception; it was not my call to make.”

Jaehyun understands him perfectly. He doubts Captain Zhang has any say in anything. He could see it in his face earlier; he feels the same about what they did to those soldiers as Jaehyun does. What he doesn’t understand is why the council felt there was a need to lie to him in the first place. He came along to help in any way he can, if they had told him they needed him to hack the AI, he would have done it.

“Compartmentalising. The council is amazingly inept at it,” Captain Zhang laughs. Jaehyun is shoved not too gently forward by an impatient Pámandan and they continue walking, down a long spiral staircase. Once they reach the bottom it will only be a matter of opening the heavily fortified door leading to the core and they will have reached their destination.

They are still far up when a stench unlike anything Jaehyun has ever smelt reaches them. The twins choke and makes a full stop a few steps down, clutching the railing as they turn their heads away in a vain attempt to escape the smell. At any other time, Jaehyun would be amused by how they move as one being, but the stench is making his eyes tear up and he is growing dizzy from holding his breath for so long.

“Breathe through your mouth,” the Pámandan murmurs, seeming unaffected by it all.

“What is that smell?” Jaehyun gasps, pinching his nose shut and taking a couple deep breaths through his mouth.

“Death,” they all say at once in a low murmur. The twins must have regained their senses as they continue down the stairs, their pace significantly faster than before. Jaehyun almost stumbles over his own feet as he hurries to catch up, hoping desperately that they can escape the gruesome smell once they reach the core. It doesn’t occur to him that there must be a body to produce the smell until he steps off the stairs and sees it for himself. At first his vision is blinded by all the blood, splattered on the floor and up the walls, so much of it that Jaehyun is certain it must belong to a whole crowd. But there are only three bodies in the hallway. Two, one a female aide and the other a high-ranking military official, are leant against the far wall, both with their chests melted in from laser bullets. The third is unrecognisable, but Jaehyun knows who it is at once. His father’s panic room is right next to the core; it seems he didn’t make it that far.

“Father,” Jaehyun mumbles without realising. The body of his father is spread all over the floor in what Jaehyun first thinks is a random splay of severed limbs and guts, but quickly realises is a macabre arrangement of the _Libertas_ coat of arms. A circle of rotten intestines and three bloodied limbs, two arms and a leg, intersecting it in a gross depiction of the letter A.

“Anarchists, disgusting,” Irene spits on the floor, walking in a wide circle around it to the door, shooting the lock panel an unnecessary number of times. The door opens with a muted hiss and they all escape the defiled hallways, but Jaehyun can’t move. His body is frozen, but his mind is racing a mile a minute. He doesn’t know how to feel. Despair, because he is officially orphaned? Angry, because of the inhumane death his father suffered? Disgusted at the cruelty of the people currently in charge? Frustration is the prevalent emotion, as it has been for most of his adult life. Frustration at the injustices he has witnessed, frustration at his own inability to do anything about it, frustration at the inability of _anyone_ to do anything about it.  A sense of morbid happiness creeps over him and Jaehyun is scared to realise that a part of him believes his father got what he deserved. A lifetime of believing that no one deserved death, no matter their crimes, and now, faced with his father’s mutilated corpse, he sees it as justice. But, is it? With death, his father has been released from his crimes, there is no more punishment to serve a dead man. A more fitting sentence would have been to lock him up and force him to witness the destruction of his reign, the erasure of his name and everything it stood for. That would have been a fair punishment.

“Jaehyun,” Captain Zhang calls to him in a gentle voice. It reaches him in the turmoil of his mind, blanketing his thoughts and enabling him to focus on the present. He walks on shaky legs around the remains, holding his breath until he passes the threshold to the core and the door swooshes closed behind him.

“Was hoping I didn’t break it,” he hears Irene say as if from far away, and his own voice sounds equally distant when he answers.

“It wasn’t you, Yeri let us in.” He is shocked out of his remaining stupor when a knife is pressed to his cheek.

“Speak to us again, and I’ll cut your tongue out,” Irene says, still that same sweet, but emotionless timbre and Jaehyun gulps at the icy look in her eyes.

“Don’t worry about them,” Captain Zhang says once Irene joins her twin sister. “They don’t like men.”

He looks Jaehyun over a couple times, assessing him with his seemingly all-knowing gaze.

“Are you good to work?” he asks and his accent is thicker than ever, his tongue rolling the r’s a little too long. It must be from the blood loss. Jaehyun nods briskly, the quicker he can do this the quicker they can get out of here and Captain Zhang can get the help he needs.

He walks to the central control board, not batting an eye as the room lights up at his approach.

“Welcome back Prince Jaehyun,” Yeri’s robotic voice sounds from everywhere around them.

“Yeri.” Jaehyun says, emotion choking his voice. He knows Yeri is no more than ones and zeros, but she has been his only companion on many a time, and he has missed her voice.

“I’ve missed you,” he says, smiling when the lights grow brighter for a few seconds. Yeri would always do that when she was amused. At least, that’s what Jaehyun believes. His father always mocked him for his “silly attachment to a soulless entity”, but Jaehyun never let it deter him. He has a connection to Yeri, and it is that connection that will give him back control of his home.

“Run diagnostics on all systems, initiating self-repair protocols,” he says firmly, placing his hand on the palm scanner to activate the bioreading to affirm his identity. The _Libertas_ have done their fair share of damage, but he can see that Yeri has shut down or encrypted several of her own protocols, probably as a defensive measure, and he will need all of them back online. He can only hope the _Libertas_ aren’t as trigger happy as Irene and shot up any stations when they couldn’t hack them.

Captain Zhang is standing beside him, watching the slim, cylindrical control board with a confused furrow in his brow.

“I don’t understand,” he says and Jaehyun turns to look at him, keeping his palm pressed to the orange glowing scanner.

“Where is the core?”

It is the exact same question Jaehyun asked when he was eight years old and his father showed him the core room for the first time. And he gives the same answer his father gave him.

“You’re standing in it.”

The walls, floor and ceiling in the core room are lined with computer codes like the veins of a body, storing information in every nanobyte. The small control board, only large enough for Jaehyun to press his hand on, is the mother of all motherboards, connecting not only the many components of the core room, but the thousands of computer veins stretching across the palace, controlling everything from security to the shower in Jaehyun’s old rooms. He knows Captain Zhang can’t see what he sees, but the chip attached to his brain stem connects him to Yeri, allowing him to see what she sees as long as his hand remains on the control board.

“This, no one could hack,” Captain Zhang whispers in awe, gripping Jaehyun’s shoulder as he almost tilts over. He must have lost so much blood; Jaehyun is beginning to fear he might not make it.

“Captain Zhang,” he hears Seulgi’s voice through Captain Zhang’s radio, raspy and a little distorted, but perfectly intelligible.

“It is done.”

She doesn’t say anything more, and Captain Zhang doesn’t respond, but Jaehyun can feel him relax, tension gradually slipping from his shoulders. He wants to know what she meant, but Captain Zhang has closed his eyes and is all but resting against him and he doesn’t want to disturb him. A gentle elation is building within him however, as it must have been good news. Maybe the plan worked, he thinks, but when he checks on Yeri he can tell she isn’t even hallway done restoring her systems so they can’t have taken control of the palace yet. The Pámandan looks their captain over and then turns to the twins, giving them orders to stay by the door and keep a lookout. He takes up position right in front of Jaehyun, on the other side of the control board, with his back to them and his gun raised at chest height.

“The _Libertas_ ,” Captain Zhang whispers, gripping Jaehyun’s shoulder so tightly it hurts. “They are dead.” Jaehyun can’t contain a gasp, seizing up in shock. Of course, the noise and the bodies they left behind in their wake. This was never an infiltration; it was a distraction. To allow the council the opportunity to take out the leaders. A group like the _Libertas_ is helpless without their leadership, their group mentality is what has lead them through everything.

“Forgive me, Jaehyun. I didn’t think I would come to care for you so quickly, but you are good, Jaehyun, and you deserve honesty.” Captain Zhang is breathless, voice garbled and quiet as a summer breeze.

“You were bait, that is all.”

“Please,” Captain Zhang gasps, “get them out of here alive.”

Jaehyun knows he should feel deceived. They used him, put his life on the line, to execute an assassination. But he can only feel relief that it is over, and he can go back to Doyoung. He opens his mouth to insist they are all getting out of here alive, when Irene yells from the door.

“We’ve got incoming! Lots of them!”

And that is when Jaehyun hears it too. A loud rumble as if a thousand feet were trampling down the hallway to them.

“That’s not footsteps,” the Pámandan murmurs, barely audible over the deafening sound.

“No,” Captain Zhang grunts and pushes away from Jaehyun to stand on his own, “that is an engine.”

There is no time for contemplation before the first explosion hits them, rumbling through the walls and causing the room to tremble around them.

“Captain Zhang!” the distorted, panicked voice of General Seulgi comes through the radio, choppy and loud. “Attack-ers,” her voice fizzles out and when Captain Zhang attempts to regain radio contact, only static can be heard. Another explosion follows, closer than before, shaking the structure so much the walls crack. Jaehyun can only hold his breath as _one-two-three-four-five-six_ seconds go by before the next explosion hits. Time slows down as he turns his head upwards to the ceiling as it crumbles above them, and thoughts of Doyoung, the last person he will ever have lost, flows through his mind.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**To Be Continued**

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it, for now....ehehe
> 
> Honestly, I can't believe I actually did this. I just know I couldn't have done it without all of you reading and leaving kudos and giving me such encouraging feedback, I love you all so so much<3
> 
> I have the sequel all thought out, parts of it even written, but I want to finish it before I post it, either as a single oneshot or maybe 1-3 chapters. I hope you will all come back and read it when the time comes!
> 
> Thank you so much<3

**Author's Note:**

> [Find me on Twitter](https://twitter.com/whenineternal)


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